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Chapter 21 : Teleportation

Wednesday 11th January 2021

teleport
/ˈtɛlɪpɔːt/

verb
(especially in science fiction) transport or be transported across space and distance instantly.
"who needs a flying carpet if you can teleport yourself and your belongings?"

"Everyone was so...the same..."

Dr Mosse looks understanding yet unsurprised.

I lean back in the recliner, occasionally closing my eyes softly.

Calmness washes over me as I stare into the jungle-like room - leaves trickle down the shelfs like a waterfall creating a warm contrast compared to the wooden furniture. The soft ticking of a clock lets my mind focus while the wall of clear glass lets me look into the gardens. Richard's desk sits near the left side of the room, pictures of his husband and new born daughter faced in the direction of his work.

He smiles kindly at me as he sits in the armchair opposite me.

"As soon as I walked in...people just acted normal around me - obviously they were all still like, really nice and stuff..." He nodded and took notes, as i exhale softly feeling my clammy breath blow faintly on my hand that's resting the weight of my chin, "And like...yeah, of course people stared, I'd just collapsed at school from ODing and...my eating disorder...but i mean, who wouldn't stare?"

I still find it hard to say I have an eating disorder. I'm embarrassed by it. As if he knew what I was thinking, Dr Mosse speaks up, reassuring me, "Allie, eating disorders are nothing to be ashamed of."

"But it's still...like...I don't want people to treat me any different. You know."

His warm smile and twinkly eyes are comforting as he smiles gently. Dr Mosse looks at his board again and then asks, "But what did you think was going to happen when you went back to school?"

"I don't really know...? My worst nightmare was that I was going to go back and everyone's attention would be on me...but not for any reasons I want. I just...I didn't want them to baby me and treat me as if I've got the word 'fragile, do not touch' written all over my forehead."

Richard nods his head as I speak, "It's like...for the first time since forever, I don't feel like some kind of freak. Is that weird?"

He brings his chair closer to me, "it's perfectly natural for you to feel different. You've had some dramatic changes recently and you've been through a hell of a lot for only the age of 17. You're a strong girl, Allie Carter. Remember that."

We talk for a bit longer so when our timer runs out, I hop off the recliner and collect my stuff from off the floor. "And remember Allie, you need to get a snack on your way out. No more missing breakfast."

"But I was just..."

"Late for school, I know. But starting your school day on an empty stomach is never a good thing to do."

Smiling, I answer "ok" with no hesitation. Finishing that last of my water, I throw out the plastic cup that I've been chewing on for the last hour.

Strolling through the corridors casually, like I have done so for the past few months, I stop at the vending machine near the front desk. Emptying my pockets, I slide in 2 pound coins and press the numbers '776' twice. The machine does it's thing and I bend down, picking up my 2 granola bars.

'I'll save one for a snack' I think in my head. When I stand up, I collide straight into someone's chest. The unmistakable smell of his familiar cologne invades my nose. From under my coat hood, I peer up and see him.

"Levi?"

A black eye is prominent on his face. It's swollen and sore but most of it is covered by the dark fluffy hair that sits over his eyes.

"Allie...I forgot you went here..." Voice almost a whisper. But if he's not here for me...I look at the wooden door of Dr Mosse's office and back at Levi.

"Then if you're not here for me...what are you doing here?"

I don't even finish my sentence by the time Levi's practically evaporated in thin air. After mumbling a shit excuse he runs down the corridor at such a high speed he's practically a blur by the time he's in through the door.

Well great...

Another lie.

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Due to me going to therapy before school, I'm absolutely exhausted. It's only 8:30am and I've already done more in 2 hours than I'm used to doing in an entire day.

Unstrapping my seatbelt, I lean over and give my mum a kiss on the cheek, "Bye mum". I climb out of the car and walk off astronomically slowly to my form room, making sure to procrastinate as much as I can before I have to actually go in.

What was Levi doing at the clinic? I thought he stopped going a few months back. Was it something about Liam? His depression? The amnesia? I'm worried about him...what if his memory comes back and he wouldn't be able to cope...

I've helped save him once already...

...what if I can't do it again?

"Hey Allie, are you alright? You look a little out of it today." Quinn nudges me with her backpack as we stroll into our A Level English classroom.

"Yeahhh, I'll be fine. Just something weird happened earlier."

I don't lie?

But then again, I don't expand - it would be betraying Levi's trust if I told people, like for god's sake, if he didn't tell me...it's obvious he wants it to be a secret.

And I'm going to keep it that way.

I slide into the seat next to Nancy, while Quinn goes to the opposite side of the room. Taking out my textbook, I quickly acknowledge Nancy before writing the date and title neatly in her perfectly round handwriting.

Mrs Stanford passes out our recent essays - and I get extra; there were a few of the essays I didn't get back because I was in the hospital - and when all mine lands on my desk, I look at it in disbelief. I look through them date by date.

