" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Wiz: Waaaahh !! This is too much ! Waaahh !!

Vanir: Pfffrrrrrrrr !

Aqua: Come on, I'll share some of the vegetables I harvested, so cheer up, Wiz. It'll be fine, you're a decent girl, so I'm sure you'll meet a good man soon.

"... That has to be a first, Aqua sincerely cheering up and being empathetic to Wiz..."

Wiz: *Sob* *Sob* Aqua-sama... Will that really happen ? Time won't just keep slipping by...

Aqua: It's fine even if you wait. After all, aren't you immortal ? That means there's no need for you to lover your standards just because you are getting old. That's a big benefit, you know ?

Wiz: ... Y- Yeah, I don't age. I don't need to get desperate or lower my standards...

Vanir: Even if you don't get old, your age on the family registry will still go up.

"Would you be so kind to not pour oil on the fire, you ? I hope you realize, Aqua is being a better person and friend than you are, so please don't try to compensate by going even lower."

Vanir: When you put it like that, dear associate...

Kazuma: Hey, should we really be acting so relaxed ? Duke did say that this town will eventually become a priority target for the Demon King's army.

"Well, that'll be a good opportunity to finally put my abilities to the test... A full-blown, large-scale war... I can't wait."

Vanir: ... Hey, how long do you intend to cry for, you heartbroken shopkeeper ?! Stop mopping around and open the store for business ! Didn't you want to help Moi achieve my wish ? At this rate, how many centuries will it take for me to be able to create my dungeon ? Moi might be immortal, but it'd be pointless if humanity goes extinct before the dungeon is complete !

Wiz: You don't need to tell me that... As a Lich, no matter who I get together with, in the end, all I can do is watch them slowly age and be left alone... Even after humanity goes extinct, I'm sure I'll be all alone...

"... Eternity tends to get very long, especially towards the end..."

Vanir: Seriously... You aren't the only immortal, you know ? We devils are immortal too. Until the day my dungeon is complete and adventurers come to vanquish me, Moi will stay with you, so cheer up, my friend.

"Even so, if you guys go past my lifetime, the building and taking care of the whole thing is gonna be much more difficult."

Wiz: ... In other words, if the dungeon forever remains incomplete, Vanir-san will be with me forever ?

Vanir: Right, I'll set my sights on taking away your management rights. You couldn't be satisfied with facing such a half-baked opponent, right ? Very well, It's been some time, but I'll be your opponent !

Wiz: Ah, wait, Vanir-san ! I was just joking ! i'm sorry, I apologize ! I'll work hard ! I'll work hard, so please forgive me !

Aqua: Well, all's well that end well, so that's a relief.

Kazuma: Are you seriously saying it ended well after seeing that ?

Megumin: ... Marriage, huh. Darkness, you're the sole heir to your family, so isn't it about time you start seriously considering it ?

Darkness: M- My father is quite understanding, so you could say I've been afforded more freedom in such matters compared to the other nobility... Though, I suppose I am at the age where I should start considering such issues. Still, if we talk about age, the most perilous one is Aqua.

Aqua: Hey, let me tell you something interesting. You see, Darkness keeps a diary of her daily experiences with us in her room. But that's not the interesting point, the interesting point is that there's a strange mechanism underneath where she keeps that book, and in it is where she writes all of her fantasies-

Darkness: Aqua, get over here ! When did you get in ? i'm sure I locked my room properly ! How much do you know ?!

"... You know, most of these fantasies would be somehow about me, I wouldn't even be surprised..."

Megumin: ... Kazuma, how many children do you want in the future ?

Kazuma: PFFFRRT !!

"Maybe don't just suddenly come up with things like that, it's gonna make someone choke one day... Speaking of coming up, is that Yunyun coming up to us over there ?"

Megumin: Huh. Hey, Yunyun, did you come over to play and wait for us because we were out ? What should we play today ? I'm very excited after seeing someone else's Explosion today, so why don't we head over to the lake and see who can catch the most fish...

Yunyun: Umm, well... I have a request for Y/n-san...

Megumin: ... What do you want with him ? Why is everyone always coming to this man for help whenever they have a problem ? Don't they have any shame ?

"Well, maybe they actually are looking for someone who can fix problems instead of someone who causes them."

Yunyun: I already failed the trial twice because of you, Megumin, so I can't fail again !!

Megumin: ... Can you please stop blaming others for you failing the trial ?!

Yunyun: Then just whose fault could it be ?! I told you not to use Explosion, so why ?! Why must you fire it off at the worst possible place ?!

"No now, please calm down, Yunyun. Were you seriously expecting someone like Megumin to actually listen and not blow everything up when her entire life revolves around being a public and safety hazard , It's like asking the Axis cultists to become actual respectable human beings, and less of a waste of air than the thing they follow."

Yunyun: W- When you put it that way, it feels like I'm the one who was in the wrong...

Aqua: Hey, that example is being rude to Axis Cultists. My children are a little free-spirited, but they aren't as bad as Megumin.

"Yeah, they're worse. I know that was rude, that was the goal."

Megumin: Right, come at me, all three of you ! I'll show you what happens when a Crimson Demon gets serious !

Darkness: A single person can only undertake the trial three times, so after failing it twice, this is your last chance, right ? I've actually heard about this trial before. The Dustiness House has dealt extensively with the Crimson Demon village. The beloved armor that my House uses is a high-quality product made by the Crimson Demons.

