Fiza's parents grew increasingly concerned about her well-being. She was unusually quiet and hardly ate anything. Even her father's attempts to involve her in the new resort development, something she usually enjoyed, fell flat. Her spark and enthusiasm were noticeably absent.

Fiza had confided in Farzana about what happened. "So, you mean he essentially raped you and then dumped you?" Farzana asked, her eyes narrowed with anger.

Fiza struggled to explain. It wasn't as clear-cut as that. It wasn't an assault in the traditional sense, yet she hadn't given her consent. It was different from what had happened in Agumbe, which had clearly been wrong but somehow they had moved past it. At least he had.

"Fiz, I think you should try and forget him. I know that you wanted this to be the one for eternity, but life doesn't always work that way. Even married people sometimes get divorced. The two of you were in a relationship, and relationships can end," Farzana advised.

Fiza shook her head vehemently. To her, it wasn't just another relationship. It was profound and deep, a connection that transcended the ordinary. She believed they were soulmates.

"I understand it feels like the end of the world. I felt the same when Arjun and I broke up," Farzana confessed, surprising Fiza. She had always portrayed her relationship with Arjun as a casual fling with no expectations.

"He didn't want to talk to his parents about me when they wanted him to meet other girls for marriage. He just broke up with me when he got engaged to a 'nice Nair girl.' Fiza, sometimes love is just not enough, especially when it's one-sided," Farzana added, her voice filled with empathy.

Fiza shook her head in response to Farzana's advice. It hadn't been one-sided. Those last words he said to her, "I love you too," echoed in her mind. Perhaps love wasn't always enough.

She couldn't help but analyze what might have gone wrong. Was it her fault? Did he feel insecure about Faisal? Was their love not strong enough to withstand the challenges of long distance? Maybe he had grown tired of their fights, the emotional roller coaster. There were so many questions left unanswered, and they could have talked through it, found a way together.

Farzana's advice was clear: "Don't try to contact him. You will just prolong the inevitable." Fiza felt like she had lost a part of herself. Her future appeared empty and uncertain.

During the week she spent at home, she unintentionally lost about 4 kgs, a bitter reminder of the pain she was going through. She couldn't help but think that Alan would probably be pleased that she had lost weight, but then reality hit her - he wouldn't know, and maybe he wouldn't even care anymore.

Fiza's mind wandered, and she couldn't help but think about Faisal. Did he feel the same way she did now? Maybe this was some form of karma coming back to her. She had blocked Faisal when he confessed his love and desire to marry her, and now Alan had ended their relationship.

Alan had blocked her on social media, severing most of their digital connections. The only thread left was the Alizamusic account, and Fiza had the presence of mind to change the password on that. She knew he could reset it if he wanted, but he hadn't yet.

Thinking back, she remembered how they had discussed breaking up while they were still in college. Fiza had come up with the idea of creating "relationship guidelines" to help them navigate through tough situations that might arise.

Alan had initially rolled his eyes at the idea but eventually relented. It was a reflection of their different personalities - Fiza's need to plan and create lists, even if she ultimately discarded them, and Alan's more spontaneous nature.

"I don't want to make rules about that," Alan had said.

Fiza, always one to plan ahead, had persisted. "Over time, there are going to be things that come up, and this will give us a pre-planned way to navigate through them."

Alan had shaken his head. "No, I'm never going to break up with you. It's never going to come to that."

But Fiza, with her penchant for planning, had posed a hypothetical question. "Okay, what if I wanted to break up with you?"

Alan had looked stunned, his face losing color. He bit his lip and nodded in silence.

"Let's say, one of us gets over the other," Fiza continued, "do we try to make it work, or should the other person respect the decision?"

Alan remained silent, his eyes moist.

Fiza had suggested a compromise. "Let's do four weeks from then, where we remain friends, and the person wanting to break up needs to be there for the other to cope."

But Alan had insisted, blinking back tears, "No, I'd want a clean break if you decided to leave me."

Fiza had reassured him, taking his hand in hers. "Alan, I'm not going to leave you. You know how I like to plan everything out and have a safety net? It just helps me cope. I cannot imagine my life without you, okay?"

Alan had nodded. "I can't live without you."

Now, everything seemed to be unraveling, and those guidelines they had talked about were nothing but distant memories.

Fiza's days felt empty, devoid of the joy she had once known. She felt barely alive. The thought of going to Bangalore and forcing Alan to talk to her crossed her mind, but she held herself back.

In an attempt to express herself, Fiza sang "Self" by Taylor Conrod.

Fiza tried to sing the song multiple times, but each time, tears welled up in her eyes. Eventually, she gave in and posted a video of herself singing with tears streaming down her face. It was a raw and emotional performance, a reflection of her pain and heartache.

Now all I have is broken pieces
I searched through fine and solid feelings
And I remember the way we were
And how it hurts now you're gone
And I'm wounded
But who's the victim?

Here comes the violence in my heart
All of the sirens and alarms like
I was designed for your arms
So who am I when you're gone?

Is it just you or both of us?
Is it heartfelt or dangerous?
Is it selfless or self sabotage
who am I when you're gone?

Come and help us to get closer
Are we twisted or beautiful?
Is this the ending or is our chapter still alive? who am I when you're gone?

To ensure that Alan couldn't deactivate the account or change the password, Fiza took measures to secure it further. She changed the verification details to her number and switched the email associated with the account to hers from his. She needed to hold on to this, this piece of Alan that belonged to her.

Fiza's nights were filled with anticipation, hoping for a text or a call from Alan. She held onto the belief that he just needed some time to sort things out. After all, he had told her repeatedly that he couldn't live without her, that he couldn't love anyone else the way he loved her. These assurances reverberated in her mind, and she clung to them, convinced that he wouldn't leave her. It was the glimmer of hope that kept her going.

