Brynn

I pull out my phone once I make it in line and text Cgc that I'm here already. We planned to meet at 6:15, fifteen minutes after his practice was over, but he's still not here. I don't think much about it since I did get here a couple of minutes earlier. I tap my foot against the ground as I text back in the family group chat. My brother is talking about coming down for Thanksgiving break even if it's only a few days off and he attends college all the way in Boston.

Mom: Ripley, you're crazy.

Rip: mother, do you not want me to come home?

Dad: Nope.

I laugh at this, my dad obviously joking.

Mom: I do, but don't waste your money on flights this soon, honey. You'll be home a couple of weeks after for winter break.

"Oh, yeah. Cgc Scott didn't bomb it, thankfully," one of the guys in front of me says, catching my attention. I pretend I'm still engulfed in my phone as messages continue to come through. "Dude, he's been doing good this season. Even last season," another guy with curly red hair says. "I know, I just take any opportunity to shit on him, you know me," the first guy replies. I make a face at that but they don't notice since their backs are to me. "It's always the pretty boys with the nastiest attitudes," the blonde girl with them says, sighing.

"He's a piece of shit, yeah. But it's alright guys, he's winning us a fucking championship this year," the ginger says. The first guy snorts, "If he doesn't choke like last year." The other two groan at that. "Maybe we should accept another championship loss just to see the guy miserable again," the blonde laughs. I roll my eyes. Why are they being dicks? I'm one hundred percent sure that none of these three idiots has ever spoken one word to Cgc in their life.

I do remember what Valdez and even one of my teammates said about Cgc and how he's not a good guy. Valdez thinks he's a good guy, he just made me aware that others don't share the same opinion as him. I didn't believe their - Valdez or my teammates - stories. And I don't believe these people in front of me now. They're being nasty and I wish I was confident enough to interject and tell them to fuck off.

"Nooo. Fuck that. The guys a douchebag but I don't hate him that much that I'd risk us winning the National Championship game," the redhead says. You losers aren't winning anything, the football team is. My jaw tightens as they all laugh again. Fuck this. Right as I turn to leave, my body collides with another. I stumble back a bit, bumping into one of the guys from the group. Cgc catches my arm before I'm able to go back enough to fall on my ass. "Whoa, there," he says. I turn around and the group of three look at me, their eyes widened. "Sorry, man. My friends a little clumsy," Cgc smiles, patting my head.

The three of them say nothing, instead, look at me with their eyes still widened. They know I was behind them this whole time that they talked about Cgc. He came at the worst and best time. He doesn't pay attention to them any further after that, looking back at me. "Where were you going?" he asks. "Uh, nowhere," I reply, trying my best to shake off the anger coursing through me. "You were about to lose your space in line," he whispers, slithering himself in next to me.

I hadn't even realized the long line behind me. There are three more people to order ahead of us too. I glance down at my phone which I didn't drop surprisingly. My brother Ripley decided to still come to Oak Hill for Thanksgiving despite my mom telling him not to. That makes me feel a little bit better as I slip my phone away into my back pocket. "You alright? You're a little tense," Cgc's light blue eyes fill with something close to worry. I nod quickly and offer a smile too. "Sorry, family group chat was having me feel a little dizzy from all the texts coming through," I chuckle.

His lips inch up slightly, only producing bigger smiles rarely. "The brother that threw you off on that roof in that group chat? Tell him I said hi and that I like him," he says with a smirk. I tilt my head slightly. "Why do I feel like you two would actually get along?" I say with an eye roll. His smile widens a fraction. "Great. I have to meet him then, we'll bully you together." I fake laugh, "And I'll be twice as mean right back. Don't test me." I point a finger at him and he holds his hands up in defense.

"I've seen you try and be mean and sorry but, you're not intimidating at all," he says easily. Okay, I may not look intimidating, but I can be. If I try hard enough. He just hasn't done or said anything to see that side of me yet. Now that I think about it, I'm probably my scariest when Maddy has an attitude with me, and if he doesn't think that's intimidating then maybe. . .

"I can be intimidating!" I defend. "Hmmm, okay," he says, raising his brows. I narrow my eyes at him. "How can I help you?" The brunette behind the counter interrupts our short bicker. We both order and I hand my card over to her quickly before Cgc can pull his out. He curses under his breath and I smile as we both walk toward a booth. "I'm paying you back," he says, sitting across from me. I shake my head, "You never let me pay you back, so I won't let you either." I shrug my shoulders and play with my nails. I won't give into him.

"That's because you want to pay me back for a five hundred dollar ticket I bought you. This was a ten-dollar meal," he retorts. "Uhm, a ten-dollar meal is okay. A five hundred dollar ticket is insanity!" I say condescendingly. He tilts his head. "Did you enjoy the art?" he asks. "Yes, I st-"

"Okay, that was the whole point. I spent that money because I knew you'd enjoy it, Brynn. You shouldn't have to pay me back for something nice I did for you, no. That's not how this relationship will work," he says with a shake of his head. Ugh. I want to fight back but what more can I say? His response makes me even more aggravated about earlier when those three people were talking shit about him. They definitely do not know the Cgc Scott I know. "You're annoying," is all I say. I don't actually mean it, but he knows he won this. He smiles very small, setting his water back down on the table.

