"Oh my God, you guys, this is actually the worst."

"Will you shut up fatass? You're barely carrying anything! Butters and Kenny are carrying your private tent, Stan's got your Trangia, I'm carrying your first aid kit, emergency blanket, tent pegs and poles! All that's in your pack is food!" I yelled at him, so done with this camping trip already.

"You fags were the ones who wanted to go on this God damn camping trip!"

"It's meant to be a fun break after all that studying for all those highschool exams!"

"Can you please explain how being eaten alive by midges and walking through the boiling heat is in any way 'fun' Kahl?!"

"Will the two of you please shut the fuck up? It's only day one!" Stan yelled at us from his position ahead of us with Kenny. I sighed and went quiet. "Hey, guys! I can see our campsite from here!" yelled Stan after a couple minutes of silent plodding.

"Really?! Sweet!" yelled Cartman, running ahead past Stan and Kenny into the distance to the promise of rest and food. I swear to God he is the worst, he will lag behind us all and moan the entire trip, but as soon as the prospect of food comes up, he has a second wind. I make to catch up with Stan and Kenny as well, exhausting as that would be, but I look back and realise Butters is lagging and struggling, looking very annoyed to be far behind the others. I sigh and wait to walk with him. Although I don't want to be labelled as slow, it's more important to help Butters out.

"Thanks for waiting Kyle," says Butters, he looks pale, and a little exhausted.

"No problem dude."

Butters sighs, "We have all day to reach that campsite, why do the three of them have to be in such a rush?"

"I don't know, I guess they just want to get somewhere they know they can relax."

"But they're so far away! And we're meant to stay as a group."

"Dude, I know, but they're not going to listen to that." How far away they are from us irritates me as well, but equally, I understand that when you're at the front, you just want to go at your own pace.

"Guys! We've arrived!" Stan yells back at us, I can see the three of them collapsed in a field on top of a hill up head. I grin back at him and Butters and I make our way over to them. As soon as we get there, I throw off my pack and collapse onto the ground. Man, that was an exhausting day, but judging by what walks we have planned, the next three days are way worse. Today is a half day; it's 2 o'clock, we have hours before nightfall.

Eventually, I look up and realise that Kenny is shirtless.

"That's a good idea," decides Stan, taking his own off. I quickly avert my eyes. Cartman then peels off his own, and I try not to throw up. Butters follows the crowd, taking off his own shirt, from my quick glance over him I realise he's fitter than I thought. "Kyle, come on dude, you've got to take yours off." Looking at the others, I sigh and reluctantly take off my own shirt. Feeling the cool breeze hit me, I realise it wasn't such a bad idea, but I immediately start feeling self-conscious, my skin's so pale, and I feel fat, even though by giving Cartman a quick glance over I know I'm not.

I start slathering myself with sunscreen as I converse with the others, Stan's doing the same and his skin looks oiled and appetising because of it. I try to drag my eyes away and think of non-perverted thoughts but to no avail. The fact that Kenny is now only wearing boxers can't even keep my focus away from Stan.

"Kenny, you're looking pretty fucking red," says Cartman after a while.

"That's impossible; I don't burn," he responds, but he looks down at his arms in shock horror. His arms have red rectangles on them, as do his face, but they're in weirdly uniform patterns. "What the fuck is going on?!" Kenny asks.

"It looks too uniform to be sunburn," I contributed. "More like a chemical burn."

"I bet it was the insect repellent!" said Kenny, in a moment of realisation. "I was spraying it on myself all day!" He got out the bottle and started reading the back. "I can't read this; it's in Spanish," he said, confused.

Cartman grabbed the bottle off him and started laughing as he read the back of the bottle. "Kinny, this says to only spray one once every six hours and to avoid the face. It can also cause blindness."

"I sprayed some in my eyes!" said Butters in panic.

"Mother fucker, my parents didn't want to buy the slightly more expensive version and now I have chemical burn!"

Cartman kept laughing. "Your family is so poor."

"Dude, can we have lunch now?" asked Stan, as the blondes panicked and the brunet continued to laugh.

"Sure thing dude," I passed Stan a mackerel sandwich and stared at my own in worry. Stan had started happily eating it, but I was getting sceptical that these were in date, they were meant to be refrigerated after open, and they'd been in my bag in the blistering heat all day. "I don't think we should eat these," I told him.

"Tastes fine to me," said Stan and continued eating. He's so getting food poisoning. I put mine away and ate a Nutella one instead.

