We swung gently with both our feet on the ground while I convinced Charlie to come with us tonight. The real reason? Josh's eyes were on Jude the instant he came through the door, only looking away to be replaced by Jude's lookalike. I felt that tension thick enough to be cut, even as a bystander. I didn't know who the adult with them was, but he seemed to recognise Jude, too. Jude was like a bug, waiting around to be overpowered and squashed.

I made it sound like no big deal getting the guys to come along, but the whole convincing shenanigan with Charlie wasn't going quite the way I hoped. If only he could read my mind to understand the potential severity of the situation. "You're really asking us to burn inside a church for your little pet homophobe?" Charlie asked through the phone.

Just as well I didn't put him on speaker.

"Yes," I answered. "It'll be fun, plus heaps of people will be there from school anyway."

"Can you sneak us some dumplings in return?" he asked.

"Alright," I sighed. Mum was ready to pull my ears for all the side dishes she had to prepare whenever I bargained with any of the guys. It was just as well she loved cooking.

The was some mumbling in the background between Charlie and the guys.

"The fellas say deal," Charlie said. Jude was leaning from his side to mine, staring at me with intent and anticipation. I curled my thumb and forefinger to signify okay and enjoyed watching all the tension from his body relax as he sighed with relief. "We'll head over now."

"Righto," I said and ended the call.

Jude seemed surprisingly excited by the fact that they were coming. His face completely lit up and began putting a modicum of energy into his swings. I decided to join him and our leisurely play turned into a competition of who could swing the highest. Soon the boys joined us and Charlie was quick to tackle me off the swing, only for Goose to claim it.

Only after picking ourselves off the ground and brushing the soft bark off our clothes did the guys all formally introduce themselves to Jude. Goose was probably the most polite and casual out of the dealings, while Charlie and Ben maintained their loose-lipped reputation as always.

"How you doing, God-boy?" Charlie asked, sticking out his hand.

"Why're you always calling me a dick when you're a dick?" Ben asked.

"Shush, dick," Charlie answered, gripping Jude's hand probably a little tighter than he needed to. "Reckon Jesus'll like me or smite me?"

Jude quickly retracted his hand and shied away to my side, evidently unable to keep up with Charlie's somewhat confrontational approach to the human species. He was a little loud and proud with barely any filter, but he did have set beliefs regarding equality and was way ahead of the times in normalising LGBTQ plus. He was one of the first people who stood up for Niko when she came out, which is probably also why he would be extra chaotic around the likes of Jude.

"I'm the one who's gonna send you there if you keep that shit up," I said. Jude looked up at me with furrowed brows, probably disapproving of my language. Oops. "Stuff...up, I meant."

"Is that a promise or a threat, daddy?" Charlie asked, putting on his provocative voice again. I felt pretty confident that Jude wouldn't know it's a joke. "Since it's Friday, should we sleepover tonight?"

"Sounds cool," I said.

"You're only invited if you're bringing those dumplings," Charlie said, which both Goose and Ben nodded their heads in agreement.

"Sleepover?" Jude asked, looking up at me with mild disgust. "Isn't that kinda gay?"

Charlie snorted his laughter, while Ben and Goose had the decency to look away embarrassed. There really was no helping this kid.

"Jude," I said, throwing my arm over his little shoulders and giving him a small shake. "Jude, Jude, Jude. If sleepovers are gay, then you're probably the only straight guy in the world."

His eyes widened with embarrassment. "But you're sharing a bed."

"Do we automatically start licking each other's buttholes?" Charlie snorted. "Is that the prerequisite I somehow missed the memo's for?"

"Charlie," I warned.

"What? Butthole licker," he said with a mischievous grin. I had to purse my lips to mask my smile and cleared my throat in case Jude realised I was trying this hard not to laugh.

Jude clearly looked uncomfortable and gazed at the ground.

"Even still," Jude said, flicking bark across the ground. "Men shouldn't sleep with other men. It's a sin."

"A-hm, a-hm," Charlie nodded enthusiastically as if in full agreement. "But little boys are fine, of course."

Ben snorted this time and Jude looked outright horrified. How should I react in this situation? Here I was trying not to burst into laughter, but I didn't want to scare Jude off. If I wasn't going to be on his side here, then who was? He was too vulnerable to be let off and not exposed to the reality of this situation. The sooner he learned and opened up to the world, the better. Then his religious cult brother wouldn't have any power over him.

"The original translation actually prob forbade paedophilia," I offered, trying to explain away Charlie's crude joke. The look on Jude's face was one of pure, unadulterated horror. "Parents sold their boys to the clergy and they, y'know, did stuff. It was normal then."

"Where'd you get that info from?" Jude asked, folding his arms with defiance. "The bible doesn't lie."

"You're right," Charlie said with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Forty-five thousand denominations can't be wrong. But all jokes aside though, your bible may not, but people do. And people are the suckers who wrote it. Literally over hundreds of years, translating and retranslating, and still going hard today."

"You'd think they'd get bored at some point," Goose speculated, while Charlie nodded.

"Duh, it's not like it's the same people who write it for hundreds of years," Ben said with a roll of his eyes.

These muppets contributed very little to the conversation. I turned my attention back to Jude, answering his question for him. "Researchers and theologists and stuff."

"So it's literally just speculation?" Jude asked, smirking as if he had the upper hand here. "Aren't you just clutching at straws?"

