Playlist:

❶ "Marion's Theme"—Raiders of the Lost Ark OST

Over the next six months, Naluma struggled to manage Ben. With news of more stolen children, Luke and the rest of the Jedi scattered throughout the galaxy—protecting high-risk targets, hunting for the culprits, searching for the children. And this time Naluma couldn't call him back—not with two Force-sensitive toddlers taken, Lando's Younglings, Ellie and Hazar.

I wish we could have brought them here. She shook her head. No. We shouldn't take them from their parents that young. I know I couldn't handle it to have my baby ripped from my arms. She paced near the window in the study, unable to see the courtyard due to the snow drifts.

Maybe we shouldn't have children. She sighed. No, we can keep them safe here. I wish we could bring Leia here with Breha. She collapsed into the arm chair and crossed her legs over the ottoman. But then Ben would know, and we'd risk Breha dancing with the darkness, too.

This is impossible, Naluma thought, shrinking inside with her lack of confidence. But her Force dream had warned her repeatedly, and none so vividly as last night. She bit her lip and resolved to stay the course, no matter the cost.

She reached out through the Force, hoping to catch a brief connection with Luke. It had been a few weeks since she'd last tried this. She knew he didn't need her baggage right now. Her fears consumed her and had the appetite of a rancor. She rubbed her arm and then stopped calling for Luke. I've lost ten kilos. I'm ugly. She hung her head. I can't let him see me like this.

All she felt was cold, lifeless snow. More snow. Worst blizzard in the last eleven years here. She punched the pillow and stifled a scream. Force, my back is killing me.

She tottered over to the desk and pulled out her bottle of pain meds while trying to smother the burgeoning cabin fever. I'm not sure if it's the walls crushing me or the snow, but I can barely feel the Force anymore with the flora frozen. With a groan, she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

Meditation no longer soothed. Nature no longer supplied. Marriage no longer satisfied.

She lifted her datapad from the desk and scrolled through a few pages. Except for the ones at the main entrance, the exterior cameras were all buried in snow. The flakes whirled in front, depositing another layer on the path that led to the landing pad.

The towering snow drifts covered the first-story windows. The walls pressed in on Naluma. Each day, she struggled to crawl out of bed and deal with the strains of the academy. Each day, she fought with the temptation to escape it all.

Ben, you've got some more shoveling to do. She punched in a few assignments to her datapad and sent the messages to Ben and Canoord. The path would be buried under a meter of snow if they didn't get moving and stay vigilant. Naluma ensured that Ben shoveled much of the snow that winter. If his temper was not helped by the extra work, at least his muscles benefited from it. She punched a few more buttons to assign the rest of his year group to shovel the courtyard before classes.

As the morning runs through the corridors passed her office, she closed the study door with her hand and then gulped her lukewarm stimcaf, draining the tumbler. Hope it eases up long enough this afternoon that the Padawan can hit the slopes. I don't think they can take another day cooped up inside. Even the arena isn't burning off all their energy.

She squirmed in her desk chair when her lower back muscles spasmed once again. With a groan, she grabbed her lower back.

"Everything okay?" Kalder poked his head in to the opening hatch.

They were supposed to review schedules today—mission and teaching rotations for Jedi Knights, Padawan duty schedules, course offerings, even supply orders—but everything was so uncertain. The Force was clouded, and she wasn't even sure what was going to happen tomorrow, let alone next week.

Naluma winced again, waiting for the pain meds to take effect. "Just my back—as usual."

"You should really get that checked out."

She grimaced. "We don't have people to spare to escort me to the med center. It's just stress." She motioned to the chair in front of her as they both dialed up the scheduling app on their datapads. "So, where does that put us? We were talking about your sister. Can we keep her here, or do you think Luke will need her on the search?"

She kept herself from saying vendetta, because, after all, Jedi weren't supposed to seek revenge. But it sure feels like it. "Where's Kallay when she returns from furlough?"

Kalder slid through a few screens. "Here, picking up the tech and math classes—but, you're right, Luke may need her. May need me, actually. I don't think he'll pull Benae, though. She'll pick up the Senate prep courses, as well as the physical endurance training."