After hours of talking and lying around in the sun, it was time to sleep. Unfortunately, the breeze from earlier was gone, so the midges descended upon us in a black cloud of evil. They covered my toothbrush and toothpaste which was super gross. I also had to deal with Kenny manically running around with a can of sprayable deodorant, and a lighter, in a vain attempt to get rid of the midges and watch him almost burn down our tent.

Our evening was basically a massive rush. By the end of it, I was happy to be safe inside the tent and away from the majority of the midges. Stan smiled at me from inside his sleeping bag as I madly tried to kill any that had dared enter our temporary home.

"Kyle, I think that's a bit of a lost cause."

"You just watch me. By the time I'm finished, they will know fear!" I said, determinedly attacking the tent wall with a tissue.

"Dude, just come sleep."

I sighed, "It will be hours till it gets dark though!"

"Patience is a virtue."

"Fuck you dude, I hope that mackerel kills you."

"It hasn't yet," sang Stan.

"It could take up to 70 hours for anything to happen!"

"Ask me in another three days then." I glared at him. Stan started laughing. "You do not look intimidating at all when you glare, more like an angry kitten."

"Shut up dude!" I said, my cheeks a little red. At this point, Cartman started singing the gay barbie song, out of tune, and way too loudly. When he switched songs and it was clear he wasn't going to stop, I yelled, "Fatass, will you shut the fuck up!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm trying to drown out the gay! I've got fucking Butters and Kenny fucking on one side of me, and you and Stan fucking on the other side of me. I'm the condiment in a gay sandwich and I am never going to be able to get some goddamn sleep!"

"You're just mad cause you're the only one not getting some dick!" yelled Kenny from his tent.

"Aye, shut the fuck up Kinny!" I sided and wrapped a pair of black joggers around my head in a half-hearted attempt to block out both the light and noise around me. At this point, Stan farted.

"Ew! Dude, gross!" I said, but then farted myself. And so the two of us basically ended up giggling and farting our way to sleep.

In the morning, our second day started out with a tricky navigation through seeming endless marshland.

"Dude, it's nothing but marsh!" I stated in dismay at the landscape in front of us.

"Like the inside of Kyle's mind," Cartman whispered loudly to Kenny who chuckled while Stan and I turned red and Butters oblivious sang about apples. As the day plodded on and the heat got worse, we picked up Butters singing trend to keep up morale and went through some of our favourites, like What would Brian Boitano do, and it's easy MmKay. Then, the others guys ganged up on me, with Cartman naturally taking the lead, singing Kyle's Mom's a bitch. I obviously told them all to shut the fuck up.

The day was long and tiring, but the scenery was beautiful, and the conversation distracting. Overall the day was pretty stress-free until, eventually, we reached a gate. Kenny went through it first, but he then wouldn't let Butters past.

"Ken, could you let me past, please?"

"No-can-do Butterfly. This is a kissing gate which means you can't get through without a kiss." Cartman sighed dramatically, and Butters turned red.

"Ken, can't I just-"

"Uh uh uh, no, kiss first," said Kenny firmly. Butters gave him the quickest peck on the lips, and Kenny smiled and let him through.

"I hate you Kinny," said Cartman as he walked through the gate, almost getting stuck in the process. Stan went through next, but then he wouldn't move and let me past. My cheeks started heating up.

"You heard what Kenny said," said Stan, with a shit-eating grin on his face. I stood in silence for a second. I could easily climb over the fence or shove this gate hard until Stan gave way, but I did want to kiss him, however, I was also worried it was a joke.

"Kyle will you just fucking kiss him! Seriously!" yelled Cartman. Startled, I gave Stan a quick kiss on the cheek. Stan grinned at me and let me through. My cheeks didn't stop being red for the rest of the day, although it could have just been sunburn.

At our campsite, we were joined by Craig and those guys, who had also decided to go camping but were taking a different route through the hills. I didn't think much of at the time, but it would lead to a great betrayal.

Our evening in the tent was not the greatest either. After comparing the blisters on our weird wrinkled raisin feet which had arisen from the fact that we'd walked through marsh all day soaking our feet in the process. I ended up with a random boner then Stan went green and threw up on me, that was not fun. Luckily, we had a lot of wet wipes and towels and we eventually collapsed into our sleeping bags, exhausted.

In the morning, however, was when the greatest betrayal ever done to man was revealed. In evening, Stan left my trowel outside our the tent as he didn't want to wake me up trying to put it away, on a side note, he doesn't use toilet paper when going to the bathroom outdoors! He's a hygienic nightmare! Anyway, in the morning the trowel was gone, and so were Craig and those guys.

