The second I got home I slammed the door shut and locked it, my hand was shaking.

Wow good job! You finally showed Saihara how pathetic you are! What's next? Telling him the truth?

I shook my head and started pacing, I can't be weak, I can just laugh this off...yeah...yeah I can do that...He doesn't have go kmow,..yeah it was all a giant prank.. I bribed those kids with candy or something...I can...I can...

I can't. Can I?

"You know you can always just stay in here" she offered, sitting on the couch as I sat next to her, "you don't have to see the outside world if it's scary" she argued.

"I don't know Chi" I told her. She shifted to a cross legged position, "You're friend is probably going to find out eventually if you keep opening the door" she commented.

"I don't understand how opening the front door is going to make him figure it out" I argued, she shook her head "not the front door, the door to your heart" she said. I looked over at her, seeing the girl who's always been there.

Her red hair going halfway down her chest of her permant child like body and her bloodshot green eyes, with blood always dripping from them. She was wearing the same school uniform as always. Her clothes were stained as always with blood and the deep neck wound just showed itself in the front prominently.

"I don't want him to know" I told her holding myself as I tried to calm down, "well then I guess you have an important decision to make, want to stay here...with me forever? We don't have to go outside...we can just play here forever" she whispered.

I didn't respond.

"Can I think about it?" I asked and she nodded, "of course, you can't wait forever if that's what you need" she said, "I don't see how it's worth it to you, going through this pain for him...but it's your decision" she admitted.

The door knocked, I turned around and she wasn't there anymore. I looked at the couch with its torn part and back towards the door. The door where Saihara was probably waiting for me to open.

I walked into my room, grabbed a few pills swallowing them before opening the door. Saihara was there, sweating. He probably ran over here like I did.

"Hi Saihara chan" I greeted, his eyes were filled with tears, "what was that?" He asked. I paused before leaving my house and closing the door.

"What was what?" I asked and Saihara looked at me seriously, "you know what I'm talking about Ouma, the scars. Where were the from and how did you get them?" He asked.

Oh you're in trouble now, he's going to hate you.

"Does it matter?" I spit out bitterly, he stared at me in shock "of course it matters Ouma! You got hurt! You were hurt and you didn't tell me about it! I want to know because I care about you!" He exclaimed.

"Are you doing this so you feel better about yourself?" I asked. He looked at me in shock, "You're probably thinking that it's your fault or something huh? And that because you think it is you feel like you have to fix it, you don't actually give a d*mn about me you just want to feel better about youself" I accused not even bothering to look at him.

"Who even said I have to tell you anything about me? What cause I'm your friend? I didn't know there was a rule you needed to know my life story I ranted.

"I'm not telling you anything, so if that's all you came here for then just go" I muttered and turned back to the door when I felt a hand on my back.

"I'm here because I care about you..." Saihara told me.

If you let him in, he'll know how worthless you are.

"I don't believe you..." I admitted and I went back inside. He didn't fight me, I didn't even look at him. I locked the door and headed to the bathroom rolling up my sleeves and grabbed the box cutter feeling those stubborn tears finally escaping my eyes.

You did the right thing, see now he hates you and he'll finally leave you alone! You're just going to sit there pathetically forever-

"SHUT UP!" I screamed as the box cutter dug into my skin and the blood stained my bathroom tiles again. I grabbed a hand towel and but into it to muffle any screaming as I cut...and cut...and cut...my mind kept thinking back to Saihara as I felt my tears falling down onto my bloody arms and I collapsed into a tiny ball on the floor.

Why do I always do that?

I already told you, because you deserve it.