Returning to Mangalore for her final year in Pediatrics was a bittersweet experience for Fiza. She and Bharti had made plans to move out of campus together, but now, those plans seemed meaningless without Alan by her side.

She clung desperately to the belief that Alan would return, their love too profound to fade away. In her heart, she couldn't bear the thought of a future without him; their souls were intertwined, and she prayed that he felt the same way.

Fiza had more free time during her final year in Pediatrics compared to the previous years. She realized that she needed to complete her project, which she had started with Faisal, and that meant reaching out to him for collaboration.

After preparing her data and running the analysis with the help of a biostatistics student, she promptly sent the results to Faisal via email. His response was swift and enthusiastic.

Subject: Collaboration and Data Analysis

Dear Dr. Fiza,

I trust this message finds you well. Thank you for promptly sharing the preliminary data; it aligns with the results we obtained at our institution.

I have attached the raw data from our own research for your convenience. If you could kindly combine both sets of data and run the analysis using SPSS, it would be greatly appreciated. Additionally, if you could prepare the final report, that would be of immense help.

To further enrich our clinical discussion, I have included some articles for your review in the attachments.

Thank you for your dedication to this project. I look forward to our continued collaboration.

Warm regards,

Dr. Faisal Abdul Majeed

Fiza was taken aback by how formal the response was, but she respected it.

Fiza was familiar with the new first-year PG that she was supervising. It was Vivek, someone who had accompanied them on their trip to Agumbe in their first year.

"This is awkward," he had said when they met on the first day of PG.

"It doesn't have to be," responded Fiza, smiling. She was curious to know if he was still in touch with Alan but held back.

Vivek too, did not bring Alan up. He now referred to her as "Ma'am," as expected by any junior PG.

"Dinner?" she asked him one day, after an especially rough shift. They had had a child who was immunosuppressed who had developed an infection that had become septic. He was now stable, but it had been an ordeal throughout the shift.

"Sure!" he said enthusiastically.

"Do you still sing?" he asked her as they sat opposite each other at an eatery just off campus.

"Yeah, we still have that Instagram account, but we aren't as good about posting as we used to be," she explained.

Vivek was vegetarian, and out of respect, she had ordered spicy potatoes.

He looked away. She couldn't remember the name of the girl who he had been with during the trip.

"How is..." she began.

"We broke up," he cut her off. "She is in Delhi with her parents, studying to get into PG."

"I'm sorry," offered Fiza, but Vivek shrugged. "I'm not."

Fiza wondered how people moved on after a breakup. She still imagined herself telling Alan all about her day. She sent him messages whenever something struck her, just like she used to before he had blocked her.

Once in a while, it hit her like an earthquake that the reason he wasn't responding was that he had blocked her, he had cut her out of his life. She would then cry herself to sleep. The next morning, she would tell herself that he was still hers. It hadn't been that long. He would get back to her.

She was excelling in her postings, consistently going the extra mile whether it was in clinics or lectures. Her dedication and effort had garnered her the respect of interns and final-year students who sought her out for help with their studies and included her in their social gatherings.

With her weekends now free since she wasn't visiting Alan, Fiza found herself engaging more in social activities. However, she couldn't help but feel a little concerned as Vivek often accompanied her to these events, whether it was for dinner or dancing. He stayed close by her side, dancing with her almost protectively.

Fiza couldn't shake off a sense of unease. But Vivek did know about her relationship with Alan, didn't he? She didn't want a repeat of what happened with Faisal.

As they sat across from each other for dinner one night, about a month into their posting together, Fiza decided to bring up Alan, partly to fend off any potential romantic advances.

"Aah!" she exclaimed as Ed Sheeran's song, "Perfect," played in the background. "The first and only time I got drunk, Alan sang this song to me and danced with me." She chuckled as she recalled the memory, back when they had been close friends. She had asked him to kiss her and told him that she knew he loved her. The next day, she had pretended not to remember any of it.

Vivek looked at her sharply and then averted his gaze.

"We've done a duet on this song as well. Sometimes it feels like it was written just for us," she added, hoping he would catch her drift.

Vivek glanced at her, his expression guarded. "I'm sorry, ma'am. It must be tough to move on from such a close relationship."

Fiza felt like the ground had shifted beneath her. She stared at Vivek with wide eyes, feeling a mix of surprise and apprehension. Did he know about the break up? Or was he just assuming?

"Alan told me," he explained, his words providing clarity to her unspoken question.

Fiza swallowed hard, trying to compose herself. If Alan was telling people that they had broken up, that meant that he had no intention of getting back with her. They were really over. He was not coming back.

"Are you in touch with him?" Fiza asked, her curiosity about Alan overwhelming her. She wanted to know how he was doing, what he was up to.

Vivek looked uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. "Mam, I don't want to get in between this," he replied cautiously.

Fiza's throat went dry. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, but her curiosity got the better of her. "Is he... is he doing okay?" She asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Vivek nodded hesitantly before speaking. "He's doing great! He is now officially coaching the girl's basketball team. He applied for the boy's team coach, but the post was already taken," he revealed.

Fiza absorbed this information, her heart heavy with mixed emotions.

Fiza returned to her room. It had been five weeks since Alan had talked to her, and she couldn't help but feel like he was moving on, doing okay without her.

As she closed the door behind her, the emotions she had been holding in finally overwhelmed her. She sank to the floor, her head in her hands on the edge of the bed, and broke down. The pain of living without him felt unbearable.

**********************************************
Author's note
Do you think it's better to have a clean break or have it drawn out so you get used to the idea?

How do you move on from a heart break?

I've attached the link to "Self" by Taylor Conrod. Have a listen!

❤️Faiza