" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Sylvia: Wh... What ? Is this... The end for me ?

Komekko: ... MY NAME IS KOMEKKO ! FOREMOST LOVABLE LITTLE SISTER OF THE CRIMSON MAGIC CLAN, AND SHE WHO IS STRONGER THAN A DEMON KING GENERAL !!

Kazuma: She stole my moment !!

"Phew... ... Finally, the adrenaline is going down... Gh- GAAAAAAHH !! SOMEONE HELP ! I DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER WITH THE RECOIL !!"

*So Sylvia was defeated, and the rest of the demon king's force mopped up. And, as for the devastated Crimson Magic village...*

Kazuma: The heck ? How'd you rebuild so fast ?

Megumin: what do you mean, how ? We do not know how fast others rebuild, so we don't know if we are quick.

Kazuma: I can't believe you're using devil and golem summons to do the work. How long will it take to get the village back to normal ?

Megumin: Perhaps three days, I suppose ?

Kazuma: Three days ?! When I saw that girl going "Our village, it's burning..." I felt super-guilty.

Megumin: How strange. Any resident of our village ought to know how quickly it can be rebuilt. What did this girl look like ?

Kazuma: Uh... She had an eyepatch a lot like yours. A lot like... her.

Arue: Heyo, Megumin, I've been looking for you.

Megumin: Ah, Arue, it's been a while.

Arue: There's something I want to show you. I finally finished chapter two of the "Chronicle of the Hero of the Crimson Magic clan" the other day. The scene where the village burns is a masterpiece, if I do say so myself.

Megumin: Oh-ho, I shall have a look, th-

Kazuma: IT'S YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!

Arue: Wh- What's wrong with you ?! I pulled a week of all-nighters to craft that jewel !!

Kazuma: You were writing this while the rest of us were fighting ?! It was your stupid scribbling that started all this trouble ! HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH A MAN'S HEART ! NOVELIST, MY ASS !!

Arue: Megumin, who is this brute ?! I SHALL SUBJUGATE HIM WITH THE JUDGEMENT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS !!

"IS THIS HOW YOU BOTH GREET PEOPLE YOU'VE JUST MET ?! Owwwwwwww..."

Bukkororii: Don't mind them. What was next ?

"Right, thou shalt feast your eyes on this ! From the deepest pits of hell, rise up ! ARMY OF THE NIGHT !!"

Archwizard: WOOOOOOOOO !!

https://youtu.be/BZPirzDAbY0

Kazuma: You've gotta be this way. You go trying some half-baked advanced magic, that's when I boot you out of the party.

Megumin: I see. So, Kazuma... How many points for that one ?

*What I really wanted, even more than a great wizard, was...*

Kazuma: ... One hundred and twenty points !

*A/n: Yep. I was surprised too, but the whole scene when Sylvia fuses with Beldia and Hans, with the Megumin-Yunyun combo spell... is exclusive to the movie...*

Kazuma: We're baaaaaack !! Ahhh... There really is no place like home ! I've had enough trips for a while.

"This time, I wholeheartedly agree. I really need some vacation from life-threatening events."

Aqua: Gee, Kazuma. It didn't take you long to get back to being a worthless bum. But for some reason, seeing you like that makes me feel like I don't have to try so hard myself...

Darkness: No ! You're becoming like him !

Megumin: Please, take it easy. Kazuma actually did work very hard this time.

Kazuma: Huh ? But you were the one who brought down Sylvia, Megumin.

Megumin: Oh, but I couldn't have done it without Kazuma getting that weapon for us !

"... Am I a joke to you ?"

Darkness: hey, these two have been acting weird ever since we got home. D- Do you think while they were sleeping in the same bad, they finally... ?!

Kazuma: Hey, enough speculation ! We didn't make any "mistakes" !

"So you made 'happy accidents', got it."

Kazuma: NOT !! I was one, but I didn't make one ! Megumin, tell them we didn't- Hey, back me up here !!

*Knock knock knock*

Butler: Excuse me... is anyone home ? Ah ! Perfect, you must be the master of this-

Kazuma: I don't know who you are, but get out ! Scram, you harbinger of doom !