"I see... The trial is designed to be undertaken by a team consisting of a vanguard and a crimson Demon as a rearguard, isn't it ? No wonder Megumin was a hard pass, someone like her would just make a mess and then collapse. I'm actually quite curious about how these things go, so I'll lend a hand."

Yunyun: R- Really ?! I'll be able to rest easy with a well-rounded vanguard like you ! P- Please lend me your strength !

Kazuma: ... Darkness, you're just looking forward to having a chance to shine after all this time, aren't you ? I mean, all you did back during Wiz's incident was seduce that guy.

Darkness: Bluh !!

"With less than success, at that... Don't worry, that aloof side if also what makes your charm after all."

Kazuma: ... Say, would it be really problematic for you if you didn't become chief ? Like, your family has been the chief for generations, so if you fail this trial, they'll disown you or something... ? Becoming the chief means the best amongst the Crimson Demons, so I guess competition would be pretty fierce...

Yunyun: No, if I have to say, most of the Crimson Demons are pretty ambivalent about the position of chief. The position ties them down and comes with a lot of responsibilities, so... I don't have any traits or skills that stand out or any other special ambitions, so it'll be a problem when I introduce myself as a Crimson Demon...

Kazuma: Let's just give up on being the chief. We'll help you think of a way to introduce yourself.

Aqua: as expected of Kazuma ! We'll have this solved in five minutes !

Yunyun: please wait, you've got it wrong ! That's not all there is to it ! The Crimson Demons are pretty free-spirited, so who knows what will happen if there isn't a chief... But, as I just said, there isn't anyone else other than me who wants to be chief badly enough to undertake the troublesome trial...

"Hmm... If all that happened until now was the Crimson Demons with a chef, just imagining the amount of chaos they'd cause without it... plus, someone grounded like Yunyun could actually keep them on track, so-"

Megumin: I guess there's no choice. In that case, I shall become the chief.

Yunyun: You can't even use Advanced magic ! Plus, becoming the chief means you have to go back to the village, you know ?! If you're only saying this because you think the title of chief sounds really cool, I'll get angry !

"Megumin chief... I kinda want to see that, just for the look on her face when she's forced to go through all of the actual work."

Kazuma: Now now, calm down all of you. At the end of the day, Yunyun just needs a strong partner, right ? In that case, leave it to me. I'll show you why everyone runs to me whenever there's a crisis.

"Because they expect us to be the cause of said crisis, Kazuma. And most of the time, they're right."

Megumin: Wh- What's wrong ? Normally, Kazuma would think of this as a chore, so why are you so agreeable today ?

Darkness: Oh, I know, it's because there are a lot of beautiful girls in the Crimson Demon Village !

Kazuma: Oh, does the slutty lady with extensive knowledge of seduction techniques, think i'm some kind of raging beast or something ? I think I've been looked down upon lately. Maybe I'll take this chance to remind you of what I can do.

Aqua: ... ... Oh, I get it now ! Kazuma's name just appeared in the newspaper a few days ago, so you intend to hole up in the Crimson Demon village until the heat dies down, right ? That Duke fellow came here to challenge Wiz after all, so i'm sure he's worried that he might be the target of some adventurers too !

"That would make sense. Kazuma's ability to sense danger before it arrives is top-notch, after all. With the treat of a direct attack from the Demon King's army, he would try to flee beforehand and stay hidden for a while."

Kazuma: T- That's not it ! Unlike you guys who do nothing but cause trouble for me every day, Yunyun is an important friend of mine who has common sense. Of course I'd help her if she's in trouble !

Megumin: Wait, I think the amount of trouble we create has really gone down recently... Why are you blushing, Yunyun ?! This man is just saying some superficial compliments like he usually does ! You're being way too easy right now !

"hmm... Do you seriously intend to become Yunyun's partner, Kazuma ? The village is surrounded by nothing but strong monsters and... G- Gh... F- female orcs territory..."

Darkness: H- hey, don't break down now... But he's right. I can serve as a meatshield even if I can't land my attacks, but you...

"Y- Yeah, Kazuma, remember your specialty lies in laying low and strategy, so being a vanguard really isn't your forte."

Aqua: Exactly, let Darkness have her turn in the spotlight, she hasn't really stood out much recently. There might be more follow-up interviews from the newspapers, so I kinda feel sorry to have her most recent achievement be seducing... Ouch ! Hey, Darkness, I was supporting you, so why did you hit me- Ah, stop ! Stop !

*Knock Knock*

???: Is Satou Kazuma-san here ?

"Hmm ? Oh, you're one of the guild's staff. What's wrong ?"

Staff: Um, a high-level adventurer who traveled here from the Capital is requesting a meeting with Satou-san. If you have the time, could you join us at the guild ?

Kazuma: Sorry, i'm heading over to the Crimson Demon Village right now to help an important friend of mine. I probably won't be back for a while, so please have them come again another day.

Yunyun: K- Kazuma-san... !

Kazuma: So tell this to that adventurer... "Satou Kazuma has left on a grueling journey for the sake of a friend. He might not make it back alive, so forget about him and go on ahead to fight the Demon King..."

Staff: S- Satou-san...

"I'll translate for you. 'Satou Kazuma is scared of a potential attack after he boasted in the newspapers, so he's gonna hide in the Crimson Demon's village until the heat dies down.', so here you go."

Staff: I- I see. Then I'll relay that to the beautiful adventurer who claimed to be a fan of Satou-san...

Kazuma: ... ... Eh ?