━━ chapter seven.
❝ apartment gates. ❞
--

NATSUKO LIKED HER SMALL ABODE FOUND IN THE FIRST CORNER OF SIXTH STREET.

When her father had left, Natsuko stayed with her mother on their lovely house, but when the woman had passed, Natsuko sold it and added it to the life insurance she got from her mother's death to finance her high school studies and buy a smaller apartment near school. It had lessened transportation fares as she no longer had to take the train since both the university she wanted and the high school she went too weren't too far apart.

The apartment was a small decrepit shack when thirteen year old Tsuchiya Natsuko had moved there. She only had her aunt from Iwatobi who was kind enough to take care of her for the meantime. Together, they wiped the windows clean and dusted the ceilings, replaced the damaged light bulbs and rotten wooden floors. She pulled the weeds at the yard in front of it and helped her aunt plant begonias and azaleas on small cans.

As Natsuko grew older and gained more independence, her aunt's visits became less frequent and she had to fend for herself. She started searching for part time jobs and had learned to budget her expenses perfectly. On her spare time, she studied hard and tended to the garden she had made on her yard, with small cabbages and other rootcrops that had survived.

The house used to be scary, the door creating strange noises whenever it opened and the wind blowing through the small gap between the panes and the windows, but through the times, it grew on her and that small ramshackled apartment had started to become home.

She had always felt safe in that tiny bundle of wood and cement. She only had to think of being tucked in safely in her covers as she walked across the desolate road towards her home. The wind howled as she took steps past the shadows casted on the asphalt, the stray cats hissing and meowing every now and then as they jumped from the walls to the metal gutters of the nearby houses. Flies and other strange insects gathered near the lamplights and as the light struck their diaphanous wings, it gave the illusion of the shadows of winged creatures ready to descend on mere mortals.

She ignored those thoughts and made her way to her house. Work this afternoon had been particularly tiring what with her bosses engrossed in one of their fits. One of the cases they were handling had just turned to the worst case scenario. Their client's fingerprint had been found near the crime scene and they had to find a way to navigate through that proof.

A huff of air escapes Natsuko's lips as she turns on the corner of fifth street and embrace the comforts of her home. She'd get a warm shower first, water bills be damned and a long lengthy nap. She'd read her lectures during her free time tomorrow. She's making a mental list of her tasks for tomorrow when she stops.

In front of her home is someone who doesn't belong. His loose denim jacket and plain pants, ruffled hair and lazy smile. He's casually leaning against the rusty gates of her apartment.

"You can't run away, Tsu," Natsuya says with one of his smiles.

"That sounds like a serial killer line," Natsuko comments wryly, closing the distance between them. She just has to get past him and head straight to her house, lock the door and continue with life as it is.

He laughs. She misses that dearly, but she resists temptation. How many times has she fallen for his charms only to get fucked over at the worst of times. Natsuko won't bother anymore. Not today, Satan, she thinks grimly as she stares at him with her placid face.

"So... what are you doing here?" she asks, hoping that he'd at least get out of the way to the gates of her apartment.

His hands are both shoved in his pockets as he straightens his lanky frame. He's gotten taller again, she failed to notice that during her stupid stadium visit. What was she thinking anyway? Going there, watching him swim, ogling at all his muscles and face. For what? To be hit by the reality that he had someone special now. Someone so special that he'd rather accept their call while he and Natsuko were exchanging pleasantries.

It wasn't like the person was Nao or Ikuya either. Natsuko had seen the caller id, Ritsu it said, the background a petite girl kissing Natsuya on the cheek. They looked so happy together and if she truly wanted to be friends with him again, she would have felt joy for him, but instead of anything remotely positive, all her senses had emanated jealousy. Typical Natsuko. She was better off alone.

"I want to talk," he says and throws another charming smile at her. Once, when she remembered not being in love with him, she believed she was immune to his charms. Believing that his sweet words and lazy smiles were never reserved just for her, they were available to every single girl he'd come across with. He'd talk to them smoothly, say all the right things until they believed that Natsuya would give them the world. She used to think it was tragic, to develop that mentality only to be let down by the fact that Natsuya was simply Natsuya. He made everyone feel that way. It was rather ironic that Natsuko was one of those girls now. "It's been so long. I missed you."

She wants to call him out for his lies. Missed her? Had getting a girlfriend and enjoying summer life in Rio de Janeiro with all the palm trees and gnarly waves part of missing her?

"Please get out of my way," Natsuko said instead of all the sentences she had formulated in her thoughts. He was lucky she was too tired to be in one of her hateful moods or else he'd be bombarded with all her spiteful comments. Worse, she'd actually lose all her restraints and tell him that she misses her too.

When she'd gone through those glass doors and ran to her apartment six months ago, with tears streaming from her face, she felt so much anger in her chest. Natsuya had told her that she was strong, but Natsuko believed otherwise. Strong people didn't have so much wrath in their bones, they had less hate and spite for all the current happenings in the world. Strong people were the ones who forgave easily, who focused on healing not hurting. Natsuko was the opposite of those. She gave in to the anger, popped sleeping pills on her tongue, swallowed it in one go and buried herself beneath the sheets and pillows in her bed.