"They've stolen my trowel!" I yelled at the group.

"Kyle, I might have just misplaced it-"

"No Stan! They fucking stole it!" I said as we hopped around a river, there was no clear path which was fine by me. Butters, however, was scared for his life. In my opinion, he's a fucking pussy.

When we eventually did get to a path, however, a lightning storm encircled us. With rain pouring heavily around us, we were all bundled up in rain jackets, except for Kenny.

"Kenny, dude, are you gonna put your hood up?" I asked.

"I've not been able to have a shower since we started this journey. This rain is great! If a little a salty," said Kenny, from his position ahead of Stan and me with Butters.

I heard Butters quietly whisper to him, "Kenny, I'm really scared," as the deafening sound of thunder erupted around us.

"It's okay Butter Scotch. It probably won't hit one of us, and if it does, there's only a 20 per cent chance it'll be you whose hit. Besides, if it comes for you, I'll jump right on top of you, and take the blast myself." I smiled at the two of them. I felt pretty scared myself. But I didn't want to mention it, I didn't really think revealing my feelings would help anything.

However, at this point, Stan slipped his hand into mine and gave it a quick squeeze. I looked over at him and smiled. I was glad to note he looked a little scared himself.

"You guys! You guys! Did you see that!" yelled Cartman.

"Holy fuck!" shouted Kenny.

"Oh hamburgers," yelped Butters, practically shaking.

I looked over at the group of three ahead of me. "What was it?" I asked confused, they sounded too excited and scared for it to have been a sheep.

"Like a foot away from me lightning struck the ground!"

"Nu-uh fatass, if that had happened, there should be a burnt mark on the ground."

"There was a flash of light in front of us," contributed Butters. His statement got me a little more worried.

"Guys, we need to get away from this metal fence," said Stan, motioning at the metal structure that was right behind. We all nodded in agreement and started quick marching through the rain.

Putting up the tents was a mad panic. Whenever the rain stopped, the midges would descend around us; by this point in the trip, my hands were covered in little red spots thanks to those pests. Let's just say that once I was getting ready for sleep I was more than exhausted.

"Dude, I'm changing my underwear, just a heads up," I said and Stan chuckled. "What is it?"

"I just surprised you care anymore. I feel like every barrier between us has been broken."

"How so?"

"We've both farted in here numerous times, you had that random boner, then I threw up on you, we've both seen each other's awesome wrinkly blistered raisin feet. I just feel like there's nothing that could surprise us about each other anymore.

"I, I guess so," I replied as I snuggled down into my sleeping bag. Stan then lay on top of me. "S-Stan, what are you do-" instead of answering, Stan cut me off by pressing his lips against mine. The taste of his toothpaste was fresh and his lips were dry and chapped.

Eventually, he pulled away and looked down at me with those ocean blue eyes of his. Warm and dry in the tent, away from the rain which was tormenting the poor tent outside and with Stan next to me, I felt about as safe and happy as I think I could be, despite my aching feet.

"I take it you like me too?" I asked Stan.

"Geez Kyle, whatever would have given you that idea?" I punched his shoulder and the two of us managed to drag our sleeping bags a little closer to one another before collapsing into them.

"Night Stan, love you," I whispered.

"Love you too Kyle," he whispered back.

The next and final morning, Stan and I held hands as we walked, the others didn't even bat an eyelid. Although my feet were killing me, the walk was pleasant and we all slide down a steep hill with our bags on our backs, except Butters because he's a pussy.

It was safe to say, however, that tensions were running high. Butters had thrown a fit this morning when he found out Cartman had left his matches in the rain and Kenny had sworn at us all and said he hated us when we decided to postpone lunch. Let's just say it was a good thing we were about to get home.

Once I did, however, and I took off my socks I realised some of my blistered had torn right open. Whoever decides to try and romanticise camping is a fucking moron.

Xxx

Hey Guys~ I'm so great at PC titles. This was a rendition of my camping trip! But romanticised, there was no romance on our trip. I'm not attracted to anyone on that trip, but this can't be a style story with no style. So yeah, although this was super fun to write I hope no one that was on that trip ever finds this, hopefully, they won't.

As you can tell, I'm still salty about that trowel, although maybe it just got lost.

Another part of the '10 year old parents' is coming out, I just have to work some stuff out.

If you want another part of this next week I have another expedition where I do the same thing again! (kill me - jk, camping is fun I swear) so let me know if you guys are up for that.

Anyways, have an awesome day guys~