" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

???: Oh ! Megumin, welcome! Hmm ? Are these outsiders you have with you ?

Megumin: Yes, my party members...

Cheekera: MY NAME IS CHEEKERA ! Archwizard and wielder of advanced magic ! First among the clothing store proprietors of the Crimson Magic Clan !

Cheekera: ... Sorry, it's just been so long since I got to do my intro. That felt great !

"... I suppose we only find it weird because it's so different."

Kazuma: Hey, I'm Kazuma Satou. The top clothing store guy, huh ? Neat.

Cheekera: Well, it's also the only clothing store in town.

Kazuma: Are you kidding me?!

Cheekera: We don't have many stores here at all, one of each kind. So there's no rivalries !

"Didn't Bukkororii claim he was the son of the top cobbler in town... ?"

Cheekera: So, Megumin, what can I help you with ?

Megumin: I'd like a new robe. I got this one from Yunyun long ago, but having just one is sort of inconvenient. Do you have anything just like this one ?

Cheekera: Ah, I have some I just finished dyeing.

Megumin: Just give me all of these.

Cheekera: Ho ! You're a pretty successful adventurer !

Megumin: Well, don't be surprised if you hear about me around here soon. On that note, my soon-to-be-rich friend Kazuma will... Kazuma ?

Kazuma: Guys... Is that... ?

Aqua: Yeah...

"Who in their right mind..."

"Put a sniper rifle here ?"

Kazuma: hey, where'd you get this drying pole ?

Cheekera: Ah ! You know something about it, sir ? It's a storied drying pole that's been in my family for generations ! It never rusts, which makes it a treasure. Hahaha !

Kazuma: 'That "God", this rifle, that weird building... What is up with this village ?'

Megumin: Phew ! We hit every possible tourist site.

Aqua: This place is gorgeous ! The wind feels wonderful.

Kazuma: Yeah, it's nice. We should've brought lunches.

Megumin: If you wish to see more, there's an observatory on top of the mountain. It has a powerful magic item for looking far away, to keep an eye on the demon king's castle. The king's daughter room is a recommended viewing spot.

"Wait, we're close to the Demon King's castle ? And you guys are surprised he's attacking you ?"

Kazuma: You're even profiting off of that...

Aqua: hey, Megumin, I like the sights and all... But I thought I asked you to take me somewhere with a nice mood.

Megumin: This place does have a nice mood ! It's called the "Devil's hill". Couples who confess their love to each other on this hill are cursed by a devil so they can never leave each other...

Kazuma: That's downright freaky !! Man... hitting all the sites around here is tiring business...

"Yep... But, I've been thinking of something... That mysterious building... That underground facility, that rifle, or even these familiar legends..."

Kazuma: Yeah ?

"You don't think... That the one who founded this village could've been... Kinda like us ?"

Kazuma: That... That's actually a good point... And it would also explain the chuunibyou tendencies... ... ... What's that... ?

Kazuma: That's... Close to your house, isn't it, Megumin ? I thInk those are the Demon King's troops !

Megumin: Huh ? Really ? They came back after we trashed them so soundly ? But... The alarm hasn't sounded, so the village must not know yet. They're sneaking around... That must mean they're after one of our buildings, not an open attack.

Kazuma: Buildings ? Maybe one of those seals ? But you said that dark god or whatever..

Megumin: Yes, that seal has been broken already. I can't imagine, what else they would want in... NO, WAIT !! Maybe they're after the God at the Cat-ears shrine !!

"If that's really what they're after, I'll let them steal it, and then blast them all to oblivion. What about that weapon that might destroy the world ?"

Megumin: I highly doubt that. There's a special seal on that building, and no one knows how to use the weapon anyway.

Kazuma: Whatever, they'll flood the village at this rate ! I'm gonna warn the villagers !

Aqua: That's My Kazuma ! Ready and willing to let others do his dirty work !

"Yaaaaay. Well, while he's at it, I guess i'm gonna intercept them... That'll be a good occasion to test a few new things."

Demons: Th- The hell is with this girl ?! Where the hell did she come from ?!

Darkness: Damnable fiends ! You shall not pass so long as I draw breath ! To enter this village, you'll have to kill me !

