Brighter

.

I still couldn't believe all of the things that I have learned today. Hindi ako makapaniwala na alam nila kung saan ako nagtago, kung anong kalagayan ko, at ang lahat-lahat sa akin.

Gusto kong huwag maniwala sa kanila. But looking at our old house, full of picture frames hanging on our walls with the image on every milestone of my success proves to me that what they're saying is true.

Sobrang daming litrato...mayroon no'ng bagong panganak ako at no'ng nasa hospital ako. And what really surprised me is when I saw Reje smiling with tears in his eyes at the camera while holding newborn Rizalde in his arms and I am in the background, asleep, exhausted from delivery—had no idea that the person I kept on running away has always been by my side.

And you know what's fucked up?

Ang sabi niya sa'kin ay pinadala niya si kuya Nono dahil hindi niya kami kayang bantayan. But why am I seeing his face in most of my pictures with my son? Lahat iyon ay tulog ako at meron pang silang dalawa lang mismo ang nasa litrato.

Did he lie to me again?

At ano pa ba ang mga kailangan kong malaman?

When Tristan told me that Reje sent Sofia Marie to jail, of course it was difficult for me to believe. It's impossible. He loves her. Pero no'ng kwinento sa akin ni Tristan lahat-lahat ay unti-unti akong naniwala.

Right after I left the church, the wedding was immediately put to stop. My brother told me that Reje also left and he followed me, watched all the things I did, watched me prepare to depart, and watched me, leaving him.

Sobrang sakit na marinig o malaman na nakita ng kapatid ko kung paano umiyak, sumigaw ng malakas, at magwala si Reje. Lahat ng tauhan ng kaniyang ama ay pinigilan siya sa kaniyang pagwawala. But Reje was unstoppable.

Ten years ago, on the same day I left, Reje yelled at his dad. The first time that he ever did in front of everyone.

He blamed his father for why I suffered. He told everyone who's watching that he did everything his father wanted him to do. Even marrying a girl whom he doesn't like and watching the girl he truly loves vanish in his eyes. At hindi nila napigil mag-ama ang kanilang emosyon. They throwed fists with each other with Reje as the loser in the end.

I could only imagine how big of a ruckus it is. Especially that his father is known, loved yet feared by everyone.

Isinalaysay sa akin ni Tristan na hindi tumigil si Reje na makamit ang hustisya para sa akin. He worked hard in silence. He forced himself to grow and hated becoming a loser. And all his hard work bloomed when one day, he managed to let Sofia Marie tell everyone that I, Sofia Grace, is innocent. That it was her, Sofia Marie, who have sinned.

Reje worked hard again on putting her to jail. Nagkaroon pa raw ng matinding away sa pagitan ni Sir Bong at ng ama ni Reje. Despite all of the opposition, Sofia Marie still ended up in a cage for two years, much longer than I did.

After the years passed by, Reje made sure that no one would associate him again to Sofia Marie in a manner like it was before. That, the only woman he truly loved was...me, Sofia Grace.

Hindi paampat ang luha sa paglabas mula sa aking mga mata. All this time...Reje was doing a lot just to make things work for me. He even constantly updated my family on what is happening to me, and our child.

"Ate, 'yung pamangkin po namin? Nasaan na?"

Natawa ako ng bahagya dahil sa kasabikan sa mukha ni Trisha.

"Nakay Kuya Reje mo. Mag-ayos kayo at pupunta tayo sa bahay niya. Nandoon ang mga pasalubong ko sa inyo."

Agad akong sinunod ng aking dalawang kapatid.

Habang nagaayos sila ay tinuyo ko naman ang luha sa aking mga mata. A huge stone was lifted off my chest after all the things I have learned today. I can now breathe properly and easy after knowing that my name is cleaned.

"Ate, tara na! Puntahan na natin ang pamangkin ko!"

Natatawang tumango ako kay Trisha.

Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa bahay ni Reje ay hindi ko napigilang mapayapos sa aking dalawang kapatid.

Tristan is so tall, even taller than our father. Trisha is so fair, just like me and our mother.

"I'm sorry," naisambit ko na lamang.

"Sorry kasi iniwan ko kayo. Ako na lang ang magulang ni'yo tapos, nawala pa ko sa tabi ni'yo,"

Surely, their walks became slower. And so does mine.

Inabot ni Trisha ang kamay ko at hinawakan ito nang mahigpit. I have only ever imagined her warmth. Can't believe I'm feeling it now.

"Wala ka pong kasalanan..." she said that made my heart feel even lighter than it already is.

Then...I suddenly remembered our parents.

"N-naka-uwi na ba sila m-mama at papa?"

Tipid na ngumiti sa akin si Tristan...and he slowly shook his head, saying no in a silent way.

Tipid din na ngiti ang naging sukli ko sa kaniya.

