When I opened my eyes to cool morning light drifting through the curtains, I half thought that last night had been a dream. Then a smile touched my lips. It couldn't have been a dream because the heavy, tattooed arm draped over my hip was real.

And the raging erection pressed against my butt was definitely real.

The steady rhythm of Finn's breathing told me he was still asleep, and I resisted the urge to press back against him, in case I woke him up.

I wasn't sure how he'd feel about this when he did.

I knew how I felt – I was happy.

Lying in bed with Finn, his arm slung possessively over me, his hard body curled around mine, was the kind of quiet bliss that I hadn't thought we could find, and I had to savour every single second because I might not get it again. Finn had handled last night so well, better than I'd anticipated, but that might change this morning. He might regret what we'd done. He might freak out like I had in the pool.

That was okay because this wasn't about me.

It was about what was best for Finn.

Finn's breathing changed tempo as he woke up, and I felt him go very still behind me. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I didn't dare roll over to see his face in case he obviously regretted this.

"I can leave if you want me to," I whispered.

His arm moved from my hip to my waist and tightened, hugging me.

"Stay," he said, his voice husky with sleep.

I'd stay all day if he wanted me to.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he admitted after a pause.

"Do you regret it?"

Finn's arm tightened again, pulling me harder against his morning wood. "No," he said. "Not for a second." Another pause. "Do you?"

I laughed. "Do I regret lying on a bed with you? Definitely not. I'm just surprised that we ended up here so soon. I thought it would take you longer to reach this stage."

"I did too," Finn said. He shifted his head closer to mine, until his breath ruffled my hair. "It's because of you. You make me feel so fucking comfortable."

Emotion stung my eyes but I couldn't speak.

Finn had been nothing but honest with me, but he also sounded surprised by his own words, and from that I could only conclude that he either hadn't examined how he felt about me, or that his feelings didn't match mine.

Although, now that I thought about it, I wasn't entirely sure that I'd fully examined how I felt about him either. Maybe I was scared to face the depth of my feelings.

So I said nothing.

It was safer to remain quiet than risk damaging what we were building.

***

"Are you ready for this?" Finn asked, standing with me at the shallow end of the pool.

I stared down into the clear water, the pattern of white and blue tiles on the floor, steeling myself.

Finn had faced his fear. It was time for me to face mine.

He went into the pool backwards, slowly descending each step, holding both my hands. Even though the water was shallow, the familiar panic flared as soon as I stepped in – mostly because I knew we were tackling something that scared the shit out of me today – but I firmly shoved it away.

This was happening.

I could do it.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Finn said as I stepped off the final step.

"I'm trying not to think about sharks," I said, and couldn't stop myself from peeking over Finn's shoulder, as if I thought I'd see a triangular fin slicing through the chlorinated water.

"Jaws gave them a bad rep, but you know sharks are actually very unlikely to attack humans, right?" Finn said.

"So are spiders, and millions of people around the world suffer from arachnophobia."

"I will happily fight off any spiders for you."

"I'm not scared of spiders. I'm scared of sharks," I said plaintively.

"I'll fight off a shark too," Finn told me.

I gave him an oh please look. "You wouldn't fight a shark."

"Sure I would." Finn let go of my hand to flex his bicep.

"Okay, Tough Guy. Talk me through it."

He flexed again. "Simple. The shark swims towards you" – he mimicked it with one hand – "and as soon as it gets close, I'll punch it on the nose. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"I think that's a myth," I said.

"Really?" Finn looked disappointed.

"Even if it's not, I don't think you'd land a punch before it chomped your arm off."

"Then I'd wrestle it," Finn said, grinning now.

"Do you have any idea how big sharks are?" I said.

He pointed at me. Beads of water gleamed on his rings. "Depends on the shark. Some of them are fucking tiny."

"Fair point." I smirked. "Now I'm imagining you trying to punch a shark the size of a goldfish."

"I wouldn't need to. If it's that small, I could just stomp on it," Finn said.

"How are you going to stomp on something in the ocean?" I asked.

Finn thought about it. "I could crush it in my fist, then."

"I don't think I'd be scared of a shark if it was the size of a goldfish," I said.

"Are you sure? It might nibble your toes with its teeny tiny teeth," Finn said, his voice completely serious.

