" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Maids: Welcome back, Lady iris !

Wizard: Ahem. Y/n L/n sir, welcome to our castle. You are here as our guest, so there's no need to stand on ceremony. This room will be your bedchamber, so please make yourself at home. Now, ifyou don't mind, please continue with-

"Hold on, there is one thing I very much mind right now, uh...."

Wizard: You may call me Lain. Though I am of noble blood myself, my family is nothing compared to house Dustiness...

"Very well, Lain, so... Uhhh... Am I being kidnapped here ?"

Lain: Nothing of the sort. We're merely having you here as our guest.

"I was under the impression guests were supposed to know beforehand that they were being invited. I did not give consent to this."

Lain: Her highness does request you continue your stories now...

"Most of them have already been told by Kazuma..."

Lain: "Y/n sir. Consider my bringing you here as a bit of a prank, to repay you for hitting me... What's more, seeing how close you and Lalatina seemed to be, I actually felt jealous... I'm sorry for forcing this on you, but won't you play with me for a little while ?" So says her highness.

"... ... ... is this how you ask people to play with you... ?"

Lain: 'Y/n sir... Lady Iris is always constrained by royal protocol and is normally obedient. She's never done anything like this before. I would consider it a personal favor if you would indulge her for a while...'

"... ... ... Very well. But you better inform my friends of the situation so they don't go doing something... Reckless."

Lain: Very well, I'll do that. Thank you very much.

Iris: ... Y/n sir, my father and brother are away fighting the demon king. So there's no one to get too upset at smell lapses. While we're alone together, please speak to me as you do to Lalatina. And tell me everything you can about life outside the castle !

"Well, I certainly can do that. Although I warn you, these won't be your usual heroic stories."

Claire: Where is Lady Iris ?

Guard: With a guest, Ma'am.

".. And then, Kazuma went running for his dear life, tears flowing down his face, crying out his hatred for everything under the sun as the giant toad was closing in on him. That's when Aqua thought it would be funny to act all high and mighty, making her not notice the other one that was creeping behind her..."

Iris: And ?! And what ?! What happened then ?!

"Well, the toad swallowed her whole in one go, covering her in slimy goo, and-"

Claire: YES, DO TELL !! Specifically, tell me exactly what disgusting things you're teaching Lady-Iris before I cut your head off !!

"H- Hey, I'll have you she's the one who asked-"

Claire: How dare you refer to Lady Iris with such familiarity ?!

Iris: Claire, wait ! I told Y/n sir he could refer to me by my name ! More importantly... Tell me, what happened with that toad ?!

Claire: Lady Iris, no ! You mustn't listen to such filth ! Oh, my poor precious... ! I must ask you not to fill my lady's head with such things !

"Er, I can do that, but... She asked me about life outside the castle... If I were to water it down, then these stories wouldn't be any different for the boring ones other adventurers give her. Beside, you're the one making it look filthy by giving the wrong context-"

Claire: NOT ANOTHER WORD, YOU CRUDE OAF ! I am Claire, the eldest daughter of house Sinfonia, a family no less dignified than the Dustiness themselves ! I am Lady iris' bodyguard and this nation's-

"So it looks like the toads are a no-no from that stick-in-the-mud. How about I tell you about the brutal alligators instead ?"

Claire: S- Stick in the mud ?! You impudent cur ! Refer to me as Lady Claire !! Arrrgh... I've already had enough of this man... How Lady Dustiness deals with either him or that Kazuma on a daily basis, I can't imagine... ! State guest or not, I worry there's trouble ahead...

"Funny that you talk about it, we're the ones having trouble dealing with her. But I suppose the cabbages will have to wait for another time"

Iris: Cabbages ? Do tell, please !

"Okay, okay, it's about the time Lalatina... Well, darkness revealed her true self to the eyes of the whole town of Axel..."

Claire: D- DON'T TELL HER THAT ONE ! DON'T TELL HER ANY OF THEM ! LADY IRIS, THIS MAN AND HIS STORIES ARE NO GOOD !!

Iris: Please, do tell me more about this "Skool" thing...

"School ? Well, it's a place of learning, and education... Where kids like you go to prepare themselves... It's kinda like training to be grown-ups. It's also a great place to make friends, and also have fun together..."

iris: How wonderful. I wish I could go to this... "Skool".

'... Do they not have compulsory education here ? And if Iris likes the idea... Time to build-up some positive karma, Charlemagne-style"

"Why not try and set one up then ? Don't you think education would greatly benefit this country ?"

