" ": You talking

' ': you thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"Hmm... Thinking back on it... I guess Megumin was a good part of our firepower"

Kazuma: Please don't make me think of that... And going by that, if she weren't there, I would've gotten some proper divine treasures or abilities, and wouldn't have died in the first place...

"Hey, you chose to bring her along. That one's on you."

*Creeeaaaaaak*

Darkness: ... ... Uh-

Kazuma: Kyaaaaaaahh !!

Darkness: W- What are you thinking ?! Why are you screaming instead of me? Isn't this odd ?

Kazuma: i'm not going to be treated as a sexual offender because I happen to chance upon this situation ! I firmly believe that if a man stumbles upon this kind of situation by accident, the woman has no right to be angry ! We were here first ! If our genders were reversed, you'd be the one branded as a sexual offender ! Why must the blame always fall upon the guy ?! This world is the one that's screwed up !

"He does have a point. That's some kind of bullshit. Regardless of who stumbles on who, the guy's will always be shamed and called a pervert."

Darkness: I- I get it, you aren't at fault ! I didn't have any intention to blame you in the first place !

Kazuma: In the first place, why is a woman's word enough to brand a man as a sexual offender ?! isn't that odd ?! If we were on a train together and you touched my butt, even if I raised a fuss about you being a pervert, no one would even raise an eyebrow !

"Asking the real question there, Kazuma... Makes me want to pick up a shield and get angry at everything..."

Darkness: hey, wait, why would I touch your butt... What's a train in the first place ?

Kazuma: When I become Prime Minister, I'll arrest both men and women equally ! I'll definitely not allow false charges ! Cameras will be placed in all carriages, and anyone who makes false charges will be severely punished !

Darkness: O- Okay, I get it, so please just quiet down a little ! What would you do if Aqua comes to investigate ?! Actually, what are you even saying ?! i'm not following you in the slightest !

Kazuma: But of the pervert is a beautiful lady, there wouldn't be a crime unless the other party reports it ! When I go back to Japan, I plan to run for office with that as my platform ! i'm out of here !!

"... ... ... Well, here he goes, I guess... just let him be, he'll probably calm down in an hour or two... So, did you come for a bath ? I was about to head out myself. And, dressed like that..."

Darkness: ... I thought I would wash your back...

"... What exactly made you think of doing this ? Don't tell me you're following Aqua's lead and trying to ask for more allowance ? I'm not Kazuma, you know, you don't have to use your body for that."

Darkness: hey, I worked a lot of courage to do this ! This is just thanks for saving Sylphina. I already properly thanked Megumin, Aqua, Vanir, Wiz and the other adventurers, but I haven't properly thanked you yet, so...

"But really, after everything, why do you keep on constantly acting all flustered ? Are you gonna keep up the innocent maiden act 24/7 ? White it has its charm, it's a bit unbecoming of you."

Darkness: I don't act like that 24/7, you know ?! It's because you keep saying stuff that makes people embarrassed ! And because you never get embarrassed yourself, so it makes me feel even more stupid !

"... I guess that's a pretty good point, all things considered... Well, if you went through all this trouble and gathered the courage to ask me, who am I to refuse ?"

Darkness: Th- That's exactly what I meant ! Stop being so casual about all of this !

Megumin: So casual about what ?

"Oh, back already ? How was the trial ? Kazuma went out a bit earlier, so he should be in his room."

Darkness: Waaaaaaahhh !!

"Would you lot stop pestering me already ?!"

Adventurers: No way ! You and Darkness are an item ?! When did you become this popular that even Lalatina-chan is falling for you ?!

Kazuma: It's only natural, after all, remember who we are ! The ones who defeated many strong enemies and even got featured in a special article in the newspapers ! Here, take a look !

"Kazuma, I swear this is the last time I go to the adventurer's guild with you."

Adventurers: ... Hey, isn't this the newspaper published in the Capital ? Why would you two appear in it... ?

Kazuma: Why are you two being so quiet ? What, do you guys think that we've become unreachable because of that ? Don't worry, we don't plan on leaving this town anytime soon. We're friends, aren't we ? You can just casually call me Kazuma-

Adventurer: No, I don't really care about that. That thoughts hasn't crossed my mind at all.

"i'm gonna start calling you Kazutrash for all of that. Stop bringing me with you so you could be more successful with the ladies. What happened to the whole 'Gonna be faithful to Megumin' thing ?"

Kazuma: You shush. Why are you two acting like this then ? Are you envious of me now that i'm featured in the news ?

Adventurer: ... You'll be targeted by other famous adventurers, you know ?

Kazuma: So yeah, a couple of adventurers I know told me that, but it'll be fine, right ? They won't attack me or anything, will they ? In the first place, a sudden assault is a crime, right ?