"I'm more worried about the ones that could swallow me whole or bite me into pieces."

"I told you, I'd punch it first. Or karate chop it." Finn demonstrated, splashing water into my face.

I laughed, and it was only then that I realised the water was almost up to my chin. I'd been so focused on Finn's silliness that I hadn't realised how far we'd walked. Another couple of steps and I'd be out of my depth.

Ice shot down my spine.

"Look at me," Finn said.

I did.

"Do you trust me?" he said.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Put your arms around my neck," he instructed.

I did, and his arms went around my waist, holding me tight.

"I'm going to take you out of your depth now, but I'll be with you the whole time." Finn kissed the tip of my nose. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Unable to find words, I nodded.

"You ready?" Finn said.

I managed another nod.

He stepped back and my feet left the floor and suddenly there was nothing but water, all around me, and I had no idea how deep it was beneath me. It couldn't be that deep because Finn wasn't out of his depth yet, but I clung to him anyway, trying to keep from hyperventilating.

"Just breathe," Finn murmured.

"I'm trying!"

"Maybe instead of thinking about all the bad things that can happen in the water, you should think about the good ones," Finn said.

"Like what?" The words came out through gritted teeth.

"Like . . . mermaids."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"Mermaids aren't real."

"You sure? There's a lot about the ocean that we don't know yet," Finn said.

"That's one of the things I'm scared of," I cried. "We don't know what's down there."

"Why assume it's something bad? Maybe it's mermaids – mermen too. Sexy, buff mermen."

I couldn't see his face, but I could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Let me guess, mermen who look like you?" I said.

Finn made a dismissive noise. "Not as sexy as me, no."

Finn stopped moving backward. I assumed this meant that he was almost out of his depth too, and I buried my face in his neck, trying to swallow a wave of panic.

"How do you feel about trying to put your head underwater again?" Finn said.

NononononononoNO!

I sucked in a deep breath. "Let's do this."

"Look at me first," Finn commanded.

With a great effort, I loosened my death grip on his neck. If Finn hadn't been holding me up, I'd have slipped down, into the deep water.

"I won't let you go," Finn said.

He gently kissed me, his lips tasting slightly of chlorine, and then we sank beneath the surface.

As the water closed over my head, I went rigid. I wanted to flail away from Finn, wanted to claw my back to the surface, wanted to suck air into my lungs. The water was fucking everywhere.

Finn touched my face, one large palm cupping my cheek, while his other arm supported my weight. His eyes were open, like mine, but he was completely calm.

A stream of bubbles escaped my lips. Every instinct fought to thrash after them.

No.

Finn was here, he wouldn't let anything happen to me. And I'd come this fucking far, I wasn't giving up now.

I linked my hands tightly behind Finn's neck, grabbed my fear by the throat and punched it on the nose, like Finn had said he'd do to a shark, and stayed under the water.

We'd probably only been down here for a few seconds, though it felt like longer, when Finn finally pointed up. I nodded.

He pushed up, and as we broke the surface in a flurry of glittering drops, I felt a great surge of something in my chest. It boiled up, into my throat, onto my tongue, escaping my mouth in a shriek.

"I did it!" I flung my arms wide, letting Finn take my full weight. "I fucking did it!"

"Damn right you did." Finn's voice was full of pride.

He swung me around in the pool, my legs creating a wake all around us, and I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder, and feeling like I was fucking invincible.

Later on, we celebrated with ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

I gorged like I hadn't in a long time, and I thought the glow of accomplishment would fade, that the fear would set in again, but it didn't. The fear was still there, lurking deep down inside, but I'd faced it now.

Finn seemed lighter too, like his own fears had been a weight he'd carried around all this time, and now he'd finally shed them. He ate even more ice cream than me.

That night he took me to his room again, this time without asking, as if it was completely natural to him, as if we'd been doing this all along. We still didn't have sex, but the quiet intimacy of snuggling with him in a place where no one else had ever been was something very special to me.

Finn felt asleep almost immediately, lying on his side behind me, his arm draped over me like it had been this morning, but I had trouble drifting off.

I couldn't stop thinking about the pool.

The longer I lay there, staring at the wall opposite the bed, listening to Finn's quiet breathing, the more I realised.

There was something I still needed to do.