Butler: Oop ?! Wh- What are you doing... ?!

Kazuma: You're here to drag us into another disaster, I know it ! How many does this make ?!

Darkness: Stop !! What's wrong with you ?!

Butler: Ah ! Young mistress...

Darkness: Hagen, is that you ? I told you not to come here unless it was extremely urgent.

Hagen: Yes, ma'am ! As a matter of fact.. What brings me here today, is indeed an emergency.

Darkness: What ? Did something happen at home ?

Kazuma: STOPPIT !! You can't force me to listen to stuff that has nothing to do with me ! I'm gonna live the high life on the windfall that's coming my way !

Hagen: IT'S A MATTER OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE, YOUNG LADY ! IF THIS GOES ON, YOU STAND TO LOSE YOUR ONE AND ONLY ASSET !!

Darkness: Wh- What ?

Kazuma: Wait ! What asset does Darkness have ?!

"... Is there a threat that she might lose her name-"

Kazuma: Is this outrageous body going to wither ?! DON'T TELL ME, IS SHE GOING TO GO FLAT ?! I knew something was wrong here ! I knew you were too sexy to be true ! You must have used your money and power to get a magical item that makes your chest huge and-

Darkness: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?! I know I have more assets than that ! Don't I ?

Megumin: What's more important is that you tell me about this chest-expanding magical item !

Darkness: HUH ?!

Aqua: Megumin, Darkness is right. She has lots of good points ! Like, she's a softy who'll give in to almost anything if you cry and beg her for it ! And she's so gullible she'll believe whatever you tell her, which is a great way to pass the time when you're bored ! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW !!

Darkness: ... ... ... ...

"... if anything, your iron defense make is so I can go absolutely bonkers without a care in the world."

Hagen : That's not the issue, young lady ! IF THIS SITUATION CONTINUES, YOUR HOUSEHOLD MAY BE STRIPPED OF ITS NOBLE TITLE, AND YOU MAY BECOME A COMMONER ! AND THEN OUR ALL-TOO-UNWORLDLY MISTRESS WOULD HAVE ONLY ONE CONCEIVABLE MEANS OF SUPPORTING HERSELF, SELLING HER UNBELIEVABLE BO- !!

Hagen: M- Milady, please have mercy on these old bones ! You shall kill me !

"I'm pretty sure that's what she's trying to do. So, what is going on exactly ?"

Hagen: Here. This is a letter from the Royal family. Read it and you'll understand my urgency.

Darkness: THE ROYAL FAMILY ?!

Hagen: It concerns Mr.L/n and Mr.Satou as well.

Kazuma: I KNEW IT !! Please, leave me out of things for once in my life !!

Darkness: ... ... yes, you're right. We drag you into far too much trouble. This time, for once...

Kazuma: Huh ?

"That's a pretty sudden change of heart. What's in that letter ? ... ... ... ..."

Kazuma: What ?

"... Aight, you just take the vacation and relax, Kazuma. Don't trouble yourself with any of it."

Kazuma: ... LET ME SEE THAT !!

*To the honorable Kazuma Satou, who has rendered such great service to our country by his defeat of numerous Generals of the Demon King. We have heard of your most estimable activities and wish by all means to meet you. Perhaps we could dine together.

Iris Stylish-sword Belzerg*

Aqua: ... Iris...

Megumin: Everyone knows her. She's the first princess of this country. And she wants to meet Kazuma ?

"Her funeral. I can't see that going well, for some reason."

Darkness: Y- Yeah, exactly, so you should turn her down ! One wrong move with Iris could cost you your head ! I know how much you hate formal functions too...

Kazuma: ... It looks like our moment has finally come.

Darkness: Listen up, all of you. I can't say this enough, we're meeting a princess. So try to be-

Aqua: Oh, we know ! I'll be the life of the party with my special party tricks !

Darkness: Huh ? No, not what I-

Megumin: And I shall shock and delight the princess with my Crimson-magic-style dramatic entrance ! I've got special fireworks just for this occasion to add smoke... !