"if they come after you specifically, don't bother expecting any help from me. Once more, you brought this upon yourself."

Darkness: Y- You... You used the authority of my house for all kinds of frivolous matters again... Hey, where do you think you're going, Megumin ?! i'm lecturing the both of you !

Aqua: Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san, please give me that article. Look at this, I'm described as the beautiful, blue-haired Archpriest.

Kazuma: I don't want to, I want to keep a copy of my own special article too. Look, my introduction is the "Strongest of the Weakest class". It really tickles my Chunni soul. Nevermind that, Darkness, it'll be fine, right ? The security of this town is good, right ? If some rough-looking adventurers start spouting dangerous things, the police will cart them off, right ?

"Duels between adventurers are allowed by the Adventurer's guild, you know ? Remember how you fought Mitsurugi a while back, that's the same; Anyway, look at the bright side, even in the worst case scenario, Aqua can-"

Kazuma: Revive me even if I die ?! Don't joke with me !

"What's the problem, that's nothing you aren't used to by now."

Megumin: Don't worry, Kazuma. I'll deal with any adventurers who come seeking a challenge, so you can rest assured and continue boasting as you wish.

Darkness: Don't spoil this man, Megumin ! I feel like you've been excessively overprotective of him lately, just what happened ?!

Megumin: What happened ? You dare ask me that ? After using that erotic body of yours to seduce Y/n ?!

Darkness: I- I didn't try to seduce... Hey, you say something too !

"Not even gonna bother throwing the pun here..."

*Slam*

Aqua: You've changed ! You are no longer the virgins NEETs who had to rely on me to get through life ! Since when did you become such romcom protagonists ?!

"And when exactly did I need to rely on you for anything ?!"

Kazuma: Aqua, listen closely. There's no such thing as simple friendship between a girl and a guy. Even if it starts out as such, eventually they'll start becoming conscious of each other in a romantic way. And if a rich and talented and reliable man with a secure future is hanging around them... Yes, this is but the natural result.

"Well, I suppose you're welcome."

Aqua: this guy is saying something strange again. Still, even though we've been together for quite some time, for some strange reason, I have never once regarded Kazuma-san in a romantic manner.

Kazuma: What a coincidence, I feel the same way. Ever other girl I've been with has made my heart skip a beat at least once or twice, but you...

"... Aaaand now they're about to rip at each other's throats. If anyone needed any proof that these two are best buds..."

Megumin: And what's with the clothes you've been wearing within the mansion recently ?! They are so thin that you might as well be a woman of the night ! Do you really want to show off your body so badly ?! You do, don't you ?! Every time you take a bath, you always hang out close to Y/n for no apparent reason !

Darkness: Th- That's not it... I- It's because it's getting hot !

"It's almost winter, Darkness."

Megumin: And you purposefully wear these kinds of clothes in front of everyone ! Kazuma is a weak-willed man, so I definitely won't let you tempt him like that !

Darkness: Hey, I'm not trying to tempt him, this is for... I- I mean... Ow, ow, ow ! Don't pull on me, Megumin ! You'll rip my sleeping gown... !

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Aqua: You're wide open !

Kazuma: Grah !!

Aqua: Haha ! I defeated the romcom NEET !

Kazuma: 'I'm going to kill this girl ! Urrrgh...'

"Really, I never get bored of you guys bickering and squabbling. Gives this whole mansion some life to it..."

Chomusuke: Prrrrrrr... Meow ?

Megumin: What's wrong with this little one ? If she wants to go out, she would normally just jump over to the window and start pawing at it.

"There, there, did you see something unspeakable , is there another ghost over there or something ?

Aqua: ... ... Ah ! Hey, why are there so many stray ghosts in the city ?! I've been regularly cleansing the cemetery, so why ar there so many of them here ?

Everyone: ... ... ... ...

Aqua: ... Hey, don't think I'm at fault just because ghosts are involved. I really have nothing to do with this ! These ghosts aren't naturally occurring, someone summoned them here !

Kazuma: ... Summoned ghosts ?

"I'll stop you right there, it's not my doing either. Ghosts aren't even my domain to begin with, and Summoners can only summon and manipulate non-living things. Vanir's little dolls are another good example."

Darkness: But then... The only ones who can do that would be the rare holders of the advanced Necromancer class, and Liches that are hailed as the Kings of the undead.

"Well, I don't know about Kings... But there's a Queen in this city..."

Aqua: I let her off because she serves me tea and snacks whenever I visit her store, but it seems like she's finally shown her true colors ! I've already taken a bath and changed into my pajamas, so I don't feel like going out today, but I'll early next morning to lecture her !