"Kookie." For a moment I think I've lost my soul as I witness a tiny girl running from the gates of our house into his hug. I wanted to play it cool when Jennie and Jisoo unnie gasping from inside the car.
"Mochi." They said make me once again looking at my door's house. So it's Mochi, his frist love.
That's the first time I invite the girls to my house, after they accompany me to Hongdae to buy a gift from Jungkook. But then it seems not the right time to do so. Rather than walking to the gates of my house, I walk back entering the car make Rose look at me sadly. I put the gift back to the back seat and being coward asking them to bring me anywhere but home. I have no idea that the girl will come and hug him, I also have no idea that he will smile at her the way he smiles to me. She call him the way he ask me to call him.
"Lisa." Jennie unnie call me from the front seat of the car, taking me back to reality. I look to the outside and found out that we already arrived at Jisoo unnie's house. I try to smile but it end up failed before I exiting the car and following Jisoo unnie to the front door. As we open the door Jin oppa is already standing there, his face also look so gloomy.
"Why are you coming home?" Jisoo unnie give him an knowing look but still tease him. This is my first time meeting him as the brother of Jisoo unnie.
"I just feel like home. Lisa, how are you?" he looks forcing his smile while teasing me, I come toward him and absentmindedly hug him. He knows, they know. They know everything will going to be happen. They are trying tell me but I refuse to understand, this is my fault, I ruined my life once again.
"I miss my father. Can you act like a father for me and hug me?" I desperately beg him earning hug from him, and a bonus hug from Jisoo unnie on my back.
"You are not alone, Lisa. You are not." He said comforting me. Yeah, i never been alone, but still get hurt. What's the benefit for being with someone if you are the only one who's struggling for your own life? Over so many people just why should be me? Why should always be me?
--
I walk in to the living room wishing no one is in home. Jin oppa want me to face my problem, he said I shouldn't run away to make it clear. So I ask him to send me home, leave him hugging me and smiling to me while promise me that the boys will be there always for me. At least I have them now, rather than alone like before.
"Who are you?" I stop my track immediately when one voice stop my step, I look at my back and see her, clearly. Dark hair, doll alike, white skin, not long but beautiful legs, Mochi aka Soomi. His first love. I look at her blankly not answering her question until he came, hesitate to walk toward us. Scratching his neck he then stand between me and her.
"Lisa." Why don't you call me barbie anymore? "This is Min Jisoo. Soomi. My childhood friend from Busan." He carefully eyeing my poker face, wanting me to responding but I don't feel like talking with anyone. I blink my eyes, refusing to greet her first.
"Oh, so you are Kookie's sister. I am sorry for being rude lately." Her face drastically change from rude to friendly with a cheerful smile to me while give me her hand, wanting handshake? I look at her hand, and then to Jungkook. Kookie.
"Nice to finally see you." I said after I burn him with my stare until he looked away. I look at her back and then flashing my quickest thin smile and then look around to see where's my mother go. "Having fun. I'll gotta go." I said make her take her hand back because I reject it. I know I am being rude for someone I never know before, she looks so innocent and kind but I can't help to feel something strange about her. Is it because I am jealous? Don't know. I then walk away to my room questioning what did she do in my house at 8 p.m.
And tonight I can't close my eyes, no matter how pity I felt my body begging my brain to stop guessing about everything and take rest. My heart beat feel so weak and I feel like wanting to drink more and more. I was only wearing my night gown and go down stair to take another bottle of water while I heard giggling from living room. Absentmindedly I walk to there and found them watching anime. I am frowning and look at the clock on the wall, it's 3 a.m. I was about to walk back to the kitchen not before she look at me and then opening her jaw. What?
"Aren't you shy to wear that around when Kookie is in here?" she ask make me looking at my outfit. I never wear that by the way, only tonight, just because I feel so hot. I feel like my body producing fire too much, to the point I want to turning it off with the water I've drunk.
Jungkook is watching me, blushing but I don't care. "Nope." I said rudely to her. Who is she to dictate me for what I can and can't do in my own house? Even my mom never complain to this kind of thing. "This is my house, so if he is uncomfortable with me, he can always leave. Thanks." I added and then walk back to the kitchen, taking 3 bottles of cold water and bring them to my room without looking to them who's probably still watching me.
It seems like cold water not enough to stop the fire burning my body. I need more than only cold water. I need more than that. My hand phone buzzed and I read one text from it, and why did it sounds so funny?
I am sorry, barbie. I need to be with her.
Only for few days.
What am I to him? A mistress? I chuckled bitterly while put my headphone back without replying. Why would I? He doesn't need me anymore. He got his favorite doll back by the way, he doesn't need barbie anymore, I tell myself and lost in my dream. I wish I will lost forever and will never wake up. No one will care, it's only me, a pathetic barbie.
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