"Don't smoke anything, I beg you... Somehow, the one I'm the least concerned about here is Kazuma, and that is deeply concerning..."

Darkness: Don't talk of that, please.

Aqua: Oh, what are you bringing, Kazuma ?

Kazuma: A nifty little thing I made. i'm selling it at Wiz's store. She gave me one of the final production models. I think the princess will love it

Aqua: You made a lighter. And you think she'll like that ?

Kazuma: This world uses flint, remember ? Easy fires, no magi ? Who wouldn't be thrilled ? I hear they're flying off the shelves ! Easy life, here I come !

Aqua: Ugh ! It's that devil's mask ! They're selling these ?

"Sorry, this is mine. Is the princess here already ?

Darkness: Yes, she's been at the residence since yesterday. I know i'm repeating myself, but... Please, best behavior.

Aqua: We know ! We won't besmirch the Dustiness name or anything. You should trust us more.

Darkness: It's my painfully thorough knowledge of you all that has me worried...

"Darkness roasting someone ? So much new things happening today. But as far as I know, only one of us can handle the speech needed. Hear that, Kazuma ? Don't let us down."

Kazuma: Heh. I got that. 'A princess... i'm sick of danger, but a princess I'm happy to meet ! I'll bet she's cute and loves flowers and birds and stuff. But she wants to hear adventure stories, so maybe she's more of a Tomboy ? Hmm, she's just twelve years old, though... I've always wanted a little sister, maybe she'll even call me big brother...'

"Keep it tame, Kazuma. You don't want to say anything you'd regret."

Darkness: ... I'll do the talking to Lady Iris. You guys just grunt and nod sometimes, okay ?

Darkness: Pardon us.

Darkness: Forgive us for making you wait, Lady Iris. Allow me to introduce my friends and adventuring companions, Kazuma Satou and his party.

Kazuma: 'Yes ! A real princess, just like I pictured !'

"It's an honor to meet you, your highness. I am Y/n, humble summoner, at your service."

Aqua: ... Let me introduce myself with a little performance...

Darkness: U- Uh, excuse me, Lady Iris ! I just need to have a little chat with my friend... !

Darkness: 'I told you, no weird stuff ! You too, Megumin ! Don't try anything funny !'

Aqua: 'huh ? I was just saying hello !'

Valet: ... Peon !

Kazuma: Huh ?

Valet: It is not for you to look so openly upon a member of the royal family. Your stature is so far below this family that you would normally not even be allowed to see its members in person, let alone eat with one of them. Bow your head and do not make eye contact. Now, introduce yourself and start telling stories.

Kazuma: ... ... ... Trade.

Darkness: 'CURSE YOU ! What do you mean, trade ?!'

Kazuma: 'That's my line ! You said we'd be meeting a princess ! So who's this ?! I thought she's be a little more, you know.. "I'm absolutely enchanted by the outside world ! Oh, brave adventurer, please regale me with stories of your exploits !"...'

Darkness: LADY IRIS !! I'LL BEAT THIS FOOL SENSELESS RIGHT AWAY, PLEASE JUST WAIT A MOMENT !!

Iris: ... ... Tee hee...

Valet: the offense is forgiven, as it has allowed her highness to see you uncommonly agitated, Lalatina. Adventurers can be expected to be somewhat uncivil. She request you to start telling stories.

Kazuma: 'Eh, okay. I guess this is how nobles act. Can't go blackening Darkness' good name, anyway.'

Valet: You are the one the gallant sword-bearer Mitsurugi spoke of, yes ? Her highness says to begin your tale. And I too wish to hear from the one who has attracted the attention of Mitsurugi himself.

Kazuma: Geez, he told you about me ? What'd he say ?

"... In a sense, I believe he holds you in... Some esteem."

Kazuma: ... So we set a brilliant trap. After deliberately breaking the seal, we baited Sylvia inside the fault to shut her inside ! That's how we bought the Crimson Magic Clan enough time to regroup !

"Iris": Amazing ! I've never met someone with such a heart-pounding fighting style ! Other adventurers have told wonderful stories, but they're all about an invincible hero single-handedly defeating some monster... !

