Tw: sexual violence

"It's the middle of the day, Alan!" Exclaimed Fiza as he straddled her, taking his shirt off. He tried to lift her shirt up but she pulled it down. "Your mom's right outside." He tore her T shirt open. Fiza gasped as he took her mount in his mouth.

"Alan, stop, I just ate..." He kissed her, not letting her get her words out. He pulled her pants down with his right hand. Fiza tried to break the kiss but as soon as she started talking, he kissed her again silencing her. With a single thrust, he entered her.

Fiza yelped in pain as he moved in and out of her. He captured her mouth with another kiss and grunted. Tears stung Fiza's eyes as she attempted to push him off her. Fear, pain, shock, the emotions blended into one another. It was a few moments before she tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled with all her strength. He pushed harder into her but released her mouth.

"Alan, I'm hurting, you have to stop," she cried.

Alan looked into her eyes and saw them wide with fear and pain. He clambered out of her. "I'm sorry, really, I thought you were feeling it too." What had he done? Had that not been consensual? He had thought she had wanted it... wanted him... Hadn't she allowed it before?

Fiza was now curled up in a ball, sobbing.

"Fiza, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I didn't realize," he said, his voice filled with regret. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't been trying to hurt her.

She was his, wasn't she? She had chosen him, she had said so herself. She hadn't said no. Did he not have the right to claim her when he wanted to, spontaneously? He had only been trying to show her how much he loved her, trying to infuse his feelings into his actions. Yet he had failed miserably.

"Fiz?" He lay next to her and hugged her from behind, seeking comfort and forgiveness. His heart ached with the realization of what he had done.

Fiza couldn't wrap her mind around what had happened. Alan had hurt her again. He had entered her without her consent. The pain and confusion were overwhelming. Had she said no? She couldn't remember. It had all happened so quickly. He was holding her now, his words a blur as she tried to make sense of it all.

"I love you. You are everything to me. I was just trying to be close to you. I didn't realize... I didn't mean to hurt you..." Alan's voice quivered with remorse, his lips brushing her ears as he held her tightly. He should have asked her. Or at-least seduced her first. He couldn't protect her from the pain he had caused. He knew she deserved better. He needed to let go of her if it meant her happiness. Tears filled his eyes. This was it, this was goodbye.

Fiza turned around to look at him, her own eyes filled with understanding and compassion. She could see his tear-stained face and the distance in his eyes. Their pain was intertwined, and their connection ran deep. "It's okay, Alan. We just need to... work on our communication," Fiza whispered, closing her eyes as Alan planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

She kissed his lips gently.

"We played it rough, I liked the pain..."

He was probably used to doing it rough with the girls before her, maybe he even preferred it that way

"He engaged in things with Mownika that you wouldn't even be able to imagine."

Fiza wiped the tears that were steadily falling. She couldn't be what he wanted. She could never accept pain as a way of expressing love.

"We experimented a lot."

What if she was making a mistake?

"Guys like him, they don't like normal. They will get bored."

As these words swirled in her mind, Fiza wondered if Alan was bored of her. In their four years together, they had only had sex three times. Maybe that wasn't enough. Perhaps their vanilla relationship wasn't fulfilling his desires. The fear of not being able to satisfy him loomed large in her thoughts.

Alan felt the weight of Fiza's silence, her eyes revealing a whirlwind of emotions. Fear, confusion, sadness - it was all there. He couldn't bear the thought that he might have broken her. It was becoming clear to him that he couldn't continue down this path. Faisal, he thought, could offer her a happy, comfortable life - something he couldn't guarantee anymore. He saw himself as the obstacle to her happiness, the source of complication.

How had their relationship deteriorated to this point? They used to uplift each other, make each other feel good about themselves. He had once been the source of her love, and she had made him feel cherished. But now, he couldn't stand the person he had become in her eye. She loved him but she was afraid of him. It seemed like there was no way forward, and the torment had to end.

"Get ready, Fiza. I need to get you to the airport," Alan said quietly, his voice heavy with emotion. His eyes roamed over her, as if he wanted to imprint every detail of her in his memory. He called her name when she didn't respond immediately.

"I'm sorry," Fiza whispered, though she wasn't entirely sure what she was apologizing for.

"Fiza, you are the most amazing person I know," Alan said, his voice filled with emotion. He was determined to make this a clean break, to not drag things on or attempt to stay friends. He knew he needed to exit her life. "You are stronger than you think."

"I'm not strong. I don't even... I don't even know who I am anymore," Fiza confessed softly, her gaze locked onto his. "I'm lost, Alan."

He drew her close, savoring her scent, and gently kissed her lips, a bittersweet farewell.

"Let me remind you then," Alan began with heartfelt sincerity.

"You are intelligent, beautiful, loving. You are kind, compassionate. You see good in everyone." He gently wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "You are insightful, empathetic. You are strong-willed, and you have principles..."

Fiza interjected, her guilt evident, "Principles that I abandoned..."

Alan winced; he bore responsibility for her internal turmoil. He nevertheless continued in a low voice.

