" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

*Axis cult. Hidden in the shadows of the national religion, it has a poor reputation everywhere aside from this city. Even though, their presence is strong. It is said that if you ever meet robbers while traveling, just claiming to be from the Axis cult would make them run away. That's how feared Axis cultists are. Even the Demon King's army is afraid.*

Kazuma: WHO'S IN CHARGE ?! I WANNA TALK !!

Priest: Oh, goodness. Is something the matter ?

Kazuma: Oh, something's the matter all right ! I'm gonna give you a piece of my-

Priest: Are you here for conversion ? Baptism ? Or perhaps for... Me~ ?

Kazuma: Huh ? B- By "Me", do you mean... ?

Priest: Pfffufu, did you think I was serious ? The minute we met ? You should get your head examined.

Kazuma: 'And now I wanna deck her...'

Priest: So what do you want here ? Our high priest, Zesta-sama, is off having fun at playing at evangelizing... Er, I mean, spreading the venerated name of Aqua-sama.

Kazuma: Hang on ! Having fun ?! All that obnoxious stuff is for fun... ?! Forget it... Have you seen a blue-haired Archpriest come by ?

Priest: Indeed. She's hearing confessions at the booth over there.

Kazuma: ... Is that you, Aqua ? There's something I want to tell you. ... Aqua ?

Aqua: Welcome, my lost sheep... Confess your sins to me now. Your goddess will hear you and shall forgive...

Kazuma: I'm not your sheep ! It's me ! Me !! What the hell is going on in this town ?! Do something about your followers !

Aqua: ... "It's me" ? So you con people by pretending to be related to them... Reflect deeply and repent, and Aqua-sama will forgive you...

Kazuma: Hey ! Stop that ! I'm not conning anyone !! Admit it, you're enjoying this, aren't you ? Getting to act like a real priestess for once ?

Aqua: Do you have anything else to confess ? If not, then get o-

Kazuma: Stop playing around and listen to me !! They worship you around here, right ?! Get your followers in line ! For fuck's sake, they even managed to outlast Y/n's fuse !! Last time I saw him he was curled up in a corner of the inn's room !

Aqua: ... Nothing else ? I'll be waiting for the next lost sheep, then.

Kazuma: Gh... YOU OBNOXIOUS ! GET OUT OF THAT STUPID BOX, YOU- !!

Aqua: YOU GET OUT !! IF YOU'RE DONE CONFESSING, THEN GO !! Hmph !

Kazuma: 'Grr ! She's letting all the gratitude from her followers go to her head.' ... Uh... Actually, there is something I honestly want to talk about.

Aqua: Then I'll gladly hear you ! Now, tell me your sins. Is this about your intense interest in your crusader friend's laundry ? Your not-so-secret desire to stick your nose in a certain wizard's black hair ? Or are you feeling guilty for the terrible way you've treated your beautiful and noble Archpriest ?

Kazuma: I carelessly broke a cup my party's priest loves to use for party tricks. I glued it together and put it back.

Aqua: Guh- ?!

Kazuma: Then... She was bragging about how she got a bottle of this really rare and valuable wine... And I wondered if it was as good as she said, so I tried a sip. It was so good, I accidentally drank the whole thing. I replaced it with cheap stuff because I figured she would never know the difference.

Aqua: Say what ?! C- C'mon, Kazuma, what are you talking about ?!

Kazuma: That priest causes so many problems for me... That before we came here, I put up a post at the guild seeking an Eris priest...

Aqua: APOSTATE !!

Kazuma: Aw, get it together already.

Aqua: Sniff... But...

Kazuma: Those first two... I mean, you know. But that last one wasn't true, I swear.

Kazuma: Wait, what was that about the first two ?!

Kazuma: 'Sheesh, all over town, i'm hunted by Axis nutjobs. If I had stayed in the hotel, maybe Vanir's prediction would have... In the mixed bath, by chance...'

Wiz: Eek... K- Kazuma-san ?!

Kazuma! S- Sorry !

Wiz: It's okay... it is the mixed bath, so you know...

Kazuma: A- All right, then...

Wiz: ... Um... Since we're here... Maybe you could...

Kazuma: SURE, I'LL WASH YOUR BACK ! I'll get it clean as a whistle !

Wiz: Huh ?! N- No, I meant- ! That's not what I meant !!

*POP*

"Hey guys, what'd I miss... ... ... Kazuma ? Maybe I'm interrupting ?"

Kazuma: You always have to appear at the worst time...

Kazuma: Even in my imagination...

Aqua: hey, Kazuma, are you listening ? Quit zoning out ! there's someone else who wants to confess !

Aqua: Welcome, lost sheep... Come confess your sins. The goddess will listen to you and grant you forgiveness.

Cultist: Ah... Please, please hear my confession. I've been in the Axis Cult for a very long time and fervently worshiping Aqua-sama, but... The drawing of the Goddess Eris, and those bountiful breasts... They're enticing me ! Those are the breasts of the devil ! Please, please, forgive me for the sin of lusting over another goddess... !

Aqua: Don't worry, the goddess will forgive all your sins. Thou, give in to your love to big breasts. Thou, give in to your love to small breasts. The Axis cult is a cult that accepts everything. Be it homosexuals, animal ear lovers, lolicons, NEETs or sadistic sociopaths. As long as it isn't undead or devils, if there's love and it's not a crime, the goddess will grant compassion to all.

Kazuma: 'I feel like she was targeting someone with that "NEET and sadistic sociopath"...'

