I hadn't realised he meant right now, so when he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, I couldn't help a little yip of surprise. He shot me an amused smile over his shoulder.

We moved quickly through the house, Finn leading the way, his step so light he was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was almost like he was excited.

Until we reached his door.

Finn stopped dead. His hold on my hand tightened.

"Hey," I said softly, and touched his arm.

He startled, blinking too fast.

"We don't have to do this," I said.

"I think I need to," Finn said, in a voice much quieter and less certain than normal.

My heart squeezed.

Finn carefully guarded his vulnerabilities around most people, which, considering the experiences he'd had, I completely understood. But with me he let that guard down. I could see all of him, not just the parts he showed the rest of the world.

Until now, I hadn't realised what a huge display of trust that was.

"I'll go back in the pool with you tomorrow," I said.

If one of us was doing this, we both were.

"Will you trust me?" Finn asked, his piercing grey eyes searching my face.

"Completely," I answered.

I didn't need to ask if he'd trust me; I already knew the answer.

Finn opened his bedroom door.

I'd already been in here once, but it still felt like I was seeing it for the first time.

The décor was simple, a board floor like the rest of the house, walls somewhere between grey and green, a bed, nightstand, wardrobe, and built in shelves featuring books and bits of band memorabilia. It was a nice room, the aesthetic crisp and pleasing, but there was little of Finn in here. It could have been anyone's room.

That made something tighten in my chest. It was almost like, even in this private space, Finn couldn't fully be himself.

Then my gaze zeroed in on the bed, and suddenly I was nervous.

Finn had shared beds with previous girlfriends – both Penny Lang and Lola Perez – so it wasn't like this was entirely new. But he'd never done it in this room.

Finn was the only person who'd ever slept in that bed, and now that was about to change, and the weight of that was still sinking in.

Finn trusted me enough to let me in here.

He trusted me enough that he wanted to tackle his fears, even though they were justified.

He just trusted me.

We hadn't moved from the doorway. Finn still clutched my hand, his breathing a little quicker than normal, his eyes locked on the bed too. In this moment he was two people – the man he was now, and the boy he'd been when he was first betrayed.

"I'm right here," I said, repeating his words from the pool this morning.

Finn blinked and looked down at me.

He took a few steps forward, still holding my hand, then stopped again, staring at the bed. I waited with him, quiet, patient.

"Fuck," Finn muttered. "This is harder than I thought."

"You're doing better than I would have done."

Another few steps and then we were at the bed. The covers were soft grey, and at the foot was a blanket, also grey but striped with thick bars of white, with white tassels at each corner.

"Do you want to sit down?" I asked.

Finn hesitated, his grip tightening and loosening on my hand. I wasn't sure he realised he was doing it.

Slowly he sat at the foot of the bed.

I sat with him, trying to leave a reasonable amount of space between us so I didn't overwhelm him.

"You okay?" I said.

Finn nodded. One hand still held mine; the other rested on his knee, fingers clutching tight.

"Do you want to try lying down, or should we sit a bit longer?" I said.

Finn thought it over, his mouth pursed. "You go first."

I lowered myself, giving him time to change his mind, until I was lying flat. He turned to look down at me, and his face was so conflicted that I wanted to fling myself back up and hug him

To someone who didn't know him, his fears might seem trivial, silly even. People wanted celebrities to be larger than life, not to have human flaws and fears. Even if Finn hadn't been a global rockstar, he was still a big guy, over six foot tall and shredded with muscle, and people didn't always want to acknowledge that even guys like that got scared.

But I couldn't judge them. If I hadn't known why Finn felt this way, I'd probably have thought it was weird. Maybe I'd even have laughed with Lily about Finn Donovan, the big, bad rockstar who couldn't even let a girl sleep in a bed with him.

Finn lay beside me.

We lay quietly for a while, staring at the ceiling.

"What did you do when you found out Justina had sold those photos of you?" I asked.

Maybe it was a mistake to bring that up when we were trying to overcome the paranoia that her actions had created, but maybe it was something else that he needed to face.

"Dumped her," Finn said.

"Did you confront her about it? Or just end things?"

Finn tapped one finger on his denim-clad thigh. "It was over for me the second I found out what she'd done, but I did give her a chance to explain herself. I guess I hoped that she had a better reason than just wanting to make money from me."

"Did she?" I asked, though I suspected I already knew the answer.

Finn laughed harshly. "Of course she fucking didn't. It was all about the money."

"Do you think that's the only reason she was even with you?" I ventured.

Finn frowned, thoughtful rather than annoyed. "I don't think so. When we first met, it felt like there was genuinely something there, but maybe I'm just kidding myself."

"Or maybe she really did like you, but the promise of a quick buck overrode her feelings."

"I'll never know now," Finn said.

