Clary

I feel something on my shoulder, pulling me from my flashback. "Clary, wake up," a voice urgently pleas. Slowly, I take in my surroundings, keeping my eyes closed. Sebastian's going to be mad at me. I brace for the pain. Nothing happens. Cautiously, I open my left eye.

"Jace," I breathe. I sit up quickly.

"Clary, it's okay. You're safe," Jace assures me. I shudder thinking about him. "How does a late night movie night sound?"

"Jace, you're tired, I can tell. You should get some sleep," I reply.

"How am I supposed to get any rest, knowing you'll be awake until your eye lids overcome you and you fall back asleep? Knowing you don't want to go back to your nightmare so desperately that you'd rather memorize a page in the dictionary," Jace counters.

I blush, embarrassed. He saw me with the dictionary. Gosh, he probably thinks I'm a freak. "So is that a yes?" Jace smirks.

It would be nice to have some company while I avoid my flashbacks. But, Jace needs his sleep. "Unless you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?" Jace offers. I'm not ready for that yet.

"What movie do you want to watch?" I ask, suddenly serious.

Jace seems sad for a second, but, quickly, a smile takes over his face. "Hmmm, how about I get some snacks and you pick," Jace offers.

"I always pick the movie. Do you not trust my snack gathering abilities?" I tease.

"Coming from the girl who can have a random pregnancy craving at any moment, you can see why I might be cautious," Jace jokes.

"Says the guy who ate the pizza last week that had been in the box overnight," I counter.

"That pizza was delicious, I'll have you know," Jace responds.

"Yeah, I'm sure your gut bacteria is thanking you," I tease.

"Hey, leave my gut bacteria out of this," Jace pouts.

"Awww, did I hurt little Jacie's feelings?" I ask teasingly.

"Yes, and only a hug will make them feel better," Jace says in a kiddy voice.

"A hug?" I click my tongue. "I have to give you a hug."

Jace's smile vanishes, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You don't have to do anything. Gosh, why do I always mess our fun up? Ugh, I'm such an idiot. I mess ev-"

"Jace," I interrupt his babbling, "It's okay. I was just playing. I know you wouldn't have made me give you a hug if I didn't want to." I pull him into a quick hug. Then, we break apart.

Jace runs his hands threw his hair, and yawns. "How about we just go to sleep?" I suggest. I can't keep depriving him of sleep.

"B...but you don't want to, remember," Jace responds.

"I'm tired," I sorta lie. "Please."

Jace nods slowly. As he turns to leave, a burst of anxiety hits me. I don't want to go back to sleep. I don't want to see him. I don't want to feel him on me, in me, I....I can't, not again tonight. "Jace," I hesitate. Jace turns to me. I play with my fingers nervously. "Please don't leave me," I whisper, keeping my head down.

Jace stands motionless. Ugh! You should've just kept your stupid mouth shut. He wants to sleep in his bed. You've already woken him up. Just leave him alone. "Hey," Jace gently whispers. He walks toward me, looking concerned. He sits next to me on the bed. "It's okay Clary, please don't cry."

My eyes blur and I can feel tears hit my cheek. "I won't leave," Jace whispers. Jace's hand reaches for my face, and I feel him tuck my hair behind my ear. I probably look like a mess.....

"Clary, whenever you're ready to talk about whatever it is that wakes you up at night, I'm here. Whenever you want to talk about anything, I'm here. Please just don't forget that," Jace comforts me. Should I tell him someday? He deserves to know.

I nod and lay on the left side of the bed. Jace takes the right side, making sure to move slowly, as if he doesn't want to scare me. I pull the blankets over me, but Jace lays on top of them, giving me space. "Thank you," I whisper.

"You're more than welcome Clary," Jace murmurs. I turn away from him, so he can't see the tears that won't stop falling from my eyes. I haven't seen him in almost three months. Why is he still making me fear sleep? Why can't I just be stronger? Ugh! I'm so weak....

I feel a hand gently tap my shoulder, and I jump. "Clary, I know you're crying," Jace whispers.

"I...I'm sorry if I'm being loud," I reply quietly.

Jace sighs. "You aren't being loud. I can see your shoulders shaking," Jace hesitates. "Why are you crying?" Should I tell him now? No, he shouldn't have to deal with my crap. He shouldn't have to worry about me. Jace stares into my eyes. He's not going to take silence a as an answer.......

"I....I'm sick of being afraid," I reply vaguely, hoping he'll leave it.

"Look at me," Jace gently requests. I turn to face him, but I don't look in his eyes. "What are you afraid of?"

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I do and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/22/19