" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Claire: What kind of occasion ?

"The good thief only attacking the rotten nobles... I'm pretty sure uncovering their identity, would make for quite the good story... These kind of things have always been liked."

Claire: ... ... Well. If you manage to bring something like that to the light... I suppose it wouldn't be far-fetched to invite you to the castle again once in a while to tell these tales...

Kazuma: ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Darkness: What have you done ?

"What now ?"

Darkness: Just see for yourself...

Kazuma: That "Good thief" has been terrorizing the city, targeting nobles and stuff ! Yours truly is gonna bring that crook to justice !!

Claire: What ?!

"... Of course he was eavesdropping... "

Claire: But, why would he jump at that kind of occasion... I thought he preferred not to trouble himself...

"He... I'm pretty sure he just wants an access to the castle..."

Darkness: get it together, Kazuma. This is no time for your jokes...

Kazuma: I couldn't be more serious. As a close personal friend of a noble, this thief is my enemy ! If I don't stop them, you yourself could be their next target-

Darkness: Hey ! My family hasn't done anything to deserve to be targeted by the good thief !

Kazuma: Listen well ! I say a "Good Thief" is still a thief and must not be allowed to roam free ! Truly, it must be fate that has brought us, vanquishers of the Demon King's Generals, to your city !

"Leave me out of your speech, please."

Kazuma: And now, I shall apply all my powers to cracking this case !

Nobles: Wonderful ! Truly, house Dustiness is blessed with stalwart companions ! Err, not that I have anything to dear from the good thief, of course !

Baron: Vanquishers of the Demon King's Generals ? I'm sure you can bag a thief in an afternoon... Though, I've never been this thief's target myself.

Duke: I've never done anything particularly underhanded either, but the capture of a thief can only be a good thing !

'... Gee, eager bunch.'

Kazuma: 'But if I do this job, I could earn the right to lounge around the castle too... !'

"... ... Haaaa... ... Well ?"

Claire: He has such... Conviction. let's see what he can do... Stake out the house of someone you expect to be targeted.

"... ... ... I know e-xa-ct-ly who to choose."

Alderp: ...And so you immediately came here. Lady Dustiness, do you agree with this man that I am one of those wretched creatures apt to be targeted by this chief ?

Darkness: I- I try to remain agnostic on the question...

'You were more sure than any of us...'

Alderp: Well, so be it. It wounds me to think you've been taken in by the slings and arrows of the chattering masses... But if you truly believe the good thief will come to this house, then by all means, stay until your concerns are assuaged.

Kazuma: You heard the man ! In we go !! I call dibs on the biggest room !!

Aqua: No fair, Kazuma ! Then I want the room closest to the kitchen !

Megumin: I want the room at the very tippy top of the house !!

"... despite everything, I can still feel empathy for you..."

Darkness: Sorry... It might be a long few days... Speaking of.

"O- Oh ! Hey, what gives ?"

Darkness: Repeat after me. "I promise that I will not help this thief, and that I am here to catch them.".

"W- Wow, what has gotten into you all of a sudden-

Darkness: Repeat ! I know you're the most likely to actually help the good thief escape and accomplish their deeds. So repeat, "I promise that I will not help that thief, and that I am here to catch them.".

"... ... I promise that I will not help that thief, and that I am here to uncover their identity."

Darkness: That's not-

"I'm not budging on that point."

Darkness: But-

"Not budging."

Darkness: I suppose that's enough coming from you... Now Kazuma, remember I have a reputation to uphold...

Kazuma: Aw, this guy's a piece of trash anyway. Why act all nice ? I saw the way he was leering at you.

Darkness: Wha ?!

"Guess it's a little late, but... Why did the two of you tag along exactly ?"

Aqua: Isn't it obvious ? I'd be worried about you all by yourselves !

Megumin: Me too ! Party members must stick together, mustn't they ?

"Sure, and stuff their faces at one another's banquets too, I guess..."

Kazuma: 'I'd hoped to make the castle my base of operations and then draw the investigation way out... But no such luck, better just nab that thief as fast as I can...'

Darkness: Much as I can't condone thievery in any form... I have to confess, it's hard to get excited about capturing this person...

"Hence the point I didn't budge on."

Kazuma: Well, a crime's a crime. Not to mention, according to eyewitness reports, this is one handsome hood ! And I hate handsome guys who pretend to be friends of the downtrodden and saviors of the poor !

"Why must you always bring out that kind of thing to the table ?! What is your problem with guys more handsome than you, do you have an inferiority complex or something ?!"

Kazuma: They just piss me off !!

Megumin: I find you rather cool myself, Kazuma, so...

Kazuma: Hey, stop that ! Why are you acting so nice all of a sudden ?!

"Because she's your flag, that's why !"

Megumin: HUH ?!

Aqua: O my lost hikikomori, attack not thyself overmuch. Society has made you shiftless, your environment has made you a terrible person, your genes are what torpedoed your future prospects. Fault not yourself, but let others bear the blame...

Kazuma: Quit it ! I don't hate myself that much ! ... What's with all the smirking ?! H- Hey, stay back ! Don't circle around me, all sweet and supportive !!

"So... messing with Kazuma is good and all, but we have something to do here... If I was a thief... I'd first be looking for an easy way in... Like a broken window or something... And then..."

Alderp: Hrm ! A- And just what business do you have here ?!

