" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Aqua: NOOOOOOOOOOOO !! No way ! I'm not going !!

Megumin: But you have to ! We need to go on a quest eventually !

Darkness: She's right. Monsters are causing more trouble as it gets hotter out.

Aqua: It's still cold outside !! If you guys want to go so badly, then go !!

"You've done nothing but laze around this winter ! You need to work ! Otherwise..."

All: You'll end up like him. You want that ?

Aqua: ... Even I don't want to be like that... But you should take care of that bum before talking about me !

Megumin: M- Maybe you should come out too, Kazuma, you're a bad influence on Aqua...

Kazuma: No way, no how.

"... Vanir, i'm holding you part responsible for this..."

*About that Kotatsu... After Vanir the Demon king's general was defeated, and the debt was cleared... That very same Vanir brought an... idea, to Kazuma.*

Vanir: I have a proposition for you, boy !

Kazuma: What'd you call me here out of the blue for anyway ? Trying to tempt me ?

Vanir: Oh, don't say that. You'll be glad you heard me out. My all-seeing eye shows me... That you and your friend are not from this world.

Kazuma: Huh ?! N- No, I just...

Vanir: Ha ha ha ! You needn't fuss. I care not either way. I would rather talk about the level of development I saw ! It seems you come from quite an advanced world. Therein lies my idea !

Vanir: perhaps you could build useful items from that world and sell them in this shop. I'll work out the production and distribution processes. What did I tell you ? Not bad, huh ?

Kazuma: Guh ?!

Vanir: How's this for your cut ?

Kazuma: Hmmm. Gotta admit, that's attractive. But build things ? I'm not that handy...

Vanir: No problem ! You're of the adventurer class, you can learn all kinds of skills. Have the blacksmith teach you the "Smith" ability. It makes you better at all kinds of production, not just metalworking.

Vanir: We can start small. Bring me a prototype when you have one. I'll be waiting !

"It's true you were supposed to go for a 'Merchant' class with those stats of yours... Even so, I think it's time to come out, right-"

Kazuma: Freeze !!

"Gh- NGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH !!"

Megumin: H- He actually fought back !!

Aqua: It's no use. He'll be a Kotatsu neet until that small fortune of his runs out.

Darkness: ... That should've been me...

"Don't... You... Gh- Dare..."

Megumin: Kazuma, would you please give it a rest ?! Stop making such a fuss and-

Kazuma: Drain Touch !!

Megumin: UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH !! M- My heaaaaaaaad...

Kazuma: Heh heh heh... Gyeh gyeh gyeh ! I get the feeling I could take anyone on right now ! Huh ?!

Kazuma: Wait. We've got an emergency. I realize this might be asking a bit much, but let's call a ceasefire. Sorry, but could you guys lift the mat under the Kotatsu and carry me to the bathroom, please ?

"... Yeah... Suuure..."

Kazuma: Oh ? That was easier than I thought.

"Alright, Darkness, Megumin. And a one..."

Megumin: And a two...

Darkness: And a three !

Kazuma: H- hey, what are you doing- Hey, cut it out !!

All: HEAVE-HO !!

Kazuma: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAAHAAA !!

"Alright, you can stay warm under that thing, but outside."

*Knock knock*

"God dammit, back for more already ? You never learn, do you ?!"

Sena: Uhhhhhhh...

"... Oh. My apologies, I was expecting someone else."

Sena: Um... Is Satou Kazuma here ?

"That's too bad, he just left."

Sena: Really... ?

"Yeaaaaaaah... What do you needed him for ? What did he do this time ?"

Sena: No, he didn't do anything... I actually have a request.

Sena: Recently, we've been seeing swarms of lizard runners. The town's adventurers have been asked to deal with them.

Kazuma: The heck are those ?

Sena: Lizard runners are herbivorous bipedal lizards that normally pose no threat. But when mating season begins, a female called the princess runner emerges, and they become very dangerous

"Princess runner ?"

Sena: Yes. She has a distinctive appearance, considerable larger than the rest of the group. The males compete to decide ho gets to mate with her. And their competition takes a very unique form. They... Well, they run.

Kazuma: Say what ?

Sena! And not against one another, either, but against other species. The one who outpaces the most opponents becomes the king runner, mate of the princess runner. They have no fear in these showdowns. They'll deliver a kick to a horse or a dragon to get them running. And it's a fierce kick at that, and it's already caused injured...

Kazuma: Man... All the creatures around here are so much trouble... You can't possibly expect us to deal with these critters...

Sena: Yes ! I do !! You've defeated two generals of the Demon King... As well as one supposedly invincible fortress ! How can I not admire and respect you for that ?! Now ! Go forth, brave adventurers, to protect the people of this town ! I beg of you !!

Kazuma: Whoa, that's cold !! I- I appreciate it, but I really think you should find someone else...

"Yes, he's quite busy. And by that I mean he fell victim to the great laziness caused by money."

Megumin: Also, he's the lowest-level member of our party, and wouldn't be any help anyway.

Kazuma: Hey, since when am I the lowest level ? What are you at these days ?

Megumin: 26.

Kazuma: WHAT ?! THAT HIGH ?! Since when... ?

Megumin: Heh heh... i'm always cleaning up the small fries around here.

