03.19.2018

... Zara, I don't know how much of this you'll actually read. Even though you're the strongest person I've ever met, even stronger than me, I know there's a side of you that's afraid of your own feelings. And you might be afraid that reading my final words would, in a way, destroy you.

So if you've read this far, I'm proud of you. I don't know how much time I've got left, but did you know I turned down a promotion two years ago? As the leader of not only Jupiter, but the entire Northeastern district. It was a job that anyone would kill for. But it meant having to travel. Twice the amount of undercover operations. It meant being away from you.

And there's only so much time away from you that I can endure.

I hope that the information I've given you will help you in the future. Hell, I hope you'll never even have to read this journal, because if you don't, then that means that my heart is still beating. But I need you to be wary.

The people closest to you can sometimes betray you. It's happening to me now. Sometimes, the people you'd give your life for will hurt you in such a way that it breaks something within you. So be careful, sweetheart.

Just be careful.

-

Doors.

The amount of doors that were in the building was ridiculous, some grand and some small. With each turn we took, it felt as if we were trying to get out of an eternal maze, but when Oliver spotted a sign that, in German, read "Sky Room", we knew that we had somehow, after constantly taking out guards and watching Silas trip over his own feet several times in an attempt to be as quick as us,ended up exactly where we needed to be.

I removed a gun from my belt and tossed it to Silas, who caught it effortlessly. Oliver remained beside me and loaded his own as the three of us faced the grand wooden door, its contents taunting us, daring us to enter, trying to instill fear within us.

But we were not fearful. We were out for revenge.

"Zara," Oliver huffed, taking off the jacket of his guard uniform and throwing it aside as he stared at his phone, "Lucy and Lucas have eyes on the Sky Room. They got into a security room, so they can see the cameras, and they've disabled everything they can with the software Silas gave them."

His eyes seemed lighter than usual underneath fluorescent lights as they darted knowingly around the hall.

"But they can't get down here without being seen."

"Where are the Arc agents?" I asked. We'd lost communication with them almost immediately after killing Schneider, so all three of us had been especially on edge. Lucas and Lucy were most likely not communicating by earpiece because they had to stay quiet, so it was smart of Oliver to bring alone a second communication device.

"No clue," he said, and I could see the ribbons of concern in his eyes. Something I'd never seen before. "So it's just the three of us."

I removed Leon's ID swipe card from my bag, holding the plastic in front of me, the feeling of it against my palm making shivers rack through my body.

There was some static in my earpiece before I heard Lucy's voice echo through my ear.

"This is fifty-five. We've got two guards armed at the door. There are only two people in the room. One I think we can identify as Harris, the other is a woman. I think--"

Some more static. A gunshot. Silas's gun dropping to the ground. He'd heard it, too.

"Fifty-five?"

"Lucy?"

Mine and Oliver's voices chorused together, laced with terror.

"Fuck!" Oliver hissed, kicking the door, unaffected by the pain it most likely caused. He knitted his hands in his thick black hair, face contorted in anger, veins popping out of his head and one in his forehead.

Silas's shaking hand came up to cover his agape mouth as he stared at his weapon on the ground.

"Lucas?" Oliver tried again.

I remained quiet, my fists clenched by my side; there wasn't much to say. This feeling was all too familiar; I'd experienced it countless times, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'd become senseless.

"Did she..." Silas trailed off, his face pale, eyes glossy with tears. "She's not answering, Zara!"

"Shh!" I walked over to him quickly, placing my hand on his chest, his heart thumping rapidly against my palm.

"We have to keep moving," I muttered and pushed all thoughts of Lucy out of my mind.

With her and her father's fates unknown, I received a nod from a rage-filled Oliver and swiped Leon's card in the reader.

The blinking light above the platform turned green.

We let out a collective sigh of relief.

Then, alarms.

Blaring alarms sounded from unseen speakers, and we covered our ears with our hands, bending over in the sudden pain they caused.

The door remained closed, but from the other end of the hallway came running two guards, guns aimed at us.

I raised my gun to take aim, as did Oliver and Silas, but before we could, we crumpled to the ground in agony, electricity jolting through our bodies.

Through my blurry vision, I looked down at my leg and back up at the walls. Taser bullets. Guns had protruded through the cement walls and shot us with bullets that paralyzed us temporarily, but did not pierce our skin.

