" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Kazuma: I'm not going back !! I'm going to get reborn and live a fresh, new life !! And then... !

Eris: W- Wait just a second, okay ? Kazuma-san ! Why don't you just sit down for a moment... ?

Kazuma: ... 'Man, she really is cute'

Eris: ... 'What do I do... ? I was so sure I would just have to send Kazuma-san back to the world below...'

Kazuma: ... ... Er, uh... Don't you ever get bored spending all your time alone here ?

Eris: Hm ? Oh, sometimes. But I'm only responsible for guiding people who have been killed by monsters. If I'm bored, that means everyone is living happily and safely.

Kazuma: 'See ? I knew it ! I knew my life in this other world was missing something. And that's a bittersweet romantic plot twist with a young woman ! I'm living with a bunch of ladies... Well, and a homie, but... Even so, nothing ever happens ! They're not bad to look at. Not bad, but... I'm looking for a sweet girl with some sense, not just a hot babe ! Yes ! The main heroine of my tale is right here !'

Eris: Truth be told... I don't spend all my time here. Every once in a while, I sneak down to the material plane. Our little secret, okay~ ?

Kazuma: 'YEEEEESSSS !! This is it ! This is a flag if I ever saw one !! Shut-ins don't get many chances like this, I've got to go for it !' E- Eris-sama ! How about you and I chat for a while-

Aqua: Kaaaazuuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaaa ! Can you hear me ? I cast resurrection on you... So just get Eris to open a gate and get back here ! I'm waiting on you to hurry up and kill that Demon King so I can go back to Heaven !

Kazuma: That stupid... Always with the worst timing... Listen Aqua, I'm tired of this life ! I'm not going back ! I'm gonna try again somewhere, start off as a baby. So give everyone my best, and tell Y/n he's in charge, okay ?

Aqua: ... ... ... ... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU IDIOT ?! DON'T BE DUMB ! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET BACK TO HEAVEN ?! You stupid neet ! Get back here already !!

Kazuma: There you go, Eris-sama, this is what I want to do. I don't want to ask too much, but I'd appreciate if I could be a boy again in my next life. Oh ! And if I could have a beautiful older step-sister and an adorable younger step-sister, that would be great !

Eris: W- What about the rest of them... ?

Kazuma: Don't worry, Y/n can handle them by himself. And I've heard somewhere that a harem is a man's greatest dream, so this is fine.

Eris: Er... Hang on... What to do here... ?

"Huh ? Hey, Megumin, Why are you removing his clothes ? Did Aqua forget a wound somewhere ?"

Megumin: Just hold his arms.

"Okay... I don't think he's been wounded here, you know ? If he fell on them, we would've definitely hear it."

Aqua: H- How could you ?! KAZUMAAAAAAA !! Megumin.. Megumin is doing something wild to your body !! Come back quickly !!

Kazuma: Just a damn minute !! What is she doing to my body ?! I'll show her !! Tell Y/n to stop her, dammit !! I... I guess I'm going back, Eris-sama. Could you open the gate ?

Eris: R- Right away ! I'll be praying for your success in the future. Do try to be careful.

Kazuma: Urgh. What were you doing to my body ? Other than your name and the whole explosion obsession, I thought you were one of the sane members of this party.

Megumin: Hey, if you have any complaints about my name, let's hear them now. For goodness' sake. It's just because you were talking all that nonsense about not coming back... The next time speak such drivel, I'll do something even more awful to you.

Kazuma: Hey, did you really do something to me this time ? Hey, come on !

Darkness: Pff... Pffrrrrr...

"... ... ..."

Kazuma: What did she do... ?

"You'll see soon enough... Be glad, I think it can go away."

Kazuma: ... C- Come on, Megumin ! What did you... Hey !!

Kazuma: I never did get the story out of them, but... I seem to be in One Piece anyway. Those girls, they just kept giving me the runaround, and Y/n isn't really helping. They could really stand to be a little ore considerate.

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ... MEGUMIIIIIIIIIIIN !! WHERE'S MEGUMIN ?!

Darkness: Megumin ? She said she was going to stay at the inn where her friend is for a- AAAAAAACK ?!

Kazuma: THAT DAMN LOLI GIRL ! SHE'S GONNA GET IT !!

"... Ah, Kazuma with the advertising, I see."

Aqua: I'm glad you've got so much self-esteem, but I think you're coming on a little too strong.

Kazuma: Shut up !! You saw her write this !!

Kazuma: "Holy Sword Excalibur" ?! What the hell ?!

Aqua: It's a compliment, isn't it ?

"No one ever wielded the holy sword Excalibur. She's just calling him a virgin."

Kazuma: YOU ARE IN NO PLACE TO TALK HERE !!

"Listen, while I take pride in having three femurs at all times, you don't see me strolling around with it written."

Kazuma: You...

"Have you seen my character ? You really expected me to not do a 'Boner' joke at some point ?"

Kazuma: fair enough. But that little !! When she gets home, I'll give her a taste of her own medicine !!

Aqua: here's a cup of our finest tea, Kazuma-san.

Kazuma: Thank you so much, Aqua. A pleasure. Mmmm... It's just hot water, isn't it ?

Aqua: Oh, silly me. I must have accidentally purified it.

Kazuma: No matter at all, I'm happy to drink it this way.

Megumin: I'M GOING TO BE SIIIIIICK !! I'M SO SORRY !I IT WAS MY MISTAKE ! SO PLEASE, GO BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE ! Aqua, too ! SEEING YOU LIKE THIS IS SUPER CREEPY, KAZUMA !! Aqua, too !