"You are organized, disciplined. You see the big picture when everyone else is lost in the details." In that moment, neither of them was sure who initiated the kiss, but their lips met again, salted with tears. He knew he was going to miss this. He was going to miss her. He wondered if anyone could fulfill him, so completely, the way she did.

"Let me get changed," Fiza said, finally pulling away from him. They belonged together and they would get past this. He understood her like no-one else did. There was no-one else for her, it had become clearer than ever.

Alan nodded, still feeling the warmth of her presence. "Sorry about your shirt," he murmured. It was a pretty light green top with pink flowers on it. She wouldn't be able to wear it again. He had ruined it, like he had ruined her. She had saved him in every way possible. Now, it was his turn to save her, from himself.

While she was changing, he went to Alex's room and recorded a song for her, "Ghost town" by Benson Boone, a heartfelt melody to convey what words couldn't express.

They drove in silence, their emotions filling the car. When they finally reached the airport, he walked her to the gate. She turned around and hugged him, and he held her tight. This was the last time he would feel her next to him. Tears stung his eyes. This was goodbye, forever. He needed to let her go, but his body wouldn't allow it. He was squeezing her tightly against him.

"Alan," she mumbled against his chest. "Let me go." Reluctantly, he let her break loose.

"I love you," she said, her expression curious, her eyes searching his. He placed a quick kiss on her forehead, his voice choked with emotion. Holding back tears, he managed to say, "I love you too."

It was a final farewell, and he watched her until she disappeared beyond the security checkpoint, his heart heavy with the weight of their shared memories. He wasn't going to be able hold it together for much longer.

Fiza boarded the flight, but something was amiss in Alan's behavior. Ever since... she didn't want to think about what had happened. It was a misunderstanding. A miscommunication. That was all. Alan wouldn't hurt her. She knew him. She hadn't been angry or malicious. He had been so withdrawn afterward.

"Boarded," she texted him and her mother.

She received a video from him, and she smiled looking at the icon. He had his guitar and was singing.

She read the message below it.

"Watch it after you get home with family. You are the strongest person I know. You'll be okay."

Fiza frowned at the message, feeling a mixture of emotions as she tried to decipher its meaning.

"Love you 💋 😘 😚 ." She typed back.

Fiza reached Cochin and was picked up by her father and accompanied by Farzana. As they drove away from the airport, Farzana playfully asked, "Enjoyed with Alan?"

Fiza blushed at the mention of his name.

Her father noticed and gazed at her through the rearview mirror, concern in his eyes. He had his reservations about Alan.

Fiza's father had inquired about Alan's family, finding out that they were well-to-do and reputable in the Christian circles. However, there was some talk about Alan's brother having a court marriage in the US outside of their community. He pondered whether he should invite them for a meeting, but traditionally, it was the boy's side that was supposed to initiate contact.

Meanwhile, Fiza and Farzana were engaged in conversation, making plans to record a song together and visit Fort Kochi tomorrow.

Fiza took a quick shower when she got home and then texted Alan, letting him know that she was going to listen to the song he had sent and that she would call him before going to sleep. As she pressed play on the song, she heard Alan singing with tears in his eyes.

You fill me up 'til you're empty
I took too much and you let me
We've been down all these roads before
And what we found don't live there anymore
It's dark
It's cold
If my hand is not the one you're meant to hold
Maybe you'd be happier with someone else
Maybe loving me's the reason you can't love yourself
Before I turn your heart into a ghost town
Show me everything we built so I can tear it all
Down, down, down

I'll tear it all down
I'll tear it all down

Fiza was puzzled by Alan's song. It seemed like a heartfelt message, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it might be hinting at something more significant, possibly even a breakup.

She tried calling him repeatedly, knowing that his phone was broken, and he had temporarily switched his SIM card to his mother's phone. But despite her efforts, she couldn't reach either of them, leaving her in a state of worry.

She quietly had dinner with her family and then borrowed Farzana's phone to call him. After a few rings, he abruptly ended the call, and subsequently, he seemed to become completely unreachable. Worry began to gnaw at her.

"Just tell me you're okay," she typed from Farzana's phone, but the message didn't deliver. She realized he had blocked her.

She decided against going back to Bangalore to force a conversation with him. Alan needed to learn the importance of communication. Her plan was to wait for him to sort out whatever was troubling him and reach out to her.

In irritation, she typed, "Screw you," but the message also remained undelivered.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. He must have recorded the song before dropping her off, she realized. There was no way he had made it back home by the time he sent it. It meant that this wasn't an impulsive act. When he had hugged her at the airport and told her he loved her, he had been saying goodbye.

A deep sense of loneliness washed over her. Despite being surrounded by family, she felt utterly alone. She was more lost than she had ever been before.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

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Authors note

Do you think Alan should have told her they were breaking up? Why do you think he didn't?

Do check out the song "Ghost town" - link above. I cry every time I listen to it or watch the video. Sums up how the most perfect of relationships can still run out of love.

Please vote and comment. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter/ book/ on the characters.

Thank you for reading!

❤️Faiza