AFTER our intense make out in his garage. Natsu asked me to stay in his house – we actually cuddled until I told him that I should prepare some dinner for us. He said we would just order but I insisted since I have never cooked him dinner. When I lived here in his house, he often cooked.

He was just quietly watching every move I made and sometimes I could feel him touching my hip.

I look at him "Why don't you just stay in the living room and watch a movie, Natsu?"

He shrugged and smiled at me "I'd rather watch you, babe"

I blush instantly as he laughed. He hug me from behind and I instantly sigh the moment I felt him warm. He put his chin on my shoulder. It's like a leech but I don't mind it.

"I love you, Lucy Heartfilia"

"I know" I smile

He stared at me for a few seconds before he frowned, "How did you love me, babe?" he asked randomly which made my eyes wide open.

I look at him over my shoulder in shock "Are you serious about your question, Natsu?"

"I'm an asshole. I'm fully aware of that part. Aside from that," he said softly - pain crosses into his eyes before he scared my body to face him "I'd hurt you more than I can imagine"

I smile to him "I told you, it wasn't your fault that I was hurt"

He scowled "I was the reason why you'd hurt, Lucy. Of course it's my fault"

"Natsu, listen to me..." I touched both of his cheeks "... it's not your fault that I got hurt while loving you. It's not your fault because you don't know about my feelings. It's my fault for not telling you."

He pouted his lips which I found cute, "You're just saying that because you don't want me to feel guilty" I beam at him which makes his frown deeper "You should at least punch me, babe!"

I stared at him and I had a strong feeling that he wouldn't stop me until I did what he said. I sigh "Okay, I'll punch you"

"Good!" he beamed at me as if he was pleased with my approval.

"Close your eyes"

He frowned "Why? I want to see how you're going to punch me"

"Close your eyes or I'll leave now!" I glare at him.

"As I said..." he let out a nervous laugh "I'll close my eyes now. And I wait for your punch" he said.

I smiled as I watched his face. I don't know how long it will be before I see his face again. I also don't know how long it will take me to build myself again. I caressed his cheeks which made him flinch – I smiled but tears suddenly fell into my eyes.

I'm not sad... or maybe I am. I'm not sure but I'm emotionally unstable right now. I inhale sharply and clear my throat so he wouldn't hear my sobs.

"Babe? How long am I going to wait?"

I couldn't take it anymore, so I punched him in the chest and shouted out nervously "YOU CRAZY ASSHOLE!"

"...Ugh, babe!"

"I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG..." should I stay? Should I not go? But what if... I stay? Am I going to be happy? If I stay, will everything be alright? I don't know what to do! My heart and my mind is full of doubts. "STOP ASKING ME BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

When I finished shouting and hitting him on the chest, I covered my face with my hands and cried "babe, are you angry? Why, what's wrong? Am I asking too much?"

He looked flustered like a fool. I was feeling all sorts of emotions.

Doubt, resentful. Why now?

I'm happy and frustrated at the same time. My heart trembled like a fool when he said he loved me. And it was sad. For the first time in my life, I decided something for myself. But I don't want to leave him.

Isn't it too pitiful for me to neither accept nor reject him?

"It's all my fault. Stop crying. If you cry like that, you'll get more exhausted" Natsu, who had no idea what to do, looked at me crying and hugged me again. However, he constantly wiped my eyes and nose.

I felt sad again, so I stayed in his arms and cried for a while longer. I'm sure I'm crying because I'm sad, but strangely I felt lighter the more I cried.

I poured out my tears until I had no more strength, as he said I would, and stopped crying. Even though his shirt was wet because of my tears, Natsu did not push me away.

I slowly controlled my breath with my face buried in his shoulder like a baby. "I'm confused now. I don't know what to do"

"It's all right"

I don't think he was listening. Natsu answered too quickly. I stopped talking for a while and soon spoke again "I'm full of doubts, Natsu"

He looks confused. He sighed and lifted me up - I immediately wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Natsu walked towards the living room and sat there. I sat on his lap and without saying a word wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Natsu..." I mumble under my breath.

He looked at me and smiled "Do what you want babe. Don't let yourself be trapped in something"

"I'm confused" I said "But I want to build myself on my own. I want to know myself. I want to try to be happy without relying on my happiness."

"And? What's stopping you?"

"I want to stay by your side, too," I said.

He stayed silent for a long time before he gave a sad smile. My heart clenched seeing him like that. He caressed my face and stared at my eyes "We have a lifetime, babe. I will wait for you until you finished everything you want"

I struggle with a sulky look, "Aren't you going to stop me?" I urged.

He laughed it off "You said your decision is final," I frowned which makes me laugh even more "I will wait for you no matter how long it takes, Lucy"

"..."

"I love you, Lucy Heartfilia"

Natsu repeated those words with the same face. I stopped breathing again.

Then I felt like my heart was about to explode, so I suddenly lifted my upper body "Ugh..."

My head was pushed back by Natsu's face as if it were a head butt. At the same time, something soft and warm touched my lips. He kissed me again.

With my eyes shut like a fool, my body flinched as I just bumped at his lips. But it was brief. His arms wrapped around my waist rushed up. A big hand grabbed the back of my head, and I was dragged closer to him like I was eaten up.

Natsu, like a man who was starved for days, was frantically busy suckling and licking the flesh around my lips. His thick, moist tongue roughly penetrated between my lips, entangled and suckling mine.

The kissing continued for a long time. As if it wasn't our first kiss but it feels like it was...

On the following day, Natsu helped me pack my things. I told him not to help me but he insisted. It was like he was torturing himself. After that, he accompanied me to say goodbye to my friends. Of course, that included Archer who was surprised by my decision but didn't ask.

Around 5:00 PM, Natsu took me to the airport. When they announced that we could finally board, everyone already lined up. I also stood up and faced Natsu, holding both his hand 

"I guess it's time to say goodbye," I told him.

He didn't waste a second and just gave me a tight embrace "Be careful, okay"

I nodded, "It's time for me to leave," I told him.

He stared at me for a moment before holding my face and giving me a soft kiss. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting the tears fall down. When he let me go, his eyes were bloodshot too. He was trying to stop his tears from falling.

"I'm breaking up with you since you said that you will be my boyfriend until I leave"

He bit his lower lips, and nodded "Time to go, Lucy"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face on his chest, "One minute" I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me too and we stayed like that for a whole minute before I let him go.

"Be happy" he whispered, giving me a painful smile.

"Goodbye" I said.

I turned my back against him and started lining up, preparing my boarding pass. I didn't want to look back. I didn't want to look back and see him gone... but I still wanted to see his face for the last time.

I muttered a curse and looked back, only to see him still waiting for me and watching me leave. He gave me a smile but it faded when he saw me running back to him again. I tiptoed and gave him another kiss.

"I..."

He smiled and caressed my face "I love you, Lucy"

I hugged him again before returning to my line. Natsu watched me leave. And before he disappear in my sight. I wave my hand to him. He laughed and gave me a shortwave too.

I forced myself to smile before turning away from him, finally walking inside the pain... and just like that,

We parted ways. 

________________________________ End of Chapter #32

a/n: No the last chapter thought. Anyway, I think this story will reach until Chapter  #40. I'm still not so sure. But we are getting near in the end. 

Umm... this might be my last update. I'll probably be hiatus because unfortunately my cat. She was sick. She doesn't eat her food and she keeps on puking. And she's losing her strength! So I'll probably update again when my cat gets better. I hope you understand. 

I have to give all my attention to her now. I don't want to lose another cat. T_T 

Khiegilsan