Naluma pulled up the new schedule on her own pad. "That leaves me with the Galactic Basic courses, all three saber courses, as well as unarmed combat and Force-work. Put Kallay on meditation technique and flight training—let's just hope Luke doesn't need her—if he does, we'll just have to cancel flight training until the next rotation and I'll pick up meditation."

Her inner voice berated once again. What a joke, Naluma. You can't even meditate right now. How are you going to teach it? She sighed. "Give Benae the field medicine classes."

"What about firearms?"

Naluma shook her head. "Push it to next quarter."

"But Pilar hasn't qualified yet. If she's starting her missions rotations next quarter—"

"I know. I know." Naluma swallowed the bile in the back of her throat. Her muscles spasmed once more. She twisted to alleviate the pain in her back. "Schedule it for right before evening meal." She inhaled a sharp breath. "I'll do admin at night." She swallowed her last word in a groan.

Kalder grabbed her hand. "Why don't you—"

He jumped as the locked hatch slid open to reveal Master Skywalker in the doorway. The corridor light silhouetted his dark Jedi robes, obscuring his face.

"Luke," Naluma said in surprise. Rising with haste, she winced as her back muscles objected.

With his eyes fixed on hers, Luke crossed to her. She threw herself into his arms and bit her lip to hold back her tears. Not wanting her condition to disturb their reunion, she slammed her shields down.

Kalder looked at both of them and said, "Master Luke, boy am I glad you're back. We need to—" With a quick glance at Naluma, he cleared his throat. "Uh, Naluma, these schedules can wait until tomorrow." He winked at her as he raced out of the room and secured the hatch.

"How'd your mission go? Did you find Hazar and Ellie? Any hints of who did this?"

"Nothing."

She felt his pain now, his sorrow.

He whispered, "We should have brought them here. We could have protected them. Lando's given up hope he'll ever see them again." He keyed into her physical stress and kneaded her shoulders while he murmured, "I tried to reason with Leia, but she won't listen. She thinks she's safe on Naboo, but—"

"You've had a vision?"

He nodded. "Leia says she can protect her, that no one would suspect because she's assumed another name." He grunted. "I'm tempted to tell Han so he can go talk some sense into her."

"But Ben would know. He'll see the Force-connection they share. You really want to open that can of dianogas?"

"Maybe it would help him, give him someone to care about other than himself."

"Hmm."

❶ Luke held his wife, stroking her hair, wiping her tears. Two long months had passed without her in his arms.

Naluma sensed him scanning her with Force-sight. Her silent tears transformed to gasping sobs. "I'm sorry, Luke. I'm not."

"It's all right." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Sh, we can try again."

She nodded slightly as he led her to the couch. A fire roared in the fireplace behind the glass screen, but nothing could combat the bitter chill of this winter. It sucked the heat as well as the joy from everything it touched in Naluma's life.

He caressed her back with smooth strokes. "You're tense. Relax."

His fingers danced across her skin before transitioning into thumb circles. "You're going to get those knots again."

"Too late." She gave a defeated laugh.

He lowered his shields, letting her feel his passion. She clenched her teeth while her back spasmed in agony. But his desire overwhelmed her. Can't conceive without this. Hold in the pain. She panted out a spasm. Hold it. Don't let him know. Shields better hold. He can't find out.

She allowed him to remove her tunic, revealing her tank top underneath. Shuddering from the chill set off another spasm. When she raised her arms so he could finish undressing her, she wailed in anguish.

Luke withdrew his hands. "What's wrong?"

"My back is killing me." Naluma winced as another convulsion shot up her back.

"That's why your shields are up?"

Naluma nodded.

"I'm sorry. You should have told me, 'Luma." He leaned back. "I never want to hurt you."

"I know, but how else am I going to conceive, Luke? And we're hardly ever together anymore."

"Yeah, our timing has been horrible recently."

"That's the understatement of the year." Bitterness and anger burst beyond her cracked shields. "We've only been together ... what? ... nine days out of the last six months."

