" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

Sylvia: Hey... Hey, you... Wake up already !

Kazuma: ... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK !!

Sylvia: Finally.

Kazuma: S- STAY BACK, SYLVIA ! I'LL KILL YOU, I WILL !

Sylvia: just relax. i'm not going to do anything to you. I've given them the slip. I'll let you go now.

Kazuma: You've... Huh ? This place...

Sylvia: You know where we are ? This is the entrance to the storage bunker underneath the village. The one they say has a weapon that could destroy the world.

Kazuma: 'Wait, didn't Megumin bring us here yesterday... ?'

Sylvia: Maybe you can guess why I'm here.

Kazuma: Wait... All those attempted infiltration... Yo wanted to steal the weapon !

Sylvia: Bingo ! There's supposed to be a very powerful magic weapon here, something that embodies the Anti-crimson magic.

Kazuma: Uh... But there's also supposed to be an unbreakable barrier on it.

Sylvia: Yes, but not to worry. Do you know what this is ? It's a "Barrier breaker", my ticket into this vault. It's an especially strong one, even by demon standards. Even a seal placed by the gods themselves would... ... ... ...

Kazuma: ... ... ...

Sylvia: ... Huh ? Wh- What's wrong ? Nothing's happening... I'll try again... Grrr... Come on ! What the hell? My magical tool doesn't work... So does that mean the seal isn't magical ? So what am I supposed to... ?

Kazuma: ... "Ko-nami Command"... ? So are you supposed to input the Konami code ?

Sylvia: What ? Y- YOU CAN READ THESE ANCIENT LETTERS ?!

Kazuma: Ancient what ? It's just regular Japanese... Er, look, this is the language of my country... I think you're supposed to enter the Konami code, a famous cheat code.

Sylvia: Oh-ho... You're an even better man that I thought. You know the secret of the seal no one can break...

Kazuma: I- I... May be a pretty crappy adventurer, but still... Don't assume I'll cooperate with the Demon King's army ! You can't scare me... !

Sylvia: Heh-heh. Fear and violence aren't the only tools at my disposal. My talents as a lover are said to be every bit as a succubus'. How long do you think you can endure my ministra- ?

*POP*

"Did someone here order a 'Get-me-outta-here' coupon ?"

Kazuma: YES !! I DID !!

Sylvia: H- How did you find us so fast ?!

"next time you wanna hide, make sure one of these little guys didn't follow you. Also, I followed Kazuma's shrieks of despair. Buh-bye~."

*POP*

*POP*

Kazuma: Haaaaaaaa... Fresh air...

"So, how's the trauma getting to you, Kazuma ?"

Kazuma: ... ... I think there's a good chance you were right.

"Develop. There are a lot of things I'm right about."

Kazuma: About the Crimson having its root in our world. Believe it or not, but the guy who who built that vault was Japanese. You need to enter the Konami code to unlock it.

"Konami... Well, in a way, it's really smart... It's easy to remember, and literally no one can guess it."

Kazuma: Yeah... Honestly, the two of us might very well be the only ones in this entire country who can open that thing.

Sylvia: Hoh... ?

"... Let's go go back to Axel now."

*POP*

*POP*

Kazuma: Uhh... This is not Axel...

"I know. I really wanted to take a look at that so-called weapon. Who knows, maybe we can even use it against her. You said the Konami code ?"

Kazuma: Y- Yeah. So you sent her on a wrong idea by letting her think we went back, huh...

"Up, up, down, down... Open sesame~. Now... Where is that Mage-killer ? It's pitch-black in here..."

Sylvia: I would like to know this as well. Thanks for opening the door, I guess.

Kazuma: Gah !!

Sylvia: ... Don't just stand there, tell me where it is. Even with my skills, I can't see in the dark very clearly...

"... Kazuma, Konami code."

Kazuma: Konami code ?

"Konami Code"

"... So. It didn't really get all like I had expected it to... But this is good enough in my book."

Kazuma: I suppose.

Megumin: Oh ! There you are ! Thank goodness you're safe.

"What kept you, I swear..."

Kazuma: Oh, your brought your friends. Quite a crowd.

Darkness: How can you be so relaxed ?

