" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: Is anyone here ?!

Vanir: ... If it isn't the lonely woman who raises such a fuss so early in the morning. What business do you have with mys tore ? Moi is a little busy right now, so if you're here for something pointless, please come back at another time.

Aqua: I came here to settle the score with Wiz after she summoned all those ghosts, but where is she ? Actually, what do you mean by lonely woman , If you're praising the great Aqua-sama for standing alone above everyone else, I wouldn't mind praying for you to be reborn as a Paramecium instead of a devil when you finally run out of lives.

Vanir: Moi is calling you lonely woman because even the easily-seduced brat wouldn't fall for you... H- Hey, Moi is always ready to accept a challenge from you, but didn't we agree not to turn the merchandise in this store into water ?!

*SKRUNK*

"Stay in the corner. So, Vanir, now that Aqua is in timeout, where did Wiz go ? We have a few things to discuss with her."

Vanir: That prodigal shopkeeper hasn't been back since she left sometime last night. She has never had much luck with men, so it'd be a good thing if she found a nice guy to spend the night with.

Aqua: Wait, you're kidding, right ?! She looks so mature, so how could she spend the night at a guy's place like this ?! First Kazuma and now her, everyone's turning into a pervert !

*FWOOSH*

"Well, speak of the devil..."

Wiz: Vanir-san, please help me-

Aqua: Turn undead !!

Wiz: Hyaaaaa !!

kazuma: What the hell do you think you're doing ?: You really did a number on Wiz this time !

Aqua: calm down, you perverted NEET. This is just a light punishment for summoning all those ghosts last night.

"You almost killed... Well, turned her from undead to un-undead !"

Vanir: You finally came back. Just where did you fool around, you promiscuous storekeeper ? Didn't Moi tell you that there are new goods coming in early this morning ?

Aqua: Yeah, that's it ! You have the face of a cake that no man would take, so why did you suddenly start spending the night out ? Judging from your personality, I'm sure you got tricked by some bad man ! Someone like Kazuma-san !

"You stay in your corner and keep being silent !"

Wiz: H- Hold on, you two ! Why am I suddenly getting purified ?! And why are the two of you saying such despicable things about me on top of that ?!

"i'm pretty sure that's just Vanir's way of showing care and worry, and you should know how petty Aqua is for nothing, so please ignore them. What happened last night ? You seem in quite the panic.

Wiz: I- I ran into a stalker !

Aqua: here, drink some hot tea and calm down. It's best to warm yourself after experiencing something scary.

Wiz: T- Thank you, Aqua-sama... But this tea makes me go numb whenever I drink it...

*SLAP*

"Don't give her holy water to drink, retard !"

Kazuma: ... So, what exactly happened ? What's this about a stalker ?

Wiz: Yes, a stalker ! This happened yesterday evening...

*There's a restaurant that will throw out their leftover food around evening. This happened when Wiz was returning from that restaurant after receiving some of their leftovers. This store is situated in a back alley, so, of course, there wouldn't be many people passing by that late at night. As she made her way back, she ran into a man with a black hood pull pulled over his features standing in the middle of the deserted street.*

Wiz: Without removing his hood, the black robed man said: "My name is Duke. I've come from a faraway place to meet you... I've spent many years investigating you, and throughout all this time, my only thoughts are of you"...

Kazuma: ... That sounds really dangerous.

"No shit Sherlock..."

Wiz: He then said: "I've done nothing but train my body. Do you know why ?", of course, I said I didn't know, but then... !

Wiz: .. he screamed: "It's obviously so I can take you over !" And he threw away his robe. I quickly ran away... Afterwards, I was too afraid to return to the store, so I summoned a few ghosts and asked them to monitor the stalker's movements...

"This... This is far more serious than I thought... A back alley in the middle of the night is a thing, but for someone to be almost assaulted in this town... Maybe I'll have to tighten security a bit..."

Aqua: I see, so that's why the ghosts started gathering in this town. Ah well, I guess it can't be helped. Make sure you send them back to where they came from after this.

Kazuma: They aren't stray dogs, Aqua. Actually, couldn't you just send them to Heaven right now ? So, anyway, was the reason you didn't come back until now because the stalker was hanging out near the store ?

Wiz: No, I don't know where he is. I released a lot of ghosts into this city, but I couldn't get a fix on him at all... Actually, it seems like most of the ghosts were exorcised by him...

