Brynn

"OH MY GOD! I KNEW IT!"

I cover my ears at Lauren's literal screams. She covers her mouth. "I forgot I had neighbors," she says with a small giggle. "But I knew it!" she adds. I roll my eyes and groan, letting my body plop onto her couch. "What?" she says, sitting down by my head. I look up at her, my blonde hair splayed all over my face. She moves it to I can see her clearly. "He hates me," I tell her. Her dark brows pull together and she brings her knees up to her chest. "Why the fuck you say that?" she asks. I sit up, bringing my knees to my chest for comfort. I lie my chin on them. "I messed up. Big time," I say.

"Girl, what did you do?" She arches a brow. I groan again and press my forehead against my knees. I explain to her how Cgc tried to kiss me that one time and how I promised him I'd take that chance with him when I was ready to. I told her about the date with Luke and why I went on it and the whole ignoring situation that came from that when he found out. I still don't know how the hell he found out about my date with Luke. I believe Maddy so I ruled her out. I don't know who else could have told him since I didn't tell anyone else.

"He's being a baby. No way after being a hoe his whole life, he gonna drop the girl he finally caught feelings for just because she went on a date with some dude she wasn't even interested in in the end." Lauren scoffs. I sigh. "I think he's more hurt about the fact that I broke that promise, you know? I apologized, but he's still mad. I think he just needs time even though I don't know how to give it to him. I'm annoying," I say with a frown. "Annoy that man. He'll come around and realize it isn't that big of a deal. Let's also remember that he doesn't know you have feelings for him. Just tell him that and I'm sure he'll fold on the spot," Lauren exclaims.

"I'll try. I just hope I'm not too late." It's been a shitty weekend and week. Not talking to Cgc has made life boring all of a sudden. He's like my best friend and without your best friend, life is the absolute worse. Not just that but the feelings I have for this man have been hidden inside me for quite some time now and they're begging me to release them. It's why I admitted to Lauren that I like Cgc. She's the second to know — after Ripley. I would have told Valdez or maybe even Nova but I told them I didn't want them in the middle of what was happening between Cgc and me. I meant that. They're a lot closer to him than Lauren is so that's why I told her instead.

"When you look like this," Lauren cups my chin and squeezes my cheeks, "it's never too late." I can't help but smile. She smiles back, scrunching up her nose. Her ringtone interrupts our moment. She groans, standing up to get her phone from the charger. "Hell," she mutters before clicking on her phone. "Hello?" she says, bringing the phone back with her to the couch. "Ey, where you at?" I roll my eyes at the voice that comes from the other line. Aiyden. "Home. Why?" she asks, looking over at me. I tilt my head at her. "I miss you," Aiyden says. A smile curves onto Lauren's lips. She is smitten with this man and I have no idea why.

"I miss you too," she replies. "So then I'm coming over," he says. My eyes widen and so do Lauren's. "Boy, no. I have company over. Maybe later, though." I tuck my lips into my mouth to hold back a laugh. "Better be female company," Aiyden says. I roll my eyes again. "Even if it wasn't that's none of your business!" I say into the speaker. Lauren let's out a laugh. "Oh. It's Brynn," his voice comes out bored. "Yeah. It's me," I say. He likes me about as much as I like him. Not much. "I'll talk to you later," Laur says. "Yeah, alright. Bye." She hangs up quickly, throwing her phone behind her.

"You are in love with that guy, huh?" I question. She pushes my arm lightly. "Two words," she lifts two fingers, "Fuck. No." I laugh. "I'm serious. He's fucking horrible. The only good thing about him is that dick," she says with a shrug. I scrunch my nose up in disgust. "Speaking of dick. How long are you gonna wait to fuck Cgc when you bag him?" Lauren teases. My mouth gapes open at her words. "I'm not going to. . ." I pause and whisper my next words, "fuck him!" Lauren laughs, throwing her head back. "You are such a prude! You can say the word fuck, Brynn." My cheeks turn hot at the mention of me and Cgc doing. . . that. I haven't even kissed anyone in three years. I might be touch-deprived.

"I don't know," I shrug. "He's probably like. . . horny right? Oh, God!" I cover my eyes with my hands and shake my head. "What are you trying to say, woman?" Lauren snaps her fingers at me. I have no idea why talking about sex makes me flustered. "I mean, I don't think I'm ready to do. . . that. I haven't in years. I'm scared," I admit to Lauren. Besides Cgc, she's someone who I can really tell things and feel like I'm not being judged. "Years?! Brynn, what?!?" she exclaims. I nod my head a bunch of times. "Okay, well at least you masturbate, right? You stick your fingers up your cooch?" she questions. I laugh at her wording but then flush again.

