" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"... ... ... Mommy... ?"

Aqua: ... I have to tell everyone... I need to let everyone in the guild know...

Darkness: W- Wait, Aqua, hold on a minute ! Let me explain !

Aqua: First I should report to the guild lady, then I need to go to the people in the Axis cult, then I'll visit the grocer, the butcher, the old lady next door...

Darkness: Aqua ! Don't jump to conclusions ! Would you take a closer look at this kid first ?!

Megumin: W- Well, for a noble, having children at a young age is almost an obligation. But this is great ! Her face, hair and eyes are a splitting image of you ! I'm sure she'll grow up to be a very beautiful lady.

Darkness: Megumin, that's not it ! there's a proper explanation for this, just, please, listen to me !

"... Darkness, is there some kind of message you're trying to pass to me ? You were just talking about that, and suddenly a kid shows up at the door, a spitting image of you, and calling you mommy... That's a lot of coincidences."

Kazuma: That's another one of your fetishes, isn't it ? Still, something like this is no laughing matter...

Darkness: N- N- no, that's not-...

Aqua: Come to think of it about it, it all makes sense. With a personality like yours, there's no way you could be a virgin at this age !

'I mean, she isn't...'

Aqua: You slut ! Just which thug did you fool around with ?!

Darkness: Don't make me kill you ! As if a noble lady get into such a relationship that easily !

"... Why not ask her directly then... ? What's your name, young lady ?"

Darkness: A- Ah, wait, Sylphina, let me- !

Sylphina: Dustiness Ford Sylphina.

Kazuma: How could she be anything other than your daughter ?!

Darkness: No, she's my cousin ! It's only natural for cousins to have the same family name ! ... ... Sylphina, these people here are all companion of mine, so you can relax. Here, introduce yourself.

Sylphina: ... I'm Sylphina. I'm mommy's... Lalatina-sama's cousin. Nice to meet you.

"Phew... please feel at ease here. we're all companions of your... 'Mommy' and work as adventurers in this town. I'm-"

Kazuma: You can just go ahead and call him Onii-chan or Daddy.

Darkness: What nonsense are you saying ?! Sylphina's father is still alive !

Megumin: ... Kazuma Kazuma, what do you think ? She looks just like a smaller version of Darkness to me.

Kazuma: She has her face, hair, and eyes, but there still something off. If she really is Darkness' daughter, I'm sure she'd be much more well built.

Darkness: Hey, I can hear you, you know ?! I already told you she's my cousin ! The reason why she calls me mommy is because I've been looking after her since she was young... !

Megumin: ... You're Sylphina, right ? I'm Megumin. As you can see, I'm a Crimson Demon, and Axel's number one mage.

Sylphina: Megumin-sama...

Darkness: Allow me to do a proper introduction. She's my cousin, Dustiness Ford Sylphina. Due to various circumstances, she has moved to this town...

"Could people stop taking this place for a daycare ?"

*According to Darknes' explanation, Sylphina lost her mother at a very young age, so she views Darkness who looked after her since then as her mother. Speaking of whom, Darkness' mother was the older sister of Sylphina's mother; her maternal bloodline had strong magical power and magic resistance, but also weak immune systems. It seems like Sylphina herself is no exception. On the other hand, Darkness seemed to have inherited both her father's strong immune system and her mother's magic resistance, forming the perfect exemplar of the Dustiness family.*

Kazuma: Why do you keep mumbling like that when someone does exposition ?

"Just in case I need to explain it to someone else 40 years into the future"

Kazuma: That's an oddly specific thing...

Darkness: S- Shut up ! Don't interrupt my story until I'm done !

*Recently, the Demon King's army has been extremely active, and it would be a terrible burden for her to respond to repeated emergency evacuations. Thus, as the invitation of Duke Dustiness, she moved to the safest town in the country, Axel. And after finding out that Darkness was staying at this mansion, she had come all the way here to play.*

Megumin: I see, this cover story does seem to hold up quite well.

Kazuma: Yeah, so far it does seem to hold up quite well.

Darkness: It's not a cover story ! And think about her age ! Just how old do I have to be to have a child of this age ?

"... ... An age rather common for arranged marriage between nobles ?"

Sylphina: Tee-hee... S- Sorry. It's the first time I've seen mommy... Lalatina being this happy.

Darkness: i'm not happy ! Listen closely, Sylphina, you shouldn't get to close to this man. It'd be a big problem if you end up being influenced by him.

Kazuma: ... You said your name is Sylphina, right ? Your mommy might say that, but she's barged in on Onii-san when he was taking a bath, and even snuck into this Onii-san's bedroom at night...

Darkness: Don't listen to him, Sylphina ! Hey, Megumin, help me say something too !

Megumin: ... he's not really lying, is he ?

Darkness: Me- Megumin ?!

Sylphina: Hahaha- *Cough cough*

Darkness: Sylphina, did you walk from my parent's house to this mansion ? You shouldn't push yourself like that. I'll tell my father, so you should rest here for tonight. Here, lie down on the sofa.

