" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

*Chicken race. A speed game in which one runs toward a life-threatening entity as fast as possible, only to dodge at the very last instant, a true test of one's nerve. And currently serving as the entity of choice...*

Darkness: Ahhhh ! They're coming !! This time truly is the end~ !

*... Is this fine lady.*

Kazuma: You guys... !

"3... 2... 1... IMPACT !"

"And now we hope none of them is too incompetent to dodge."

Darkness: W... What is this ? Some kind of panic play ? This is incredible... These males are leaping over my head with such passion... !

"Leave the rest to the Master Baiter ! Whose master Bait is getting off to that."

Darkness: Hmmmnnn~.

Kazuma: We get it, so stop ! That's enough of you ! There are people watching !

Adventurers: Fall back ! Here they come again !!

Megumin: What do we do, Kazuma ? Should we run away ?

Kazuma: ... ... hey, mister ! Are there any cliffs in this area ! Maybe we could draw them off and dump them over the edge !

"... C- C- Cliff... ?"

Coachman: No, no cliffs around here... But there is a cave that's used as a sort of shelter...

Kazuma: That'll do ! Drive over to it ! EVERYONE, ONTO THE CARRIAGE !! Y/n, you just bring Darkness with you to it ! Make sure the bird are following you !

"Got that ! I just need to reel in that catch !"

Darkness: Th- There's no time ! They're gonna catch us to the rest ! So just drag me along as you go ! It'll be a lot faster anyways !

"... ... ... I mean, if you ask, but are you sure ?"

Kazuma: Hey, hurry up ! They're coming !!

"Alright then. Hang on tight !"

Darkness: M- My armor is screeching ! This is just~ ! Don't look, please ! Avert your eyes from my debasement !

Wiz: It's... It's awful...

Aqua: I always knew you were a bit of a sadist, but that...

"First off, it was her idea. Second... I don't think I'm enjoying this..."

Coachman: It's no good !! They're faster than we are ! THEY'RE GOING TO CATCH US !!

Kazuma: G- Great ! Thanks, Wiz !

Wiz: It's not enough ! I wasn't able to stop all of them !!

"It's enough ! Brace yourself Darkness, we're almost there !"

Darkness: Dooooon't mind me~ !!

Megumin: Kazuma ! I can see the cave !

Kazuma: Great ! Get your explosion magic ready !! Mister, pull up in front of the cave !

Coachman: I hope you have something to hang on up there, sir !!

"What do I do ?!"

Kazuma: Throw Darkness in front of the entrance, I don't care how !

"I'll try spinning ! That's a good trick ! NUOOOOOOOH !!"

Darkness: Ooooh~ ! This punishment's not bad at all~ !!

Kazuma: NOW, MEGUMIN ! DO IT !!

Megumin: OKAY !! EXPLOSION !!

Merchant: Here, have some ! Don't be shy, dig in ! It's thanks to you guys that we escaped the Hawkites without any serious damage. I thank you on behalf of the whole caravan.

Kazuma: Oh, uh... Think nothing of it...

Merchant: Truly a stunning performance ! Who knew we were hosting a wizard so great as to be able to use explosion magic ?! Not to mention an archpriest who could easily heal such terrible wounds ? And a pair of crusader and summoner who would draw off so many Hawkites all by themselves !

Darkness: That was fun.

"And roasted Hawkite is good. Bit chewy, but good."

Merchant: This woman's swamp magic slowed them down ! And then there was your own inspired decision to send them into that cave !

Wiz: Oh... I hardly...

Merchant: I really want to thank you. When we get to town, you'll all receive bodyguard pay !

Kazuma: What ?! No, we couldn't ! What can adventurers do when battle threatens besides join in ?

Merchant: Oh ! What noble personages ! TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE STILL ADVENTURERS LIKE YOU IN THIS HARSH AND UNFORGIVING WORLD !!

Kazuma: 'Even I'm not low enough to claim a reward for solving a problem we caused...'

"... Well, I'm beat from earlier. I'll turn in early."

Megumin: Oh, sure. Just be ready to wake up at any time. All of you.

Kazuma: Huh... ?

Kazuma: ... Hm ? What the... ? Hey Megumin, wake up. You too, Wiz. Something's weird.

Megumin: Rzzzzzz...

Kazuma: Wake up already ! If you don't wake up, I'll do something so embarrassing to you that you'll never be able to look me in the face again, all right ?

"That most certainly isn't 'All right', Kazuma."

Kazuma: Gh- Don't scare me like that !

"... You probably could write 'Cutting board' on her forehead or something. Payback from the Excalibur incident. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. You noticed these strange noises and presence, right ?"

Adventure: H- Hey, everybody up ! Something's out there !!

Adventurers: WAAAAAAAAAAAH ?! WH- WH- WHAT ARE UNDEAD DOING HERE ?! QUICK ! CAN ANYONE HERE USE PURIFICATION MAGIC ?!

