"No, focus on the abdomen," Alan advised, his voice tinged with a mixture of passion for the game and a lingering sadness. Coaching the girls' team had become his refuge, a way to channel his emotions and keep his mind occupied.

His days were now consumed with either his postings or basketball, filling every available moment with practices, and gym workouts. He picked up every extra shift that became available. It was his way of coping with the heartache that gnawed at him, an attempt to mend the void left by Fiza's absence.

His new roommate, Samarth, brought a different energy into his life. Unlike his strained relationship with Faisal, Samarth was sociable and easy to get along with. Alan appreciated the change, and it helped him slowly rebuild his life after the breakup.

Alan wrestled with his emotions, torn between the desire to reach out to Fiza and the conviction that he had to let her go. He knew that he couldn't continue to confuse her with his vacillating decisions. Deep down, he still longed for her, the need for her presence in his life a constant ache in his heart.

However, he had convinced himself that Fiza deserved better, that he should not be an obstacle to her happiness. Even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness and needs, he was determined to stand firm in his decision to let her go.

Alan couldn't help but keep tabs on Fiza, checking her location using the Find My Friends app every night. He noticed that she was going out more frequently, visiting restaurants and even clubs. It struck him that he might have unintentionally held her back from fully experiencing life in Mangalore and from flourishing on her own terms.

He also discovered that one of his juniors from Manipal had joined as a PGY1 in Pediatrics at the same hospital where Fiza worked. This revelation prompted him to reach out to his junior.

"Vivek, buddy, I need a favor from you," Alan had begun after catching up with his junior from Manipal.

"Remember Fiza?" Alan had asked.

"Of course! Your fiancée. We met in Agumbe," Vivek had replied, his tone light.

"Well, she isn't my fiancée anymore. It's complicated. We broke up..." Alan had started to explain.

"I'm so sorry, what happened?" Vivek had asked with genuine curiosity and concern.

"It's a long story, but it was a clean break, and I want to make sure she's okay," Alan had continued.

"Sir, I don't think that's a good idea. She's my supervising PG," Vivek had tried to caution him.

"Please, I'll owe you one. You don't have to tell me any details. I just... if you can... make sure she's okay," Alan had implored, trying not to overstep but also wanting to ensure Fiza was coping well.

Presently, Alan's heart raced as he read Vivek's message: "she knows." Panic set in, and he immediately called Vivek.

"What happened?" Alan asked, his voice laced with worry.

"She just brought up something about you and your music account, and I accidentally let slip that I knew you guys had broken up," Vivek replied, sounding nervous but continuing, "I just told her that you had told me, and she wanted to know if you were okay..."

Alan's mind raced. Fiza cared enough to ask about him. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. They had been best friends before becoming lovers, and she had called him her soulmate. Now he understood the depth of that word. A profound sense of loss and pain welled up within him.

Fiza was a part of him in a way that no one else could be, and he had hurt her beyond forgiveness. He had to stay away, as difficult as it was. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and he hastily wiped them away. Until now, he had avoided dwelling on his grief, but it was impossible to ignore.

"You there?" Vivek's voice broke the silence.

"Yeah," Alan responded, his voice tinged with unease.

"So, I told her that you were coaching the girls' team and that you were fine," Vivek continued.

"Thanks," Alan muttered, his gratitude mixed with an overwhelming sense of sadness. They exchanged a few more words about their courses before ending the call.

Alan's heart weighed him down as if it were physically painful. Nevertheless, he pushed through the emotional turmoil and picked up his dumbbells to work out.

"It was too long, Alan. One month is too long for me to go without you."

Her voice echoed in his mind, almost as though she was in the room with him. But this was from before; when they had been best friends and he had distanced himself from her in college for a while, when she had refused to acknowledge her love for him.

He started doing push ups.

"Don't you dare leave me."

He couldn't get her out of his mind this time.

"You are everything to me. You are my soulmate."

He gulped water down but he choked on it, coughing.

"Yes, a thousand times yes, I'll marry you."

Her joyous declaration reverberated through his thoughts.

He finally sat on the floor, his eyes falling upon the timeline she had made for them. He had taken it off the wall, the first thing he had done on getting back, but he had stowed it under the bed, unable to throw it out. Tears stung his eyes. They were supposed to get married, have children together. They weren't supposed to break up. Had he made the wrong decision?

"You'll definitely marry me, right?"

The relentless voices tormented him.

"Why are you so perfect?"

His emotions overwhelmed him, and finally, he broke down. The tears flowed freely, and he couldn't control them.

Desperate to escape the pain, he put on his headphones, turned up the volume, and played loud rock music. With the music blaring in his ears, he ran. He ran and ran, trying to outrun the memories and emotions that haunted him.

He jogged for almost an hour until exhaustion overcame him. Collapsing on his bed, he fell into a fitful sleep. When he woke up the next morning to the sound of his alarm, he felt drained, physically and emotionally.

"Dude, you okay?" Samarth's concerned voice reached Alan as he passed by on his way to the bathroom.

