Jungkook laid in bed, on the side where you usually slept, and stared at the wall as he went over the exchange you'd had about an hour ago. He found it hard to believe that you'd left and gone back to your apartment, but here he was, trying to sleep alone for the first time in a while.

You kept insisting he didn't do anything wrong and he did more than enough, but you ended up telling him you needed some time. So he let you go with the promise that you'd think about it all. It was something, but you were trying to break up with him at first, so he didn't have much hope.

He would hold onto the smallest thing though, for some comfort. The pain was unbearable, if you didn't love him back, that was it. What was there to think about? Jungkook was once again faced with something he couldn't change.

Something that didn't depend on how hard he worked or how resilient he was. It wasn't even that someone was better than him, like he had thought with that guy you'd dated for a bit before you two started dating. It was just him...and the life he had chosen.

Kook couldn't blame you for not being able to put up with it all, but he couldn't help but be angry. Was he not allowed to be happy? Why was it that things always went wrong for him when he tried to find balance with his career? For a moment there he thought he was finding some sort of stability, but he'd clearly been wrong.

Maybe you were right, you should have stayed as the pretty fangirl with whom he liked to flirt from the stage. You did that for years and there was never a problem between you two. You would have literally been the girl he just dreamed of. Tears started running down his face as the lingering scent on the pillow reminded him of how you weren't there anymore.

You wanted nothing more than to be able to sleep next to Jungkook right now, your bed was cold and you felt lonely. You'd tried not to get overly attached these last couple of weeks, but you missed his warmth when he clung onto you and peacefully slept on you. You missed stroking his fluffy hair and feeling him melt as he relaxed with your touch.

Reminding yourself that this was for the best didn't make it hurt any less, you didn't want any of this, but you also couldn't have any of it. Maybe you just had to give up trying once and for all, to live a better life than the one you had. At what point do dreams become fantasies and your goals become toxic?

What were you aiming for? Was it really that unrealistic? This was all so depressing. Your main source of comfort had been Bangtan's music for the longest time, they really changed your life when you discovered them. Much like Jungkook did. But now even the thought of it was dreadful, you'd ruined everything, even what used to be comforting.

You felt so helpless, so vulnerable that very moment. You hadn't missed the loneliness one bit, the lack of hugs you were used to not getting a few months back, but now seemed to rely on. You just wanted to curl up underneath the sheets and stop feeling, stop thinking. It would be nice if you could just press 'stop' on life.

That week you both had to drag yourselves out of bed and get to work. Put on a poker face and pretend you weren't falling apart on the inside. Your co-workers didn't question it and your brother most certainly didn't ask about your boyfriend. You couldn't even tell Hyejin, you were afraid she would rub it in your face. You already knew you'd been an idiot.

Jungkook became quiet again and mostly listened, he did what he had to do and headed to his apartment every day without his hyungs suspecting anything. They knew you supposedly were staying with him so they didn't think something was wrong. He kept himself busy not to think, but he couldn't do anything about the heartache.

"Jimin-ssi" he called out to his hyung in a silly tone, doing his best to sound as unbothered as possible. Jungkook walked up to him, he didn't want to be alone tonight, not when it would be a week since you had left. He just didn't want to lay in bed unable to sleep and alone with his thoughts.

Jimin just smiled as he walked up to him. While Kook hesitated for a second, he observed how his eyes were red, his face puffier than usual and he looked restless. "Have you been sleeping well?" he asked concerned.

"I'm actually really tired, but anyway" he quickly turned the conversation to what he wanted. His hyung furrowed his eyebrows. "Do you want to go out for drinks tonight?" Jungkook offered hoping to be able to keep himself occupied and numb the pain.

"Sure, Jungkook-ah. It'll be fun!" Jimin replied enthusiastically, but then wondered, "what about noona? Do you want to tell her to come with us?"

"No, that's okay, we usually see each other on Saturdays anyway" Kook said without thinking and realized he'd blown it. That was when you didn't live with him. Before Jimin could point it out, he fixed it awkwardly, "she's going out with her friends tonight."

"Oh, I see" his hyung nodded looking convinced. "Let's go out for drinks then" he smiled brightly and Jungkook just gave him an awkward chuckle. He was terrible at lying, he got nervous and gave himself away. It all had seemed to go smoothly enough from the looks of it.

They met at a private, secluded bar that night, after they both went home, showered and changed. Jungkook suggested ordering a few shots and challenged Jimin to down them faster than he could. He didn't care about the outcome, not right now, he just wanted the alcohol to kick in already.

He was on his third Irish Bomb when Jimin started to feel like he was getting carried away. He tried to stop him when he went to drink it, but Jungkook brushed it off.

"Yoongi hyung told me you have to drink these in one go" he justified himself. Of course it wasn't true, he knew better, but he'd use the excuse. The maknae chugged it down and laid back on the sofa satisfied that he couldn't think straight anymore.

"Do you ever wonder"— he began as he narrowed his eyes —"what would have happened if we had never debuted?" His hyung was confused about how this had become the topic, but it was an interesting question. When he tried to answer though, Jungkook cut him off and just kept thinking out loud.

"Life would be so different" he mumbled and chuckled. "As a regular guy, you meet a regular girl and then it all works out" Kook added and Jimin just didn't know what to think anymore. He was too drunk, he shouldn't have let him drink that last glass at the very least.

"But then we wouldn't have met the same girls, right?" his hyung commented and he stopped to think of that, his lips parted and eyes blown out.

"Darn it, you're right, hyung" Jungkook said frustrated and frowned hard trying to make sense of himself. He brought his fingers to his forehead trying to focus. "Then it could have never happened, she was right" he hiccuped and Jimin didn't like how that sounded.

"What do you mean? Noona said that?" he asked and the younger one nodded.

"She's smart, she'd know"— Kook rambled —"she knows a lot, Jimin hyung, about everything"

"And I mean, everything" Jimin grimaced at Jungkook's state. Maybe he should call someone, take him back to the dorms. Pulling out his phone, he looked down for a second. The maknae didn't mind in the slightest and went on.

"She's smart, and kind. So kind. She cared about the fish in the aquarium and the horse at the beach" his hyung looked at him like he was insane as he passionately talked about you. Did wild horses suddenly run around beaches now or something?

"She's pretty, the prettiest. And she's secretly hot. Did you know she has more piercings and a tattoo of the stars down her back? She loves the night sky, I wanted to get her a telescope. We could go to the best observatory, I was planning it all. The one with the best view so we could look at our stars"

"They will be together for millions of years, they are lucky" Kook sighed knowing he had the worst luck and let himself fall back once more. "I wanted that. I said I love you to her only a week in"— he laughed at himself —"but she's been in my mind forever."

"I told her not to answer. But then she told me, hyung" the younger one said sadly.

"She said it back too?" Jimin asked cautiously wondering why the gloomy tone.

"She doesn't" he laid his head back just as Taehyung arrived to help with the youngest. "She doesn't love me" he whispered to himself, his eyes glassy with the tears he felt come up.

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