[I'm gonna have to get some training pads up in here by the amount of times y'all say you're gonna shit/piss yourselves. I guarantee y'all gonna lose all bowel/bladder control in this chapter too. Fuckin go see a doctor.

Also, this one's a long boi, filled with happiness, then sadness, then a single microshred of hope. Just a warning on Ben's POV, is all I have to say.

Still, go see a doctor.]

Chapter 30

Reese's POV

The lights were turned off. The pressure was on. Ben and I were on edge, staring ahead with wide eyes. Our shoulders tense, jaws set, minds focused and alert. But no amount of anticipation could prepare us for what came next...

From the dark, a zombie sprang out at Ben's game character in Dying Light and began mauling him apart. Frightened, the blonde wraith screamed and tossed his laptop onto the floor as he flinched, meanwhile I was recovering from the scare he just gave me.

"Jesus, don't startle me!" I chided.

"Sorry! It came out of nowhere! And now I'm dead..." he murmured, watching the laptop screen.

"Ha."

Ben shot me a look before rubbing his hands all over my controller, messing up my awesome in-game parkour on the TV. In response, I moved away from him and shielded myself from his hands.

"No, c'mere!" he protested, clambering on top of me to sabotage me.

"Stop it! You're gonna get me killed!" I muttered.

"That's the point!"

"I need to finish the objective, dammit! It's getting night time! That OP zombie is gonna come out and murder the shit out of me! StoooOP."

When Ben put his weight on top of me, I rolled over so that he was on the floor. Now that he was pinned down, I frantically used my controller to get my character to a safe place. Unfortunately, like I predicted, the Volatile (OP) zombie showed up and rushed me. I screamed in protest and surprise and watched the animation of the mutated humanoid eat my character alive.

Looking down at Ben, I mumbled, "Now I'm dead."

"Ha," Ben replied with a smirk.

Feeling vengeful, I set my controller down and tugged on his elfin ears. He whined aloud and attempted to slip out from under me, but I held him close. The more he struggled, the harder I pinched his pointy ears to a cherry red.
Ben closed his eyes and shook his head, pawing at my hands to get them off, but none of it worked.

"I'm sorry I got you killed," he whimpered.

"Sure you are."

"I am..!"

"It's too late now. This is your punishment," I said, tugging on his ears harder. He whined louder.

"Stop," he pleaded, finally opening his red and black eyes.

"I'm not going to let up so easily," I said, grinning cheekily.

Hesitantly, he murmured, "W...What do I have to do...?"

While I kept pinching his ears, I hummed in thought and looked away. What can I make him do? Dress up like Link again? No, that's too easy; he'd expect that. Hmm...

As I kept pondering, my gaze traveled to Ben's face. His eyes stared up at me, looking so innocent and nervous it was almost funny. But suddenly my pondering took a sudden turn and I thought to myself, Bite his ears.

Though I tried to fight the idea, the temptation was strong, overwhelming even. Ben wouldn't be that opposed to it, would he? He's experienced weirder things... He almost saw me naked, I mean... And his ears are just there, all twitchy and pink. Just lean down and...

And, just like that, I didn't feel so high-and-mighty anymore. I could feel the blush slowly creeping its way onto my cheeks and I had to look away so Ben wouldn't notice. "Ummm," I stammered, "you can...uh..."

I was interrupted by the sound of keys unlocking the front door. Quickly, I said, "Shit, it's my Mom. Do you have your cloaking chip?"

"Y-Yeah, it's in my pocket," he replied, his words rushed too.

"Get it!"

But by the time he reached for his pants, the door had already opened and Mom stepped in. As a last resort, I yanked a throw pillow off from the couch and pressed it against Ben's face. Once Mom noticed me, I plastered a smile on my face and greeted warmly, "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, mijo," she said, setting her keys aside.

Ben raised his arms up high and waved with both hands as he chimed, "Hello Mari!"

Mom looked confused and had to step around the couch to see who had spoken. "Is that Ben?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"Why are you holding a pillow against his face?" she questioned.

"Um, he thinks he looks really ugly today so he didn't want you to see him," I lied instantly.

"Yeah, I just look awful," Ben added, his voice muffled.

Mom chuckled and said, "Well, alright. Reese, you should've told me he was coming over. I would've brought you two something to eat."

"Ben's got that covered," I commented, pointing towards the kitchen table. Mom glanced at it and made a face at me.

"Mijito, that's not actual dinner," she retorted.

"You would've gotten us pizza anyway!" I pointed out.

With a sigh, she shrugged and said, "Yeah, okay, but still."

"We left you some pizza and cake and s'mores!" Ben piped up.

Mom laughed and responded, "I'll probably just pick at the chips. The rest can be for Hunter."

"Gotcha, mama," I agreed.

