" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"... ... ... Chris, huh... ? That doesn't take ! You're trying to trick me by assuming the face of an acquaintance ! Take off that mask this instant !"

Chris: Owwwww owowowowowowow !! Stop ! It's really me !

"... Looks like so... So you're that good thief everyone's been talking about recently... Couldn't have guessed."

Chris: Yeah, I am... But that doesn't explain why you're here...

"Well, believe it or not, I was trying to catch you... Well honestly, Kazuma dragged us all here because he wanted an access to the royal castle, so... The rest of us were kinda reluctant, and Darkness the most."

Chris: What ?! Darkness is here ?!

"Shhhhhhh !"

Chris: O- Oh no ! The last thing in the world I want is for Darkness to know I'm doing this... !

"... If you want to know, she seemed kinda understanding of what the Good Thief was doing. If you explain what you do, I'm pretty sure she'll get it, and you'll get to keep your head attached."

Chris: Y- You don't understand ! i'm not doing this for laughs... !

"... Kinda feeling like i'm putting my finger on something way too big to handle myself there... Look, right now I don't want to hear your reasons, I know you're a good person, and must have good reasons... So just beat it before you get caught."

Chris: What ? Why, what's the rush ? Th- There's actually something I really need with your help...

"And i'm telling you to leg it. The ruckus we made will be sure to bring more people here, and do you know who owns this mansion ? Trust me, if Alderp finds you and catches you, he'll make Kazuma's sexual harassment seem like the most romantic interaction."

Chris: *G- Glups*... S- So... ?

"I have an idea, don't worry."

Kazuma: Mgnm... It's the middle of the night, what kind of-

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM*

"THIEEEEEEEEEF !! THIEF LOCATED !!"

Kazuma: Hah ?!

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY !!"

*SCKLING*

Kazuma: What's going on in here ?! What's happening-

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"... ... ... ... Oops..."

Darkness: What's that ruckus ?! Did the thief show up ?!

"Um... yeah, they did, but..."

Megumin: Kazuma, are you okay ?! Did they thief do that to you ?!

"Uhhhhh... Not exactly the thief... But speaking of them... yeah, they escaped already..."

Aqua: Could you at least get a look at them ?

"They had that hood on... I probably shouldn't have tried to go directly for them..."

Kazuma: Wh- What ?

"Enemy Detection, Ambush and Lurk... You wouldn't believe how strong these can be when used correctly... This one will be a rough catch."

Claire: Very interesting. After all your boasting and bragging, you couldn't actually catch the thief.

Kazuma: Well, gee, y'know...

"He didn't come in contact with the thief, I did. If anything, it's my fault they managed to escape."

Claire: As far as I know, this is about the one claiming he could arrest that thief, not the one saying it would make a good story. But at least we've learned one thing. If that thief could best you, Mr.Vanquisher-of-the-Demon-King's-Generals, they must be quite some foe indeed.

Kazuma: 'Yikes ! What a face.'

Nobles: Pah. He didn't even catch the thief ? And after all that talk. he's not such a big deal after all.

"... Maybe next time don't go around boasting when you're not sure you can back it up."

Kazuma: Gh...

Iris: R- Regardless, I recognize your work ! Even though you failed to catch the thief, you succeeded in preventing a major robbery ! Therefore, I will hear no more of this calumny against you !

Kazuma: ... Lady Iris...

Claire: I see you're properly grateful for Lady Iris' mercy. Normally, such pathetic failure would be punished, but in deference to her highness, we will not pursue the matter this time. However, having failed to catch the thief, there is no reason for you to be at the castle any longer ! Get out of here and don't come back !!

"I honestly don't know if that's fair. I failed to catch the thief, and you're the one being told off..."

Darkness: You did a good job, don't let it bug you. Her highness was right, you did manage to stop a burglary.

Megumin: Yes ! Doesn't that feel good, Kazuma ? Let us go home. Don't you want to just lounge around in Axel ?

"Maybe next time, don't act so impulsively for your own leisure."

Kazuma: ... Yeah... Maybe we better go home...

???: Lady Aqua ! What joyous chance ! I had no idea you were in the capital...

Aqua: Wh... Who are you ?

'... Look, I know the guy's forgettable and all, but can't you put in at least some effort ?'

???: Um ? I- I see you haven't lost your keen sense of humor, milady...

Aqua: 'Seriously, who is this guy ? He's awful friendly for someone I've never met before...'

'Just how many people do you know would actually call you Lady Aqua, for starters ?'

Kazuma: That's right, you should be nice. Don't you remember Katsuragi right there ?

Mitsurugi: Get it right ! It's "Mitsurugi" !! W- Well, forget it, your timing couldn't be better. There's something I desperately with you two and Lady-Aqua, do you have a minute ?

Kazuma: Oh yeah ? Tough. We're too busy to hang out with you, Matsuragi.

Mitsurugi: Stop making up names ! This is really important !

Kazuma: Fine, but only a minute

Megumin: ... Doesn't sound like he wants to talk to us. Wanna go shopping ?

Darkness: Sure. i'm not in a hurry to get back to Axel. We could even grab an inn and stay the night.