"Hinanap ni'yo ba sila?" I asked, and again, they said no. If that's the case...

"Sinong nag alaga sa inyo no'ng wala ako?"

"Si kuya Tristan po, siya na po ang tumayong nanay at tatay sa'kin. Pero huwag kang mag-alala, Ate! Dahil Lagi pong naanjan si Kuya Reje para sa amin. Alam mo ba na si kuya Reje ang nagpapaaral sa aming dalawa?"

Muli, ako'y nagulat sa nalaman.

I shook my head bitterly and stared at them. Adored them for how strong they are. I became speechless, yet, I am thankful. Na kahit wala ako ay nakaya nila.

Nagpatuloy kami sa paglalakad habang magkakadikit, parang triplets na hindi mapaghihiwalay.

The spot where I left Reje and Rizalde is now empty of them. Kaya naman dumiretso na kami sa bahay ni Reje. Naabutan namin silang naglalaro sa sala.

"Ma!" Rizalde, like a small child, exclaimed when he saw me. But then instantly masked his excitement with seriousness when he saw that I'm with people that he doesn't know.

"Come," tawag ko sa kaniya, sinenyasan na lumapit. Reje is so quick wit, he guided our son to come towards us.

"This is your Aunt and Uncle, they're meaning to meet you! Come on, greet them!"

Masaya ang aking buong kalooban sa nangyayari ngayon.

My name is clean. I've been awakened from all the lies. And my family is now slowly coming together again.

Seeing how happy Rizalde is just by being hugged by my siblings, even though he doesn't really smile, makes me happy too. My heart is at rest knowing I am finally sharing the blessing and joy he gave me to everyone.

Napatingin ako kay Reje na mataman lang na nakatingin sa akin.

After knowing all the things that he has done. I find it difficult to carry his stares. Naiilang ako, nahihiya, at natatakot.

Reje is not the same Reje that I used to know. His face matured, his body grown, his aura became more powerful. And those are just minimal reasons that I could think of to validate my feelings of fearing him.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at nakuntento na lamang sa panonood sa aking mga kapatid at anak. After they're done with their small catch up, I gave my siblings the gifts I have stored for them. They were happy and thankful.

Nang sumapit ang gabi ay nagpaalam na rin silang umuwi. I invited them for dinner but they refused. Sa susunod na gabi na lang daw at pansamantala ay asikasuhin ko muna ang pamilya ko, sabi ni Trisha sabay tingin ng makahulugan sa'min ni Reje.

I presented to cook us dinner. Sobrang hinhin ng galaw ko. 'Yong tipong natatakot akong gumawa ng ingay dahil baka biglang mapansin ako ng masasamang espirito.

I became so conscious of my surroundings.

To be honest, I don't even know now how to start a conversation with Reje. I should at least thank him for what he has done.

Nang matapos akong magluto ay kumain na rin kami. Halos si Rizalde at Reje lang ang nag-iingay. Nagsasalita lang ako tuwing may tanong sa akin si Rizalde. Other than that, I became mute to sum it all up.

Mabilis na natapos ang hapunan. I attended Rizalde to sleep before going to my own room. Nadaanan ko pa ang kwarto ni Reje at naisipan ko pang kumatok. But I knocked some senses on myself instead. Gusto ko siyang kausapin pero hindi ko naman alam ang sasabihin.

I sighed and just proceeded to go to my room.

Nakahiga na ako ngunit di pa rin madalaw ng antok. Sumilip ako sa orasan at nakitang alas-nuebe pa lang ng gabi. Sobrang tahimik na sa labas, senyales na tulog na ang lahat. But I can't bring myself to slumber just like everyone is doing right now.

Biglang nagbalik ang alaala ko kaninang nasa simbahan ako. Alon, I so badly want to thank him. To talk to him. At mukhang mas lalong hindi ako makakatulog kung hindi ko siya makakausap.

Kaya naman nagbihis ulit ako ng komportableng damit at nagpasyang pumunta sa bahay ni Alon.

"Oh my g—, k-kanina ka pa ba riyan?!" halos mamatay ako sa gulat nang maabutan si Reje sa tapat ng aking pintuan.

"No. Where are you going?" he straightly answered and then, fired me a question.

"Kila Alon,"

His jaw clenched, "Why?"

"Gusto ko lang makipag-usap sa kaniya,"

"Can I come along?"

"No."

Nilagpasan ko siya at dire-diretsong lumabas ng bahay. I didn't dare to look back because I'm so afraid that I will turn to him and ugly cry while asking him why he did all those things for me. Tristan said Reje loves me...but I never really felt it, not until this day when everyone's telling me the sacrifices that he made.