Demons: Geez, what a pain ! She can't land any hits, but she can sure take them ! What the hell is she even after !

???: What could be the matter here ? So stymied by just one opponent ?

Demon: Lady Sylvia ! That girl isn't even trying to get help, she's just soaking up our attacks ! It may be some kind of trap ! Please keep back !

Darkness: Well, now... Looks like you're in charge around here. i'm tired of these shrimps and their pathetic attacks. Have at me !

Sylvia: Not the lest bit intimidated by me ? All right, I'll fight you.

Sylvia: I, General of the Demon King, lady Sylvia ! No need to hold back now. Give me everything you've got.

Darkness: ... ... ...

Sylvia: ... What could be wrong ?

Darkness: I was so disappointed when I heard there were no male orcs. And the attacks of your minions have done nothing to satisfy me. So I have high hopes for any general of the Demon King, be they man or woman. I'm warning you, half-hearted attacks don't get a twitch from me "Sylvia", wasn't it ? Do not shame yourself as a General. ATTACK ME ! STRIKE ME WITH A BLOW WORTHY OF YOUR STATION !! MAKE ME SUBMIT AND CALL YOU MASTER !!

Sylvia: ... Huh ? Sorry, I don't quite under-

"Ask, and you shall receive."

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM*

Darkness: Haaaaaaaamnnn~ !

Sylvia: GH- ! What is that ?!

"... So it's good for close-quarter combat... Even if it seems to lack a bit in the power department."

"The arm blaster was a good call. Way to hold them off, Darkness."

Darkness: hehehe...

"Although that last part of your monologue, I could do without."

Sylvia: So you're that crusader's comrade, huh ?

"Hmph. It ain't just me, ya know ?"

Kazuma: GUUUUUUUYS !! Are you okay ?!

"... And with a squad as well."

Sylvia: I see now. You were just absorbing our attacks until reinforcements arrived. I've got to hand it to you, you're one clever crusader.

Darkness: Uh... Y- You found me out. It wasn't easy for me to stand against you... W- Was it ?

"Don't ask me. But hey, you did stand you ground, like a true crusader."

Bukkororii: Hey, didn't we beat them up just yesterday ? They don't take a hint, do they ?

Kazuma: So, tell me, who's your bust friend there ?

"For the short story, that's the General of the Demon King that's been attacking the village. Honestly, that was a stroke of luck you could notice her sneaking in."

Kazuma: 'General ? Seriously ? Hold on. If I stick my neck out here... I could end up in more danger than ever. Ah, but today, I'm lucky enough to have a bunch of powerful magic masters standing right behind me. So... !'

Kazuma: Hey ! You may be a General of the Demon King, but this crusader here withstood even Vanir's Explosive magic !

Sylvia: WHA- ?! Did you say Vanir ? I heard he never came back from Axel, but... No ! Y- You... ?

Kazuma: What's this ? You're looking a bit pale...

Aqua: 'hey, Megumin, Doesn't Kazuma sound a little weird to you ?'

Megumin: 'Shh ! Let's see where this goes. Maybe he'll bring us into it !'

Kazuma: Yes ! Megumin there put the finishing touches on him !

Bukkororii: Really, Megumin ? That's awesome !

Kazuma: And that's not all ! Beldia, the Dullahan. Hans, the Deadly Poison Slime. And even the infamous mobile fortress Destroyer ! The five of us were responsible for the downfall of each and every one of them !

Sylvia: Wh- What ?! I'd heard Beldia was defeated, but Hans too... ? True, no one heard from him in a while...

Kazuma: Heh. I believe you've been acquainted already... With the summoner that went one-on-one against Hans, and emerged victorious !

"You are next on my hit list. 'I mean, the final blow was shared with Aqua...'."

Sylvia: ... I see we're at a disadvantage here. Who knew these wizards would have such powerful friends ? I take it you're the leader of your party. I think I like you. Maybe you'd be so kind as to tell me your name ?

Kazuma: Heh. My name, huh ? Very well. My name is Ka- Kyouya Misturugi ! Remember it well !

'... He chickened out...'

Sylvia: Mitsurugi ! The wielder of the cursed blade Gram ? I've heard of him. It looks like you're missing your famous sword today, but your calm demeanor is unmistakable. Although, I'd heard he was handsome too...

Kazuma: Quit while you're ahead, bub.

Sylvia: Either way, it looks like you're just my type. With both you and the wizards here, though, things are getting dangerous. I hate to say it, but we'd better make our exit for now. My name is Sylvia ! I'll be seeing you again, Mitsurugi !

Bukkororii: HEY ! SHE'S GETTING AWAY !!

"AS IF ! LET'S CATCH HER AND MAKE HER REGRET EVERY BREATH SHE TOOK !!"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM*

Archwizards: LIGHTNING STRIKE !! LIGHT OF SABER !!

Kazuma: ... Sylvia, general of the Demon King, huh ?

Darkness: How long do you plan to keep up this facade ?

Megumin: What do you think she's here for ?

Aqua: Hey, Kazuma ! Why didn't you say anything about me ?!

Komekko: And this lady here was totally awesome ! Swords, magic, they all bounced right off her !

Darkness: Ah, th- that's just part of the course for a crusader.

"It's funny how we're basically opposites in terms of skills."

*F-TWOOOOOM*

"One roasted manju, coming in pipin' hot."

Komekko: Waaaaaaahh ! Arm canon ! Arm canon !

Yuiyui: We heard how the two of you repelled Sylvia's attack. What a wonderful, reliable party.

Darkness: Oh, don't mention it.

Yuiyui: A party I could easily entrust my daughter to. On that note, about the sleeping arrangements for tonight, Kazuma-san...

Kazuma: Uh, hang on. Where's Hyoizaburou-san ?

Yuiyui: My husband is so busy, he said he wanted to sleep in the workshop. I'll go heat some bathwater, okay ?

"Pretty sure I heard him say he would sleep with Megumin tonight, out of concern for his daughter. Your mom's at it again."

Megumin: You were really cool today, Kazuma ! let's finish Sylvia off for good next time !

"That would be good. Beldia, Vanir, Hans and now Sylvia, so with her, Half of the Generals would be down."

Darkness: That's right ! Incidentally, I was off ordering a new set of armor from the village's blacksmith today. Heh heh heh, with that armor, I can't enjoy myself against Sy-

Kazuma: Don't be stupid. We're going home tomorrow !

"... What ?"

Kazuma: We've seen the sights, there's nothing else we need here. We're leaving first thing tomorrow morning, and then we're going to lounge around the mansion.

Darkness: How could you ?! You were looking so cool !

Megumin: You're gonna just leave after all that ?! That's too much, even for you !!

Kazuma: Nah, I decided to try looking cool exactly because I knew we were going home tomorrow. There's nice, cushy neet lifestyle waiting fro us at home. Why tangle with a general of the demon king ? I'mreal sorry to leave behind such a hot general, but... It was having all those crimson magic clan members at my back that let me say all that stuff.

"... Yep, he's a lost cause. It's all over now."

Yuiyui: The bath is ready, everyone. Everything okay ?

Kazuma: Oh, thanks. I'll go first, if you don't mind.

"Hold it right there, Kazuma ! We're not through with this !"

Kazuma: They just get too excited. They should take it easy...

Aqua: Oh, Kazuma. You've had your bath too ?

Kazuma: Aqua ? Why do you look like you just got out of bath ?

Aqua: I used one in town I learned there a big place near here called "Mixed bathing bathouse".

Kazuma: Wait a second, why haven't I heard about this place ?! 'Damn, and we're leaving tomorrow ! What can I do ? Can I extend our trip another day... ?'

Aqua: I'm gonna hit the sack. G'night !

Yuiyui: Megumin ! Where do you think you're going at this hour ?! I won't let a girl of your age stay out overnight ! You just came back from outside this morning too !

Megumin: Our house is the most dangerous place for a girl my age ! I'm sure you'll try to get me to sleep with Kazuma again tonight !

Yuiyui: Oh, there's nothing to worry about with Kazuma-san, trust your mother. I'm sure he'll... Meet your expectations.

Megumin: YOU MUST BE BLIND ! NO, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON !! IT'S YOUR EXPECTATIONS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, ISN'T IT ?!

Yuiyui: Hold it right there ! I finally got your father and your two friends to sleep and-

Megumin: Give it up ! i'm going to stay at Yunyun's house !

Yuiyui: You won't get away ! Ankle snare !

Megumin: Y- You would use magic on the child of your own blood ?! What kind of mother are you ?! Let me go right now... !!

Yuiyui: i'm telling you, there's nothing to worry about... Okay... So sweet dreams, dear daughter of mine. Sleep.

"... ... ... Could you please keep it down ? It's already late, and i'm trying to catch some rest... I already have a burden in my room, don't need more ruckus on top of it."

Yuiyui: Ah, yes, sorry. I'll think about putting a sound-proof spell on their room.

Kazuma: ... Where is Darkness ?

"She's... Incapacitated, at the moment."

Kazuma: ... ... ... Wha-

Yuiyui: I will also put the spell on your room, if you want.

"I keep saying about getting some rest, but My blood's pumping way too much for me to sleep right now."

Darkness: Haah... haaah... Haaah~...

"Not in that way. I just have a feeling we're gonna get a nightly visit very soon... Maybe I should even patrol around, since I can't sleep anyway."

Darkness: O- Oh, please bring me along ! To be attacked in the midst and obscurity of the night, ravaged by assailants I can't even see..."

"I need a tank with me in any case."

"Seeing anything ?"

Darkness: ... ... ...

"You're staring... Are you seriously expecting me to molest you here and there ?"

Darkness: W- Would you ?

"Now's not the time, I've got other things to worry about."

???: ... J- Just a little... Just a little farther... !

"... And speak of the devil. Well, the Demon, in that case."

Sylvia: Tch. Guess my hope of a surprise attack went out the window. Did you realize what I'm truly after ?

"I couldn't care less. You're here, and that's all I need. Now I wonder, how much of a fight can you put up, before I silence you forever ?"

Sylvia: Gh-

Darkness: ... Why can't you be like that with me... ?

"Because I find it hard to muster killing intent towards my own comrades... Wait, now's not the time to be discussing that ! Try and go sound the alarm or something ! The General has infiltrated the village !"

Darkness: Y- Yes !

Sylvia: ... What do you hope on accomplishing alone ?

"I overcome Hans, the Deadly Poison slime. So I don't see why you should consider yourself lucky ! I WILL BLAS YOU INTO OBLIVION !!"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM*

???: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH ! YOU GUUUUYS !!

"Perfect timing. Reinforcements are already on the way."

Kazuma: GAAH !! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT JUST WHEN IT WAS GETTING GOOD ?! WHAT THE HELL, MAN ?! YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE TROUBLE YOU CAUSE OTHER PEOPLE, DUMBASS ?! YOU WANT AN ASS-WHOOPING ?!

Sylvia: I- I'm sorry !

"Did we really interrupt something ?"

Megumin: No !

Kazuma: HELL YEAH YOU DID !! AND YOU OVER THERE, YOU BETTER NOT EXPECT ANY MERCY JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE HOT ! IN THE NAME OF TRUE GENDER EQUALITY, I WILL DROPKICK ANY ROTTEN WOMAN WHO DESERVES IIIIIT !!

*Tink*

Kazuma: ... ... Ah...

Sylvia: Wait a minute. Is this really the cursed sword Bram ? There's nothing legendary about it... And your swordsmanship is mediocre as well. Are you really Mitsurugi ?

Kazuma: 'Crap ! She may be a wounded woman, but she's still a general of the Demon King ! She's gonna figure me out !' Uh, well, y'see... This sword still has to power-up a couple more times...

"Why not just drop the facade right there ? It won't help you any longer."

Kazuma: I'm telling this blade is-

Megumin: Chunchunmaru. That is the renowned blade, Chunchunmaru. This Gram and its dubious owner are not fit to be mentioned in the same breath.

Sylvia: heh... Hahahahaha ! Of course ! You're not Mitsurugi with his cursed sword ! How could you be ? Why the pseudonym ? What's your real name ?

Kazuma: ... My name is Kazuma Satou. And I used a fake name because I thought I'd end up wanted if I told you who I was.

"You can't deny it, that was a smart move of him."

Sylvia: Ahahahaha ! Man, you're a riot ! Well... No point in holding back, then. This is the perfect time.