"... So the culprit is an Axis Cultist ?"

Vanir: Indeed, there's no need to use Moi all-seeing eyes to determine that.

Aqua: Hey, hold on ! Don't turn my precious children into scapegoats !

"You're right, they do that great by themselves."

Wiz: Umm... Can you help me think of some countermeasures... ?

Aqua: But, we don' even know where the black-robed stalker is right now, right ? Hey, don't you constantly boast about your all-seeing eyes ? Why aren't you putting them to use right now ?

Vanir: Moi does not need you to tell me that ! Moi have been using my powers on him for quite some time, but Moi still can't get a lock on him. It doesn't seem like he's an ordinary pervert. There's a high chance that he is strong enough to fend off Moi's all-seeing eyes.

Aqua: ... So roughly if Kazuma got his hands on that one's powers...

Kazuma: Hey !

Vanir: ... Unmarriageable Shopkeeper, perhaps you should change your way of thinking. It's not often that you find someone who's so madly obsessed with you. It might not be such a bad idea for you to get together with him, you know ?

Wiz: H- How could I ?! He's a man who would attack someone on sight ! And please don't call me Unmarriageable Shopkeeper !

*Di-ling*

Mailman: Is Wiz-san here ? There's a letter for you.

Wiz: Ah, thank you...

Vanir: It's a letter from that stalker, yes ? Moi may be able to find out where he is if Moi uses my powers upon that letter. Do you want me to launch an attack on him ?

Wiz: Thank you, Vanir-san, but I'll settle this by myself. This letter is calling me to meet with him outside town tomorrow. I... This is the first time someone confessed to me, so I would like to seriously answer him.

"... if anything, I might have an idea... Vanir, take one of these out..."

Kazuma: So, Wiz intends to give him her answer tomorrow.

Megumin: A stalker, huh. My self-proclaimed rival seems like she might lean a little in that direction, so i'm a little worried about her future... These kinds of people are really scary when they become desperate. There's no telling what they'll do when they snap.

Darkness: Still, to think that such a pervert would appear in this peaceful city... How could he cause trouble for the upstanding citizens of this town ?

"I didn't think the day would come when I could hear the word pervert come out of your mouth."

Darkness: W- What are you- ?!

Aqua: Wiz said she'll settle it herself, but what exactly does that pacifistic girl plan to do ? Does she seriously intend to accept his confession ? Megumin and Darkness have been obsessed with perverted thoughts lately. If Wiz gets a boyfriend too, wouldn't the number of playmates I have be drastically reduced ?

Megumin: Hey, Aqua, i'm not obsessed with perverted thoughts ! I'm not like Darkness who dresses like a woman of the night to seduce men ! I'm a pure maiden who hasn't even kissed a man yet !

Darkness: Hey... !

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

Aqua: Hey, Kazuma-san ? You have a really evil look on your face. What's wrong ?

Kazuma: At least say this is the manly face of a guy protecting his friend !

"... Kazuma, while I agree with the motive of this, I don't agree with the means."

Kazuma: Shut up... This is very necessary...

Darkness: Then hurry up and activate Lurk. Now's not the tie to ogle Wiz !

Aqua: ... Hey, Kazuma, I feel like a stalker somehow. At this rate, will we end up becoming Wiz's stalker as well ?

Kazuma: Don't say that, Aqua. This isn't stalking. This is simply keeping watch over a friend who might be heading into danger from afar.

Megumin: We call that stalking.

Duke: Seems like you read my letter. I'm glad that you accepted my request.

Wiz: ... After hearing you say that to me, there's no way I wouldn't be here...

Duke; It has been too long... I've been searching for you for a long time. It really surprised me to hear that you opened a magic item shop in this town. But' I've finally met you. This made it worth spending all the time on the road to get here.

Wiz: D- Did you really travel such a long distance just to meet with me ?

Aqua: Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san, don't just listen for yourself. Interpret for us too. What are the two of them saying ?

Kazuma: I'm only listening in with my Lip reading skill, so this is just my interpretation, but... It seems like that man traveled a long distance in order to confess to Wiz.

"Is that so... He's either madly in love, or a mad pervert... It's crazy either way..."

Duke: i'm sure you know why I called you here. Just as I said the other day... I've always been thinking about you. I've trained my body so that I'll be a worthy fit for you !

