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Tears pour down my face as I empty the bottle, with shaking hands, of sleeping pills into the tea mixture. I watch them dissolve half wanting to pour the tea down the drain, half knowing he needs this.

The doctors don't know what he has and definitely don't have a cure for it. His screams of agony fill the nights, no matter how hard he tries to put on a brave face during the day his pain is evident in his eyes.

He tries to be strong for me, but his in sleep screams frantically for death.

When the tea is done I pour it in a cup for him and bring it up the stairs to him passing our wedding photos along the way.

Five years ago yesterday those photos were taken, a happy couple excited for the future together ready for almost anything, then a not even a year later the he became sick gradually getting worse and trying not to show it, treatment after treatment failing until he was bed ridden and in constant agony.

I can't watch him slowly die a painful death anymore, and he won't he'll die a peaceful death in his sleep tonight.

"Hey honey, I brought you your tea," I say softly as I take note of the blood covered napkins not doubt from a coughing fit and try not to burst into tears again.

He takes the tea and slips it gently, slowly he falls asleep and the heart monitor attached to him flatlines in a long continuous beep. His face is the most peaceful it's been in years.

"I'm sorry I couldn't watch you be strong for me any longer, not while you suffered," I whisper as I break down and cry until I can't cry anymore.