"I'm going to go take a shower. You two behave, alright?"

"Yes, ma'am," the blonde wraith said, saluting his hand over the throw pillow.

After Mom disappeared down the hall and closed the door to her room, I sighed and slumped my shoulders. "That was close," I murmured.

"Reese?" Ben called.

"Hmm?"

"I can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry," I apologized and removed the pillow. I slipped off of him and sat on the floor while he went ahead and attached his cloaking chip to the nape of his neck. When he sat up and I saw his human features, I was a little bummed out. No more pointy ears to tease.

Pouting, Ben said, "Do I really look ugly?"

Chuckling, I assured him, "No, you're absolutely stunning."

"Okay good," he said, smiling and caressing his jaw. "A face like this has to stay beautiful."

I rolled my eyes, smirking at his silly nature.

The both of us went back to the game again and Ben asked, "Hey, after this, can we watch a movie?"

"Sure," I replied. "What do you wanna watch?"

"A movie."

I shot him a look and added, "Smartass. What kind of movie?"

"A good one."

"Define a good movie..."

"A movie that is good."

"We'll see what we have, dork," I grumbled. Ben chuckled  mischievously before continuing with our multiplayer campaign.

Once we finally had enough of gaming, I turned off the console and Ben put away his laptop. I stood up and stretched, feeling my shoulders unwind from being hunched. Looking down at Ben on the floor, I realized something and asked, "Hey, do you need clothes to sleep in? I could lend you something."

He seemed confused at first, but then shook his head and replied, "Oh, no, I'm okay! I think I've borrowed enough from you, hehe. Hold on..."

Instantly, he disappeared in a flash of light, and it was a couple of minutes until he came back. This time, instead of the jeans and t-shirt he had been wearing, Ben wore the Metroid shirt that I gave him and pajama pants with smiling sushi on them. I cocked an eyebrow and smirked at him. He noticed my expression and frowned.

"What??" he defended. "They're comfortable-uh!"

"Okay, okay," I chuckled, raising my hands in surrender.

"Anyway, I brought a pillow and blanket," he stated, holding up his stuff.

"I would've lent you some," I remarked.

"No, no," he said, "I will not freeload."

"It's not freeloading--."

"Shhh, shhh, shhh!" Ben shushed me aggressively, putting a finger against my lips. Holding his chin up high, he added, "I am an independent man who is fully capable of taking care of his own needs."

"Oh really?" I murmured.

He nodded, before proceeding to squeeze my lips together once with a small, "Honk", then taking a seat on the couch. Dork.

The both of us sat on the couch and watched the TV as I searched through Hulu for anything good to watch. It took us a while...

"This one?" I asked.

"Nah, too boring-looking."

"This one?"

"Nuh-uh, director sucks."

"This one?"

"Actors suck."

"This one?"

"Nooooo."

"This one?"

"Do you want to endure two hours worth of cringe?"

"Okay, not that one...," I mumbled. "This one...?"

After he stared at the TV with narrow eyes and thought, he nodded and said, "Sure. Action doesn't sound bad."

"Okay finally," I sighed. "Thought we'd be here all night."

"I have my standards in films," the blonde wraith retorted. "Now, go get popcorn!"

"I thought you were independent?" I countered.

"I never said I had to be all the time," he responded with a smirk.

"You ass," I said, tossing a throw pillow on his face as I got up.

"Thank youuuuu," Ben cooed from the living room. I just shook my head at him and grabbed a box of popcorn bags from the kitchen cabinets.

While the popcorn was heating up in the microwave, I heard noise behind me and turned around to see Ben sneaking the bag of mini Reese's candy away. "Hey," I piped up, halting him. He turned with a wide-eyed look on his face that was almost comical.

"Where do you think you're going with that?" I inquired, stepping closer to him.

"I was gonna eat them...," he murmured.

"I'm making popcorn," I pointed out.

"I can eat both."

"Ew."

"What??"

Grabbing at the bag, I said, "Later."

The wraith yanked it away and exclaimed, "No!"

"Ben, give me the candy."

"Noooooo."

Quickly, I lunged for the bag but he spun around and ran into the living room. Just barely I snagged onto his shirt and pulled him toward me. I snaked my arms around to snatch the bag again, but Ben kept fighting me and wriggling about in his spot.

"Stop it!" he whined. "Let me eat you!"

"You have popcorn!"

"That's not enough for my fat ass!" he argued.

Because he focused on protecting the bag, I was able to shift him next to the couch and tip him over. But before he hit the cushions, he teleported, and suddenly I felt a weight knock into me from behind. I ended up being the one to fall onto the couch and Ben sat on top of me.

"Dude, get off," I grumbled.

"Will you let me eat the candy and popcorn?"

"No."