"What did she say when you confronted her?"

"She tried to pretend that it was no big deal, and she didn't know why I was so upset about it."

I snorted. "I bet she'd have been upset if you'd sold private photos of her."

Finn turned his head to give me a sad smile. "I made that exact same point."

"And?"

"She didn't have much response."

"Was it really worth it for her? Throwing away her relationship with you for the sake of a paycheque? No offence, but you weren't that big at that time, were you?"

Finn's smile twisted. "Big enough. Those photos and everything else she sold to the press would have been a good fucking windfall for her."

"One that cost her her boyfriend," I said.

Finn shrugged.

"She was sixteen and her mum was a makeup artist for the rich and famous. I was hardly irreplaceable to her," he said.

"You should have been," I insisted.

"I'm not sure any relationship's irreplaceable at sixteen." There was a hint of laughter in Finn's voice.

"That's not the point."

"I know.

Another few minutes of quiet passed. My legs dangled off the foot of the bed, and the footboard was cutting into my calf muscles; I wanted to shuffle up until I was lying on the bed properly, but that was a step Finn might not yet be comfortable with. I didn't want to spook him and undo all the progress we'd made.

Either my discomfort was showing on me face, or else Finn could read my mind, because he propped himself on one elbow and said, "You doing okay there?"

"Fine." I smiled brightly.

He narrowed his eyes, unconvinced. "You want to move further up the bed?"

"That's not going too fast for you?" I said. I'd expected to do this in stages, like me with the pool, but perhaps Finn could tackle it all at once. I felt a quick flare of envy that I immediately snuffed out.

"Let's find out," Finn said.

He scooted further up the bed until he was resting on the pillows.

I followed him. My heart had started to thump but I couldn't tell if it was nerves or excitement.

"The other girl who betrayed you didn't sell the photos, right?" I said, recalling our previous conversation. "She just posted them online."

"Just," Finn muttered.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." He gave my hand a little squeeze.

"You never even told me her name," I said. My head wasn't fully on the pillow, I shifted further up. Finn's bed was softer than mine.

"Does her name matter?" Finn asked.

I turned onto my side, studying his profile. Finn stared up at the ceiling, his hair sprawling across the pillow. He hadn't shaved again, and this close I could see every speck of stubble, more of a golden/copper colour than his blond/brown hair.

It was beautiful.

Everything about him was fucking beautiful.

"Not really, but you didn't hesitate to tell me Justina's," I said.

His eyebrows twitched. "I didn't, did I? I don't even know why not."

"Did her betrayal hurt more than Justina's? Less?"

Finn rolled over, resting his cheek on one hand. His skull ring pressed against his skin.

"Difficult question," he said. His breath was warm on my face. "Her name was Suzanne."

I slid my hand under my own cheek, mirroring Finn as I listened to him talk.

"I guess my answer to your question would be both," Finn said. "Suzanne didn't throw me under the bus for money like Justina did. She wasn't trying to be malicious."

"Do you think she made a mistake? In her own way she was just sharing your relationship with her fans?" I suggested.

Finn's upper lip twitched, not quite a curl but close. "I wouldn't call it that. She didn't share that stuff because she was so desperately in love with me that she wanted the whole world to know. Her modelling career hadn't really got off the ground yet – I had a much bigger profile than her. She was as interested in that as she was in me."

"You think she was trying to attract some of your fanbase?" I realised.

"She was trying to boost her profile any way she could."

My head was sinking into the cloud-soft pillows; I had to readjust. "Are you sure? Maybe she didn't realise what a big deal it was to you."

"She knew." Finn's voice was hard.

"I'm sorry." It felt so inadequate, but what else could I say?

Finn nodded. "I'd rather they'd cheated on me, to be honest."

"Really?"

"That would still have been such a fucking betrayal, but it would have just been between us, you know? It wouldn't have been women I trusted stripping me bare and offering me up to the world for their own fucking gain," Finn said.

"Maybe not, but it wouldn't just have been between you, would it? The media would have been all over you when you ended things with Justina and then Suzanne, right? You think they wouldn't have loved some juicy cheating stories? None of that would have been kept private," I said.

Finn scratched his cheek. "Good point. I'd still have preferred it though."

Our hands had separated at some point when we were shuffling around on the bed; now I reached down and linked our fingers again. "I hope both women know what a massive mistake they made by letting you go," I whispered.

Finn's face softened, his grey eyes as warm as the sun on sea.

I realised that nothing sexual was happening in this bed tonight.

That wasn't why Finn had brought me here, and that was okay. The orgasms that Finn gave me were absolutely fucking mind-blowing but what we were sharing right now was still worth more.

It was more intimate than all the sex we'd had.

Then, Finn had just shared his body.

Now he was sharing his trust,

He was sharing his heart.