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Chapter 18 : Time Manipulation

Tuesday 20th December 2020

time manipulation
/məˌnɪpjʊˈleɪʃ(ə)n/

noun
noun: manipulation; plural noun: manipulations
the action of freezing time.
"At this moment, I wish we could freeze time."

It's been over 3 weeks since I got admitted into hospital and let me just say, it has been awful. Constantly being babied by every family member ever after I was allowed visitation and still not ONE of my friends.

Turns out the hospital is much stricter on the 'no non-family visitors rule' than I thought. Apparently, the pressure of seeing people other than my family could 'push me over the edge' when in reality the thing that's gonna push me over the edge is if great auntie Kath gives me one more of her sloppy kisses right on my mouth.

Yuck.

And it's ridiculous, I know.

But today I am finally free! I'm being released from this hell hole and going home. Finally, I'll be able to see actual people and not just my brother's slappable face.

Before I leave, they have to do a few more 'routine checks', so my family is going to pick me up later. They diagnosed me with a binge eating disorder, however apparently I've been stopped before things could go 'too far'. After the lengthy checkup to see if I'm the right weight and so on, I go to the cafe to pick up a snack.

It feels peculiar to eat actual food, partly because I've been practically force fed for the last 3 weeks via tubes but also because I never really chose to eat anymore.

But things are about to change.

I have a food diary, which tells me how much I need to eat each day and I log in the things I eat to show my therapist.

It sounds stupid, but I have a strong desire to prove everyone wrong, even though I'm going to have to get better. I've had daily therapy sessions which are helping me to change my mindset and apparently there's a 'light at the end of the tunnel'.

Grabbing a sandwich, banana and nutrition bar, I go to pay. I look down at the food, and it makes me gulp. Uh, I don't think I can finish this. Placing back the nutrition bar, I go to buy the rest.

It's okay.

I'm fine.

Like Dr Mosse taught me, I take deep, centered breaths and focus my attention on one thing. Slowly, I peel back the banana skin and take a small bite from the top. The feeling of it in my mouth makes me want to gag. Sitting alone in the corner of the cafe, I start to feel my body fight it. I don't want to do this. I can't do this.

Walking up to the bin, I go to dispose of my food but then I remember Dr Mosse's words - 'the recovery may be hard but the regret is harder'. I can't live like this anymore. For my family's sake, for Levi's sake. For my own sake.

Come on Allie.

Wiping away the tear that's rolling down my cheek, I take another bite, then another and in a few minutes I've eaten almost half. Folding up the banana, I put it in a banana case and save it for later with the pulled pork and lettuce sandwich.

That's good for now.

Leaving the cafe, I make my way through the familiar halls of my hospital ward and to where my bed is. I pass a few familiar faces, Sharon the cleaner, Dr Watts and the odd patient I've come to know. We have a few conversations and they all talk about how much better I'm looking. After a couple more lefts and rights and I'm nearly at my ward.

When I see him.

Levi.

He's wearing a black button up top with a bouquet of wild daisies in his hands. Around 100 metres away, he's sitting on a chair in the waiting room, his head is down making his wavy brown hair messy like always. When he looks up, our eyes lock.

And my heart...

It just stops.

Time is frozen and all I see is him. The people around us just melt away, leaving only us as we run towards each other. My legs ache with agony but I don't stop. I can't stop. Nothing else in this moment matters but him. Us.

100 metres.

50.

10.

We get closer and closer until we're sharing the same oxygen. Colliding into each other's arms, grabbing on as if we never want to let go. His presence is intoxicating and it's pulling me somehow closer to him. My senses are tingling. Every nerve in my body feels electrified. A cataclysm of emotions colliding into each other at full force.

As our lips meet, Levi drops the flowers on the floor.

We laugh, cry and kiss each other all at the same time.

"I thought you were dead Allie. There was blood and you were on the floor. Oh my god..." Levi's voice is shaking and I shut him up by kissing him. Just seeing him makes me forget my own name.

"I'm here now, I'm here," he's cupping my face, and his eyes watering at the sight of me.

"You...you saved me Levi."

I grip onto his arms and pull them further around me. Our foreheads are touching and then our lips meet in the centre in a deep kiss. My tongue touches his, the fresh taste of cool breeze Extra sweet against my lips. His hand moulds against my waist and neck, as I run my hands through his thick hair. Desperation and unity all slamming together from the time we've been apart.

"What is this-"

And then everything came crashing down.

Because that voice.

That one voice is this thing that will make us break down and shatter into a million pieces.

Every single fibre in my body is telling me not to turn around and look at him. My head and my heart are having an internal battle in which they're screaming so loudly I feel as if I'm going to black out. Slowly, I turn my neck to the side.

Ezra.

His face is blank.

His eyes are cold.

It's like he's detached from any emotion. Levi and Ezra are staring at each other in shock. Anger. Confusion. Hatred. They're head to head. And getting ready for battle,"Ez..." Levi speaks.

"My sister...so when we were talking the other day...it was about her...that's the girl who you've fallen for...?" He's not even talking to us anymore. It's like he's questioning himself and the small things he's missed, while my heart practically jumps out of my chest.

"Ezra, bro...i-" Levi looks down at me, clueless about what he should say as he sees his best friend storm off. Levi talked about me to my brother. And he told Ezra that he's falling in love with me.

And I think I just realised...

I- i might be too...

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"EZ! EZRA! Get back here!" I yell to my brother who is charging across the car park.

