Sam followed Dean down to the kitchen, where they both took a seat at the table. Sam was more than a little on edge. He wondered if he was about to the subject of more accusations. He honestly wasn't sure he could take much more.

Dean cleared his throat. "Listen, It's come to my attention that I've been a dick lately."

"Am I supposed to disagree?" Sam asked.

"Had that coming, I guess," Dean said. He got up and went to the fridge. He took out too beers, opened them and brought them over to the table. He put Sam's in front of him before taking a sip of his and sitting back down. "Look, I could've asked you in a better way if you were with Lucifer."

"You never asked me if I was with Lucifer. You accused me of it, quite hatefully, like I'd committed some sin," Sam said in a hard tone.

"I'm pretty sure most would consider dating the Devil a sin," Dean half-joked. One look to his brother made it clear that Sam was not amused. "Sorry. Alright, so let me finally ask. Are you with Lucifer, or do you want to be?"

"I've already told you, no," Sam said.

"What about Gabriel?" Dean asked.

"Gabriel?" Sam asked, taken off guard.

"Are you in love with him?" Dean asked.

Sam was quiet for a few seconds as he contemplated how to answer. "I don't know. There's something there. There has been since I met him."

Dean sighed, clearly unhappy about what he was hearing. He wasn't sure what to say though. He didn't want to push his brother further away by being an ass, but he just didn't like it.

"Say what you want to say, Dean," Sam said shortly.

"He stuck you in a time loop. He put us in TV Land. Why would you want anything to do with the dick?" Dean asked.

Sam took a sip of his beer before answering. "I did a lot of thinking about the time loop after TV Land. I hated him for killing you the way he did. Up until you actually went to Hell, it was the worst thing I ever experienced. But I went over it in my head when we learned the truth about Gabriel. I thought about every single thing he said to me before finally ending it. He said you were my weakness, and that obsessing over saving you would end me. He was right, and he knew it. He knew we were heading for the apocalypse."

"So why not just say that?" Dean asked.

"Come on, Dean. Angels? The Devil? The Apocalypse? That was a bit much, even for us. We never would've believed him," Sam said.

"He could've looked for another way," Dean said.

"He was trying to save his brother. I get that, so should you," Sam told him. Both of them knew what it was like to put each other before anything else. They'd gone to such desperate lengths to save each other. Why should Gabriel be vilified for doing the same?

Dean could admit that his brother had a point, but that didn't mean he was ready to let Gabriel off the hook after what he'd done to them. However, he wanted to make things better between him and his brother. He couldn't make it worse by attacking someone Sam admitted to having feelings for. "Alright. I don't like him, but I'll let it go. Listen, I just want to say I'm sorry for the things I've said over the last few days."

Sam was tempted to let it go. To tell Dean it was okay and move on. He didn't particularly want to get into it with his brother. But it would only be a temporary fix. Eventually, Dean would find another thing to come at him about. He couldn't keep dealing with that. "Are you? Would you still be sorry if I'd told you I was interested in Lucifer?"

"Does that really matter?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, Dean, it does. If you thought I wanted to be with Lucifer, you'd still be coming at me," Sam said.

"He's the Devil, Sam. Of course, I wouldn't want you to be with him," Dean said. He realized he was wrong to treat Sam the way he did, and maybe even to go at Lucifer in front of Jack, but he still believed he was right about Lucifer. He would never trust him. He would never see anything but the Devil.

Sam shook his head. "This is not about Lucifer. He's just the newest excuse for you not to trust me."

"Excuse? What, you think I don't want to trust you?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"No, I think you already don't trust me and you don't want to say it. Be honest about what you saw when you thought that I might be into Lucifer. You saw Ruby. You have never forgiven me for that," Sam said bitterly.

"That's not..." Dean trailed off. He'd started to tell Sam he was wrong, but he realized that he had to be honest with Sam if he expected to save their relationship, which meant being honest with himself as well. Were Sam and Cas both right? After eight years, had he really not forgiven Sam? "I...I thought I had."

Hearing his brother admit that he many not have forgiven him felt like a hard blow to his stomach, despite the fact that deep down, he knew it was true. "How am I supposed to live with that? How do I deal with the fact that you haven't forgiven me after nearly a decade? If you can't forgive me after all this time, Dean, you never will."

"I'm not saying I haven't forgiven you, Sam. I'm saying I don't know because sometimes, I do think about it," Dean said.

Sam nodded. "And when you do, you think about how you don't trust me."

"Most of the time, I do trust you. I trust that you have my back no matter what. I trust that you do anything to help people. But that also means you might go to far. I also believe you're too trusting of others, like Ruby and Lucifer," Dean said honestly.

"And how is that different than you. Yeah, I trusted Ruby because she told me what I wanted to hear. I trusted her in order to save you, and it nearly cost the world. Then I nearly did it again when I unleashed Amara. But you're no different. You only had Amara's mark because you needed it to kill a Hell Knight. You let a demon possess me for months," Sam said.

"I was protecting you," Dean protested.

"Yeah, and I forgave you, despite the fact that you were never really sorry," Sam said. That always bothered Sam. Dean wasn't sorry for letting Gadreel possess him. He maintained that he'd do it again. Sam understood why he did it, and he forgave him for it, but he felt like Dean didn't really understand what he did to him.

"You want me to be sorry for saving you?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"I want you to be sorry for the result! I want you to realize what I have to live with because of it! I have nightmares about killing Kevin. I can still feel my hands sucking the life out of him," Sam said in a shaky voice.

"That wasn't your fault," Dean immediately said.

"It doesn't matter. They were my hands. I have to live with it every day. But it's not as bad as living with the fact that my brother still can't forgive me or trust me, when I've done both for hm. Or that he can forgive anyone else but me. Why is that, Dean? Why is everybody else worthy of your forgiveness but me?" Sam asked bitterly.

"I don't know. Maybe because you're my brother and I hold you to a higher standard," Dean said. He knew it wasn't right, but he also knew once he said it that it was the truth. He expected more from Sam than anyone else.

"That isn't fair," Sam said in crestfallen voice before standing up.

"Don't go, Sammy," Dean begged.

"I don't know what else there is to say, Dean. You can't forgive me, and I can't spend the rest of my life praying that you will," Sam said. He'd had enough. He loved his brother, but he just couldn't live like this anymore. It was killing him.

"Are you gonna leave?" Dean asked with fear in his voice. It sounded like that. It sounded like Sam was done. Dean flashed back once more to Lucifer warning him that Sam might hate him one day if he didn't do something to stop it. Was he too late? Had Lucifer's warning already come to pass.

"I don't know. Right now, unless I want to be miserable for the rest of my life, I don't see that I have much choice," Sam said sadly before leaving the room.

Dean covered his face with his fans in started to cry. He didn't want it to end like this, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. He didn't think he could just change who he was or how he felt, and if he couldn't, he was going to lose his brother.