"So... Just so you know, I'm not completely over what you pulled on us last time we met, so don't drag this out too much. What's this about ?"

Mitsurugi: Er... before we get to that. Lady Aqua, milady. I wanted you to have this...

Mitsurugi: I observe you're not wearing any accessories, milady. And though your beauty needs nothing to perfect it, I thought you might like this...

'... ... D... Did he seriously... A ring... And Aqua...'

Kazuma: 'Don't put these images in my head, I beg of you, don't...'

Aqua: What ? A present for me ?

Mitsurugi: Yes. It's just a cheap bauble, but...

Kazuma: How do you say that stuff with a straight face ? And won't your little girlfriends mind you hitting on another woman ?

Mitsurugi: They're not my little girlfriends, they're treasured adventuring companions ! They're off raising their levels right now. Almost by default, I take most of the kills in our party, so they don't get much experience. While they're away, I'm here helping to protect the capital from the Demon King's attacks.

Aqua: ... It's a little too small for me.

Mitsurugi: No worries. It's magic, it'll just adjust its size by itself.

Aqua: ... here, watch this !

Aqua: What do you think ? It's my newest trick, a vanishing act of my very own !

Kazuma: Color me impressed. But where did you hide the ring ?

Aqua: What ? I didn't hide it anywhere. It's a vanishing act. Don't ask me where it goes.

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

".. ... ... ..."

Mitsurugi: ... ... ... ...

Aqua: It might not have fit, and he said it didn't cost much, but it sure was good for trying out my trick, thanks !

Mitsurugi: N- Not at all... i'm so glad I could be of service, milady... A- Anyway, let's get down to business. What I have to say is of great importance... Not just to the world but to you personally.

Kazuma: Enough drama, spit it out.

Mitsurugi: Do you remember when Beldia, the Demon King's general, attacked Axel ? Why did he go there of all places ? It's because on of the demon king's soothsayers said a great light descended upon the town. Beldia was sent to find out if there was any truth to the claim. But he was destroyed, and Vanir, who came after him, went missing. Even Sylvia never returned from her recent mission against the Crimson Magic Village.

"... ... ... You don't say. And ?"

Mitsurugi: Word had it that a certain adventuring party always seemed to have a hand in these defeats. Suffice to say, the demon king is very interested in them.

Kazuma: .... 'Hey, that "party's" us ?!'

"So they're targets, is what you're saying ?"

Mitsurugi: Indeed, I expect another attack to come against that party's home base, Axel.

Kazuma: 'Geez, what a fix'. So this light descending on Axel, you think it's... ?

Mitsurugi: Yes, I believe it does refer to Lady Aqua. At first, I thought it might have been myself, but... H- HEY, don't look at me like that... !!

"... As far as guys with big heads go, you take the cake..."

Mitsurugi: L- Look, my point is... If the Demon King comes in force against Axel, I'm concerned for Lady Aqua's safety Kazuma, Y/n, promise me you'll protect lady Aqua until I get a little bit stronger.

'... Considering it's our fault you got nerfed and lost your weapon...'

Mitsurugi: Milady, I believe it's time for me to get going.

Aqua: Oh, already ? Let me give you this napkin art I made, to thank you for the ring. It's called "Goddess Transformation Eris". The chest is detachable, and it can transform in three different ways.

Kazuma: You did this ?! Hey Aqua, make me one of those too !

Aqua: No way ! I never make the same thing twice ! I could build you a martial art action Winter general.

Kazuma: O- Okay, I'll take that !

Mitsurugi: Oh, Satou Kazuma... You and Lady Aqua truly click, don't you ?

"If he could hear that, he'd make you eat that napkin as repentance. Oh, and while I'm at it... Let me get you up to speed considering these Demon King's Generals."

Aqua: You know, it's been a long time since anyone recognized me as a Goddess. I guess Katsuragi isn't such a bad guy, after all.

"Not good enough for you to remember his name though, huh ? You can't even remember the cursed blade Gram he used to have."

Aqua: Oh ! That was him ?

Kazuma: You totally forgot about him until right this minute, didn't you ?

Aqua: I'm feeling great ! let's get to the inn !

".. So the demon King is worried... About that..."

Kazuma: Nope, not buyin' it.

"Rzzzzzzzz..."

???: ... Ke up. ... hey...

Chris: Wake up already-

*POP*

Chris: KYA !!

"Don't you move a muscle, or your carotid will part away from your neck... Chris ?"

Chris: Agagagaaaga... Y- yeah... Definitely a great assassin... You're really the only one I can get help from...

"Forget that, the hell are you still doing here ? I though it was clear you were supposed to leave the capital after I let you go."

Chris: That's why i'm here. I told you; I need to explain why i'm stealing from...

"And i'm telling you I don't want to hear. If I get implicated in whatever you're planning, so will Kazuma and everyone else, and be sure as hell he will get back at you in every way possible."

Chris: Gh... Well, you're gonna listen, whether you like it or not ! This world is home to incredibly powerful gear and goods called divine items ! Not easy things to come by, you understand. But everyone who has one has a few things in common, they've all got black hair, black eyes, and the strangest names you ever heard.

