My thoughts wouldn't stop swirling around my mind. I never thought I would be unhappy living outside the hellhole, I figured nothing could be worse than that.

I was wrong, fully and completely wrong. 

Over the last few days, I've realized I know nothing that has happened in the last decade and that's rounding down. I really didn't have anything to talk about. References are lost to me.  It was more embarrassing than frustrating.

Casey has been doing her best to show me all the movies she thinks I need to see or listen to all the top songs from over those years. She shoved news down my throat too.

Historical events I could remember. Everything else was all a big blur. 

The silver lining of it all is, Dr. Maria sent Casey and I on our way with an in-case-of-breakdown kit. She must have had the foresight that this would be very overwhelming.

Another downside to not being at the home anymore; no more psych medicine. So now the dead bother me all the time since there is nothing to block me from seeing them. At the moment, I don't sense one but you never know. They are sneaky and some are cruel and love to scare the piss out of the living.

I am laying in the borrowed bed in a guest room of a cute little row house in some town with Casey somewhere in Arizona.

I really don't want to get out of bed and face Casey this morning. She is always happy now, and the girl I knew at the hospital was not peppy this way. I like her and all, its just too early to be happy.

I'm still stuck on the schedule from the hospital, and I suppose it would take more than a week to shake that one. 

The smell of a coffee fills my nose, and I all but have drooled all over my face and shirt when I stumble into the kitchen. A cup magically appeared in my hand, as did the coffee pot.

I drink it black, for the most part, up until last week I had never had it before. I think that is the biggest injustice they did us all at the home. Fuckers probably drank coffee all the time, and we just didn't know it.

By the time I finish my coffee, I am one step closer to being happy and tolerant of my crazy roommate.

Speak of the devil, she strolls into the room on the phone, talking a mile a minute. She switches between repeating "No" quite forcefully to saying "Please" real nice like. I have no idea what is going on, so I leave her to that hoping I can run off before she gets off of the phone and wants to rant about it. 

I head to the shower, thinking that God's greatest gifts were water, soap, and shampoo, and I'll swear by that. Daily I take at least 2 showers.  Sometimes, I feel like I am trying to wash the filth of that place off me or maybe I am trying to get the stain it left on my soul.

Casey bitches about it a lot too, she will probably never understand why. I doubt anyone will ever understand what I have gone through.

Ok, seriously enough depressing shit this morning.

Casey and I have plans to go shopping to buy me "awesome things", her words not mine. I showered quickly, and then run to my room in a towel, hoping nothing is showing.

I am just happy that the state is giving me money, a settlement, if you will, for all the time I spent locked away. It's a pretty large amount of money that I will be getting monthly until the amount is paid.

I'll put it this way, I'll probably be able to put my kids through college if I ever have any. I was falsely left there for at least five years, not to even bring up the treatments I received. 

Yup, I was getting paid. Casey's father happens to be a lawyer, so he's helping me out with all that. The state didn't want a lot of people knowing what went on there, so they are paying out the ass to shut everyone up. A nurse had stepped forth and told everything that she knew of. She had worked there for almost twenty years. Lee stepped up too, of course.

Speaking of Lee, he has been calling and texting me. One of the first things Casey made me get was a cell phone. A cell phone that makes me feel stupid because it's smarter than me. It took me a full day to figure out how to text. I prefer phone calls. Those I can handle.

My brother Matt has called a few times. Although John is distant, being the most like our parents, I can see why. I'm not going to push it.

Casey barges into my room, she doesn't really believe in personal space. I'm just happy I, at least, have on my shorts and bra. Doesn't help I was bent over rooting through my bag for a shirt.

"You really need to unpack. You know you have a fully furnished room, right?" Casey asks in an exasperated voice.

Well, she's going to be fun to be around this morning.

She's normally happy but when she's mad boy, is she mad. I just grab a shirt at that point, I am lucky it matches my shorts nicely, or at least I think it does. I throw it on quickly, pull up my hair and throw on some sandals, yet again borrowed. Once I am ready, I notice Casey is not, and she is still standing in my doorway with a sour look on her face.

"I'm ready," I say and her face gets more pinched.

"What, what's wrong?" I ask her. She huffs at me and stares for a second or two.

"My boss has called me in, seems I am needed to assist the crew with research and setup. I have to be four hours away for the next two days."

I deflate a bit, I was looking forward to going out and having a girl's day and a large part of me was dying to have my own things.

"Oh, well that sounds kinda cool, I guess we will have to do this another time then. When do you leave?" I tried my best to keep the disappointment out of my voice, it wasn't her fault that work came up. I cast my eyes down at the floor, what am I supposed to do for two whole days by myself in a place I know nothing about?

"I have to be there tomorrow morning, so I will probably leave here by six, so I can sleep there and just go to work, so we can still do some things." She kind of shrugs and smiles, trying to make feel better.

"Oh, also I can teach you how to work the computer and there are all kinds of things to you can do on it; you can shop, play games, read books, watch movies. Hell, you can order food on it." She smiles more boldly at the idea of food.

"Actually we are going out, it's only ten if we hurry we can get a lot done by three, so we can eat and I can pack what I need and still be on the road by six. I'm going to get dressed." As she spoke I watched her get more excited, and she became harder to understand. She was out of my room before she finished her sentence, basically yelling the last half from her room.

I think I heard her right, so I headed to the living room, making sure I had my phone and bank card. I wasn't used to having things to take with me everywhere when going out and about. Who was I kidding? I haven't even got used to going outside.

As I was waiting for Casey to get ready the air next to me started getting cold, my hands started to freeze and tingle. I knew what was happening, a spirit was sitting next to me on the couch. I turned slowly and came face to face with someone I never thought I would see: my father.

A scream of the bitch variety ripped from my throat. I am not afraid to admit it. Also, I may have fallen off of the couch but that's purely speculation.

Casey's a liar.

She came running into the room, mostly dressed. She was missing a shoe, said shoe was in her hand I think in prep to beat someone with. In her other hand was her toothbrush.

"What?!" She yelled spraying toothpaste everywhere. I looked up at her all embarrassed.

"It was a spider, it was huge. I sat down and bam! There it was." I said clapping my hands to illustrate my point. She rolled her eyes at me, and turned around, heading to her room. Muttering the whole way, all I heard was

"Damn woman made me have a heart attack over a spider, should have let the spider eat her crazy ass." She's back out of her room, fully dressed by the time I had reacquainted myself with the couch.

"Let's go, woman." She sings at me as she walks past me right out the door, I stand up, doubling checking I have everything. I lock the door and head outside.

My heart thudding a bit harder, I keep thinking I am going to get in trouble for being outside.

I head to Casey's car and hope against hopes we don't get pulled over today. To say Casey was a safe driver was like saying I was in the know with recent events.

Also, pray that we don't die. That's a very real possibility.

What do you think? Should I send her back to where she's comfortable?

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