Sylphina: Yes, mo- Lalatina.

Darkness: Mommy's fine. But, call me by my name if people other than them are present.

Sylphina: Okay, mommy !

Darkness: ... Ah, if it's too painful, we can get Aqua to cast recovery magic... Say, where did Aqua go ? I thought it was unusually quiet. When did she disappear ?

Kazuma: Oh, she snuck out the door right before you started talking.

"... She did mention going to the guild to tell everyone about this story..."

Sylphina: ... Mommy left.

Megumin: Leaving a small child alone... Just what is she thinking.. Sylphina, right ? Darkness will probably come back soon, so why don't you play a game with us while we wait ?

Sylphina: Sure !

Megumin: I'm back.

Sylphina: Welcome home, my dear husband; How's the situation outside the town ?

'... It's really sweet watching them play "House" like that.'

Megumin: the situation outside of town ? Well, there were more than 20 dragons flying around, so I thought I might as well get rid of tem. Doesn't even count as warm-up, really.

Sylphina: Hear that, Kazuma ? When you grow up, you have to be as great as your father !

'And this is quite the nice addition... Pffr.'

Kazuma: ... I don't want to be something as dangerous as an adventurer; I would rather become a merchant who deals with other people and get rich that way. I don't want to do anything that will risk my life.

Sylphina: Eh ?

"Projecting much, Kazuma ?""

Kazuma: Shut up...

Sylphina: Y- you can't do that, Kazuma ! What are you saying ?! You have the blood of the Legendary hero ! There are still people who are suffering because of the Demon King ! As your mother, I won't allow you to do that ! Darling, please help me talk some sense into him !

Megumin: Well, calm down, Sylphina. That is indeed a more realistic outlook on our future. Even though he's talented in combat, as a parent, I still wouldn't want my child to place himself in danger. isn't it fine as long as our son lives a happy life ?

Sylphina: W- Well, that makes sense... Then, Kazuma, you should aim to make it big as a merchant, then use your support the other less fortunate heroes.

Kazuma: ... I would rather use the profit and connections to entice some less intelligent noble ladies to gain power and status. Then i'd enjoy a leisurely lifestyle while basking in the veneration of the people.

Sylphina: Darling, Kazuma, he... Our son is turning into a delinquent !

Megumin: Calm down, Sylphina, that kid has always been like this... However, Kazuma, tricking noble ladies, isn't something you should do. As a commoner, the massive difference in status will definitely prevent you from establishing a truly loving relationship. Thus, you should rather look to marry a capable, easygoing and intelligent yet impoverished girl.

"... Somehow, I'm unsure should I take this personally or not..."

Sylphina: You heard what your daddy said, right Kazuma ? Letting your daddy down is very not okay !

"Tell him something he doesn't know..."

Kazuma: ... ... In that case, I want to sleep with daddy tonight. I want him to tell me his adventurer stories until I fall asleep.

Megumin: Eh ?!

Sylphina: That sounds like a great idea. Darling, go sleep with our son tonight and teach him the ins and outs of being an adventurer. I'll be sleeping with mommy- Lalatina-sama tonight.

Megumin: ... Having a child doesn't seem so bad.

Megumin: ... D- Don't take what I said the wrong way, I was just saying that creating a successor to my ultimately mortal flesh isn't a bad idea...

Kazuma: If you want children, I'm ready to help you anytime you want.

Megumin: What kind of horrible things are you saying in front of a child ?!

"Well, at least he's being honest with himself... You guys have fun, i'm gonna keep Darkness from strangling Aqua to death."

Darkness: Sylphina, I heard they played with you today ? What did you guys play ?

Sylphina: yes, they played "House" with me !

Kazuma: ... So what did you do ?

Aqua: Listen to me, Kazuma ! I was just spreading the news at the guild and other places, and then Darkness got angry beyond belief ! I was caught and brutalized by Darkness to the point where I had to use Heal on myself, then she threatened to use the power of her family to forbid all the liquor stores in the town from selling alcohol to me ! I was only speaking the truth ! Don't you think she's going too far ?!

Darkness: How about you consider how I feel when I'm greeted with "Congratulations for having a child" every time I enter the guild ?! The feeling wen I get teased by the drunkards and having to let the guild staff speak up for me ! And they even asked me who the child's father is...

"Ohhh, that's why everyone got dead silent and stared at me the moment I entered the guild..."

Sylphina: It's all because of me. Sorry, mommy... It's been such a long time, so I just got excited and...

Darkness: Ah, it's not your fault, Sylphina ! I like children very much and never thought of you as a hassle ! It's just because they were ridiculing me and betting on who the father was...

Aqua: Unsurprisingly, Y/n got a crushing majority of the votes, way ahead of the bear-esque noble guy who disappeared to nowhere. Who was next again... Right, that blonde delinquent whose name I can't recall was next !

Kazuma: It's a little awkward to be saying this myself, but isn't that list full of nothing but strange men ?

Darkness: Shut it ! I don't want to hear that from you !!