Wiz: E- Even if you say that... And this is our first meeting, I don't even know how to respond ! And I don't think it's good to boldly perform such actions in the middle of town !

Aqua: Hey, Kazuma ! Wiz seems to be blushing ! Just what did that guy say ?

Kazuma: He said "I've always been thinking of you", "I've trained myself just for you", and stuff like that. He seems to the kind of guy who thinks that being strong will make him popular with the ladies."

Darkness: It's pretty much their first meeting ! How passionate of him !

"I wonder if 'Passionate', really is the good word here..."

Duke: Yes, now that I think about it, it might have been a bit too hasty of me to do that in the middle of town. I chose a deserted alley, but...

Wiz: Just because nobody is there to see it doesn't make it okay ! That sort of thing should wait 'till we know each other better... !

Duke: ... I see. Yes, it is indeed a little unfair only for me to know about you. Seems like there's a need for me to say a little about myself...

Wiz: Y- yeah. After all, I don't even know your name...

Duke: My name is Duke. My specialty is fire-aligned Advanced Magic. It's the complete opposite of you, who specializes in ice-aligned magic.

Wiz: Y- You don't even intend to hide our lack of compatibility, I see. I'm quite fond of honest men, but... To think that you even know about that...

Duke: Haha, of course ! You were known as the Ice Witch back when you were still human, after all.

Wiz: W- Wait, you know that I'm not human ?!

Kazuma: Huh ?!

Aqua: Hey, Kazuma, don't stop interpreting ! Wiz seems surprised, just what happened ?!

Kazuma: H- he knows that Wiz is a lich, as well as the types of spells she specializes in. He really did his homework. Seems like he's quite serious about her.

Aqua: he's not just a regular stalker, but an extreme pervert !

Megumin: For the sake of the world and all of its inhabitants, it might be better to just evacuate Wiz and blow him up with Explosion right here !

Duke: I know everything about you ! You could say that I am the man who understands you best in this world ! Now, I've told you about myself, so let's get back to the original topic !

Wiz: W- W- Wait ! i'm not emotionally prepared yet ! D- Does that mean that you traveled all the way here even after learning that I'm undead ? Aren't you afraid of me ?

Duke: ... Are you making fun of me ? What's so scary about a lich ?

Wiz: T- That's... If you put it that way...

Kazuma: Hey, this is bad ! I think Wiz has been moved ! That bastard said something like "Who cares if you are an undead ?! i'm not afraid of a lich !"

"Wait, really ? Just how ballsy is he... We are facing the very incarnation of a man..."

Darkness: He doesn't care even though she's a being hailed as the King of Undead... This is true love ! W- What should I do, Kazuma ?! I feel like I really want to support that man !

Aqua: What are you saying ?! Saying undead can be loved too is nothing short of blasphemy ! Sure, Wiz is cooling and it's comfortable to sleep while holding onto her in the summer, but that girl is just a moving corpse ! Holding feelings of love towards a corpse, just how depraved is he ?!

Darkness: W- Well, calling her a moving corpse isn't exactly wrong, but... Don't even say that in front of Wiz, she'll cry.

Duke: Now, that's enough talking ! Ice Witch, let's have a duel !

Wiz: Ehh ? W- Where did that come from ?!

Duke: Why ? isn't that obvious ? It's to demonstrate my power to you and have you give up your current job !

Wiz: Eeeeeh ?!

Aqua: Kazuma, come on, interpret for us ! What happened ?! What did they say ?!

Kazuma: That bastard challenged Wiz to a duel. If he wins, he wants Wiz to quit her job.

"Her job... As a storekeeper ? Or maybe he's referring to how she used to accept requests to exorcise the undead in the graveyard and the surrounding houses... ?"

Darkness: Is he telling the one he loves to stop taking on dangerous work ? Seemslike he doesn't know that the job of managing the cemetery has already been transferred over to Aqua. Still, this is...

Wiz: Y- You want me to marry you...

Duke: Leave your work to me ! Then, let's do this, you- !

*Click*

Aqua: What did she just pull out... ?

Darkness: That looks like-

*POP*

Kazuma: ... Where did he go... ?

*POP*

"H- Huh ? What happened..."

Wiz: Teleport !

"... ... ... Hi ?"