Alan looked around his room, taking in the scattered dumbbells, headphones on the bed, the lights still on. He hadn't even changed out of his regular clothes, and his shoes were still on.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, but it was far from the truth.

"You work too much, man. I don't know how you do it," Samarth remarked, shaking his head before continuing to the bathroom.

Alone again, Alan decided to check his Instagram. He had blocked Fiza, but Vivek frequently posted pictures of her with him and other friends.

Alan noticed several notifications on the Alizamusic account. He realized that Fiza must have posted something new. Another song. He felt a mixture of curiosity and anxiety, remembering how her previous song had affected him so deeply, making him fight the urge to call her.

"Last Kiss," Taylor Swift.

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered for just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go away?

I love your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

But now I'll go
Sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss
I never thought we'd have a last kiss
I never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

As Alan scrolled through the comments on Fiza's latest post and saw the concern from their mutual friends, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Questions like "Did you guys break up?" and "Are you okay?" flooded the comments section, but Fiza remained silent.

Alan had realized that Fiza had changed the password. He ensured he didn't sign out if the app, hoping to maintain a connection to that part of their shared history. He decided to leave the account as it was, allowing Fiza to use it if she needed to.

He also noticed that she was still sharing her location with him. Although he had stopped sharing his, he didn't disable her location sharing. It was as if a thread of their connection still existed, even if it was one-sided.

After a quick shower, Alan headed to work. He had a light day in orthopedics and picked up a casualty shift overnight to occupy his time. It occurred to him that he hadn't updated his bank details with the payroll department, so his stipend and any extra payments for shifts were still being deposited into the emergency fund he had set up for Fiza. While he had access to it, he wasn't yet ready to withdraw those funds.

Alan was in the middle of a busy shift when he received a call from Samarth. He quickly glanced at his phone and saw the incoming call, but he was swamped with patients. He answered the call but had to cut it short, saying, "Busy, few patients just came in. What's up?"

Samarth's voice came through on the other end, and he sounded concerned. "A girl just showed up here. She says she's your fiancée?"

Alan felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks. Fiza was here, and he was caught completely off guard. He couldn't deal with this right now. "She seems a little upset," Samarth continued, "insisting that I call you."

Panicked and torn between his responsibilities, Alan made a quick decision. "Tell her I'm busy and to go back. I've got to go." Without waiting for a response, he hung up.

It wasn't too late for Fiza to return to Mangalore. He was glad he had taught her to ride a bike.

"Ouch!" Fiza had exclaimed as she tumbled off Alan's mother's bike. Her pout was adorable.

"Fiz, you're doing fine. You know how to ride a bicycle. This is just faster. Try not to keep turning back," Alan had chuckled, trying to reassure her. She tended to get too much in her head.

"I should buy some knee and elbow protectors. I'll order them on Amazon tomorrow, and then you can teach me, okay?" Fiza suggested, inspecting the scrape on her knee.

Alan rolled his eyes playfully. "You can't prepare for everything, just wear a helmet and protect that crazy brain of yours."

"I'm scared," Fiza admitted

"I'm here," Alan had reassured her with a comforting smile.

"But you won't always be," she pouted, voicing an unspoken fear.

He placed his hand gently over her heart. "I'll always be here," he had promised.

Fiza couldn't help but roll her eyes, playfully mocking him. "Alan, so cheesy. I'll have to do more core strengthening exercises just to digest those extra cheesy lines!"

Alan smirked, his eyes filled with mischief. "I can think of other ways to burn those cheesy calories," he teased, stepping closer.

Fiza's eyes widened in shock. "Not here!" she protested as his hands moved to her waist.

He began tickling her. "What dirty thoughts you have. I just meant burning calories by tickling."

"Dr. Alan!"

Alan snapped back to reality. A seizing patient needed his attention. He had to focus, he was on duty.

"Sister, lorazepam 2mg IV, stat," he ordered, quickly moving to the patient's side. As he tended to the medical emergency, regret lingered in his mind. How had he missed checking her location?

The shift was busier than he had anticipated. He finally got about 3 hours of broken sleep before he showered at the hospital and attended his regular rotation.

He texted Samarth, "Is Fiza still here?"

"Not sure, dude, I had night shift too. That chick wouldn't let me leave. Had to literally escape her clutches. Lol!" responded Samarth.

"Are you back from your night shift?" He asked him about twenty minutes later.

His response came after 30 minutes. "Yeah, just got back. She isn't here. That crazy woman has messed up your room. FYI."

He suddenly remembered that he could check her location. She was back in Mangalore, somewhere close to her hospital.

**********************************************
Author's note

I don't know what to say. Love, obsession, addiction, habit? How do you separate these?

Vote if you like the story so far. And let me know your thoughts.

Also, I've linked "Last kiss", another song I'm obsessed with. Who else is a goner for sad songs?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CzRLwIJL5Mi/?igshid=MWplY244MDh2bTZiMQ==
I'll leave the reel for "Last Kiss" in the comments. Do check it out!

. 💔 Faiza