Valet: ... So her highness says.

"It's not really surprising. There is a fundamental difference between fighting someone you know you can defeat, and fighting someone you know is way stronger than you. One would certainly call it cowardly, but they never knew what it's like."

Kazuma: Whereas I constantly aim higher, seeking new and stronger opponents every day.

Valet: Superb ! What does that life look like... ? She says.

Kazuma: Well, during the day, I stay inside to stoke my heroism, while at night, I secretly patrol the town...

Megumin: 'Aqua... He's trying to pass off his random wanderings as some kind of patrol.'

Aqua: 'Shh... He'll hang himself son, i'm sure.'

Valet: You are a most unusual adventurer. Different, somehow, from all the others I've met. What kind of work did you do before you became an adventurer ? She asks.

Kazuma: Let's see... Before I came here... I was engaged protecting my family's household from disaster. I drove away those who wanted contracts (Newspaper salesmen) and those who sought our money (Public television fee collectors)...

Valet: Contracts... You must mean devils ! And money... Surely bandits. It seems you were much like the soldiers who protect our castle. No doubt you spared your house many a calamity, unsung hero. She says.

Valet: Still, I can't believe you bested the great Mitsurugi, with his cursed blade... Kazuma-dono. Pardon me for being terribly rude, but could I see your adventurer card ?

Kazuma: HUH ?!

Valet: I think I might learn something from how you have distributed your skill points.

Kazuma: What ?! Look, I'd rather not-

Valet: What's the matter ? We won't share your information with anyone. Or is there some reason you can't show it to us ?

Kazuma: 'There sure is ! If she asked where I learned lich skills, I'd be in real trouble !'

Darkness: ... This man is an adventurer... The weakest class of all, or so they say.

Valet: Wha... ?

Darkness: He must have been ashamed for you to know. Perhaps you could allow me to examine his card in your stead ?

Kazuma: Y- Yep, she's right. Gee, what a shame you found out...

'That was a really nice save.'

Valet: The weakest class... ? And you still beat Mitsurugi-dono...

"As a knight, surely you should know, there is more to one's strength than raw power alone. Kazuma here might have the weakest class, but I truly believe that without his strategic, quick thinking, and ability to constantly adapt to any situation, we never could've defeated the demon King's generals."

Valet: I- I see...

Valet: Ahem... I can't believe the handsome Mitsurugi-dono could be bested so. Surely you aren't lying to me, a member of the royal family ? I doubt such a renowned sword-master and bearer of a magic blade by a novice of the weakest class, says her highness. ... And I concur, he is quite handsome.

Kazuma: Quit saying "Handsome". i'm a laid-back guy, but you're gonna piss me off one of these days.

Valet: You lout !! How dare you speak that way to her highness !!

Kazuma: Crap ! Sorry !

"Your highness... Please excuse my companion's impetuousness. The only reason he hesitate to tell you about that fight, is that he won by using... Underhanded techniques."

Valet: So he's not a liar, but a coward...

"I told you, this is the only way to fight when facing someone way stronger than you. And, with all due respect to Mitsurugi, he is the one who challenged Kazuma to a duel, not the other way around."

Valet: E- Even so... No one in our order of knights would...

"I know. Pardon my rudeness, but... When someone like you, who has never known the horrors of war, who has never been on the frontline against the Demon King, who has never risked their life against an immensely stronger enemy, thinks they can judge the way we adventurers fight... It makes me laugh."

Darkness: You ! Lady iris, please forgive my comrade here ! He tends to speak without thinking first !

"No. Don't try to cover me. I weighted each and every word carefully. As a knight, I am certain your strength and skill is well-established, and I wouldn't dare question it. But the world you are in, and the one we are in, are as far apart as Heaven and Earth. Kazuma's record in battle is the truth, and isn't it why you came to hear about ? I believe punishing him for that would be quite uncalled."

Valet: ... Lady Iris proclaims, that in deference to the service of the Dustiness family, she will let this affront go unpunished. But her mood has been soured. She will offer a proper reward for these adventure stories. The weak-class liar is advised to take it and go.

