this is probably going to be kinda sad/generally emotional and not fun so beware.  

I feel like another chapter in my life is ending.   last time I felt like this my dog had just passed and I had started school for the first time with other people (this was like 2017 im homeschooled).  I was finally around other people my age and I started having friends and more independence and existential crises about forever.  

im getting that feeling again.  my grandmother just passed and its been vv upsetting and I kinda feel like im not as close as I was w/ some of my old friends (especially because its summer and we aren't seeing each other very much. I also feel like its telling when you get more news about your friends through your parents who got it from their parents then your actual friends). this time there isn't like a new thing that's starting.  everything is just ending.  im still in school and im going to be in less classes w/my friends but I take college classes so I highkey doubt ill find any friends there lol.  I just hate endings tbh.  

june has highkey sucked.  camp wasn't as fun as it usually is bc the leadership roles I could have gotten are going to other people and most of my friends didn't go this year.  there was the whole thing w/my grandmother.  and im really upset bc its pride month and I didn't get to do *anything* for it, even just for myself.  

I don't even know if I should post this bc im really upset and I feel like ill regret it later.  although its not like anyone will read this (other then the people I know will and I know you so its ok).

i would like to shout out XaccourtX though bc she's been the best and i love her a lot.  tyy for being amazing <3.

and AnIntellectualTopHat cause he's my clone and also a cool dude. love you bro.

im sorry im a fucking mess rn.  i actually went on a run today and i dont think ive run in probably a year.  believe it or not, i do like to run. i also like to be alone and im sharing a room so i had to get out of the house oof.

anyway.  idk what im doing. i should probably go to sleep bc its almost midnight.  ill probably just go watch dan and phil though (dans video was pretty much the only good thing that happened in june. i still might write something about him but not rn. probably not until at least mid july/august).

ok im done now lol. i love ya'll. stay safe and all that <3