Kazuma: Hm ? Whatever are you talking about ? This is exactly how I've always been.

Aqua: I poured you a fresh cup, Kazuma-san.

Kazuma: Ah, hot water again.

Megumin: EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE, YOU MEAN ! I CAN'T STAND IT !!

"It's not thanks to the whole excalibur thing. It's something... Way worse..."

Kazuma: Is that loli brat still out ?! Guess I've got no choice but to go and find her myse- WHA ?!

Vanir: Fwahahaha ! I, the all-seeing demon renowned for his discerning eye, have come to talk business !

"... Vanir ? The hell are you doing here ?"

Vanir: Fwahaha, I see my arrival induces paroxysms of gratitude. Now show me the promised items my store is to carry !

"... Oh, so it's that. Please no more kotatsus, okay ?"

Aqua: ... Hey, you... How exactly did you get in here, if I may ask ? I set up a spirit barrier specifically to keep insects like you out of my house.

Vanir: Ah ! So that pathetic little thing was a spirit barrier, was it ? Well, it wasn't much of one, I thought it was the failed attempt of some amateur ! How very silly of me ! I'm so strong, I destroyed it simply by walking through !

Aqua: Oh, is that so ? And yet here you are, scorched and smoldering.

Vanir: Fwa ha ha ! My body is just a lump of clay ! And I wanted to test just how good that little thing was. And I must say, it wasn't bad, for an amateur human priest !

Aqua: GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, YOU ILL-WILL-SUCKING PARASITE !!

Vanir: FWAHAHAHA ! AT LEAST I DON'T RUN A GANG OF SWINDLERS, CONING PEOPLE INTO DONATING TO ME WITH VAGUE TALK ABOUT SOME BEAUTIFUL AFTERLIFE !

Darkness: Shouldn't we stop them ?

"I already finished my popcorn anyway."

Kazuma: Okay, that's enough ! We'll never get anywhere at this rate !

Vanir: Well then, boy, show me your wares.

Kazuma: Sure. I tried a few different things...

Darkness: What do you use these for ?

'So that the lie you told your father stays a lie...'

Aqua: pass me one and watch. You go like this... It's called a balloon. You fill it with air and play with it.

Kazuma: 'And it took me forever to get the thickness right...'

"... ... ..."

Kazuma: You're gonna yell at me for this one too ?

"The initiative in itself is really commendable, but it's you... I can't help but think you had some afterthoughts when you came up with the idea."

Vanir: Hmm... It seems I was right about you. These are excellent, very salable.

Kazuma: Y- You think so ?

Vanir: On to the details. We had originally agreed to give you a percentage of the monthly profits... But I have another idea. Why don't you sell me the intellectual property rights to these products outright ? I'm willing to pay three hundred million Eris for the lot.

"TH- THREE HUNDRED MILLION ?!"

Kazuma: 'If I'm careful, I can live the rest of my life on that money and never have to work again !'

Aqua: KA-CHING !!

Vanir: of course, the offer of the monthly salary cut still stands, whichever you like. I expect products like these would bring in at least one million eris a month. Just let me know which way you want before everything hits the shelves.

Kazuma: Three... Hundred... Million...

"And that's about the whole thing."

Megumin: That explains the celebrity-wannabe act...

Megumin: Well, it's certainly nice to have some money for once. Now that we don't want for resources, let's hurry up and kill something !

Kazuma: What ? Not me. I'm done with that life.

Megumin: HUH ?!

Kazuma: Why should I work when I'm flush with cash ? If you want to go on quests, just ask Y/n or whatever.

Megumin: What are you saying ?! What about beating the demon king ?! Aren't you here to get equipment for that very purpose ?

Kazuma: Nope, I'm here on business.

Blacksmith: Welcome ! Oh, it's you.

Kazuma: Got what I asked for, mister ?

Blacksmith: Yeah, more or less. I gave it the shape you described anyway...

Kazuma: Yeah ! Looking good !

Blacksmith: I looked into that tempering thing you mentioned, but it didn't make a lick of sense to me. Fun job though.

Megumin: ... A new weapon, perfect for adventuring, right ?

Kazuma: Nah, I'm happy just admiring this. You'll be able to mass-produce these, right ? You taught me the smithing skill, so now we're square, yeah ?

Blacksmith: You're a sharp one. These will sell well enough, call it even. Last thing's the name. Write the name on this tag, stick it to the scabbard, and you're all set.

Kazuma: Ohh, what should I call it ? Even on Earth, Katanas weren't easy to come by. This is a big decision ! Masamune... Muramasa... Kikuichimonji...

Blacksmith: Well, there's no rush.

Megumin: ... ... Chunchunmaru.

Kazuma: Huh ?

Megumin: This sword's name is Chunchunmaru.

*POOF*

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ...

Kazuma: WHY, YOUUUUUUUU !! HOW COULD YOU NAME MY PRECIOUS SWORD SOMETHING SO... ?!

Megumin: Now that that's been taken care of, let's go adventuring !

Kazuma: YOU LITTLE TWERP ! I OUGHTA CARVE SOME WEIRD NAME INTO YOU !!

"Hm ?"

Darkness: Something wrong ?

"Nothing... I just feel like Megumin just did Kazuma dirty and that makes me proud."

Aqua: Another cup of tea, maybe ?

"Not a fan of hot water."