He laid her on her stomach to work on her back.

"Maybe we shouldn't even try. I don't know what I'd do if we lost our own child." She winced as he kneaded the knots.

"Come on, drop your shields so I don't hurt you."

She removed the first layer and prayed the Force to let him sense only the physical pain.

As Luke loosened her neck muscles, her lower back stiffened. "I've never seen you this tight before, Naluma. This knot goes all the way down your spine." He slid his strong fingers down both sides of her vertebrae. "What's bothering you?"

"A better question is 'What's not bothering me?' Ten meters of snow outside ... you gone all the time ... no children yet ..." She took a deep breath, masking the hatred welling in her before she said the last word. "Ben."

"You need to be at peace and let these stresses roll around you as the stream rushes around the boulder."

"Easy for you to say. Have you tried it?"

"Do or do not. There is no try." Luke emanated his peace, wrapping it around her. "Return to the basics, Master Fau."

"What I need right now, Luke, is you. Here. We're supposed to be a team, but we can't be a team if I'm stuck here doing this all on my own." She spat the last through clenched teeth.

"I took a vow—"

"Yes, to me."

"And to the Jedi Order. We both did, Naluma. You know that comes first."

"Bantha poodoo! Our dependency is self-manufactured, and we don't seem to be influencing the galaxy as a whole."

"I know it seems that we're not making an impact in the galaxy sometimes, that the darkness seems to be winning and all our efforts are for naught." He closed his eyes and drew in a long and deep breath. "But if we can just save a thousand worlds, would it be worth it?"

"Of course it would." Naluma wiped her tears.

"How about a hundred?"

"Yes."

"Ten?"

Naluma nodded.

"What if all the work we have done and will ever do only saves one world? With all the sacrifice be worth it to save that one?"

She bit her lip in shame. Even though the new Jedi Code allowed her love, she never assumed it came with all the other emotions attached with it. "You're right. Of course, you're right. But right now, I'm the one that needs saving."

"The Republic needs me."

Naluma let down a layer of shield she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

Luke's eyes grew wide.

"When you married me, you took a vow with me, not the Jedi Order. I need you. Luke Skywalker, I, am your wife." She dared to reach out with a tendril of the Force toward him. "The Force is neither good nor evil. As we must find balance in the Force, we must also find it in our lives. And—" Her voice softened. "Our marriage."

Her voice cracked. "I need you, and I need you now." The tears poured down her face. Oh, forget it. I'm a complete failure. I can't even succeed in the basics anymore.

Luke gasped

Shoot, my shields were down.

"Naluma, you're not a failure. I didn't mean that."

She sat up, swiveling to face him, ignoring the stabbing pains. "I am. I can't even have a child, let alone be a Jedi Master—and I can't control Ben." The sadness overwhelmed her. With deep sobs punctuating the words, she whispered, "I can't even control myself anymore."

His love penetrated her soul. It fended off the darkness. "I love you, Naluma, just the way you are. Please remember that. Children or no children."

"But, Luke, what if something's wrong with me?" Naluma asked, laboring to vocalize her struggles.

"Could be something wrong with me. Who knows what that Force-lightning did to me back on the Death Star. I might be shooting blanks."

They sat in silence staring at each other. No mindspeech. Only silence between them.

After holding each other for what seemed like hours, Luke said, "Maybe we should both get checked out. At least we'd know."

Naluma hung her head low, dreading the thought. They'll find out. They'll know. And where would that leave us? Where would that leave the Order?

Luke grabbed her hand, rubbing his thumb over the dip between her forefinger and thumb. "You don't have to do this alone, Naluma. I'll stay with you the whole time." He wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed with staggered gasps.

With her shields down, she initiated contact for the first time in months. Don't leave me.

Did you know . . .

● Khalkha has a mountain terrain and climate. Warm enough in the summer, but long, cold winters typified with meters of snow.

Tell me what you think . . .

● Why is Naluma shielding Luke out of her thoughts?

● What reasons could be causing their infertility?