My entire body ached, and Oliver and I clambered the ground for our guns, but they lie at the feet of the guards.

It was not the first time I'd experienced this time of taser; the effects only last a minute. But that was enough for the guards to have us cornered, with their guns pointed at our bodies.

Oliver grunted and sat back up, weaving his hands through his hair. It took me a few seconds to register that Silas wasn't beside me. It felt as if my world was moving in slow motion as I looked up to see the guards' faces.

One of them was completely pale, black beady eyes crinkled from anger as he placed his finger on the trigger. The other had familiar wispy brown hair and icy blue eyes, a face I'd seen many times throughout my childhood and a face that belonged to someone who had my back several times before.

James.

And underneath his arm, Silas, who struggled to get out of his grip, but fell deathly still when the metal tip of a gun met his sweating temple.

James's expression was blank, the tip of his gun digging into the curly-headed boy's skin.

I sat on my knees, staring up at him, pleading with my eyes, my face, my body.

Sometimes, losing an agent is necessary in a mission. Human lives are means to an end, and it's rare that a huge operation goes without lost lives.

I could've let James shoot Silas, and taken both guards out.

But in that moment, as the forest within Silas's eyes was ablaze in a wildfire, I felt tears unwelcomed stain my cheeks, my body suddenly weak.

"James, you don't want him. Take me."

It was out of character for me to beg, for me to feel any sort of emotion during a mission, for me to fall apart mentally.

I realized that I'd lost myself in fear of losing Silas.

"Fucking bastard--" Oliver hissed, his face hardening with recognition washed over his features. He tried to stand up, but sat back down when the other guard held the gun to the tip of his nose.

"Stay down!" he ordered, ready to shoot if Oliver moved another muscle.

The sound of more footsteps began to sound from the hall adjacent to ours, and my mind raced with ideas, but the thought of the gun against Silas's temple refused to leave my mind.

Silas gulped, squeezing his eyes shut as he muttered something under his breath. Then, he reopened his eyes and nodded, searching mine for a sea of emotions that would complement his own.

And in that moment, each amount of emotion met at the center of my stomach and formed into an anger so foreign, I wasn't sure I'd ever felt anything like it before.

"Don't shoot, James. I swear you'll regret it."

My fists clenched by my side, I stood up, disregarding the numbing pain in my leg.

James's lips curved up into what seemed to be a smile, rendering Oliver and me confused.

"That won't be necessary," he said, and in a quick movement, he dropped his arm from where it held Silas prisoner and used his elbow to hook his partner's face. The man fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Hall 15 is clear. Repeat, Sky Room hall is clear. There's no one here," James said into his earpiece.

Silas, not understanding what James had just done, spun around and punched him across his cheek and stumbled back with the force of his own blow.

"Ah!" James grunted, and he looked like he wanted to retaliate, but his sapphire eyes softened when they met mine. He tucked his gun back in his belt and shrugged. "I deserved that."

My shocked expression slowly faded away as the blaring alarm also subsided, and slowly, a smile started to spread across my lips. Before I could move, Oliver tackled James, engulfing the smaller boy in a hug.

"Son of a..." Oliver muttered as he grinned widely, the surprise evading his features as well.

The two wrapped their arms around each other, and I was scared to see who would suffocate first.

The shorter but equally as strong boy patted Oliver's back repeatedly, and finally he spoke.

"I can't breathe, dude..." he choked out, causing Oliver to pull away. He then looked at me, and engulfed me in a hug just as big.

"You're an idiot," I muttered into the crevice of his neck, balling up the fabric of his shirt into my fists, "I thought... I thought you betrayed us." I breathed in his scent, excitement bubbling in my stomach. First, we thought we'd lost the Jupiter the same night we'd lost my mother. Then, we thought he betrayed us. And now he'd just saved us.

James pulled away, placing his large hands on my bare shoulders.

The swirls of sky kissing blue within his eyes made me feel at home, just for a second.

"I made an allegiance to you and your mother, Ganymede. I could never go back on that," he said sincerely, his hands squeezing my arms. "I sacrificed my life for you once, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

His determined gaze fell on Silas, who stood awkwardly to the side, clutching his reddening fist to his chest.

"Don't tuck your thumb in your fist next time," he directed his words to Silas as he picked up our guns and threw them back to us, "You'll break it that way."

