Theresa's POV

Heading down the driveway took forever and I noticed things do not look how I remember them. There are flowers lining the driveway, on both sides. Beautiful, and painstakingly taken care of.

I see a lot of purples, reds, pinks, and blues; with dashes of orange and yellow. The flowers ranged from soft colors to loud vibrant ones. There used to be nothing but grass around here.

The yard which was once a dying shade of green is now very much alive and a sea of lush vibrant green.

The house was starting to peak out from the trees that were hiding it, which were also new. They were not very big but there was enough to do the job.

The house looked a lot better then what it did when I was younger. It used to look so battered, faded, flaking paint on the wooded siding. Now it had that new siding, the roof looked remodeled too.

The more that came into view the more I noticed what had been remodeled. Almost everything, except for the porch.

I hadn't expected this.

Some small petty part of me had hoped that they had rotted the same way I did.

Anger started to flood my brain and heart, that anger started to pull the hastily placed band-aid I had on my heart. My brain trying to, as always, save me and started applying pressure but it was already too late, a leak had formed.

I had to stare at my hands for the rest of the ride to the house.

"How could I have been so naive to think they would have missed me? As if they cared? They did throw me away, to begin with." My inner demon sneered at me.

"No, Matt said Mama wanted me here.  Plus Papa said I had to come to see her," I responded to myself.

Which may not be a good thing. Just throwing that out there.

I knew in my heart somewhere my Papa loved me and regretted everything. Now I had to face my mama, maybe she can help me heal myself.

That was a new hope of mine.

While I was internally waging a war, the car came to a stop and turned off. I just sat there staring at my hands.

Searching desperately for the courage I needed, I felt my anger pooling into a ball in my stomach. I accidentally pressed on it looking for courage, the rage burst flooding me; body and soul.

That may have been a bad idea.

Hellfire rolling, boiling into giant leaping flames and burning into my soul, stripping me of the last few weeks; reminding me of who I truly am.

The lost, forgotten daughter; doomed, tarnished, forever. I had been forced to grow up in hell; I was nothing more than a damned soul. I had endured things that no child, no person should ever have to.

I had gotten lost in the glitz and glam of my new life for a moment.

I remember now though and I will never forget again, but now was not the time.

So, I straighten the mask I was figuratively wearing. I got out of the car and pretended I was happy to be here.

Sitting on her porch as if she excepted me, for all I know she probably did, was my mama. She gasped and placed a hand on her mouth, tears welling in her eyes.

I didn't move a muscle, I just stared. Mama rubbed her eyes as if to make sure I was really standing in front of her. I couldn't process anything going on in my mind, it was all a buzz.

Too many emotions were running wildly through me. I wasn't used to losing my emotional control like this. Unsure of what to do, I walked up to the porch door and opened it, it still squeaked. I smiled slightly at that. Mama was still staring at me like I was a ghost coming to raid her panty drawer.

I just continue to stand there awkwardly, waiting for someone or something to break the tension and I hoped it wasn't me losing my shit.

By this point, the tears in mama's eyes spilled over and were running down her face. That only made me angrier.

I was doing my best to keep it all contained.

As if the universe knew I was having such a difficult time, someone coming down the drive temporarily distracted everyone from the tense moment we were currently stuck in.

A dark tan SUV came into view along with a white truck. I went and joined Xander and Cass, eventually, Mama did too. We all just stood there staring like a bunch of idiots.

After a bit, the new arrivals had parked. It felt like an eternity before all four of the SUV doors opened. I was running to the SUV driver before I could stop myself. I was hugging Matt before he had a chance to comprehend what was happening.

He returned it quickly and gave me a Maddox worthy bear hug. A great feeling of happiness welled within me, momentarily soothing the Hellfire burns. I was crying, and so was he I was overjoyed to see him and it was returned.

Arms were everywhere and tears and sniffles, I had to release him to wipe my face. I squeezed his shoulder as I made my way to the back of the truck, I knew who was in it.

By the time I was there John was standing there, waiting for me; just staring, just like mama. I hugged him without hesitation, he sniffed a little then relaxed and hugged me back.

Not nearly as enthusiastic as Matt, but at least he didn't just stand there. We parted quickly, I walked back over to where there was now a small gathering in front of the porch. Mama was scampered about muttering to herself, she disappeared into the house.

Once, John and his family joined us we all went inside. I procrastinated so I went in almost last, of course, Xander wouldn't go in first. Some of my anger returned, couldn't he tell I needed a moment.

My pride peeked, I could not appear weak, I straightened my spine and went inside the house. I was almost knocked on my ass the aroma of home hit me square in my heart.

Made me realize just how much I missed the smell, how much I missed out on here, on my life.

I shoved it all down I would not show sadness; that was my weakness. If I was going to fall apart it would be privately, I will not show her how much she hurt me. I plastered a big smile on my face and composed myself.

I was slightly surprised Mama was already pouring tea and offering little snacks.

I looked around the room and was almost knocked down again as a wave of I don't even know what rocked through me when my eyes landed on my chair; the chair my Papa had hand-carved for me for my 10th birthday.

I made a B line to it and sat right down in it, half excepting to feel something and I didn't.

Odd; I wiggled a little I guess trying to trigger something but I couldn't bring myself to be mad at Papa.

Looking around some more, I noticed nothing inside had really changed, I also noticed the few pictures taken of me sat, where they had forever.

Everyone spread around the room there wasn't even seating for everyone. They started to introduce themselves to each other while I came to terms that nothing really had changed, just the outside appearance.

I locked eyes with John, he was the closest sitting on the tiny loveseat, I glanced at the woman beside him.

