" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"... So you're saying... You want that weird cat thing to stay with us ?"

Megumin: She's very obedient, and I don't think she'd be any trouble. Can I please ?

"Hmm... Okay, fine. Don't think there's anyone with cat allergies in the house. Where'd you find that thing anyway ?"

Megumin: She's been with me all along. You just haven't noticed her because she's so quick to hide.

"... Well, no matter the place, witch and black cats seem to always get along. Isn't she friendly ?"

Aqua: Ooh ! What's that animal you've got there ?

Aqua: YOU NASTY LITTLE FURBALL ! WHY WOULD YOU ATTACK ONLY ME ?!

"Wow, cats really are good at judging one's character."

Aqua: That's the least endearing familiar I've ever met ! And she gives off some kind of evil aura too !

"Hey, Megumin, does she have a name ?"

Megumin: Chomusuke.

"... ... ... Chomu..."

Megumin: Chomusuke.

"Could you have chosen something less of a mouthful ?"

Megumin: If you have something to say about that, say it to my face !

"It to my face."

Megumin: I hate you. I want to go on a quest.

"Yeah, good luck with that."

Megumin: I said... I WANT TO GO ON A QUEST !!

Kazuma: And I believe I said, Megumin-kun, that I'll be making my living as an entrepreneur from now on. I'm going to live the easy life. No more dangerous adventuring.

Megumin: Argh ! Just because you don't need money, you want to spend every day acting like some fake celebrity ?! You too, Aqua ! Your body's gonna rot if you keep this up !!

Aqua: How is the tea today, Kazuma-san ?

Kazuma: Hahaha ! Hot water, as usual. Listen, last time we had a proper strategy, and I still died. I don't think I'm cut out for adventuring.

"... Honestly, I have nothing to say against that... We all miserably failed that time."

Aqua: Say, Kazuma-san ! If you don't help us defeat the Demon King, I'll never get to go home...

Kazuma: Hmm. In that case... I need more money ! We'll hire the best adventurers around ! They can help me raise my level and take out the demon king !

Aqua: That's it ! That's my Kazuma-san ! Just slap them across the face with a wad of cash, put them to work, and once they've weakened the demon king enough, you strike the final blow !

Kazuma: Ahahaha ! That's exactly it !

https://youtu.be/A5_SWu-lwH4

Megumin: That's the worst idea I've ever heard !

"Worst of all, it's actually the most complete plan he's ever had... And it could work."

Kazuma: Don't like it ? Then how about this ? We bring down the barriers around his castle somehow, and then we hire a bunch of high-level thieves to sneak in and assassinate him.

Megumin: WHY DO YOU ONLY COME UP WITH THE DIRTIEST, NASTIEST PLANS ?! You two get worse every day !

"... Hey, I can do that."

Megumin: Don't agree with them ! Come on, Darkness, say something !! Darkness...

Darkness: O- Oh... I was just thinking about how Kazuma gets worse every day... And imagining how vile he'll become...

Megumin: You're right up with them !

"... Fufu... To steal the kill right after the barrier is down, bringing down the mighty demon lord in a single blow... Alright, I need to kill something now. I've got the blaster tingling."

Darkness: Can I come too~ ?

Megumin: ...Aw, man... What a hopeless party...

Kazuma: Say what you like, Megumin, but I did break my neck fighting those lizard runners. At least let me rest until I get over that injury.

Megumin: ... Very well. Let us go to get you better, then.

Kazuma: Hm ?

Megumin: I speak of hot springs ! Let us make haste... To Arcanletia, the city of water and hot springs !

Kazuma: Oh, wow ! You have hot springs here ?!

"Hey hey, something that was said right now just got my attention !"

Aqua: Did you say Arcanletia ?!

Kazuma: Hot springs ! Hot springs means...

Aqua: Let's go, Kazuma ! Arcanletia awaits !

Darkness: A- Arcanletia... Haaa...

"Sign me up too ! I'm not passing on my first chance as some hot springs indulgence !"

Megumin: ... Please don't get too excited.

"... Huh ?"

Vanir: Hello ! Welcome to- Oh, it's you boy. What brings you here so early ? And ready to travel, it seems.

Kazuma: Oh, uh, yeah. We're gonna hit the hot springs. I'd appreciate if you could wait for me to decide on our business venture for a while.

Vanir: But of course. Take your time, relax, wish for a mixed bath...

Kazuma: I- I- I'm not wishing ! Hey, where's Wiz ?