"You means, like..."

Chris: yes, weirdos like Kazuma are the only ones who seem to have these items.

"... Look, weirdos with strange names, I've dealt with enough Crimson magic clan crap recently, look somewhere else. Ask for Kazuma's help."

Chris: He would never help me !

'No shit Sherlock. These items are probably just the cheat ones reincarnated ones bring with them... And black hair and eyes... Well, they're all from Japan, so I suppose Mitsurugi is kind of an odd stone in the bunch.'

Chris: The thing is, the people in possession of two of these divine items either died or went missing, so now those items are out there... I'd heard some noble bought at least one of them, but I couldn't get any details.

"... ... ... Why do you even want them ? No, why do you want them specifically ? Since you don't seem to keep any of the loot you steal."

Chris: Who, uh, me... ? Hehehe... I guess maybe I might... Fill you in someday... But the items I'm looking for... One of them summons a random monster and allows you to control it without paying a price. The other allows you to switch bodies with another person... I have no idea what they actually are, though, so I've been using my sense treasure skill to check the nobles' houses one by one.

'... So a guy wanted to play Pokemon, understandable... But who the hell wanted to become the Captain Ginyu ?'

Chris: the thing is, I sensed lots of loot, but none of it ever turns out to be one of these items. So I figured, since I was there anyway, I might as well, swipe some cash from the worst of the nobles.

"... So even the whole good thief thing is just a side-effect... Listen, I've been looking the other way around once that time, but I can't just keep doing it."

Chris: Oh, yeah ! The whole reason I snuck into that mansion you were at the other day is because it was sending my treasure sense crazy ! Did you see any incredible loot while you were in there ? Was Alderp using some amazing magical item or something ?!

"... Amazing, you say... I don't know if I should call that mirror 'Amazing'... And Darkness broke it anyway... Chunchunmaru... Nah. Honestly, if by Divine Items, you mean whatever Aqua had with her..."

Chris: A- Aqua-san... ? Alright, forget about it. I have something more important to ask you !

"Not liking this one bit..."

Chris: It just so happens that the other place I get a big treasure reading from is the royal castle ! And I know you're already familiar with the place, and since you can teleport around and stuff, I thought you and I could...

"... You're asking me... To rob the royal castle. You want me to be an accomplice to a crime where getting swiftly executed would be a happy ending..."

Chris: please ! If I don't get those divine items back, there's gonna be big trouble !

"Then ask someone who actually wants to get inside the castle like Kazuma ! And someone who actually has some thief skills !"

Chris: But I want your help ! If you won't do it, I'll go talk to Darkness !

"What happened to not wanting Darkness to know any of this ?! Get out of here ! Or else I swear I won't miss you on purpose this time !"

Chris: Okay, fine ! i'm going for now ! But I won't give up ! I'll be back !

"... ... I've never seen a quest giver so god damn insistent... And here I thought I had built up some positive karma recently... ... ... But why the hell do I get the feeling I saw her somewhere else befo-"

Speaker: DEMON KING ATTACK ! DEMON KING ATTACK ! ALL KNIGHTS, PREPARE TO SORTIE ! ALL ADVENTURERS IN THE AREA, GIRD FOR BATTLE !!

"Oh ? No time for pondering, it's time for plundering ! EVERYONE !!"

Darkness: We heard !! Kazuma, get up ! Let's get ready to go !!

Kazuma: i'm asleep.

"No you ain't."

Darkness: This is no time for your games ! The Demon King's army is out there !

Kazuma: Bleh, they'll be fine without us. There's a lot of great adventurers here. Mitsurugi and.. Other people.

Darkness: the nerve ! F- Fine ! Stay in your dumb bed ! Aqua, Megumin, let's go !

Aqua: DON'T WANNAAAAAAAA !! Why should I have to go out when it's all dangerous and scary ?! I came to the capital for fun, not to risk my life !!

"You most than anyone are coming with ! Let go of that bed post, or I'll bring it along with you ! Megumin, help !"

Megumin: I will be first on the scene of this attack ! I shall defeat the enemy,, alone, in one fell swoop ! "When the army arrived, all they found was a vanquished demon army, a decimated wasteland, and one wizard standing there calmly", that's what the tales will say ! Let go of me, Darkness ! This is my chance !!

Darkness: All alone ? You wouldn't have a chance !

Kazuma: 'Can't everyone just leave me alone ?! I have all the money I need back in Axel. Sticking my neck out in this battle brings me absolutely no benefit at... Wait a second.'

Kazuma: 'Okay, so I don't need the actual reward from this battle. But if I put on a good show, maybe they'll forget that I didn't catch the thief. Maybe they'll even let me into the castle... ! ... ... ...'

"Why is this even harder than trying to give a cat a bath ?!"

Megumin: Let goooooo !!

Aqua: Let goooooo !!

Kazuma: Listen up, you bums. The country is in danger. What are we waiting for ? Let's go !

"... Kazuma, what are you planning this time... ?"

Kazuma: The plan is simple... Accomplish something spectacular in this battle ! And then...

Kazuma: Oh, uh, hey, Eris... ... Been a while, huh ?