Iris: Oh... Um, that's...

Speaker: Demon King attack ! Demon King Attack ! All knights, prepare to sortie !!

"The Demon King ? Here ?"

Claire: Ugh, them again. You'll have to excuse me. Lady-iris, stay in this room.

Iris: You see... ? I don't think this environment would be very conductive to learning...

'... I never thought of this from that angle... It might be a fantasy world, but it's still at war... We cheaters from another world can't comprehend this...'

Speaker: The night attack by the Demon King's army has been subdued. We thank all adventurers for their help.

'Over already... I suppose this place would be the first one they'd go after. In the end, we got the better end of the deal, but... Even if some of them are nice, and likable... Elsewhere, it's still pillage and plunder on a daily basis... What cheaters like us are supposed to stop...'

Iris: Y/n sir. Thank you for the delightful stories. Come daybreak, you may have Lain take you back home. I realize it's not... Entirely safe here in the castle... So when you get back, please tell Lalatina i'm sorry for stealing you and putting you in danger.

'... have all that I've done so far been solely for my own amusement... ? I don't think I've once stopped to think about this world as a whole... I've been battling the Demon Generals, yes, but solely because they were threatening me as well... I never went out of my way for... The greater good...'

"... ... Lady Iris, you may not realize it, but this has been an eye-opening experience for me as well. I promise, next time we'll meet, there will be plenty more stories to be told."

Iris: Tee-hee ! Thank you. You remind me of how my older brother used to be. We're blood relatives, but royal siblings are still royals, and after a certain age, we have to act like it. I can't talk to my brother like this anymore. I wish you could stay long, but I can't ask any more of...

"... As an only child myself, you almost made my heart skip a beat here."

".. ... ... ... ... Mh... ... Morning already... Still can't believe I've been kidnapped by the princess to be a story-teller..."

*Knock knock knock*

"... is that you, Claire ? I didn't think I was that late already..."

"Oh, it's you guys. What's up ?"

Kazuma: Oh, we'll tell you what's up alright !

"if it's about going home, it was planned I'd go back this morning, so I'm afraid you went this far for nothing."

Kazuma: You get to live in this luxurious castle with an army of maids at your disposal and being the princess' guest, and you call that nothing ?!

Iris: U- Um... Please do not be too harsh with him.

Darkness: Don't mind that, Lady iris. Kazuma here is simply being jealous. I think it's better if he returns with us to Axel before someone tries doing something... Reckless.

"Hey, I used the exact same words."

Iris: ... I understand. If I must return him to you, Lalatina... Then let's at least spend this evening together...

'Was... Was she reluctant to let me go... ?'

Aqua: This stuff is delicious ! It's organic melon wrapped in Prosciutto ! It must be really fresh, it's still flopping around !

"Very nice, yes."

Megumin: Kafuma, Kafuma ! Thif if increthible ! Vinegard rice topped with fancy pudding and wasabi siy sauce... What kind of cuisine is this ?!

Kazuma: Show a little self-control ! You're embarrassing us...

"Having a banquet be thrown for us is nice, but... All these nobles are making me uncomfortable..."

Kazuma: Don't act like you won't regret this place.

"I'll admit. Iris saying I reminded her of her onii-chan was pretty sweet."

Kazuma: ... ... Excuse me, I'm gonna go cry in a corner.

"... Well, maybe one of us knows how to deal with that kind of situation..."

Noble: Milady Dustiness. I know how much you disdain parties, so it's a pleasure to see you here ! Truly, my presence here this night has been rewarded, to see you in the full flower of your beauty...

Noble: Think you can get the drop on us, Lord Wilheld ? How fares your father, Lord Ignis, milady ? I once served him, you know...

Baron: Ah ! I must thank Lady Eris for guiding me here tonight to see you !

Marquis: The moongrass that blooms once a century pales beside your beauty...

Duke: When the banquet is over, why don't we... ?

Darkness: You're all just too much ! Be gentle with a young lady ! Oh-ho-ho-ho !

'I guess growing as a noble helps dealing with nobles... if only these guys knew who she really is... hehehe~'

"Ah, there you are, Lalatina. I've been looking everywhere for you."

Darkness: BRGH ?! Hakk ! Koff... S- Sorry...

"Are you feeling quite well ? You seem startled, for some reason."