"But thank you." I can't help but add that because I'm not unappreciative of the way he is with me. I understand that he may not be the perfect person, but around me, he seems too damn close to one. I can't even believe I admitted to that since I've never said that about anyone besides my best friend from Miami, Jess. "No problem," he says. They call our number and Cgc stands up quickly and walks over to get our food. He sits back down, handing me my chicken salad and fruit bowl.

We stuff our faces in mostly silence since we're both too hungry to talk. After we both finish, my family group chat starts blowing up again. "Sorry, hold on," I tell Cgc and pick up my phone.

Mom: We're going to LA this weekend, Brynnie. Did you want to join?

Rip: what for mom?

Dad: Visiting the Graysons.

Rip: oh tell them i said hey and give them my best.

Ken: wait Brynn's not going?!?!

Shit. Well, at least I can keep using the same excuse I've been using for years now. Football games. I can't go to Los Angeles because we have a game here on Saturday. I feel guilty that this is always my excuse not to go but I mean. . . it's still difficult for me, I won't lie. Being in Los Angeles, even though it is my home, is hard.

Me: football game, remember? sorry :/

"Hey, you okay?" Cgc's voice takes me out of my daze. I look up from my phone to him as I wait for a reply. My heart is currently beating out of my chest, luckily he can't see that. "I'm fine, just some family stuff," I say, looking back down. "Everything okay?" he asks.

Mom: You can't skip one? Julie & Dave always ask about you. They'd love to visit Ryle with you present.

My heart clenches at the sight of his name. I can't see him. Not now when I'm doing better. I might be selfish as fuck for saying that but. . . it's just how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how it'll be if I see him right now. I'll go see him in December, just like I always do. September is too early to return to Los Angeles and see Ryle. Seeing his parents and siblings too? Now, that'll be even worse. I haven't spoken to them in a long time and I already feel like shit for it. Once he left my life, it's like I left them completely behind too.

"Bryn-"

"I have to go!" I interrupt Cgc, standing up quickly. I can't be around Cgc right now. I'm too fucking vulnerable and I cannot have him seeing this side of me. Not when I almost showed it a couple of days ago at the hotel in Berkeley. He stands up after me and I almost wince. "What's wrong?" he asks, inching closer to me. I inch back, putting two hands between us for space. "I'm fine, really. It's just-" I don't know what else to say. He thinks it's about my family most likely since I told him that a couple of minutes ago. "Brynn. Don't do that," he says, something I told him a couple of days ago too.

"I swear, C. Ripley's planning on coming down to surprise my parents for Thanksgiving and I need to go help him plan it," I lie. If I could tell him, I would. I trust him enough to know which is still so freaking crazy to say. I don't know how or when I started trusting him more than other people I've known for a longer amount of time. The thing is, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to explain the horror story that is my freshman year of college. Hell, my whole high school years if I go that far back. He looks at me for a long time, his eyes latched on mine like he's trying to find that lie in them.

"Okay, yeah. That's fine," he finally says. I force a smile and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'll see you," my voice comes out lower than I'd like. I barely give him a chance to reply before I zoom past him and head for the door. I need fresh air. The hot California air hits my face as soon as I open the door. I start fast walking back to my dorm as I pull my phone out of my back pocket again.

Ripley: mom.

Mom: What?

Rip: don't pressure her.

Me: no, rip, it's okay. i wish i could go mom but i can't miss a game. oak hill cheer is a lot stricter than miami cheer. give them my best as well. maybe ill see them in december when i drive down.

I put my phone away again and hug myself even though it's hot out. A warm tear slips from my eye but I don't bother wiping it since no one's around. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world right now. I'm over him, I am, but the guilt of not being able to see his family kills me. I wish it was easier than this but it's taken many years for me to grow. To move on. I don't know what would happen if I went to see the Graysons again, I don't. I've known them since I was young and they're like my extended family. You don't drop extended family like that, Brynn.

They love me and I don't even bother to see them. I would hate myself if I was them. But the thing they don't know, my parents don't know, is that every time I stand in front of them, I'm lying to their faces. I'm lying to my parent's faces. Both hurt equally since they're all my family.

I know one day I'll find the courage to be able to see them and maybe even tell them what I've been hiding for years, but I know I won't be ready this weekend. When it comes to Ryle, I'm not ready for a lot of things. I may have moved on from him romantically but he's still a part of me in so many other ways. I still have pictures of him in my drawer, I still see him every December, - though I don't think I'll ever stop this - I still have his ring, and I'm still not able to tell our story to anyone I get close to. I've gotten close to people since after my freshman year of college but they don't know about Ryle and I.

Not unless they found out from someone who wasn't me.

I knew that if I moved from Miami, I would be able to keep that part of my life away more securely. If I met a new friend, they wouldn't know my story already. If I ever wanted to tell them about it, I would. But the Brynn that I was years ago isn't the same Brynn from today. I like being in a different state, a different school. I'm not necessarily trying to run away from my past, instead I just want to escape it. Because my past will always catch up with me, no matter how much I try to get rid of it.

I've accepted that fact. There's no getting rid of it.