Kazuma: 'Sheeesh, that hurts ! It looks like I can only get in trouble staying here. Time to make my exit.'

"... My apologies, you highness... But I'm afraid I can't let that one slide. I ask you to take back what you said about Kazuma being a liar. He tends to embellish reality to fit his needs, sure, but he is no liar, and is incredibly reliable when you truly need him."

Valet: A- Are you implying that Lady Iris should apologize to a mere commoner ?!

Iris: I will not apologize.

Valet: H- Huh... ?!

Iris: I will not apologize !! If he's no liar, then have him explain how he could've beaten Mitsurugi-sama, or vanquish the Generals of the Demon King !!

"... ... Darkness, I am truly sorry for what's about to come."

Darkness: H- Huh... ?

Iris: If he can't do that, then he is just a weak, foul-mouthed-

*SLAP*

Iris: ... ... ... H... Huh... ?

"... And you are just a spoiled child."

Valet: H... HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR HAND ON LADY IRIS ?!

Iris: Oh ! N- No, don't... !

"... D... Darkness..."

Valet: 'I can't pull it out... ?!'

"... Alright, could everyone keep it a few tones lower, please. None of us came here for a bloodshed, and I'd hate for it to happen."

Darkness: ... I apologize, Lady iris. However, your tone was not appropriate for speaking to someone with such distinguished achievements. He has no obligation to explain to you how he defeated the wielder of the magic sword...

"Nor would it be to his discredit if he hadn't been able to."

Kazuma: ... Fine, I get it. If my friends are willing to go this far for me, then I have to fess up. I'll show you how I defeated Mitsurugi.

"Kazuma..."

Valet: ... Very well. I know a challenge when I hear one. Let's see what you can do.

Iris: ... That's enough ! Claire, i'm satisfied now !

"Show 'em what you've got, Kazuma."

Kazuma: Better believe I will ! After all the enemies I've fought, you're nothing ! TAKE THIS !! STEAL !!

Claire: ... ... ... Huh ?

Kazuma: ... Sorry. I'll just...

Kazuma: ... Give these back.

Claire: ... Wait... Wha ?! EEEEEEEEEEEEKK !!

"Ahhh... Classic Kazuma..."

Darkness: DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ! Why can't you ever actually manage to look cool ?!

Kazuma: Ow, ow ! Not my fault...

Claire: Ahem... I apologize for letting the situation get so out of hand...

"I think we're all guilty in this. Darkness' wound is already healed, so shouldn't we let bygones be bygones ?"

Claire: Er... We would certainly be grateful... However... To heal such a wound without a second thought... Your Archpriest must be truly incredible. And your Archwizard is a member of the famed crimson Magic clan. Her overwhelming magical power would be a boon to any party. And, Lady Dustiness, that toughness of yours... I stabbed with intent, and yet !

Claire: ... I am a little confused when it comes to summoners... It's a widely unused and mostly unknown class... They are a few of a kind...

"Oh, believe me. There is only one of me."

Claire: I could believe a party like this had defeated generals of the demon king. But... As for Mr.Kazuma, well...

Kazuma: 'Wow, what a look. Get over the panties already'

Iris: ... ... Um... i'm sorry for what I said. And... Ahem... Maybe, you could tell me some more stories of your adventures ?

"... I'm sure there are a few I can think of."

Kazuma: 'hey, she's actually a pretty sweet kid. Just felt a lot of pressure at our first meeting, I guess.'

Claire: Well, then. It's time for us to be getting back to the castle. We apologize for all the ruckus.

Darkness: No, I apologize for our lack of hospitality.

"And for slapping your face too, I guess."

Darkness: You better apologize for that, yes !

"Hahaha. Well. Given how we seem to attract trouble, I am sure we will have more stories for next time."

Iris: ... What are you talking about ?

"Huh ? Hey, what are-"

Mage: Teleport.

*VIOMP*

"... ... That's, uh... Where... ?"

iris: You said you would tell me more stories, right ?

"... ... ... I take back what I took back, you really are kind of a spoiled kid..."