She ran away from him and the next morning, she had contemplated answering the calls he was making. She tossed her phone into her closet and stayed in bed, pushed pillows against her ear because the ringtone was haunting her. It came to the point where she had to change her number so she wouldn't lose it and accept his call. Months had passed and he heard from him through Nao, but she needed space, so he begged his bestfriend to give her exactly that.

But then six months was all she could stand. She found herself stalking his social media and even asking Nao for information. She found him standing there after he won, smiling just like he always did and Natsuko wanted to envelop him in her arms, but she couldn't. She could have said sorry, but she didn't.

"Come on Tsu," he says. "Just this once? Macchiato or cappucino? It'll be my treat."

How could she fathom to ever say no to his eyes?

"Tch," is the only thing that escapes her mouth. "I'll pay for it myself."

He slings an arm over her shoulders and she no longer has the energy nor motivation to complain so all she does is give off a small sigh as they walk towards the nearest coffee shop.

Along the way, Natsuya talks as if there was not a six month infraction between the two of them. He tells her of his trips. From Rio de Janeiro and its beautiful palm tree dotted beaches. He learned how to surf, braving the wild ocean waves. He said he'd be up to teach her that it would be fun to see her get toppled by the strong waves. Natsuko told him to die. He mentioned Australia and the great expanse of land dotted with trees and beautiful lights; he said he wanted to see kangaroos, wondered if they really knew how to punch, said that it reminded him of her.

"See," he says with an amused smile lingering on his face. "That glare that hurts as much as any punch in this planet."

"I'll hit you," Natsuko deadpans, but Natsuya only laughs deeming the threat to hollow.

"You can't even look at me in the eye."

They make their way to the coffee shop as if the earlier words were not spoken, sat in the corner dimly-lit with a throng of small incandescent bulbs. He chose it because he knew he liked the space away from others, the silence that hung on the air. He ordered for both of them, he knew she'd chose the machhiato because it had more bitterness to it than the cappucino. She saw Natsuya order chocolate chip cookies and he asked if Natsuko wanted any, but she merely shook her head.

They continue to talk, Natsuya smiling and making an effort to reconnect at every tale that slipped his mouth. Sometimes, she found herself smiling at well. At the ones that reminded her of their childhood. Her favorite one was of him swimming butt naked in the small lake found next to the clearing in the forest. Natsuya was eight then, always doing bizarre things that he made himself believe would make him a better swimmer. Natsuko went because she wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to have him embarass himself. He had accidentally lost his pants (only his pants, a detail that cracks a smile on her face every time) and he had to borrow Natsuko's pretty pink shawl and wrapped it around his legs so he walked all the way home like a wraith fairy from the forest.

"We've grown past that immaturity, Tsu," he says and she registers the use of his favored nickname. Only Natsuya was allowed to call her that, the others she allowed buried beneath the ground and having affairs with the earthworms. "You and I, we're responsible adults."

Natsuko's eyes narrow, but they're not hostile this time. "Who was it that almost fell on Kannabi bridge because he couldn't handle alcohol, threw his shirt on said bridge and once again attempted to jump on that bridge to 'rescue' said shirt?"

"That was Natsuya of the past, six months before." He said and shakes his head as if she was talking about his kid. But then it registers on Natsuko's mind. That he really was different from Natsuya of six months, who was her bestfriend, her most trusted confidante and the boy who had promised to stay by her side forever.

Natsuko wants that Natsuya back.

"Natsuya I—" Classic. She gets interrupted by a phone call again. This time, she shows visible displeasure by the call and sinks back to the velvet seat. They had been talking endlessly for hours and now someone decides to call?

Natsuya turns to her apologetic. "Sorry Tsu, I have to get this." Then he heads to the comfort room and she has to calm herself with the macchiato she ordered.

Minutes passed and she was starting to have doubts. But she pushes it away. She would do this. Her courage has been reinforced by his sweet smiles and kind words. Natsuko takes a deep breath and when Natsuya comes back, takes the seat in front of her, she meets his auburn eyes with her own.

"Natsuya..." she begins and releases the desires bundled up in her nerves. Excitement is flowing through her veins, clouding her vision with rose colors that she fails to notice the change in Natsuya's demeanor. "I missed you too. Be my friend again."

He smiles. And she thinks to herself that finally, this will be all over. She'll just have to find a way to rid of her feelings and everything will be alright.

"Don't you have something to say first, Tsu?" he asks instead and her eyebrows furrow.

"What do you mean?" she asks and slowly, her images are crumbling to dust.

"What happened six months ago," he says and his voice is cold. "To simply let everything pass without an apology is rather selfish, wouldn't you say? Apologize, Tsu."

"What?" There it is again. That anger that always consumer her. Just one more push and it'll control her again. "Natsuya... no..."

"Apologize, Tsu."

"Let's go back," Natsuko murmurs afraid of the anger that's slowly consuming her. It's not her fault. Why does she have to be the one to apologize— stop stop no stop it. "B-Back to what we were before. Let's forget everything that happened. There'd be no need for apologies. Natsuya, please."

He shakes his head. She hates this. Her fists crumple again. Hates this man so much. She wants her Natsuya back. Natsuya of six months ago who would never make her feel this much pain. Give him back, she demanded to the world. Give him back.

But the world remained resolute despite her pleas and only this man who wore the smile and skin of her bestfriend remained.

━━ to be continued.
🌻 | the sunflowers that last forever.