Vanir: Our dear owner ? I roasted her with my special murder ray.

https://youtu.be/FC2avBKvOK8

Kazuma: Should you really be roasting your employer ?

Vanir: Pfah ! I could work a thousand years under this dimwitted shopkeeper and never turn a profit. This morning, she got another lad of worthless junk in, swearing it could sell. I just melted out a bit of punishment. I swear, the trash that incompetent owner stocks up on... You said you were going on a hot-springs vacation, right ?

Kazuma: Huh ?

Vanir: perhaps you could take my well-done friend with you. With her around, who knows what bizarre merchandise this store will be stocking next?

Kazuma: You're asking us to babysit her ? That's fine by me... But i'm not sure what Aqua will think...

Vanir: As modestly as this shopkeeper dresses, in reality, she loves huge baths. I, the all-seeing demon, declares... On this trip, you shall have the opportunity for mixed bathing !

Kazuma: S- Sorry for the wait.

Aqua: Oh, you made it. Just a second !! What is Wiz doing here ?!

Kazuma: Oh, you know ! The more the merrier, right ?

"... Why does she smells like well-done steak ?"

Kazuma: Uhhhh...

Wiz: ... Hm ? Oh... This is...

Kazuma: Hey Wiz, you're awake ? As a matter of fact...

Wiz: ... Huh ? A hot-springs trip ? That's a great idea ! I would love to go with you, if I won't be in the way.

Aqua: That's all well and good, but now we need another seat reservation.

Wiz: Oh... I'm the third wheel here, so I'll ride with the luggage...

Kazuma: No, Wiz, we'll be fair about this.

Aqua: How about Rock-paper-scissors, then ?

Megumin: That sounds like a good idea to me.

"Yeah, let's do that."

Darkness: ... Couldn't you just fly alongside the carriage-

"I ain't giving up my seat so easily."

Kazuma: Okay then. Rock, paper...

All: SCISSORS !!

Kazuma: Yes ! A clean sweep !!

"As expected from your luck. Next round."

Aqua: N- Now, just you wait a minute ! Who ever said this was a one-off contest ? There are six of us, so we have to keep playing until there's a single loser.

Kazuma: Don't even try ! Fine, then. How about just you and me, Aqua ? Three rounds, and if you win even once, I'll ride with the bags.

Aqua: Huh ? Seriously ? You don't know much about probability, do you ? The odds of you winning three rimes in a row are suuuuuper low !

Kazuma: Maybe, but... I've never lost at rock-paper-scissors.

Aqua: THIS MAKES NO SENSE ! YOU MUST HAVE CHEATED ! ONE MORE TIME ! I'M BEGGING YOU, JUST ONE MORE TIME !

Kazuma: For real, right ? You lose this one, it's luggage city for you.

Aqua: That means you'll do it ! You'll do it, right, Kazuma ? I don't know how you've been cheating, but I have a few tricks of my own !

Kazuma: HEY, THAT'S CHEAP ! You increased your luck with magic !!

Aqua: Luck is just another form of ability, right ? Then magic and ability are just forms of luck ! Now, let's go ! Rock ! Paper ! Scissors !!

Aqua: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOW ?!

Kazuma: I told you. I've never lost at rock-paper-scissors ever since I was a kid.

Aqua: That's not fair ! You're awful ! You're cheating ! You're just a really good cheater !! So it turns out you were born with a special power ! That means your wonderful blessing, me, is null and void !

Jojo: *SNEEZE*

Aizen: A problem ?

Jojo: Someone must be speaking about me.

Dio: Tell us about it. Royal flush.

Jojo/Aizen: Dammit.

Aqua: Send me back !! Send me back to heaven !! YOU DAMN DIRTY CHEATER !!

Kazuma: YOU DUMB JERK !! You think winning at Rock-paper-scissors is my special power ?! How is that supposed to help me take on monsters ?!

Aqua: I-

Kazuma: NO ! LISTEN TO ME !! You know what makes me the angriest ?! That you think you're a blessing !! Don't give me that crap ! You're more like a curse !! IF I COULD TRADE YOU IN FOR A REAL POWER, I'D DO IT SO FAST YOUR HEAD WOULD SPIN !!

Aqua: WAAAAAAAAAH !! How can you say such an unforgivable thing ?!

"... We should probably get going..."

Darkness: Yes, let's.

Aqua: Heyyy, Kazumaaaaaaa. My butt hurts...

Kazuma: I'll trade with you next time we stop, just deal with it till then.