Aqua: And i'm maxed out !

Kazuma: S- So Darkness, that must makes you the lowest level ! Your attacks never hit, so how can your level go up ?

Darkness: H- Hey, don't underestimate me ! I'm level 20 ! Those dolls I took out in our fight with Vanir, were worth a lot of experience points.

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

"Okay, first off, what matters is not my level, it's the level of my skills. They're the ones doing the damage. Second, I'm 22, so don't bring me down to you, please."

Sena: Given your engagements with the generals of the demon king... I have to imagine your own level is nothing to sneeze at, Satou Kazuma.

*13*

Kazuma: O- Okay, everyone ! Get your stuff, and let's go on a quest !!

Kazuma: All right ! We're starting. Everybody ready ?

Aqua: Anytiiiime !

Kazuma: You sure there isn't an easier way... ?

Aqua: Oh, hush ! I need you to level up so you can beat the demon king !

Kazuma: Oh, yeah...

Darkness: All ready over here ! Aqua's loaded me with enough buffs to withstand anything !

Megumin: And I'll take care of anything you miss ! All at once !

Kazuma: I guess everyone's excited for our first quest in so long...

"Unfunny reference to Kotatsu pervert, the runner skeleton bait is ready to go. I repeat, the runner skeleton bait is ready to go. Kotatsu pervert, do you copy ?"

Kazuma: For the last time, we are NOT going with codenames here !

"... ... Unfunny reference, over."

Kazuma: ... Whatever, let's review the plan. First, I'll snipe the king and princess runners. If I fail and the herd starts coming at us, Y/N's get his bait running to bait them away. If they still come at us, Darkness will be our shield while I take another shot. And if even that doesn't work, Megumin will blow'em to kingdom come before they can surround us, and I'll snipe whoever's left ! Aqua, you're on support duty.

"Three fail-safes, huh ? Everyone's in position, so let's not screw this up, gang !"

Kazuma: 'The herd should be over there... Go ! Second sight !'

Kazuma: ... Hey, Aqua... I can see the princes runner... But which one's the king ?

Aqua: Huh ? How am I supposed to know ? Probably the most important-looking one, right ?

Kazuma: 'Crap... I need to kill both the princess and king to scatter the herd... Hold on ! The one who wins the most races gets to mate with the princess, right ? So look for the one who sticks close to her... has to be the king ! Perfect...'

Aqua: Oh ! I've got an idea !

"... No... No no no..."

Aqua: the king must be the fastest one, right ? So I'll get them all running, and the one who gets here first is the king !

"No ! NonononoNONONONO !! WAIT-"

Megumin: They're so fast !

Kazuma: YOU DUMB, IDIOTIC, STUPID GODDESS ! DOES IT MAKES YOU HAPPY TO SCREW THINGS UP EVERY TIME ?! ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SHOOT TWO DAMN LIZARDS, AND YOU HAD TO GO AND SEND IT ALL TO HELL !

"I'm sending the bait out !!"

Aqua: ... FINE ! I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP ! EITHER WAY, I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO SUFFER ! DO YOUR WORST, LIZARDS ! STOMP ME DEAD- GURF !!

"The bait is out, Kazuma ! Now shoot the fastest !"

Kazuma: Damn ! So much for that plan... Still, I just have to stay calm... And take aim ! Snipe !! Yes ! Got'im !

Kazuma: hey ! They're going nuts ! Why ?!

Megumin: That won't work ! You need to strike down the princess first, or you'll only initiate a new contest to become king ! They're excited now !

Kazuma: Shit ! Y/n ! Send them another way with the bait !

"On it !!"

*VIOOOOOOOOOOM*

"... ... ... THEY COMPLETELY IGNORED THE BAIT !! WHY ?!"

Sena: They do not compete against each others, but against other species.

"... ... ... Oh... ... Crapbaskets."

Kazuma: Megumin ! Blow them away !

Megumin: Gladly ! One herd of roasted reptiles, coming right-

Megumin: ... I couldn't chant fast enough to catch them... And that princess is rather upset.

Kazuma: What ?! So you guys are useless too, huh ?!

Darkness: HRGH !! Kazuma ! Now's your chance ! Hurry !

Kazuma: Try to drag her out a bit ! Which one is the princess ?! HAH ?! Snipe ! Snipe !! Snipe !! SNIPE !!

*CRACK*

Aqua: ... ... KAZUMAAAAAAAA !!

Kazuma: ... Uh... huh ?! Oh, Eris ? So that means i'm...

Eris: Kazuma-san. Um, I'd really appreciate if you could be more careful and try a little harder to sty alive.

Kazuma: Sorry, this is embarrassing... hey, what happened after I died ?

Eris: Everything was fine. Without the princess, the runner herd dispersed.

Kazuma: 'Thank goodness... At least we managed that. Maybe I should just chill here for a while, then...'

Eris: i'm sure my senpai is going to strong-arm me into resurrecting you again, but... i'm praying you won't come back here anymore.

Kazuma: ... No... i'm not going back. I QUIT ! I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THAT WORLD !! I'M GOING TO GET REBORN AND TRY A FRESH, NEW LIFE !!

Eris: Wh- Whaaaat ?!