hey,

it has been ten years since the battle between toman and kanto manji. a lot has changed, for the better. it's like a happy ending for everyone, but not for me. on that day, my whole world was turned upside down.

that was the day i lost you forever.

you knew you no longer had to keep that stupid promise, right? then why did you take that bullet for me?
why did you save me?
why did you sacrifice your life for me?

i could never forget your shaky voice calling out my name softly. not the usual nickname, but my real name. it was actually the first time you called me like that, you know, and also the last time i will ever hear that. the image of your jacket saturated in blood has burned into my mind. i could still feel the warmth of your body slowly fading in my arms.

you told me to live a happy life. how can i be happy when you are not here anymore?

i just want to travel back to the good old days, just the two of us in our hideout. the time when we sat at the corner of the room, quietly treating each other's wounds. the time when we lay on the couch, binge-watching countless rented dvds as we laughed and cried together. the time when we rode the motorbike around town despite the cold-ass weather. the time when you forced me to dance with you to some random funk-jazz on your playlist because it was too rainy to hang out. although i complained, i always went along with you. i'm not the best dancer so i tripped a lot and you just stood there teasing me. the sound of the drizzle blending with jazz was such music to my ear, but what i love the most is the sound of your laughs, something that i will never have the chance to listen to again. your enchanting smile and those eyes as deep as the night sky, how many times have i got lost in them?

as your body got colder, you caressed my face, saying: "i'm sorry". maybe you never realized it, but you cared for me so much. no one can ever treasure me the way you did. no one can ever replace you. so please don't apologize.

at first, i just couldn't bear the thought of losing you. it took me a long time to move on. after all these years, i thought i have finally been able to let you go. but standing here, i realized that it's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. how can i possibly let go of all of our memories together? without you, there would be no me. inupi and koko, we are an inseparable pair, aren't we?

for the rest of my life, i will always be thinking of you and missing you. thanks for being a part of my life, and you will forever be.

i will wait for you. like the sand waits for the sea.

come back to me, koko.