"I must say, knowing Aqua is in that situation makes me appreciate my seat even more."

Kazuma: ... 'This sure is peaceful, though. This is the first real trip I've had since I got to this world. I can't wait to get to this Arcanletia place and just relax.'

Kazuma: ... ... Hm ? H- Hey, what are those ? I think something's coming this way, and pretty quick too. There's a big dust cloud.

Coachman: How's that ? A dust cloud... ? Only a couple of thing around here go fast enough for that. You've got the herds of lizard runners, and then there's the Dashing Hawkites.

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Coachman: Hey, I didn't name 'em ! They're apex predators of the avian world, a mix between a hawk and a black kite ! They can't fly, but they have exceedingly powerful legs, and are very dangerous. It's their mating season now, and the males are engaged in so-called chicken races.

"... Why must every animal around here run for seduction... ?"

Coachman: They don't just run. They instinctively seek out hard objects and rush to them, dodging out of the way at the last minute. It's a very strange mating ritual.

Coachman: Well, I guess they're looking for trees or rocks around here. I highly doubt it's lizard runners, I heard their princess was killed not long ago.

"Yeah, it really was done at break-neck speed."

Kazuma: ... ... ... No, wait, hang on a second. they're definitely coming this way, and fast.

Coachman: What ?! Th- That's very strange. Those certainly do look like dashing hawkites. I wonder if there could be something among our cargo stronger than wood of stone. Like Adamantite, the hardest of all ores ?

Darkness: K- Kazuma ! There's some kind of animal heading for us at top speed !! It feels like they're staring at me !

"... ... Me too, somehow... Why me ?"

Kazuma 'It's you guys !'

Coachman: Whoa, whoa !! Stop ! Some monsters are coming !

Kazuma: Darkness, Y/n, you're the ones those creatures want.

"What ? How would they know about my bones ?"

Kazuma: No idea, but they're going to try and throw themselves either at that or at Darkness' rock hard muscles !

Darkness: Hey, Kazuma. I'm still a girl, you know. Please don't call my muscles hard. They're probably after my adamantite-infused armor combined with my defensive skills.

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Darkness: N- No, it's true ! Don't look at me like that ! MY BODY ISN'T THAT HARD !!

Kazuma: ... I don't even care. Guys, we're up ! We'll clean up this mess ourselves !

Wiz: Sh- Should I... ?

Kazuma: Wiz, you look after the driver ! Y/n, you know what to do, and please don't screw it up this time !

"Yeah, yeah... And I just found something... Interesting..."

Coachman: Sir, you mustn't ! Everyone, hide in a safe location, please !! Adventurers, if you'd kindly handle this ?

Adventurers: Just leave it to us !

Knight: Hey, crusader lady ! You're not one of the hired guards, so stand back and let us work ! H- Hey ! Wait ! It's dangerous out there, come back !

Archer: No, wait ! Those monsters are headed right for her ! Th- That's the Decoy skill ! She's acting as bait to draw the monsters to her !

Kazuma: Eh ?

Mage: Oh... There's so many of them, yet she doesn't give even an inch... ! How... How noble and brave !

Kazuma: 'Sorry guys, she's not using Decoy, and I don't think bravery is the motivation here...'

Darkness: Now, come at me !! I SHALL ABSORB ALL YOUR OVERFLOWING PASSION !!

Rogue: Hrr ! We can't let someone who's not even a guard face all the danger ! I'll back you up !! TAKE THIS ! BIND !!

Darkness: WHAT ?!

Darkness: Hrr ! O- Oh no~ !!

Rogue: NOOOOO ! i'm so sorry !! I never imagined you would intercept my skill so I wouldn't become their new target ! FORGIVE ME ! PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE !!

"Ah. I think that's my cue."

Kazuma: What are you gonna do ?

"I found a fishing rod in the cargo. And if Darkness wants to be a bait so badly, then..."

Kazuma: You're not gonna...

"Remember the DreamWork logo ?"

Darkness: Wh- What now- UWAH !!

"Stay still, would you ? ... On second thought, a bait is as effective only when it's squirming around, so please do."

Darkness: Ahnnn~ ! What a terrible thing !! To be bound hand and foot with the enemy bearing down on me ! Used as bait by my own teammates !! Why, those monsters are going to trample me to death~ !!

Kazuma: I'M SORRY !! I AM SO, SO SORRY !! I CAN'T APOLOGIZE ENOUGH FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR !!