*takes a deep breath* 

Well, this was... interesting.
*stares blankly at extremely long review*
I have edited this, for punctuation, grammar, the basic mistakes someone makes when writing something this fricken LONG. 
*sighs*
However, for the sake of the reviewers' undeniable talent of phrasing things in such a way that makes me laugh my arse off, upon their request, I have decided to allow the somewhat rude remarks, instead of censoring......
So, fair warning, you may get offended. If you can't handle criticism, it may be best to not read on. 

Review of "DEATH'S REIGN."

Reviewer: 2storytime.Writer: emilymarieharvey.

[Stares at a bag of unidentified white substance "Will I get wings?" Finishes the bag of 'grown-up glucose' in a few minutes]
Alright, let's get this party started! Dear writer, you naughty devil you, [wags finger] I see what you did there. I will do another review before your next. You know why. [Winks perfect eye tapping perfect nose, take that bitch barbie!]
COVER AND TITLE: 8/10The cover immediately screams out the genre of your book. I knew there was gonna be a shit ton of magic!The title was foreboding and interesting, though not entirely a wonder. It's certainly better than "The Touch of Death". The font wasn't horrendous and actually was fitting for the genre. Also, I could picture Celeste striking that pose. LoL. I'm giving you eight because of a reason I'll state later. It's too girly, which isn't bad, just... I'll explain later.

BLURB: 3.5/5The dialogue was kinda funny and I actually enjoyed the part about... "ending them all!" ...
You had me until you lost me at ...
"Celeste was not your average 17- year - old"...
My eyes rolled to the fucking floor. I didn't cut points for this, don't worry, there's nothing illegal about writing 17-year-old girls. It's just, that personally, it pushed me away.
I know it's a big draw for the millions of teenage girls on Wattpad. Congrats on your readership by the way. Basically, since I'm not the ' target audience', I'm a young adult male, so you can imagine. Anyway, what I'm saying is that it can push some people away.
Actually, going into your book, I was expecting some girly boy crazy teenage melodrama bullshit. But, as the story unfolded, that wasn't the case. Sure, there was a shit ton of abs and boy muscles but that wasn't the whole point, so I think you're missing out. My advice? Since you already have enough 'target audience' change the cover and blurb a bit so you invite action lovers in a bit more.
Anyway, all the girliness just gives me the idea that you know who you want to read and it ain't me. Do whatever you want with this information. I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying.
However, I did not chuck points for that coz it attracted a good amount of readers. And the right ones. Just not the only ones.
Also, this feels like as good a time as any to say that I fucking hate the name Celeste. It sounds so fucking pretentious! Also, just me.


PROLOGUE: 9/10
Your prologue was the shit! I mean clearly, you're a writer who knows what the fuck they are actually doing. A lot of new writers especially in the genre your book is in, action/adventure/fantasy/whatever the hell, tend to use the prologue to take a massive shit in our brains.
They come in and dump all the fucking info they have in their pathetic writer's notes so that we know HOW FUCKING AWESOME THEY ARE AT WORLD BUILDING.
You, on the other hand, did a better job at it than me going through a round of shots, and that's saying something. I'm not giving you ten over ten because of a major flaw in your writing, something to do with time, hold that thought.
Needless to say, your prologue did everything that a good prologue should do. You threw us right in the middle of a very crucial moment in your character's life. We immediately learn that she is not just a typical girl, exciting! You also used the opportunity to showcase the world and a bit of how it worked.
It was a clever and mature choice. Instead of dumping out all you had, you let it come slowly and that continued throughout the number of chapters I read. I'm gonna have to finish it now won't I? Naughty devil.

PREMISE: 6/10.
I'm gonna need some fucking tequila on the rocks for this shit. [Downs three straight ones.]Now I asked you if there was something you were in doubt about that I could perhaps pay more mind to and you said you wanted to know if it had draw.
Well, it has draw like hell has heat. Your general idea and vibe is a big draw. A lot of which you owe to your prologue. However, as the story unfolds and the chapters flow, it begins to look like someone I remember [who the person is now isn't important] who was shit drunk and sat in on a blender thinking it was a toilet and the fucking machine was on, splattering diarrhea all over the fucking house!!
Now if that sounds hyperbolic and graphic, that's because it is. I'm only exaggerating so that you get a horrible brown and green picture in your mind.
Okay, my biggest problem was with the fucking clichés which you chose and I don't think you needed. Being truthful with you, nothing hurt the story more than this. Maybe except the time thing, hold that thought again.
I mean for fuck's sake, if I were to summarize your premise, it would be this...
"Half angel half demon 17-year-old girl is in some plot device, I mean prophecy and will most likely begin to shoot random powers out of her arsehole because she is more powerful than anything!!!"
I mean seriously??????!!!!! Her being half angel half demon is not a problem at all, the problem is that you actually pegged your entire plot around a prophecy. That was just disappointing. I seriously had to stop myself from swallowing recin every time that prophecy was mentioned.
However, it did not stop me from enjoying every moment of the page-turning book. Your strong suits, thankfully, outweigh this giant fault. I would sooo want your book to be a Netflix show!!! But they'd have to scrap that fucking prophecy.

PLOT: 16/20I really did enjoy the plot. Things moved around properly and the mystery of the boys and her father were always lurking somewhere. I love when an author knows how to handle sub-plots and you handled them like the dickens!!!Everything just melded together so fucking perfectly it makes my mouth water just to think of it.

Your main character and others never stop trying to do their best to push things forward. eg when she leaves Hannah to go to the bar, when she leaves the bleachers to go into the forest, etc.
However as much as they try to be the ones to push the plot, the plot just seemed to be throwing random things at them and watching them react. It's fine to do this but when the thing pushing the plot forward and crippling your characters is a prophecy well... I chucked points for that here too.
Clichés are a serious problem. It makes your story conform and seem lazy instead of standing out and being a new wonder. Honestly, that part disappointed me.
CHARACTERIZATION: 19/20
Celeste- I fucking hate her name but I do love her!!! Ah! She is so well developed. She felt like a real human being. I have to say, as I read the intro thingy and the prologue, my Mary Sue radar was flashing signs I didn't know existed. Clearly and thankfully she didn't turn out to be a Mary Sue, she was pretty fucking close though. Here's what I mean;
Everyone loved her√ The only non-demonic creature who hated her was bitch barbie who was a slut that needed to be vanquished√She was freaking overpowered (I mean come on, posing a threat to Michael? The leader of the hosts of heaven? I mean come on)√ What saved her from being a Mary Sue were these;
Wasn't perfect at any time, let alone every time.XWas an outcast and carried that her entire life.XSuffered some degree of trauma and probably depression.XDidn't win every battle.X
All in all, she was the best character and the funniest. I love her so much! It's funny that she carries the strongest elements of your story and the weakest. As I said, your good greatly outweighs the bad so this is just a show of that.
Michael-He was very interesting. He was a celestial being on the brink and that was fantastic. Also giving a being who is otherwise too powerful to experience relatable problems, you gave him that thing where he couldn't go home if he interfered. Fantastic!!!
The boys- I'm grouping them together, deal with it! I loved every one of them for how you distinguished them. It went deeper than just... 'punk rocker nerd', 'red-headed jock' and 'smouldering mysterious bad boy'.
Those are actually not thought of twice and I think it's great. They all sounded unique and I personally loved Evan and Celeste's friendship most.
Hannah-I hope she gets a chance to truly do something in the sequel, honestly. However, from what you've managed to show about her, she's a motherly martyr type. She sacrifices a lot for her 'family'. Seriously, use her! Also, there are so many 'hot boys' being thrown around I don't get why not show us more of that sexy redhead! I'm only saying that coz the sex appeal in your book is something you chose to go with.
Bitch barbie-What can I say? She's a bitch and she looks like barbie.
Josh and Kylie-Deskies!!!! I fucking love my deskies throughout life.
All in all your characterization was okay. Celeste was fantastic yet weighed down by that fucking prophecy. It pushed her unnecessarily and unfairly into Mary Sue territory.

LITERATURE: 9/10
All in all your language was very powerful and the narrative voice was... well, we'll get to that. You didn't try to do too much but what you did you nailed.