Aqua: Thou sincere cultist, I'll bestow you with a holy incantation that will spare you from the clutches of the devil. "Eris pads her chest". Whenever you feel lost again, just repeat this incantation. If you see someone troubled like you, do tell them this too.

Cultist: Eris pads her chest... I... I feel like my eyes have been opened ! Thank you for your beautiful incantation, thank you very much !

Kazuma: ... Hey Aqua, you're slandering your junior. Is that really adequate for a goddess ?

Aqua: What are you talking about ? For a goddess, the beliefs from the devotees are very important. It'll directly affect the power of the goddess. Eris has a lot of devotees, while my believers are fewer in numbers but stronger in their beliefs. I'm willing to do anything to protect my precious worshipers.

Kazuma: You... Wait, where is Megumin ? Wasn't she supposed to be with you ?

Aqua: Oh, she stayed in the church. Didn't you see her ?

Kazuma: She...

Megumin: Kazuma... You're finally here... This is like the home of the devils, let's leave right now. I want to get away as soon as possible.

Kazuma: What in the world happened... No don't tell. All these registration forms are enough...

Priest: Are you going back already, Archpriest-sama ? Would you want to visit the hot spring reserved for our cultists ? This is the main source of income for the Axis Cult, the best hot spring in the city. Using it will improve your health.

Aqua: Oh, that's a great idea. What do you guys think, want to go together ?

Megumin: I want to return to the hotel and rest... And for some reason, Chomusuke's very afraid of this church. Could it be this child hates churches ?

Kazuma: ... is there a mixed bath here ?

Priest: You'll receive divine retribution for saying something so despicable in a holy church.

Wiz: Ah, welcome back everyone ! Sorry for making everyone worry. I've already bathed and the staff told me where the mixed bath is, and it's much wider. And it looked as if the entire place was booked for us. So, did everyone have fun sightseeing... ?

Kazuma: ... ... ... Did you say "Us" ?

Wiz: Huh ? Oh, right, Y/n was there too. He said he needed to "Cleanse himself of what he went through today." I think he's still in there too.

Kazuma: ... One hell trading for another... Just like him, I don't want to leave the hotel tomorrow. This city's weird.

Megumin: The Axis cultists are too scary. I understand now why people say they're scarier than the crimson demons...

Darkness: I- I plan to tour around tomorrow, too...

Kazuma: You really... Do what you want, I'm going to take a bath... I'm going to bathe.

Megumin: I heard you, take your time.

Wiz: I already bathed, so please take your time Kazuma-san.

Darkness: Just go.

Kazuma: they're so cold... I haven't done anything wrong, even.

"Pretty sure that very point is debatable."

Kazuma: And I thought you were going out of the bath.

"I need more... More cleansing, more purifying... I fear not even all the water in this city would be enough to wash what I lived through today..."

Kazuma: I feel you... Sometimes, I really wish that-

???: That damn cult's finally going to be destroyed. The work in destroying the secret hot spring is now complete, and the process on the other hot springs is also proceeding smoothly. Now, we just need to wait. For us who have long lifespans, waiting a decade or two is no big deal.

"Wow Kazuma, didn't know you were so versed in that kind of things..."

Kazuma: That wasn't me... The voice came from the hot spring...

"... ... ... Are we witnessing a classic "bad guy scheming" scene right now ?"

Kazuma: Looks like it. But we're lucky, it doesn't seem like they noticed us, so let's keep it low and get out of here. Also, not a word of that to the others.

"Yeah... I kinda also want the Axis Cult out of the picture... Sucks for Aqua, but eh. The hardest choices require the strongest wills."

Kazuma: Would you stop quoting irrelevant stuff already ? Before someone shut you up for good ?

"No, I don't think I will."

Kazuma: ... Fine, I'll do it myself. But first we need to get-

???: Hans, you don't need to report such things one by one, I've already said that plenty of times. I'm here to recover using the hot springs, so don't drag me in too.

Kazuma: -in the bath. I mean, we came here for a good soaking, didn't we ?

"You just changed your mind 180 when you heard there was a woman, didn't you ?"

Kazuma: Would you blame me ?

"Never. But you need me to make sure you don't die a third time if things get dicey. After you."

"Hans": Hey, don't say that, Wolbach. This is a great chance to destroy the cult we have no chance of defeating head-on. I'll come here to report periodically, so you have to keep visiting the hot spring in this hotel- Huh ?!

Hans: ... Do you think they heard what we said ?

Wolbach: No idea... And the brown-haired one is staring at me...

"Kazuma, weren't you told that staring is rude ?"

Kazuma: R- Right, huh... Sorry for intruding like that.

"We didn't know someone else was in here. To be frank, we believed we were the only one staying in this hotel."

Wolbach: I- It's fine... He's still looking only at me, what's going on... ?

Hans: Eh, well... He doesn't seem to have heard what we discussed. That isn't a suspicious gaze, but one filled with curiosity.

"So... You guys had to deal with the nutjobs around here, too ?"

Kazuma: 'GAH ?!'

Hans: Did you...

"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help but overhear what you were talking about... And these have been the bane of my existence ever since I stepped foot in this accursed town..."

Hans: You too, huh... These schemes...

"These actors..."

Hans: These cultists...

"These blind worshipers..."

Both: MAY THEY ALL BURN IN HELL FOR ALL OF ETERNITY !!

"Pffr... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!"

Hans: HAAAAAHAHAHAHA !! Haah... I needed that, really. But I have something to go, so I'll make a move first.

'Yes, yes, leave... Why is it, that wherever we go, we have to get into trouble with something that's not even human to begin with...'