Megumin: Yeah ! We rushed over with the squad because we were worried about you ! Where's Sylvia ?

"Well, now you have a new attraction to show off. The underground bunker where a demon general is trapped forever."

Megumin: What ?

Yunyun: Did you really do that all by yourselves ?!

Bukkororii: Way to go ! Even we couldn't catch Sylvia.

Megumin: But that means Sylvia was able to break the seal...

"Yeah, sure was... She totally broke it, yes..."

Megumin: I guess we're still safe as long as she doesn't figure out how to operate the weapon inside...

Bukkororii: Then we're plenty safe ! Even us Crimson clan folks never figured out how to use it. So there's no way Sylvia can do it ! We're in the clear !

Archwizard: Yeah, if she manages to use that weapon, I'll do a lap of the village on my hands !

Archwizard: How about we all go home and grab a drink ?

Kazuma: ... Uh, is the Crimson Magic Clan never satisfied until they've completely jinxed themselves ?

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

Darkness: Uh... Does the ground seem sort of shaky to you ?

"What do you expect me to say except let's get the hell out of here ?"

Aqua: Aw, what's the rush, we defeated another General of the Demon King ! Hey, I know you kind of took care of it on your own, but we're a party, so you'll share the money, won't you ? Heh-heh, I wonder what I'll but with the reward for Sylvia...

"And why do you always have to jinx us too ?!"

"... ... You've gotta admit, there's a certain aesthetic to all of this..."

Sylvia: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! NICE TRY, BOYS ! But did you think walking out with that weapon was the only thing I could do ? As you can see, I can merge anything, including any weapon, with my body !!

"Sorry everyone, my B."

Sylvia: I am the Demon King's General, the one and only Growth Chimera, Sylvia !!

Bukkororii: Hey, what's going on ? Is everything okay ? What's that ?! No... MAGE KILLER ! SHE'S GOT MAGE KILLER !!

Megumin: Ugh ! We can't fight this !

Bukkororii: Time for a tactical retreat ! I'll teleport us to the Devil's hill !

Kazuma: Hey, Megumin, what's this "Mage-killer" ? Is it that weapon that might destroy the world ?

Megumin: No, I don't believe so. But...

Yunyun: Mage-killer is an ancient threat to this clan. An anti-wizard weapon that magic has virtually no effect on.

"Why the hell would you keep that here ?"

Yunyun: It seems we underestimates Sylvia. We never imagined she might absorb Mage-killer wholesale.

Hiropon: Yes... And now our home is burning... Our only choice is to abandon the village. I hate to let the Demon King win, but as long as we're alive, we can start again.

Kazuma: ... H- hey, Megumin. Can you really not fight this mage-killer thing ?

Megumin: What ? As you heard, Mage-killer is completely impervious to magic. Once, long ago, someone went on a rampage with it. It's said our ancestors managed to destroy it using a certain weapon now kept in the underground bunker. Since it was there and all, we decided to repair Mage-killer and seal it back down there. You know, as a memento...

"Why would you keep doing that ?! You fix what is literally your worst nightmare for shits and giggles !! I thought Crimson demons were supposed to have high intelligence !!"

Kazuma: Wait a second. Did you just say you have a weapon that can counter Mage-Killer ?

Megumin: Yes, but... Nobody knows how to use it. We do possess a text that supposedly says how to operate it, but even our chief can't decipher the letters...

Kazuma: So, it's really hopeless, then...

Darkness: Hm. Then let me be a decoy. You two and Aqua can see in the dark. While I distract Sylvia, you sneak into the bunker and get that weapon.

Kazuma: Did you miss the part where nobody knows how to use the weapon ? Have you been listening to us, you moron ?

Darkness: Who's a moron ?! I've got a plan !! If we can figure out how to work the weapon, maybe we can do something. Either way, it's better than standing here twiddling our thumbs. Don't worry, I don't know exactly what this thing is, but I once broke my father's magical camera and put it together. I'll figure it out !

Kazuma: ... There's no way this meat-head's plan could really...

Megumin: That sounds like a good idea, let us try it.

Kazuma: Huh ?!

Archwizard: I've always liked a good high-stakes twist !

Kazuma: Huh ?