A+ - 20th October

A - 14th November

B - 27th November

B - 1st December

C - 9th December

Never once in my life have I got lower than an A and now my grades have slipped to a C. I scan through them, trying to find a mistake in her marking. But there was no mistake. My once uniformed handwriting has now become rushed and sloppy. The answers were short and disorganised. Even some of the quotes are wrong.

What is this?

This isn't me?

I'm...I'm a 'star student'. Not someone who would barely even make it into university. Disappointment. Shame. Denial. Even though it sounds silly, some may even call it an over reaction...but I start to cry. Tears just flow out of me and I find it hard to stop.

I can't stop.

But these tears weren't just tears of sadness, they were also tears of exhaustion. Like every bit of energy from all my plastic smiles and new attitude has worn me down so I'm completely drained of vitality.

People around me stare in an odd mixture of confusion, worry and pity. It's not until I start to sniffle louder that Mrs Stanford notices me. Her stiff face expresses an awkward look of understanding comfort as she rushes over beside my cluttered desk.

Okay, guys let's give her some space, Allie I'm going to need you to step outside with me." She stares and nods at me tenderly, whispering the last part as if she knows I don't want the unwanted attention. I follow her as she opens the door - still crying, and she's there, waiting for me to walk through. My shuffles move slowly but she waits patiently.

No rushing me.

No bitchy comments.

She just...smiles. As if she understands everything I'm feeling.

When I enter the over lit hallway, I slump against the brick wall. I wipe my eyes every few seconds to catch the ever falling tears that are rolling down my defined cheeks.

"Hey, hey now...do you want to tell me what that was all about?" Mrs Stanford stands opposite me. Not too close yet not too far. Like she knows exactly what I need.

"Nothing happened, Miss."

"You and I both know that's not true." She states with a little chuckle.

...She's not wrong, I guess.

"Seriously I'm fine" there's no way I'm burdening my problems onto Mrs Stanford. At least not now.

"Ok then, just make sure that you don't bottle things up. If you're not going to tell me, tell someone else. Anyone." Resting a hand on my shoulder, she pats it softly while passing me a tissue from the box she brought from her desk.

"Thanks Miss..." my voice is weak and croaky, "I must just be overworked..."

"Ok, well if that's the case then you don't have to do the homework for the next few weeks, not until your stress levels are down. I know with exams coming up it can be a lot of work, I don't want to add onto the piles of extra essays and especially with everything that just...happened."

For a split second, I look up at her and stare in shock. Who is this and what have they done with the stern, grumpy Mrs Stanford. Taking advantage of this calm side of her, still slumped against the wall, I take a moment to weigh out her offer, while she kneels against the door, letting me think, "Umm...miss...as much as I appreciate the thought - and I really do - I just want to go back to normal, you know. Not being treated differently or with advantages, and anyway it'll give my mind something to think about."

"If you're sure."

"Yeah, I'll consider it though...I'm just going to take a few minutes out of the classroom. If that's alright with you that is..."

"Of course," she smiles kindly one last time, making her look 10 years younger, before walking back into the classroom.

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After an exhausting day at school, I'm just relaxing in a bundle of blankets on the comfy couch rewatching 'The Vampire Diaries' with an extra large caramel frappuccino cupped between my hands as I sip it in small gulps.

Only Damon Salvatore can make me feel better right now. Mhm. I've stooped that low.

My phone lights up and I jump to check to see if Levi's finally answered one of my many texts:

Snapchat : Quinn

Oh.

Not Levi.

"Hi sis," My brother slides into the seat next to me. His words are casual as if nothing ever happened, but they're coated in steel. He's constantly playing with his hands, like he's expecting me to look down at them.

And then I see his raw knuckles.

Levi.

His eye.

I start to connect the dots,"You...it was you who punched him...?"

He just hums. HUMS!

He gives me a brief nod, "He got what he deserves Allie and if he doesn't stay away from you like I told him to...let's just say he won't be only getting a black eye."

When I finally realise what he means, I go in for the kill. Like a wild animal, I jump on top of my brother, screaming. I hit and punch him, with all my might, "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM!"

"You're my baby sister! I'm just protecting you Allie, you're only 17! And you know how angry he can get, I just don't want him to hurt you-" Ezra chokes out in my tight headlock, while he tries to move me off of him. He isn't fighting back because I know he doesn't want to accidentally hurt me if he actually tries to get me off him.

"No, he isn't like that and you know it! How could you do this to him! TO ME!" My voice is a mixture of sobs, screams and sourness.

His face morphs into a grimace. Looking me up and down like I'm deluded, he finally speaks, "Because Allie, don't you see it! He's going to break your heart and then I'M going to be the one left to pick up the pieces!"

Gripping onto my hair, I spin round in fury. What does this boy really think he's achieving?!

He shrugs nonchalantly, so I shove him down aggressively one more time before storming off, as he strops, "And just so you know, the only person who's breaking my heart right now is you. What's in front of me right now...is not my brother. So if you find him, tell him I miss him. Because this-" I gesture to his entire body, "-this is not the boy I grew up with."

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"AND THEN I FOUND OUT HE WAS THE ONE WHO PUNCHED LEVI IN THE EYE!" I scream on Dr Mosse's recliner.