Charlie snorted and crawled towards Jude, getting uncomfortably close and almost in his face. "Isn't that all you Christians do?" he asked. "Clutch at straws?"

Jude looked unhappy and shied his head away, glancing up at me like a kicked puppy. He probably felt like he was being put on blast because of Charlie, but that's just Charlie's personality. We've all been through it. It's like an initiation, of sorts. We all had our turn to face the music when it came to battling him head on. At the end of the day, Charlie was simply outmatched when it came to confrontation and battles of wits.

He was too passively aggressive, too outspoken, too bold, and too proud. And because he was such an avid reader, he had nothing but facts and reputable theories to present to us at any given time.

If Jude gave a solid argument and survived this battle then, whether he won or lost, Charlie'd definitely act like they were lifelong friends and welcome him straight into the group. That's just the way he was. The fact of the matter is, if he couldn't handle Charlie's raw and unrepenting personality, then he wouldn't be too happy around us anyway.

"How about we lay it all out on the table?" Charlie suggested with a sly grin. "See if you can't convert us into your fully-fledged little Christian minions by the end of it."

Jude's eyes narrowed as he crept forward until he was face-to-face with the devil. "Fine."

Charlie grinned and slipped back into his spot in our little semi-circle. "Starting from the beginning with Adam and Eve," he said. "Let's go."

"God made Adam in his image," Jude said, sparing me a nervous glance. I waited for him to say more but there was nothing.

"Right, right," Charlie nodded. "Then made Eve out of his own rib, right?"

"That's right," Jude agreed.

"Then they boned, and everyone thereafter were products of thousands of years of incest."

"Wait, no," Jude's lips clasped shut, clearly having met his match with Charlie Rascal, the king of Bing and Wikipedia theology.

"So then what about Lilith, who was also originally made in God's image?" Charlie asked.

"Lilith?" Jude looked genuinely confused. I clearly remembered Charlie's previous rants about how the church always omitted Lilith's story, almost like they were trying to remove her from history altogether. Jude only seemed to confirm this fact.

"Adam's first wife," Charlie explained. "Fucked off as soon as she was forced to submit."

Jude flinched at the curse word. "Language," I said to Charlie.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "She's literally the OG feminist in history if the bible's where it all starts."

Jude didn't look ready to back down yet. "That aside, what about Jesus literally dying for humanity's sins?" Jude asked. "He sacrificed himself because that's what God ordained. He could've gotten out of it but he didn't because he loves the world."

I noticed Ben glancing at Jude's doggy bag. He even tapped Goose's leg to point it out to him. Were they hungry? Maybe I'd shout them some cheap side dishes from Rice n' Soft with my leftover change. They were clearly bored of this little spectacle, but I enjoyed seeing Jude getting riled up, and I also liked seeing someone stand up to Charlie. It was kinda cute in a really weird way.

"What's easter about?" Charlie asked.

"The holiday, Easter?" Jude asked, raising a brow with confusion. "The death and rising of Jesus Christ."

"Right," Charlie said, nodding. "And how long did he stay dead for?"

"Three days..." Jude said reluctantly, unsure of where Charlie was heading with this.

"Right. So your little Messiah sacrificed his weekend, Jude," Charlie said.

"He was nailed," Jude argued, folding his arms. "To the cross!"

"He was nailed?" Charlie asked. "By who?"

"The Romans!"

"Men?" Charlie asked, in a way that I knew he was actively going somewhere with this. I mentally prepared myself for the shock on both mine and Jude's behalf.

"Of course," Jude answered, all matter-of-factly. "Roman soldiers!"

"How many?" Charlie asked.

"Heaps!!" Jude answered.

Charlie leaned on his balled fist and let out a mesmerised and contented sigh. "Lucky."

Goose and I both snorted. I quickly coughed to cover mine up, but I had to turn away otherwise Jude would definitely know that I laughed just then. It'd be sad if he got offended and high-tailed, I'd find an opportunity to repair the relationship, but it was only right for him to be exposed to reality. He just needed a touch of it to get on the right track.

"You're mocking me," Jude muttered, clearly exasperated by this onslaught.

"You're only just noticing?" Charlie grinned. "You're doing well, though. I honestly thought I'd send you running so we could get some food outta Liam tonight."

"I won't back down," Jude grumbled. "Jesus kept his conviction and so will I."

"Admirable," Charlie said, nodding. "I'm sure he was a really great guy, but I struggle to believe that he's the son of the sky and air version of himself. And if he was real and tortured on a cross, what part of his story makes you Christian's think he likes crosses?"

Jude looked a little surprised.

"All I'm saying," Charlie continued, "is don't you think it's a little funny millions of people think a Capricorn would sacrifice himself for the world? Maybe it's a little more believable if it's just his weekend."

Jude groaned. "I give up!"

"Cool, so you can go on your merry way and we'll grab some sushi?"

"I give up arguing with you," Jude said stubbornly. "Not on Liam." The raw and honest emotion behind his words took me by surprise. I think they took him by surprise too, because his brows lifted in shock and his hands smacked over his mouth.

Charlie fell onto his back in a fit of hysterics, kicking his legs in the air as he repeatedly slapped Ben's thigh. He sat back up and tried to regain his composure, wiped tears from his eye and said: "Jude Caster, wasn't that a little gay?"