wowww still doing this apparently 

actually this one is because i said id stop not telling people things? bottling things up? repressing all my emotions until i have a breakdown? either way. today was,,,, a day so yay yall get to hear about it. 

so like f i r s t off i filmed the (first draft) of the coming out video im gonna make. idk if ive mentioned that yet, but basically i hate being vulnerable around my parents so im making a video instead. its like really shitty though and i kinda sound like i hate everyone in it so like,, im gonna edit it and see what i can do with it but im probably gonna redo it. to be honest im not like,, super rushed abt coming out - it would be nice but its like a whole thing ill have to deal with ya know. anyway so like everyone was gone to like,, the farmers market or something (idk im perfectly happy never leaving the house ngl) so i filmed this like,, 33 minute video (its gonna be shorter) and then i tried to move it to my computer and oh my fucking god i do not recommend that. i almost broke my computer trying and uhhh it didnt work. so my plan now is to cut it into (much) smaller chunks and move those to my computer through like email or hangouts or something. 

so that was a whole adventure. 

b u t!! life was not done.

soo my cat (otto) is 15 and we got him when he was a baby so hes been around for a g e s. hes my favorite living creature? possibly? at the least hes my favorite thing that lives in my house. i also have two dogs but like,, im not a dog person? i love otto a lot hes the best. anyway so basically he was acting rly weird (and kinda has been for a bit but like,, off and on) and i was rly worried abt him. hes probably fine but my dad is going to move his vet appointment earlier (mostly to appease me i think). i dont rly think theyre worried at all,, or at the very least they seemed to think i was overreacting (and i wasnt rly doing anything jfhgf). to be clear hes probably fine im just very attached and hes kinda getting older dfjhdf.

so that was super fucking draining and i like,, almost relasped but i didnt!!! because we love self improvement. i just watched some nikkitutorials videos instead (makeup videos are so relaxing ngl and shes rly cool) and now i feel way better.

soo yeah your award for reading my bullshit this time is my discord its jaybird#3755. im probably gonna keep doing this weird journal thing over here because like,, its probably good for me. u highkey dont have to read it tho dfdjhf its just me on a rant abt my life.