Archwizard: Yeah, love 'em, in fact ! For outsiders, you really seem to get us !

Kazuma: huh ?!

Archwizard: We'll handle backup. Do your thing, outsiders !

Darkness: You heard them. You're up.

Kazuma: Ergh... 'Damn... I'd never normally do something this dangerous, but the guilt... O-Okay, I just go in there, get the weapon or whatever, and get out. Then my conscience will be clear.'

Aqua: Hey, i'm not going in there when there's a General of the Demon King running amok !

"Stop whining and come with ! I doubt two of us would be enough to operate whatever that weapon is."

"Great, we can still get inside."

Aqua: You can trust me to watch the door. Good luck finding the thing !

Kazuma: Enough nonsense, get in here and help us ! Damn, what a mess... Can we really find the ultimate weapon in here... ?

"Look harder. i'm pretty sure we're the only ones who can operate it."

Kazuma: Why ?

"Ancient letters, remember ? If these are the same as for the seal, then only we can read the instructions."

Kazuma: Yeah, that makes sense...

Aqua: Huh ! Hey, hey, check this out !

Kazuma: Did you find something ?

"... That's a Game Girl... the hell is an ancient gaming console doing down here... ?"

Aqua: Ooh, do you think there are a few cartridges lying around here too ?

Kazuma: Not what we're here for !

"Hey, hang on... What the heck are all of these... ? These are all game machines..."

Kazuma: What are Earth things like this doing here... ?

Aqua: Look what I found !

Kazuma: A... Diary... ?

"And it's written in Japanese..."

*Month X, day X. Crap ! They found out about this building. Luckily, they don't seem to know what I've made here. If they knew I spent the country's research budget making video games and toys, it'd be my head !

Month Y, Day Y. The bigwigs who barged into my paradise wanted to know what my games are good for. I could hardly say it's just for fun. So with my straightest face, I said it was a weapon that could very well destroy the world.

"Th- This... ?" asked one of the female researchers. She flipped the switch on the Game Girl, and visibly jumped when it went "Da-Ding". She's so tough, yet she's afraid of a little game machine ?*

Kazuma: Hey... the disgust I feel for this author is familiar...

*Month Z. Day Z. They said they would dramatically expand my budget if I would create a weapon to surpass Metal gear- Uh, a weapon that could fight the Demon King. Seriously ? My cheat power and I have done our part for this country already. Serious face again: "War will not solve anything", etc, etc, but it just got me smacked. No choice, I guess. But what should I build ?

Month XY, Day XY. I think I'll make a giant, humanoid robot. One that can transform ! They told me to be serious. I just stuck a finger up my nose and shot back, "well then, we'll just make it huge and resistant to magic", and they bought it ! But what to model it on ? ... Huh ? Is that a stray dog ? He's perfect. It'll be a dog-shaped weapon, and I'll call it "Mage-Killer".

Month XZ, day XZ. They liked my blueprints. "Ah, yes, a snake. Much easier than having to build legs, excellent idea.". Excuse me, but it's supposed to be a dog. I know I'm not the best artist, but are they blind ? It's a dog with a long, metal body... Actually, I guess it does kind of look like a snake...

Month YX, day YX. Testing has begun. It moves, but the battery doesn't last. I pitted against some members of the Magic Clan, and they seemed pretty scared of it. I'll tell them this weapon is too powerful to leave in human hands, and shut it in this building. It won't work without batteries, but maybe someday I can make it part of a chimera and turn it into a living weapon. Then it wouldn't need batteries, plus that would be wicked cool.*

Kazuma: I think I know who wrote this diary...

*Month YY, Day YY. I've come up with a new weapon to fight the demon king: An augmented human. I asked for volunteers to undergo augmentation surgery and got so many applicants, I had to pick by lottery. They're practically obsessed with augmented humans here. The surgery will cost them their memories, don't they care ? I explained to my participants that it was a simple procedure to allow them to make the most use of magic. They, in turn, asked me for all kinds of ridiculous things, like red eyes and serial numbers and stuff. Does everyone here think like this ?