Kazuma: Right ! Aqua ! Aqua should be able to-

Aqua: Ngh ! NOOOO ! WHO ARE YOU ?! Why do the undead always mob me ?! Kazuma-san !! KAZUMA-SAAAAAAAAN !!

"... Kazuma..."

Kazuma: yeah... This must be because...

Aqua: Attacking me in my sleep ? Nice try, you rotten corpses ! Wandering souls, it's time to rest ! TURN UNDEAD !!

Wiz: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH !

Kazuma: WIZ !

Aqua: Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha !! It was your bad luck to show up while I was here ! I'm going to send every last one of you into the next life !!

Adventurers: What a gorgeous priestess... She's practically a goddess ! Look at her go, purifying those zombies ! She was in that group who saved us this afternoon !

Merchant: Zombie attacks are pretty unusual. If she hadn't been here, I don't know what we would've done.

Kazuma: ... We're so, so sorry...

"If she wasn't there to to begin with, this problem probably would've never showed up... So sorry..."

Darkness: Someone help Wiz, please !

Merchant: We're finally here ! The city of water and hot springs...

"There's a smell in the air... Like, it even smells like hot springs..."

Kazuma: We'll be getting off here, then.

Merchant: You helped us out so many times... I wish you would accept reward of some kind...

Kazuma: N- NO !! WE REALLY, TRULY CANNOT !

Merchant: At the very least, then, please stay at the hotel I run. Customers seem to love the bath there, I hope you'll like it ! Thank you again, everyone ! Take care !

"... So what do we do now ?"

Aqua: Isn't it obvious ? We go sightseeing ! When it comes to Arcanletia, you can count on me !

Kazuma: Huh ? You're pretty familiar with the place, Aqua ?

Aqua: Of course I am ! After all...

Townspeople: Excuse me ! Welcome to Arcanletia ! Are you here to convert ? Or an adventure ? Or for the baths ? If you're looking for work, by all means, come to the Axis church ! We're currently offering money to anyone who would go to other towns to proclaim the wonderfulness that is the Axis church !

"Axis church... ?"

Kazuma: J- Just a second...

Townspeople: And that job comes with a very special benefit, you get to call yourself an Axis disciple !

Kazuma: 'H- Hey, Aqua... This Axis church stuff, do they mean... ?'

Aqua: Uh-huh. These are my devout followers who venerate me.

"Then why are we surrounded by them the moment we set foot in town ?!"

Aqua: isn't it obvious ? Arcanletia, the city of water and hot springs, is also the home of the Axis church, worshipers of the water deity Aqua-Sama !

Kazuma: ... ... ... The Axis church, full of freaks and weirdos...

"... And we're on their home turf... ?!"

*Arcanletia, city of water and hot springs. The clear lakes and natural mountain hot springs surrounding the city are gorgeous and refreshing. The demon king may be on the march, but it's peaceful here. They say that's because the city is protected by the water goddess, Aqua-Sama. They say...*

Townspeople: Many of our workers claim good things happen to them, like they recover from an illness or win the lottery ! This could be a once-in-a-lifetime chance ! Join the Axis church !

"... They say, but if you ask me, it's because even the demon king is scared shitless of this hellhole."

Townspeople: Oh ! What lovely, lustrous, light-blue hair ! Is that your natural color ? And that feather cloak looks great on you, it's just like Aqua-sama's !

Aqua: Oh, go on !

Kazuma: Yeah, no one in their right minds would want to mess with this place. Hey, Aqua. I know this is your church's home base and all, but don't go telling people you're a goddess, okay ?

Aqua: Of course I won't ! How much of an idiot do you think I am ?

"... You want the nice answer, or the faithful answer ?"

Townspeople: Is something the matter ?

Kazuma: Oh, no, uh, we're fine. We already have an Axis priest with us, so...

Townspeople: GOODNESS GRACIOUS, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO ? Farewell then, fellow faithful ! May you have a blessed day !!

Darkness: This is a pretty impressive inn. We'll have to thank that caravan leader.

Kazuma: 'I feel bad. It was our fault those monsters attacked us. But also... This is where the Axis cult is based, huh ?' Do you think Aqua brought us here so she could enjoy being worshiped ?

"... If I remember correctly... She wasn't the one who proposed that trip..."

Darkness: What should we do now ? Megumin went with Aqua, said she was worried about her...

"I'd prefer to have a look around before dinner, if possible."

Kazuma: You guys can go, I'll just look after Wiz for a while.

"... No mixed bathing."

Kazuma: You aren't my father.

Townspeople: What's that ? Some of the baths have gone bad recently ?

Townspeople: Yeah, people say they break out or get sick after bathing in them...

Darkness: Look at that ! Check out that fountain ! What a beautiful goddess statue...

'Is that supposed to be Aqua ? How disappointed they'd be...'

Girl: Kyah !

"Freeze."

Girl: A- Ah ? Oh, thank you so very much ! Um... I wish there was... Some way I could thank you...

'... ... This is a flag being raised. A red one...'

Girl: There's a cafe run by the Axis church nearby. How about we go there for a little chat ?