Binilisan ko ang lakad at kahit sobrang dilim ay hindi ko iyon alinatana. I am used to this. No'ng bata pa ako ay lagi akong tumatakas ng madaling araw para lang makipagkita kay Reje. I would even sleep in the dark, not scared, because Reje was with me...Ngunit bakit ba siya ang nasa isip ko? I should be thinking about Alon!

Ilang saglit lang ay tanaw ko na ang dating bahay nila Alon. Mas binilisan ko pa ang lakad hanggang sa marating ko ang tapat ng kanilang bahay.

"Tao po?" sigaw ko mula sa labas.

"Tao po? May tao po ba?" I asked again and again until I saw one of the lights inside turned on.

"Sofia?" gulat na tanong ni Alon. Magulo pa ang kaniyang buhok at bahagyang gusot ang damit. Malayo sa ayos na nakita ko kanina. I thought to myself, there! There was Alon that I know, he's not the Alon that I've seen earlier. Dahil 'yong kanina ay mukhang kagalang-galang at hindi marunong gumawa ng kasalanan.

"H-hi, can we t-talk?"

Tinitigan ako ni Alon bago unti-unting tumango.

"Sa may dagat na lang tayo mag-usap," aniya bago itinagilid ang mukha. Itinatago sa akin ang ngisi na kitang-kita ko naman.

"Tsk, hanggang ngayon, englisera pa rin!"

"Binulong mo pa, e narinig ko rin naman," I said that made him grin more.

Tuluyan akong nilabas ni Alon at bago kami naglakad papuntang dagat ay isinardo niya munang mabutii ang tarangkahan. I peeked inside to search for his mom and to also take a peek of what had changed inside his house.

At nagulat ako dahil gano'n pa rin iyon. Walang pinagbago. Kung paanong inayos ni Tita Sally ang mga lamesa at kung ano-ano pang kagamitan ay gano'n pa rin.

"Si tita?" I asked him. Wrong timing naman kasi ang pag-punta ko, siguro ay babalik na lang ako rito bukas ng umaga at magdadala na rin ng pasalubong para kay tita.

Lumingon ako kay Alon nang di siya agad magsalita. I instantly knew something was wrong when I saw him looking down and repeatedly scratching his fingertips.

"Ano ba? Tigilan mo nga 'yan!" sabi ko sabay hablot sa kaniyang kamay. At agad akong napasinghap kung gaano iyon kasugatan. His fingertips are bruised, even bleeding, because of how hard he scratched it.

Binawi niya sa akin ang kamay, "Tara na! Wala kang masisilip diyan, patay na si mama."

Napako ako sa kinatatayuan at biglang hindi nakagalaw. Alon was already five meters away from me when his words totally sinked in. Agad akong tumakbo para habulin siya.

I wanted so badly to open my mouth but no words would come out. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin sa kaniya. At ang mga gusto kong ipagpasalamat, ihingi ng tawad, at pag-usapan ay biglang naglaho. I suddenly...cannot think properly.

Nang makarating kami sa dagat ay agad kaming naupo sa buhanginan. No one tried to speak. Yet, my eyes dared to mourn first.

Tita Sally was my second mom. Siya ang tumulong sa'min, sa akin habang naghihirap ako. Sila ni Alon. Kaya sobrang sakit na hindi ko man lang siya napasalamatan sa lahat ng tulong na ibinigay niya sakin.

I cried hard, my tears were like a river, it flowed and flowed and flowed. Si Alon naman ay tahimik lang sa tabi ko.

"Were you happy?" he asked.

"No'ng umalis ka, naging masaya ka ba?"

I smiled in distraught, "N-no."

Nakita ko kung paano kumislap ang kaniyang mga mata dahil sa luha na unti-unting namumuo.

"Bakit? Bakit di ka naging masaya?"

Umiling ako, "H-how can I? When the people I love the most are here?"

Patuloy na nagsibagsakan ang mga luha sa aking mata. And not long after, my tears got joined by Alon's. Pareho na kaming umiiyak ngayon habang nakatingala sa langit, habang nakatingin sa pinaka-makinang na bituin.

"T-thank you and I-I'm sorry...for everything," I finally said.

"Wala 'yon! Malakas ka sa'kin, e. At kahit hindi ka manghingi ng tawad, pinatawad na kita."

I cried harder.

Natatawa ko siyang hinampas.

"Ano 'yong nakita ko kanina sa simbahan? Bakit ang dami mong pamphlets at bible na dala? Nagtitinda ka ba?"

He chuckled, "Grabe ka, sa ayos kong 'yon tindero talaga ang naisip mong trabaho ko?"

"Oo, hahaha! Hindi ako sanay na makita kang gano'n kalinis. Sanay ako sa dugyot at marumi mong damit," I said while now, drying my tears. He did the same.

Suminghot-singhot siya bago tumawa, "Grabe ka talaga, nakabili ka lang ng pabango gan'yan ka na."

Tumawa ulit ako, "Ano nga?"