Her eyes widen. "You don't?!" I groan again. "No! I don't partake in any sexual activities," I say in a whisper shout. She shakes her head like she's in disbelief. "You are going to orgasm on the spot when you see that man's dick then," Lauren says. I sit up straighter, furrowing my brows. "What does that mean?" I wonder. "Wait. Please tell me you've at least orgasmed before." She looks like she's going to cry if I answer no.

"I have," I say honestly. She breathes out a breath. "Thank goodness I was about to think all hope was lost. Anyway, what I meant was, if you haven't orgasmed in years, you're going to on fucking spot because you're touch-deprived." Well, she isn't completely wrong. I am touch-deprived. But I don't think I want to be touched. Yet. "I doubt that. Maybe I'm broken because I haven't done anything in three years," I say. "It's been three years?! Masturbation is not bad, I swear," Lauren says. I chuckle. "I know but honestly I've just never tried it before so I don't know if I'd enjoy it, I guess." I shrug.

I lost my virginity sophomore year of high school and I never tried masturbating before that. After I had sex for the first time, I never thought about it since I was always being pleased by my ex-boyfriend. I have nothing against it and I would love to try it, but for some reason, I'm too scared to.

"You will pleasure yourself better than a man ever will. You told me that yourself," Lauren says. "I think I'll try. . . sex again first. But not anytime soon!" I make sure to clarify. "What are you scared of?" she asks. Oh, God. A lot of things. "The pain. Giving myself to someone again. And I'm not really secure in my body. . . I don't think I'm ready to be naked in front of a guy," I admit. I was never really insecure until something happened in my last relationship that made me insecure. Since then, I have constantly dealt with body dysmorphia. "Girl you are so fine! I'd be naked all the time if I had your body. I promise you Cgc is going to be drooling and passing out at the same time," Lauren says, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

I smile. "You have a way better body than I do," I compliment her back. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. "And I am always naked. So your little ass should be too." I frown at her wording. "What?" she questions. "That's exactly what I have," I stand up and turn, pointing at my butt. "A little ass! And b-cups." Lauren tilts her head to the side and pulls me back down to the couch. "Girl, who the fuck cares? You don't have to have a fat ass and big boobs to be considered beautiful. I think you're gorgeous and obviously, your man does too," Lauren reassures me.

"Yes, but I know for a fact Cgc has slept with girls with bodies like you." Realization strikes me right after I say that. "Oh my gosh, you've slept with Cgc!" I groan and hide my face with my hands. "Ew! Shut the hell up. Why are we bringing that up?" Lauren says firmly. I look up at her. "Because you have the biggest butt and the prettiest boobs and I'm a damn wall!" I exclaim. She rolls her eyes but I saw her lips twitch. She wanted to laugh. "Brynn, this man is in love with you! Do you hear me? He probably thinks you're the sexiest little thing in the world and thinks about you while he's jerking one! You won! Not all these big booty bitches you think he's fucked," Lauren says while holding my shoulders.

"He doesn't love me." That's the only thing I got from all of that. She groans. "What I'm trying to say is that he wants you and you were the woman he fell for. I promise you he has never been this whipped over a girl. So ha! You're the one who pussy whipped him and he hasn't even had your kitty yet!" Lauren voices. "Damn girl, it is hard to boost you up."

"Sorry. I'll probably still be insecure the first time. . . if we ever get that far." I don't even know why I'm thinking about all this when Cgc hates me right now. He's the only person who I would be able to give myself to. "Well, I'm not worried for you. I'm sure it'll be great." Lauren smiles and rubs my arm. "Can I ask you something?" I suddenly say. I might regret this and my heart is already in my stomach even thinking about this. "Yeah." Lauren nods. I hesitate for a couple of beats. "How big is he?" I say really lowly I'm not even sure Lauren heard me until her eyes widen. "Brynn!" she shouts. "What! It's a valid question," I defend.

She hides her face behind her hands this time and laughs. "I want to be prepared for it!" I tell her. "How big was your last guys?" she asks. Oh, I don't think it would be respectful to answer that question. "Like average, I guess." I cringe at the fact that I did answer it. It's been so long, I don't even remember. "Okay, well the one you're gonna handle in the future is not average, girl." She sucks air through her teeth. "What does that mean?" I ask for clarification. "I really do not want to discuss this with you." Lauren groans. "Okay, fine. I'll just. . . mentally prepare myself for the worst. Or should I say best?" I wonder. Lauren chuckles, falling back so that she's in a laying position.

"You just made my day, Brynn Danvers," she says. And I smile.

At least I can be a great company to her.