Month YZ, day YZ. The augmentation surgery is finally done. My subjects said, "Master, give us new names" Who the hell is this master ?! I didn't want to be bothered, so i gave them some random names. They seemed thrilled, though. Are they really sane ? But they are strong, really strong. The bigwigs seemed happy again. Since we were there, I figured I would give a name to these augmented people. Because of the color of their eyes, I called them the "Crimson Demon Clan".*

"... Well, someone better pick up that phone, because I fucking called it."

Kazuma: I... I could have lived without knowing that... So the Crimson demons are augmented humans... 'And that explains why they are so strong...'

"... I think what we're looking for is right after..."

*Month ZX, day ZX. The crimson magic clan begged me for a weapon to counter Mage-killer, which they consider the greatest threat to its existence. I mean, it doesn't even work. I didn't build it to threaten them, and it has no batteries. No matter how many times I explain that, though, no one will listen to me. Fine. I built them a weapon. I wasn't going to think too hard, but I got a little too into it, and it really turned into something. It doesn't use electromagnetic acceleration, but I can't come up with a good name, so I'm dubbing it the Railgun (temp name).

Month ZY, day ZY. My railgun (Temp name) is awesome. It might actually be able to destroy the world. I planned a simple weapon that used compressed magic, but when I let the crimson guys fire off a shot, I was shocked by how destructive it was. It probably won't have power like that for long. I just kind of threw it together from whatever pieces I could find. It'll probably fall apart after a few shots. I wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands, though... Actually, the length is almost exactly right for a drying pole.

But I'm really screwed now. Everyone is riding high because the "Crimson Magic Clan" plan worked so well, and now the brass want to use their massive national budget to build a super-sized mobile weapon. Do they think it'll be easy ? What a bunch of morons.

Oh well. Not like it has anything to do with me !*

Kazuma: I KNEW IT WAS YOUUUU !!

"hey, what's gotten into you ?!"

Kazuma: THE GUY WHO WROTE THIS AND THE GUY WHO BUILT DESTROYER ARE THE SAME STINKING GUY !!

"... Was the diary in the Destroyer also written in Japanese ?"

Aqua: Well, yeah, it was. So ?

Kazuma: Don't "Yeah, so ?" us ! That means you sent him here ! Why didn't you say anything ?!

Aqua: Because you didn't ask, obviously !

"Useless damn it... And now half the country is in disarray because of some cheater... Can't you be a little more selective with that stuff ?!"

Kazuma: ... hey, I've always wondered...

Aqua: What ?

Kazuma: ... How old are you, anyway ? This means you must've been around since at least before Mobile Fortress Destroyer, right ?

Aqua: Kazuma, what do you think you're doing, asking a goddess her age ? You really are looking for divine punishment, aren't you ? That room we met in ? Time flows differently there, slower. My age can't even be measured in years as you know them. So don't ask again, or you really will face divine retribution, Satou Kazuma.

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

"... Granny Aqua."

Aqua: WHY, YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU !! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GRANNY ?! TIME IS SLOWER WHERE I LIVE THAN WHERE YOU LIVE, SO I'VE LIVED LONGER THAN YOU, THAT'S ALL ! TAKE IT BACK ! WAAAAAAHH !!

"... So, while she throws a tantrum, we have a railgun to find. Where to look first ?"

Kazuma: Something the length of a drying pole should be obvious...

Aqua: I'll have you know that time flows at different speeds in different worlds. One month in Japan is barely one hour in the heavenly realm, say, but here it's several months. So as far as my age...

"Wait... Something the length of a drying pole... The perfect drying pole ?"

Kazuma: ... I KNOW WHERE THE RAILGUN IS !!

Aqua: Hey, are you even listening ?! Goddesses don't age- !

Bukkororii: This is bad... We're gonna run out of magic. We won't be able to teleport away from Sylvia's attacks.

Sylvia: Your little hit-and-run tactics are getting under my skin. But that ends now. I'll turn you all to ash, and-

Yunyun: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE !!

Megumin: Yunyun !

Kazuma: HEEEEEEY !! SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, BUT WE'VE GOT IT !!

Megumin: You're okay ! What of the weapon... ?

"What do you think this thing right here is ?"

Kazuma: Hey... What's Komekko doing here ?

Megumin: Er... I told her to go to the evacuation center in an emergency. But she slept right through the alarms...