"Kazuma... Lean down a little, please. I need a clear shot."

Sylvia: A clear shot ? I would appreciate if you didn't underestimate me !

Kazuma: 'THANK YOU VERY MUCH !! No, wait this has to be a trap... Just because she's exposing skin, busty and a statuesque beauty in spite of her huge frame- THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!'

Aqua: Guys ! I heard there was an attack ongoing, what's... Sylvia ?! And... Kazuma... ?

Darkness: Kazuma ?!

Sylvia: Hmph. I'm not so weak that I'd be done in by the likes of you ! Now, step back if you don't want this boy to die !

"... Jokes on you, he's be more than happy to die like that !"

*F-TWOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Kazuma: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGH !!

Megumin: ... he seems fine. In fact, he looks quite happy !

Aqua: You're not getting away ! The guy who's buried in your chest and loving it right now is my precious... ! Precious... hey... What would you call me and Kazuma ? How do I finish my cool speech here ?

"No idea... Sidekick, maybe ?"

Sylvia: Ugh... Now you've gone and done it Exorcism doesn't affect humans, but I found that very unpleasant. Unfortunately for you, that was hardly enough to kill me. i'm not just some middling devil, after all. MY NAME IS SYLVIA ! CHIEF OF THE MONSTER STRENGTHENING AND DEVELOPMENT BUREAU, AND ONE WHO HAS AUGMENTED HER OWN BODY ! YES... I AM THE GROWTH CHIMERA, SYLVIA !!

Sylvia: Say, I like you, so... Let's become one !!

Sylvia: Ahahahahaha !! What do you think of that ? This boy is my hostage now !

Aqua: hey ! She's trying to make off with Kazuma !

Darkness: He... Does look awfully happy, though.

Megumin: He did not try hard to resist the bind.

"... Whatever, it's Kazuma. And reinforcements should be on the way, so... You asked what I think of that ? I think taking hostage someone smaller than you is dumb as hell ! PREPARE FOR THE HEADSHOT, BITCH !!"

Kazuma: Just forget it.

"A- Ah ?!"

Kazuma: I said forget it. Listen, all of you. You haven't exactly been nice to me lately. But Sylvia here says she's fond of me ! You know, i'm wondering if it's about time for me to defect to the Demon King's side ! So, how about you apologize ? I work my butt off for this party ! Megumin already told me earlier how grateful she is for everything I do all the time. Come on ! Say it !

Darkness: L- Look, Kazuma... That isn't funny...

Aqua: Hey... How about we just hand him over ? He sounds weird too.

"... I have a better idea."

Kazuma: H- Huh... Hey, no jokes, okay... Y- You're not gonna do...

"What's the matter ? Someone like must have been thinking about the consequences of his decisions, right ? And the consequences of you defecting to the other side, is the possibility of me blasting you a new one where the sun don't shine."

Kazuma: Uhhhhhhhh...

Sylvia: Ahahaha ! I can see you're as good as a man as I took you for, Kazuma ! Ooh, I really do want to take you back to the Demon King's army ! But don't bully your little friends too much, okay ? You should be a bit more sensitive of their feelings.

Darkness: Hrgh... For a demonic creature, you seem to know an awful lot about the heart of humans. I can't begin to guess at a demon's age, do you have a lot of experience as a woman ?

Sylvia: Goodness, but of course. I understand women and men both. After all... I'm partially a man myself.

Kazuma: ... ... ... S- Say that again... ?

Sylvia: Oh, didn't you hear ? I'm a chimera after all. Even this bust you seem so enamored with is something I added to my body.

"... ... Well, since Kazuma-san here wants to spend his time with Sylvia, I don't see a reason to interfere. Have fun~."

Aqua: You really need to watch out for that sadistic streak.

Sylvia: ... You really are quite the man, though. Why, just stroking your head like this, is getting me all excited up above and down below.

Kazuma: S- Sylvia-san ! Sylvia-san !

Sylvia: Yes, I'm Sylvia.

Kazuma: W- Why do I feel something pressing into my butt... ?

Sylvia: Fufu... Because something is !

Kazuma: ... ... ... ...

*Something is ! Something is ! Something is ! Something is !*

Kazuma: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!

*Kazuma was psychologically scarred... Again.*