"Nagsisilbi ako sa simbahan. I am a deacon of God ever since my mom died,"

Nagulat ako sa pagsasalita niya ng Ingles pero mas nagulat ako sa nalaman. Him? A server of God? That's...impossible!

Mukhang patuloy akong gugulatin ng panahon. Marami na nga talaga ang nagbago.

"At nakita mo si Sofia Marie kanina di ba?" he asked. Tumango ako.

"Siya na ang bago kong crush, iniwan mo kasi ako,"

Nahampas ko na lamang siya sa sobrang pagkatarantado.

"Seryoso ka ba?" tanong ko at sumeryoso rin ang kaniyang mukha.

"Patawad. Alam kong magkagalit kayo at kaibigan kita, pero...wala e. Tinamaan ako," he said sadly.

"At mukhang malabo pang mapa-sa'kin dahil gustong mag madre, mamatay na nga ata talaga akong virgin. Buti ka pa hindi na," he said that made me slap his mouth.

"Ang bastos ng bunganga mo! Iyan ba ang nagsisilbi sa simbahan?!"

"Biro lang naman! Pinapatawa lang kita kasi mukhang kanina ka pa iyak nang iyak. Magang-maga na 'yang mata mo."

Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya at napabuntong hininga na lamang.

"It's okay. Kahit naman magkagalit kami ay hindi ko naman hawak ang nararamdaman mo. Kung gusto mo siya ay wala na akong magagawa ro'n. Hindi ako tututol. Pero gusto kong humingi ulit ng tawad kasi paulit-ulit kitang binasted noon."

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi upang pigilan matawa. Alon will never be not funny to me. And after the talk that we had that night, it made my life easier. I'm slowly beginning to get content in life.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami nagtagal sa dalampasigan ni Alon. Namalayan na lang namin na sobra na kaming natutuwa sa kumpanya ng isa't-isa no'ng unti-unti nang lumiwanag ang langit.

"So...are we friends again?" I asked him, unsure because I cannot deny the fact that I abandoned this friendship for ten years.

"Tsk, lagi naman akong friendzone pagdating sa'yo!" He complained that made me laugh again.

Hinatid niya ako sa bahay ni Reje nang matapos kaming mag-usap. I was surprised when I saw Reje was already up and preparing breakfast.

"Good morning!" bati ko sa kaniya.

"Good morning," bati niya rin pabalik ngunit may kakaibang aura.

Papanhik na sana ako sa kwarto nang bigla niya akong tanungin,

"How was your talk with Alon? Did it go well?"

Tumango ako, "Yes, we had fun catching up."

"Good,"

Binitawan niya ang kamatis na hinihiwa at naglakad sa pinaroroonan ko. Basing on his hard steps, I can already sense that he's in bad mood.

"Are you satisfied with your talk?" he asked again, very curious yet...cold.

"Yes. Napag-usapan namin ang lahat at nakahingi na rin ako ng tawad sa kaniya,"

"Do you think he is satisfied with your sorry's?" tanong niya na nagpakunot sa aking noo.

"I-i thinks so,"

"Then that's nice! How about us? When can we have our talk without me forcing you? When can we have our talk where you will listen and believe everything that I would say?!"

Napaatras ako sa talim ng boses na kaniyang ibinato sa'kin. His eyes are full of fire. Like he's been so eager for us to talk, to give him a chance to explain, and maybe shoot a future with me again.

Lumapit pa siya sa akin at napatalon na lamang ako sa gulat nang hawakan niya ang aking magkabilang braso. From being angry, his eyes then mirrored passion. Parang isang papel na natuptop sa apoy, naging malumanay ang kaniyang paninitig at naging masuyo ang mga galaw.

He rested his forehead on mine, "Please..."

My heart started to beat so fast and loud, I became afraid he might hear it. Nangati ang aking lalamunan at tumibok din pati ang aking labi ngunit wala akong salita na nailabas. I just remained unmoving, getting lost in his eyes.

"Let's talk please..." he begged.

And before I can stop him from saying another please. A very loud, police car siren is heard. Followed by a voice on speaker, saying he will arrest me.

In a blink of an eye, I no longer felt Reje's warmth. It was not his stares that I am being drowned but the vast movements of the police, trying to cuff me down.

Pinigilan ko si Reje nang magtangka siyang hatakin ako paalis sa hawak ng mga pulis. We already talked about this. I deserve to be jailed. I deserve to be punished.

Itinulak ako ng mga pulis papasok ng sasakyan. Tears didn't come out when I recognized what's happening. I was not even panicking. I was calm.

Because at least...at the very least...I was able to do what I wanted before they could lock me up in a four corner room. I was able to see my siblings...talk to the important people that I've missed...and see a better beginning.

So then...this is not the end.

This...instead,

is the start of a change.

;

XXXVIII