Oliver, after checking the halls, came back to my side, pushing the fringe of his hair away from his forehead. "We gotta get going."

James, snapping out of his emotions, nodded quickly and walked towards the same platform we'd try to enter from. He pulled out his own card, holding it next to the area where he'd swipe it.

"Ready?" he asked, his eyes fixated solely on me. "On your word, Zara."

I looked at Silas, who'd snapped out of his trance, and at Oliver, who seemed only stronger after being reunited with one of his best friends. I could've sworn I'd seen tears in his eyes, and that is a very rare occurrence.

Before I could say anything, I felt someone's hand encircle my wrist and spin me around. I came chest-to-chest with Silas, whose eyes were screaming, but my ears remained numb. The pad of his thumb brushed over the scar on my cheek, which was covered with makeup, but he knew where it was. And he leaned in, pressing his lips to mine, holding me close by the nape of my neck, and I melted into him.

I pulled away, glancing at Oliver and James, who had identical smirks plastered across their lips as they shared a look.

Out of breath, I kept my arms around his neck. "We didn't... we didn't need a distraction that time."

Silas placed his forehead on mine, and closed his eyes as he whispered, "I know."

He knew just as well as I did that what those doors held for us was unknown. Whether or not he or I made it out of this building alive was up to destiny, but for the first time, Silas took a hold of his destiny the second his lips met mine.

I pulled away from his grasp, my heart still pounding in my chest, and brought my gun back up by my side, a newfound determination overwhelming my mind.

"Go."

James swiped the card and we stayed in front of the doors, guns pointed. He ran back over to our sides, falling into position beside us, and gave my hand a squeeze.

The doors swung open, and in front of us stood two guards, who brought their guns up, but a second too late. They were on the ground in an instant, the tips of Oliver's and James's guns blowing smoke.

I took Silas's hand and we ran through the corridor and over the fallen men, pushing open the door that was slightly ajar. The door for the Sky Room. The door that separated me from Harris, the man I craved to kill.

As soon as the doors opened, more guards aimed their weapons on us, but we were ready; they were not. Within seconds, they were all on the ground.

We went on the same way until we reached the center of the room, the ceiling of which was crystal clear glass tinted with blue, shedding natural sunlight upon tables, where at least ten computers were lined up. In the middle of the room was another compartment separated by glass walls, with tables inside. And at the table sat a man I could recognize from the back of his head: Harris. Intimately latched next to him: a woman whose face was concealed by a mask.

They hadn't noticed our ambush.

Silas and James warded off more guards without using their guns as to not alarm them, and Oliver and I ran towards the door. Harris had hurt us the most. He was our kill.

I raised my gun up, aiming at Harris's thigh, and Oliver did the same for the woman.

Every moment I'd spent without my mother, swimming in the anger of my own thoughts had led up to this moment. Seeing Harris ignited flames within me, and I clenched my jaw right, perfecting my aim.

"Don't kill him, Zara," Oliver reminded me, sensing my anger, "just wound him. We need him. I'll aim for the woman; whoever she is, we don't need her."

I exhaled and nodded, straightening my shoulders. And right as Harris stood up from his chair after pecking the woman's cheek, his wicked eyes met mine, and his skin became pale.

My finger loosened on the trigger, the bullet shattering the glass of the room, and piercing Harris's leg, exactly where I'd aimed.

But I hadn't heart Oliver's gun. I looked at him and found that he was frozen, his complexion ghostly, mouth agape, eyes glossy, and his hand slowly lowering his gun.

"Oliver, shoot!" I yelled my gun still aimed at Harris, who was on the ground in agony. I had to get to him; he surely had a way to call more backup, and we still weren't sure how James and Silas were holding off the other guards. "Shoot, dammit!"

I followed Oliver's gaze to see that he was staring at the woman who had a gun pointed directly at him, and her face was finally revealed. The big brown eyes that stared back at us made my breath hitch in my throat. My world spun before my eyes, and I felt a jolt of pain, right in my chest, all thoughts of Harris fleeing the hurricane of thoughts in my mind.

"Oliver..." I whispered, placing my shaking fingers on his shoulder, my voice a mere croak from my raw throat.

"Maya." The name left Oliver's lips and tumbled to the ground, hitting the concrete soundlessly, and following his raspy voice was the echoing sound of a bullet tearing through the air.