"Theresa, this is my wife, Susan. Susan this is my little sister, Theresa." He grasped her hand for a moment, he motioned to the children sitting on the floor in front of them.

"This is our son; Jacob, and our daughter; Emma." The children took turns saying hello bashfully, neither of them couldn't have been older than five. I couldn't help but smile at them and return their small hellos. I've always liked children.

I stared for just a moment at John and his family, they looked like the picture perfect family. I felt true happiness for him.

My attention turned to Matt who was sitting on the other side of the room on the couch, he always sat closest to the kitchen. He always wanted to be first to the table, guess that never changed.

Matt looked at his wife with so much love, it almost burst out of his face.

"Honey, this is my baby sister, Theresa. Theresa this is my wife, Martha." Martha had jet black hair that framed her face perfectly. In her arms laid a little bundle of blue, sitting next to her sat two girls dressed identically.

"Terry, this is your nephew Marky, and your nieces Maryanne and Beth. Girls this is your aunt Theresa, go say hello." The little girls did not hesitate they were over to me in a second flat. Little arms wrapped around me and hugged me.

I struggled to hold my tears in, feeling these little girls acceptance was a bit more than I could handle.

So, I shoved it down into the pit. Eventually, that pit would be full and I would be forced to deal with it all. But that wasn't right now so I will enjoy the moment of peace, while I had it.

The girls had their mother's hair but had Matt's looks. They backed away and sat next to their parents, Mama could be heard hustling around the kitchen. Humming to herself, my childhood tugged at my brain; wanting to replay sweet memories that would be forever tarnished by anger.

I leaned back in my chair and faced John once again, he looked a little more at ease now.

"So John, Susan, tell me a bit about yourself, I feel like we are all strangers." John nodded along and I saw Matt smile as he nodded in agreement too.

"Where do I start, hmm well, I graduated top of my class in high school. I won a scholarship to any college I wanted, I went to Cambridge; where I studied education with a specialization in Sciences; Earth Sciences is what I teach in a high school. I'm currently waiting to hear back from a local university about a professor position. I met Susan in my third year in college, and we got married right after we both graduated."

He seems completely at ease talking about himself, which was typical John. He looked at his wife as he finished talking. She smiled warmly at us all.

"I am a charge nurse for our local hospital, for the nursery, and labor ward. I don't know what else to really say about myself" She shrugged as if it was nothing, I just smiled at her. "Well, John it sounds like you found the perfect job for you. I remember how much you had always liked science." Much to our father's dismay, I might add.

"Susan, I have always thought highly of nurses and medical professionals in general." She didn't need to know that was mostly a lie and that I was only barely changing my views on the matter.

Matt again being the saving grace from an awkward encounter, pretended someone asked him what his career was. Matt has always been out-going and talkative.

I remember when all I wanted was to be like him. I use to copy everything he did, I was friendly to everyone just like him.

 Boy, had that got me in trouble in the home - focus on the moment, Theresa.

Shove the past back into the pit where it belonged.

I snap my attention back to a talking wildly Matt, feigning; I knew exactly what he was talking about.

" - and that's when I decided to open my own hunting and fishing store. Honestly best decision I have ever made, that's how we met." He glanced at Martha just as lovingly as he had before. I almost gagged, somehow I managed to contain myself. She smiled and blushed slightly, clearing her throat.

"I work from home, doing medical coding and billing. That way I can be home with the kids or help at the shop."

Mama chooses this moment to come in carrying a tray with more tea and coffee. She refilled everyone's cup. Except for me because I haven't gotten one yet.

As if reading my mind - which let me admit I would lose my shit if that was the case - she handed me a mug; not just any mug either, my mug. I had forgotten about it, truth be told.

"Coffee or tea, sweetie?" Mama interrupted my thoughts, hearing her voice made me want to hug her and mourn for the time we lost. I remained in my seat though.

"Coffee, black, please." I keep my arm outstretched from when she had handed me the cup, both our hands shook as she poured my coffee.

Neither one of us were emotionally stable enough to handle this moment. I am sure she thought the same thing I did for years; we would never see each other again.

She placed the coffee pot back on the tray and sat in her chair which was on the other side of me. Across the room from me sat Xander and Casey, both of them were talking to one of my brothers.

Everyone seemed determined to give me and my mama a moment. Mama must notice that too, she stared at me and tried to start talking several times but ended up closing her mouth each time. I decided to put her out of her misery for just a moment.

"I really like what you have done with the place mama, the yard is just beautiful." She smiled brightly, for a half second, lost it, she managed to pull a portion of it back.

"Your Papa and brothers started it right after you left, Mark always said it was for you to have something nice to come home to. When your brother left, and your daddy passed, I picked it up, adding to it. I am a lone, retired woman who has nothing else to do, now that I have the farm hands. Your brothers insisted on the remodeling though, I let them handle that, but I won't change anything inside. They did, however, manage to talk me into replacing the floors a couple of years ago. You should see the barns, and the coops and the tractors. Things have definitely been good these past few years."

She talked on, not noticing; her words cut me like razor wire, just shredding my heart into thin ribbons. My emotions simply clicked off at this moment, emotional override safety feature, I guess. I just smiled and nodded as she continued to ignore the elephant in the room.

Suddenly, one of the boys suggested playing football, of course, the others being just as pigheaded agreed. Everyone but Mama and I went out to watch and cheer them on. Mama stood, placed her hands on her hips and looked at me.

"Well, you want to help me make lunch or are you just going to sit there? We have some real talking to do, young lady."

There was the Mama I knew; the one who stole secret moments when no one was around. Well, this should be fun.

Not.