Similies and the bunch-eg; ... lips were chill blue skin as thin as a sheet of paper.....the town was smaller than a rat's ass.
Personification-eg; ... darkness swallowed......life wouldn't bend me over and fuck me in the ass [This drunken bastard can relate]
Irony-Blissfullyhorendous
I'm calling this one "psychic writer"-You were able to show us your character's thoughts. Thank sweet baby Jesus that you stayed in line with the main character instead of head-hopping.eg; When Michael asks it sill hurts you write.Yes " No." Fucking. Stroke. Of. Genius.
Humour-Perhaps the strongest thing, nah, the second strongest, I'll get go the strongest next. The humour was so good I have no obligation but to write them out. The ones I enjoyed most. Fuck!
-The end of chapter two the joke about real nightmares and the one about cooling it with the Xbox.-The one about Satan's vocabulary at the beginning or chapter three.-The Eminem lyric about vomit (Sweet baby Jesus I hope it's Eminem) Go listen to a mix called "Big Botty mix by two friends" [clears throught]-Celeste telling Zeke that he's about to hear a lot of things when she shoves her foot up his arse.-Holy balls! Just holy balls.-"So you're saying it's like being on my period but on steroids?""Exactly."
And so on and so forth.
Narrative voice-WOW! WOW! WOW! NEVER STOP WRITING, YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING!!! This is where your star shone brightest. I mean, just wow! I honestly don't know what to say. The narration was flippin fantastic and words can't even describe.
All in all, you did well in this sector but I chucked points because of the lack of nuance. For a book with prophecies and celestial beings, I would expect more imagery and symbolism. The nuanced little things that would make Christopher Nolan drool. The only one was the one about the greater and lesser light. So that's why I chucked half points. Shove it!!!
GRAMMAR: 7/20. (I was merciful.)
As a less cultured man would say, this is where your story fell into a bag of dicks and died, whilst sucking them. But lucky for you, this section only carries 20 points. [Laughs maniacally.]
Now, [wipes frothing mouth] you constantly reminded us of your lack of edit so at least you somehow don't expect this to be your siren's song home. Coz I can tell you this, it fucking ain't! [Bursts into a fit of laughter, Mr. Creepy shoots him the eyes.]
X, There were so many fucking incomplete sentences I can't even.eg. Chapt 3 paragraph 5. When describing the slutty dress you say.'...strapless red.' And end it there, literally.
X Also, words repeated twice.eg. 'Get a hold a hold of yourself...'
X Misspellings (though not as many as you'd imagine, few, actually.)
Now, these are not even major thorns because they are easy to fix with an edit. Go edit your book, by the way, it's complete for goodness sake! And has a freaking sequel! [Laughs again] Please edit soon, I know it can be annoying but just try.
The thing that really turns my fucking tables, is your tense [face palms].I mean for fuck's sake!!! Are you a freaking time traveller? Coz if you are, take me back to before disco was dead. I wanna boogie all night!!
Your tense shifted so fucking much I felt like I needed a Delorian. I'm not even exaggerating. That was the most atrocious part. The sad thing is that it desensitized me to the point I started questioning...
"Is time real? Are any of us real?"
You should never mix tense. For example (This isn't from your book, but it's the same kind of mistake. But I don't blame you, we're all here learning new shit.)
"The morning WAS bright and I COULDN'T wait to start the day. I MOVE my hand and TURN off the alarm and JUMPED out of bed."
That example is what you're doing. In a proper tense, it is as follows...
(Past) The morning WAS bright and I COULDN'T wait to start the day. I MOVED my hand and TURNED off the alarm and JUMPED out of bed.
(Present)The morning IS bright and I CAN'T wait to start the day. I MOVE my hand TURN off the alarm, JUMPING out of bed.



HONOURABLE MENTIONS [Pops pretentious champagne.]

1. The first part of your book that had all that crap was freaking fantastic. You go, girl!!! Your formating and all that jazz were all so pretty I felt like Wattpad needs to add a pink or purple theme choice. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, it's that part with the synopsis and trailer (which I didn't watch btw, y'all don't pay me enough for this shit) and all that other junk. I loved it!! It shows just how much time you're willing to put into your work. It shows how much you care about the book and that I should too. Unfortunately for your ass, this isn't in my criteria.Your prologue was very interesting and it put us right where we needed to be. You did an amazing job of " showing" as opposed to "telling". Also, stop repeating the name Celeste SO FUCKING MUCH!!

2. The banners for share, vote, comment, were amazing and I need them for my book. Right now!!!
3. You didn't ignore the Bible. When writers decide to dive into angel's and demon's territory, they like to ignore the Biblical origin. You did not and I appreciate that a lot. Sure you added in some other things of your own but you didn't stray too far from the source to the point where it was dumb. Also, your constant Biblical references and jokes, both great and small, tied your world together nicely.

DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS.[Face palms.]Another problem with your blurb, that line that was just dripping with toxic feminism. You said your book was about beating male asses and if we don't like it we should head out. Umm... first of all, that's not what your book was about.
*Toxic feminism, (Yes, women can be toxic too) is when you believe that women are better than men in every way.
In such works of literature and other media, a female character is shown as being good while every male character is either a joke or really evil.

*True feminism is acknowledging the unique and common strengths of both genders and how they're equal fundamentally and need to work together to overcome their unique and common shortcomings.
Such works show women and men working together. Some females are good some are bad, some males are good some are bad. This is the exact definition of your book. It's not at all about kicking male ass. That single line is toxic and can drive men (who some are good and don't like always being shown as "men are generally dick holes") and non-toxic feminists. (who are both male and female. You read my book and it shows non-toxic feminism, like yours.)
This is a diatribe I felt I needed to have on this trusty old beer box. Hope it helps [pops the " p"] All in all your book is delicious and I can't wait for more.

Your score:
77.5
I think you can estimate your score after you edit. GOOD JOB EARTHLING!!!!!


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