"... I could ask you the same question... But if you really want to know, I'm trying to find where the thief could come from..."

Alderp: Well, they wouldn't have any interest in this room because there's nothing in it. That should include you, get out !

"... ... Since when do aristocrats do the cleaning themselves ?"

Alderp: A- Ahem, I consider it a mark of refinement.

"Refinement, huh... And that include picking the room with nothing to clean, except for that giant mirror-"

"... ... .. That ain't no normal mirror... Is that some kind of window ?"

Alderp: ... It's... A magic mirror...

"So you can see another room through it... That looks like some kind of bathing area... And that maid hasn't noticed a thing..."

Alderp: ... ... ... ...

"Tell me... You wouldn't be happening to make some small adjustments to your mirror now that Darkness is living under your roof, would you ?"

Alderp: ... W- Would you like to share it with me... ?

"Hold that thought."

Alderp: Huh ?

Maid: ... ... Huh ? Sir, what are you doing here ? You now this is the bathing room, right ?

"I do, I do. I was just asked to take that thing somewhere else. Now if you don't mind..."

Alderp: ... ... ...

"Alright... Now that the two are here, you can peek all you want. 'Although... That thing could come in rather handy to look for that thief...'... First things first, hide this from Kazuma."

Kazuma: Hide what ?

"Of fucking course. Nothing of importance, move along. And I mean that for the two of you."

Kazuma: You did mention something a bout magic mirror and bathing area... is this what I think it is ?

"Well, now both ends are in this room, so scram. Come on, shoo, shoo."

Alderp: ... Wait just one moment... You're going to keep them both in this room... ?

"Don't even think about it, or I swear I'll shove one up your ass... Kazuma, what do you think you're doing ?!"

Kazuma: Um, you know... Just making sure he can't use them, by taking one with me... This is all for our friends' safety, of course.

Alderp: Ah ?! As if I would ever let a punk like you gaze upon the luscious nakedness of Lalatina !

Kazuma: Jokes on you ! Darkness and I have already been in the bath together !! I've got you over a barrel, old man ! You let me use these mirrors, or I spill all about it to Darkness and your maids !

Alderp: You want to tell my staff, go ahead ! I pay them more than enough not to care ! I would even say that being harassed is part of a maid's job description ! Listen well. When they take off those clothes, it's truly a sight to behold ! Interest piqued ? Then let me make a counter-offer.

Alderp: I CAN TELL YOU AND I ARE OF A KIND ! LET US THROW OUT THAT KILLJOY, AND SHARE THIS ROOM AS MEN ! SHARE THE BLISS OF ITS TREASURES !

Kazuma: ... ... Uh... They really as great as all that ?

Alderp: Oh, I assure you. But don't take my word for it... Now... Shall we get rid of the inconvenience ?

Kazuma: ... Definitely.

"Haaah... And one hopeless one to add to my collection... Pretty sure there's one little thing you two overlooked, though."

Kazuma: I know how your power works, I won't be deceived again !

"I didn't mean that."

Darkness: Very interesting conversation. By all means, let me join in. So, what exactly is "A sight to behold" ?

Kazuma/Alderp: ... ... He was trying to peek at-

"... Hey hey hey, wait just a sec... This is exactly what I needed ! With one of the mirrors shattered, I can put its shards all over the place and use the other one to monitor it all ! Brilliant, Darkness !"

Alderp: Oh, so when he uses the mirror, suddenly it's fine ?!

"Well, they know I wouldn't use the mirror to peek, because if I wanted to, I wouldn't need it. Now, gentlemen."

"Ahhhh... One whole week, and still no trace of that thief... Even with that entire network of seekers and magic mirror shards, though luck... Well, that just means the thief has yet to come, not that I missed him, I guess... Not that I'm helped..."

"Aqua has been doing who-know-what every day... Megumin was asking Kazuma on so-called 'dates', being excuses for explosion... The only one looking is Darkness, and just so she can get out of this house fast..."

"If only Alderp was helping, but I keep finding him smuggling the shards back in the bathing area..."

*Ting*

'... ... Something's there... One of the seekers reacted to a movement... of course ! I was complaining about the thief not showing up, so they showed up ! Laws of Jinxing, I love you !'

???: Guards, patrols, lookouts ? Nope, nope, and nope... Am I letting my imagination run away with me ? I stayed away 'cos this house gave me such a bad vibe, but...

'... Thief, huh... Judging by the set of skills Kazuma has, I can bet they'll notice me right away if I try to be direct... This hallway has no windows... Guess it's time for the judgement hall.'

Thief: ... This looks clear... I'm getting jumpy. But the treasure's this way...

*SCRUNK*

Thief: GAH ?! Wh- Where did that wall come from ?! Are those... B- Bones... ?

"Sorry for not introducing myself the proper way. I've been awaiting you for a while now, 'Good Thief'."

Thief: A- Ah... Hold on-

*BONK*

"Nothing personal, but don't expect yourself to talk your way out of this."

Thief: Wait-

*BONK*

"I said stop trying ! Look, I could've killed you right away, so at least stop squirming!"

Thief: I said wait, Y/n !

"... ... How do you..."

Thief: You didn't recognize me ? Geez !

Chris: It's me, Chris ! Don't you remember me ?! Did anyone ever told you you'd make a terrifying assassin ?!

"... ... ... Heh... ?"