After being let out of the hospital, Levi and I run out to grovel to my brother and try to explain what's going on. Gripping onto my hand, Levi travels at full speed to try and catch up to him as I struggle to even stand. When he notices this, he wraps his arm around my waist as I lean on him for surrport. '   

"Ezra, I'm so sorry, neither of us meant for this to happen!" Levi pleads as he walks slightly faster towards him to catch up to him.

"Don't talk to me again Levi! Ever!"

Running up after him, I try to take Ezra's hand but he tugs it out of my reach, "We didn't mean for you to find out this way..."

"No Alison, it looks like it wasn't supposed to find out at all!" a look of disgust looks my up and down, judging everything i'm doing, shaking his head, Ezra rolls his eyes at the situation, completely done but not completely surprised - like he knew that someday something would happen between us no matter how hard he has tried to prevent it ; and i just know he's going to hate me for it forever.

"I...I...I don't know things just happened and...and we..."

Ezra carries on walking, I go again to try and grab his arm but he brushes me off, "So what is this? You're dating? Sleeping together? Tell me what's going on because I really can't figure it out!"

Anger seethes in his eyes as he screams in our faces. Nearby people in the carpark gives us odd looks as we have a shouting match right in the centre. Ezra leans against our car, but then pushes off screaming. Out of nowhere he j starts kicking a lamp post, like he blames himself for what's happened.

"We're well we're...to be honest we don't know?!" Levi speaks up, "I wanna be with her, Ezra. So badly. And I know I'm your best friend and she's your sister but I- i don't know how to explain it. She's everything to me, Ez and I'm sorry you found out this way but you have to realise that I'm not sorry it happened."

"What. You're not sorry I just found out you're screwing my sister?! She's my sister and your...your my best friend..."

I cling onto Levi and cry into his chest, "No Ezra it's not like that! I...we haven't..." Levi hugs me tighter and I bury my face into his chest. He strokes my hair softly and kisses the top of my head as I cry into his warm chest.

"Stop! No! Stop that! No no no no NO!" My brother rushes forward to push him off me, as if he's disgusted with even the idea of us being near each other. Levi shoves him back when Ezra breaks me off of him but when Ezra comes at him he just takes the hits, trying to calm him down as quickly as possible,"You do not get to touch her like that! No! You don't get to touch her at all! Ever! She's my baby sister...she's your sister..."

"I'm not a child, Ezra! I can make my own decisions." The way he's speaking to Levi makes it sound as if I'm not in the conversation at all.

Levi looks at me, "It was never like that Ezra. She's your sister but she's never been mine," he looks up, and moves me behind him so they're face to face, "never."

He shakes his head in denial and points accusingly at Levi, "Don't you see Allie! He's manipulating you into thinking he cares about you, when he doesn't! He's doing just what Thomas did - how can you be so gullible! He cares about no one. Ever since Liam died, you haven't been able to feel. To love. And now he's using you for sex and your just willingly spreading your legs for him!""

Tears roll down my cheeks. He hates me. He really really hates me. The way he's looking at me now makes me feel so inferior that could shrink into the floor and I don't think he could care one bit. Levi shouts various proganties in his face as he scolds a red faced Ezra for treating me this way.

"Ezra."

"WHAT?!"

"Just shut up,"

"What?"

"I said...shut up! Do you dare compare what I had with Thomas to what I have with Levi - Thomas was a bastard who used me and bullied me, Levi....Levi he cares about me, he treats me right? You- you can't control what we feel, it's not fair! So either grow the hell up or leave!" Using full force, I swing my arm to the side showing him the exit. For a second he just thinks, then he slowly walks up to us. Our toes are almost touching.

"Well thanks for making this a whole lot easier..." Ezra storms away with Levis keys in hand and hops into the mustang.

"Shit my car..."

"Don't worry, he won't crash it..." I know my brother. Is he stupid? Definitely. Reckless? For sure. However he's not a bad person. He's just angry. But damn, why did Dad insist that he got his driving license. Because it's going to make things a lot more difficult to explain what happened.

"What's going on? Why did Ezra just drive off in Levi's car?"

Oh god.

Here we go...

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"So you and Levi are like what? Dating?" my mum asks for the hundredth time.

Ezra still hasn't returned home yet and so that's left me and Levi to be interrogated persistently by my parents.

"Well actually, that's something i kind of wanted to talk about-" Levi looks from my mum to my Dad, "i - god this is harder than i thought - i want to be with Allie. As her boyfriend."

Boyfriend.

Levi would be my boyfriend.

Turning to me, he asks, scratching the side of his head in fear, "So? Will you? I know the timings are kinda shit and with everything that just happened, but...?"

I'm frozen.

Taking a moment, i look at the boy in front of me. The boy who I had a crush on since I was 10 years old. The boy who has been best friends with my brother from the moment they met. The boy who I saved. And the one who saved me.

"So you wanna date me. For real."

He nods slowly as he walks towards me and I smile wider than any time today. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him with all I have. Forgetting my parents are practically next to us, they whoop and holler, "I have to tell Jennifer! She'll be so excited!"

I duck my head into the crook of Levi's neck in embarrassment. Blushing furiously, I intertwine my hands with Levi and hold him closer to me - his hands go around my small waist, making mine loop around his broad shoulders.

BANG.

The door slams shut and Ezra stomps in. The cheers and laughter automatically stops, as we watch Ezra go into his room with a slam. You can see the car in perfect condition through the sitting room window.

Dad strokes my shoulders comfortingly like he did when I was little, "Dont stress button, just leave Ezra to calm down about your situation for a few days - it'll give him time to warm up."

Somehow I doubt that this is true.

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