"Hang on, what is Yunyun trying to pull here ?!"

Megumin: Oh, right, she jumped in at some point.

Kazuma: Take an interest ! We gotta help her ! Hey Darkness, what are you doing over there ?

Darkness: I, uh... I baited her at first, but then she said she didn't want to fight someone who was all defense and no attack...

"... Well, at least you tried."

Yunyun: SYLVIA !! You can see here that I don't know Teleport ! You can come at me, knowing I won't disappear !

Sylvia: What game are you playing, telling me that ? You know I won't show a moment of mercy. You've got guts. What's your name, girl ?

Yunyun: ... I... I AM NAMED YUNYUN ! ARCHWIZARD, WIELDER OF ADVANCED MAGIC... FIRST AMONG THE SPELLCASTERS OF THE CRIMSON MAGIC CLAN, AND SHE WHO WILL ONE DAY BE CHIEF OF THIS VILLAGE !!

Megumin: WHAT ?!

Yunyun: SYLVIA, GENERAL OF THE DEMON KING ! AS DAUGHTER OF THE CHIEF OF THE CRIMSON MAGIC CLAN... I SHALL SHOW YOU THE FORBIDDEN SPELL PASSED DOWN ONLY TO THOSE DESTINED TO LEAD OUR CLAN !!

Bukkororii: ... ... YUNYUN !! YUNYUN'S AWAKENED ! THE CHIEFS DAUGHTER HAS FINALLY COME OUT OF HER SHELL ! SO COOL ! YUNYUN, YOU ARE SO COOL !! THE POWER WITHIN YOU IS FINALLY AWAKENING !!

Kazuma: '... Ah, crap. The one sane girl in the whole clan finally cracked. Looks like he locals are eating it up... But i'm worried about when she comes to her senses...'

Megumin: That's Yunyun. My lifelong rival. But I cannot cede the title of first among our spellcasters.

"... Guess I should drop in, maybe."

Kazuma: You sure you have the firepower for that ?

"I won't know unless I try."

Sylvia: ... Will you, now ? What's wrong, little teleportless girl ? Secret techniques and killer moves, the rest of your kind are all talk. What about you ? Will I really see this forbidden spell of yours ?

Yunyun: 'As the chief's daughter... I have to protect everyone... I have to do something about Sylvia...'

Sylvia: YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY !! SHOW ME YOUR SPELL, QUICK !!

Yunyun: 'I don't have any ace up my sleeve... I don't have any secret spells, but... I'll sacrifice myself if it means stopping Sylvia...' LIGHT OF...

*POP*

"That was quite the speech. But please, don't throw your life away like this."

Yunyun: Huh ? Oh ! You are...

"Take it easy and get out of here. Something tells me you'll need it later. As for you... if you're looking for a real hit, look no farther, you've got it right there !"

Sylvia: kh... AHHH HA HA HA ! WORLD'S STRONGEST WIZARDS, MY ASS !! YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF GUTLESS BIG-MOUTHS !! But... Will you really face me ? You're not gonna chicken out too, are you ?!

'... Kazuma, hurry and take the shot.'

"I warn you, though... This'll be one single shot."

Sylvia: Then TAKE IT !! YOUR PATHETIC MAGIC WILL NOT REACH ME !!

"... I'm no mage... I'M A SUMMONER !! OVERCHARGED BLASTER !!"

*B-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM*

Sylvia: KH- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH !!

"I'm not backing down... I have the biggest stamina bar on this entire continent, AND YOU'LL FEEL EVERY SINGLE POINT !!"

Sylvia: W-... WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ?! MY MAGIC RESISTANCE...

"... MY NAME IS Y/N !! ONLY AND FOREMOST SUMMONER TO WALK THIS LAND !! SAVIOR OF PEOPLE, SLAYER OF DEMONS... AND WRECKER OF YOUR SHIT !! KAZUMA, TAKE THE SHOOOOOT !!"

Kazuma: SYLVIA, GENERAL OF THE DEMON KING ! REMEMBER MY NAME ! AND WHEN YOU GET TO HELL, SAY HI TO THE OTHER GENERALS FOR ME ! MY NAME IS-

Komekko: Boom !