"... 'Doesn't smell good, doesn't look good, doesn't hear good, doesn't feel good, doesn't taste good. The amount of red flags here is astonishing.' Thank you, but I'll pass- GURK !"

Girl: Well now, no need to be in such a hurry !! It so happens, I'm an expert fortune teller ! Let me thank you by telling your fortune !!

"I already said no ! Now let go !!"

Girl: AH YES, I SEE YOUR FORTUNE NOW ! AS THINGS STAND, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE VERY, VERY BAD LUCK ! BUT IF YOU JOIN THE AXIS CHURCH, YOU CAN AVOID THAT EVIL FATE ! DO THE DEED ! JOIN UP RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW !!

"I feel like my luck's running out right now ! Let go ! D- Darkness, some help, please ?!"

Darkness: ... Excuse me. I'm a follower of the Eris church... And I object to you trying to abduct my friend-

Girl: *Ptoo*... ... ... ... *Ptoo*

"... ... I heard the Eris church and the Axis cult weren't in good terms, but that's something else..."

Darkness: Hmn~

"That's turning you on, isn't it ?"

Darkness: N- No it's not...

"Hey, I'm not judging."

Woman: EEEEEEK !! You there, help me ! This evil man, almost certainly an Eris follower, is trying to drag me away with him !

"Evil" man: Hey, kid ! I know Axis followers, and you're not one of them !

'... I mean, Japan and all... Axis... Haha, Godwin point for me...'

Evil man: I would have run screaming at the sight of a super-strong, super-cool Axis believer, but since you're not one, I ain't got nothing to worry about ! I've got the protection of the Dark Goddess Eris ! Mess with me at your own risk !

"... ... Well, I certainly ain't not Axis follower, so I suppose since I can't scare, I'll just leave you be. Have a good day."

Evil man: E- EH ? Wait a sec...

Woman: Please don't abandon a maiden in distress ! Ohh, woe is me ! And I have sign-ups papers for the Axis church right here ! If only someone would sign them, this awful Eris brigand would run away !

"... ... ..."

Woman: Wait ! Don't worry ! Just by signing your name here, you'll receive Aqua-sama's extremely strong and cool blessing ! That power will be more than enough to frighten this terrible Eris believer into submission !

Man: She's right ! And by signing up, you immediately become great at party tricks ! Not to mention the undead like you better, plus who knows whatever other great stuff ?

Darkness: I've had enough of your besmirching Eris' good name in my hearing !

Both: *Ptoo*

"... is everyone in the Axis cult seriously like that ?"

Darkness: Hmnn~ !

"... Is everyone in the Eris Church seriously like that... ?"

Man: Congratulations ! You are the one millionth person to walk down this street !

"How even can you count that ?!"

Man: Let me give you this commemorative item ! Funding kindly provided by the Axis Church. Ahem, it would only be "On paper" so to speak, so all I need is your name. Won't you sign ?

Woman: Oh ? Oh, my ! Wait a moment ! Are you two newlyweds ? Why, how darling !

'... I don't even have the will to be embarrassed left...'

Woman: Here, take this detergent, it's actually some amazing stuff ! I mean, it received Aqua-sama's blessing, so it can get rid of any kind of stain ! You can even drink it !

"... ... Really ? Please do try it first then."

Woman: N- No, really, it's-

"I insist. Come on, down it all in one go !"

Woman: Gh- GLUG GLUG Buh...

*Plarf*

"It really does get rid of all kind of stains..."

Girl: Whoa ! Whoa, whoa ! It's been a while ! It's me ! How ya been ? You remember, right ? From school ? We were in the same class, don't you remember ? I've changed a lot since I joined the Axis church, so maybe you don't recognize me...

"I'd say you changed a lot, considering I attended an all-boys school..."

Girl: ... ... Heh ?

"I can see now why Megumin told me not to get my hopes high about this trip... Going that far just to stick it to Kazuma... Kazuma, Kazuma..."

Kazuma: Yes, yes, I'm Kazuma...

"Oh... Rough trip ?"

Kazuma: I want to bomb this city.

"Same..."

Kazuma: Hey, are you all right ?!

"... Just go, i'm too tired to care."

Kazuma: It looks like just a scratch.

Kid: Thanks for your help... Onii-chan.

Kazuma: 'Ahhh, it's so nice to know a beautiful flower can still bloom even among all these lunatics.' Come on, can you stand ?

Kid: Yep ! I'm fine now, thanks ! You are so kind, will you tell me your name ?

Kazuma: Kazuma, miss. It's Satou Kazuma. This scary-looking lady is Darkness, and the one looking like he wants to end himself is Y/n.

Darkness: H- Hey, don't give me that weird introduction.

Kid: "Satou Kazuma" ? How do you spell it ? Can you write it down for me, Onii-chan ?

Kazuma: Why certainly ! It's spelled... !!

Kazuma: MMMMM !! DAMN THIS WHOLE TOOOOOOOOWN !!

Kid: ONI-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN !!

https://youtu.be/EQExTwcgk2w

Just so you guys know, i'll have to change material and go back from manga to LN