Even though my next appointment wasn't until the next few days, I came back to his office to rant a bit more. And I mean full on ranting. I told him all about Levi and how he's keeping secrets, the mild breakdown at school and Ezra's betrayal. I've probably been going on for around 3 hours. Apparently the only appointment he has later today is someone who rescheduled.

Knock-knock

Hm, that must be them.

"Ah, times up Alison, I'm sorry I have another client. But do come to me for anything if you need it, no hesitation."  We exchange smiles and goodbyes, then I go to open the door. it creaks open and Dr Mosse ushers him in so i turn round to finally leave.

but the person on the other side of the door...

Is him.

"Levi?"

"Allie...?"

We say in unison. Richard looks shocked, probably because he didn't realise some of his two most messed up clients are dating, "Allie, uhm, i feel like you should stay for a bit..."

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"Now this is a bit unorthodox of me, but I believe that to liberate the tension in this room we need to release any thoughts or feelings that we've been holding back to each other. This could be a big step in your progress but I completely understand and respect your decision if you decide to turn down this offer."

Turning my head to face Levi, I nod in agreement with him. We both seem uncertain but I think that we need to do this. To get rid of this emotional barrier between us. Coughing awkwardly, I start, "Ezra told me he was the one who punched you..."

"I don't blame him to be honest...it's fine though. I've gone through worse..." Levi smiles ever so slightly, and I can see his body shuffling slightly towards mine on the couch. We're not touching...but we're close.

Close enough.

"I'm sorry Levi...it's my fault this is all happening." Gulping, I stare down at my hands which are fiddling with the pieces of frayed skin around my chipped nails.

He puts a hand over mine, making me stop instantly. Taking my chin between his fingers, he mumbles, "Allie, this isn't your fault. It's our fault. But Ezra needs to get over it too, because what he's doing...it's unfair on you, on the both of us. Especially after knowing everything we've each been through," I stare into his eyes, taking in the words he's saying, "Allie, just ignore what he's saying. It's not like it matters, his opinion isn't important when it comes to our relationship."

As he speaks, I look into his crystal blue eyes, searching...searching for the truth. I can tell Levi's saying this to make me feel better, and in truth, it does.

But I can tell by the bags under his eyes, the flush of pink on his cheeks and the way his Adam's apple bobs slowly up and down his throat slightly too many times...that he doesn't believe it himself.

He seeks  Ezra's approval because he thinks that if my brother thinks Levi can protect me from all the pain of the world, he'll be able to believe it himself. And he's scared he'll hurt me because if his best friend doesn't believe he's good for me...he won't either.

Dr Mosse accidentally drops his cup of coffee on his lap, causing me to shake out of my trance and look back up at him as he flicks through his clipboard, "Levi have you..." Levi shakes his head as they have a private conversation almost only through their eyes, "can i?" Levi nods instead. It's hesitant but when he turns his head to look at me, he finally agrees.

"Allie, Levi's agreed to talk about some more recent events that have occurred-"

"I had a flashback."

He looks at me after his sudden interruption, "a few actually. I didn't tell you because I was worried you would stress about me not being able to handle it, so I came here instead," Levi looks up at Dr Mosse, "you've been here for me through everything and I want to thank you for helping me."

A flashback.

Flashbacks.

"You've remembered things...? Like what?"

Levi shrugs, brushing the hair away that's in front of my eyes, "just snippets of that night...words, pictures, certain movements. Sometimes someone would do something as simple as leaning against a tree or they'll say something Liam said that night...i dunno, it just triggers memories. Dr Mosse said that maybe if something triggers a large flashback I might get my memory back...that's why I would go swimming in the school pool, to try and provoke a memory."

"Good progress guys, really good." Dr Mosse says enthusiastically yet calmly simultaneously.

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For the next hour or so, we talk. The flashbacks, Liam, my eating problems, self harm and even Thomas. We talk about almost everything and to be honest it really does feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's not like I didn't know what was going on in Levi's life, and he knew what was going on in mine - but this experience just sort of cleared things up, speaking about what we thought of each topic and how it affects our lives and mental health.

Except there was one topic we didn't talk about.

Ed.

Levi's father - aka the wanker who beat his oldest son.

I guess Levi knows that if he does talk about the abuse, Dr Mosse has to inform the police and then his dad could be convicted of assault.

The only thing holding me back from telling the police is because Levi said it's completely stopped and that if he will go forward about it, it'll be on his own terms.

But whenever I do mention it to him and tell him how awful it actually is that his own father did this, he just says 'it only happened a few times' or 'he drank too much and I pissed him off'. It's not a reason but makes it an excuse because he believes his dad can change.

Levi's not naive. He's just too kind.

Well, I'd only say that about his family and friends, because I have evidence that he did not have the same forgiveness for some of the boys at our school. In reality though, I don't think Levi actually knows why his dad beat him. And if he doesn't get it, I certainly won't?

And to be honest I'm not sure if we ever will?

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please remember to VOTE, FOLLOW, COMMENT, TAG and SHARE so i can get more publicity