Darkness: Did you need something, Y/n sir, my adventuring companion ? If you keep using my name like that, people might get the wrong idea.

'Who are you and what did you do to Darkness ?'

Noble: Ah... Ha-ha. He's a party member of yours ? Such familiarity... I was beginning to think he had some sort of intimate connection with you, Lady Dustiness. Such a sense of humor your friend has, milady ! Jest or not, I wish I could so readily call you by your name, Milady !

Darkness: yeah... Well-

Noble: Speaking of which, Milady, are you betrothed yet ? If not, let me nominate myself as the man who shall be so blessed as to call you by your name !

Darkness: HUH ?!

Baron: Not so fast ! I've been petitioning house Dustiness for ages, so you must cede precedence to me !

Duke: No, she's mine !

Marquis: Mine !!

Darkness: E- Everyone... 'Gh... Do something ! This was your fault !'

'I was just trying to help. Weren't they bothering you ?'

Darkness: 'That's not the point ! You made this mess, not clean it !'

'... ... *Sip*... I still have the "I'm bearing your children" card up my sleeve. Want me to whip it out ?'

Darkness: 'N- NO !!'

???: Surely, there's someone more suited to an accomplished woman such as yourself, lady Dustiness.

Alderp: Someone better than this rabble, at least.

Noble: M- My, Alderp sir, your words do wound...

"... My least favorite person in this entire country. Have you gained weight recently ? It's fancy seeing you here."

Alderp: Grrr ! I'm living in my second home here in the capital because your friend destroyed my mansion !! And how dare you speak to me that way, commoner ?! Address me as "Alderp Sir" !!

"... Whatever. Don't think I've forgotten that little slip at the trial. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this one way or another."

Noble: Incidentally, Alderp sir... Might I ask whom you would consider a fitting match for Lady Dustiness ? Rumors of your own interest in here are not unknown. Surely, you don't mean to suggest...

Alderp: No, it isn't me, don't be ridiculous. Nor my son either, I'll have you know. Consider the proposition daughter of a great, noble house... And an adventurer of real renown, there's only one man who can match her.

"... if he didn't hate my guts, I'd think he was talking about me."

Darkness: Shut your mouth before you make this any worse.

Alderp: I speak of Lord Jatis, first prince of our nation, who is currently fighting the Demon King's army with his father, our monarch. A match with Lady Dustiness, scourge of the Demon king's generals ? Surely he wouldn't object.

'It's funny how their ego can't accept someone else than a noble could take these guys down.'

Alderp: And imagine the progeny Strong, beautiful children who could truly secure our nation's future !

Nobles: Er... Sure, I guess... true. We can't match Lord Jatis...

Darkness: Don't just let him babble ! Curse you, Alderp... !

"Hmmm... To fight in the front lines for the sake of their entire kingdom... I'd love to meet him one day on the battlefield, to see how he fares to the rumors..."

Alderp: Don't make me laugh ! A commoner like could never hope to ever catch a glimpse of-

*CHOMP*

Alderp: MY ASS !! GAAAAAAH !!

"Oh, my, what a crude language. Surely befitting of someone of your stature, Alderp sir."

Nobles: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Alderp: Gh... This is not the last you hear of me !

"*Sip*"

"Ahhhhh... I take back what I said, I don't regret this banquet. I got to embarrass darkness and get back at Alderp."

Claire: There are quite a lot of people who would like to get back at him.

"... ... ... I suppose excuses are in order."

Claire: What for ?

"Treating you as a coward hiding far from battle, someone who never knew war. I had no idea the front-line was this close to the castle..."

Claire: Likewise, I probably shouldn't have judged you lot so harshly. To be honest... It was the first time in a very long time I saw Lady iris genuinely smile like that.

"I suppose that, as the princess, there isn't a lot of occasion for her to talk to someone like she would to a friend... Wondering if she really is happy as the princess... I don't think anyone has ever stopped to ask her what she wanted ?"

Claire: I know it's paradoxal... She's the princess, but because of that, she doesn't have any freedom... If anything, there's the story of the good thief everyone's talking about. She really likes this one.

"The good thief ?"

Claire: Uh-uh. They breaks into homes of nobles of ill repute and steals their money. The next day, a huge donation appears on the doorsteps of the Eris church's orphanage... That's why people call them the Good Thief. I know I should be condoning it, but...

"Poor, poor Alderp... Thinking about it, I did say I'd try and bring more stories to Iris... That could be a good occasion."