"Then I shall lay," he claimed and curled up into a ball on top of me. Although he was weighing me down, I couldn't help but smile.

From the kitchen, the microwave beeped. I lifted my head and said, "The popcorn is done. Let me get it."

"No."

"Ben, get off," I muttered.

"If you want your popcorn so bad then carry me on your back as you get it," he replied.

I smirked. "Okay, fine."

"But," he added, "if you make it, then I get to eat my candy. With my popcorn."

"Then I just won't get up."

"Ahh, but do you smell that buttery popcorn? Such sweet, salty, puffy, golden goodness!" he said wistfully, teasing me.

I muddled it over way too hard. On the one hand, I didn't want him to eat chocolate-peanut butter candy with popcorn (ugh), but on the other, the Hispanic in me didn't want to let good food go to waste. Also, the Hispanic knew he'd get shit from his Mom for leaving food in the microwave.

So, I pushed myself up from the cushions, forcing Ben to wrap his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. "Ready?" I asked. He nodded eagerly.

With a harrumph, I got up from the couch and held onto Ben's legs to keep him steady. I could just sense the amused grin on his face as I trudged into the kitchen to get the popcorn. When I made it to the microwave, Ben said, "Now you have to carry me back with the popcorn."

"Can you hold it, at least?"

"No, I have my candy," he said, nudging the bag against my face.

Sighing, I used one hand to open the microwave and grab the full bag of popcorn. It was at this point that I knew I should've gotten a bowl before hand. Groaning, I opened the cabinet with our plates and bowls in it and carefully reached up for a big bowl. Once I got it, I didn't even bother closing the cabinet, and just tossed the bowl next to the popcorn bag. Ben snickered next to my ear.

Thankfully, the bag wasn't too hot, so I was able to open it and dump all the popcorn into the bowl. As I tossed it into the trash, Ben picked at the popcorn in the bowl. I tossed him a look over my shoulder and he abruptly stopped chewing. Slowly, he grabbed more popcorn and pushed it against my mouth. I reluctantly ate it and he chuckled joyfully.

It was a bit of a struggle to keep Ben aloft while I held the bowl of popcorn, but I felt accomplished when I made it to the couch again. I set the bowl down onto the coffee table as Ben cooed jokingly, "You so strong."

"Thanks. Now, be gone," I said as I tossed him onto the couch without warning. He fell with an 'oof' and I casually sat next to him with the bowl of popcorn in my hands. "Start the movie," I murmured, mouth full with popcorn. In a couple minutes, the movie had started and we sat together watching.

During the movie, Ben got more comfortable and wrapped himself up in his blanket. He was so cozy that he refused to stick his hands out to eat his popcorn and candy, so I had to do it for him. If I didn't, he wouldn't stop bumping his head against my shoulder while sadly whispering the Reese's puff rap... He continued to do many other small antics to bug me.

The movie came to a super suspenseful part where the main character was being chased through a factory, his plan having failed. While Ben was intently watching the screen, I got an idea to get some payback on him. Quietly, I inched my hand behind his back, which was easier to do since he was leaning forward. I waited for the perfect time to strike, and it came right when the main character in the movie was hiding away, the dramatic music silent like a horror movie.

As quickly as the movie jumpscare happened, I poked my hand against Ben's back, shouting loud. The squeal that came out of his mouth had me reeling with laughter, holding my stomach. Once he calmed down, he muttered, "You think you're so funny, huh?"

"The noise you made is what's funny," I cackled, then imitated his little squeal, then cackled some more. Ben pouted and scooted away from me.

"Aw, come on," I said after I caught my breath.

"No," he murmured, lifting up his blanket over his head like a hood.

Reaching over, I tapped on his leg for his attention. When that didn't work, I tried tugging on his blanket. He responded, "Um, excuse me, sir, I'm trying to watch the movie."

"It's not that good anyway," I said.

"Still," he muttered, leaning away from me.

I smirked and grabbed a candy from the bag. Cunningly, I waved it in his face and beckoned, "Want some??"

Ben cocked an eyebrow and stuck his hand out, palm up. I shook my head and added, "Catch it in your mouth."

Smiling, he turned toward me and opened his mouth. Leaning back, I unwrapped the candy, then lined up my shot. With a flick of my wrist I tossed it and Ben jerked forward to catch it in his mouth. Unfortunately, he missed and ended up falling against my stomach.

"Boooo," I remarked about his miss.

Carelessly, he picked up the chocolate-peanut butter candy from the couch and ate it anyway. When he caught me staring, he murmured, "What?"

"Nothing," I chuckled.

The music in the movie kicked up again and Ben grumbled, "Aw man, we missed it. Way to go, Reese's puffs."

"It was only a few minutes," I argued lightheartedly. I picked another candy from the Reese's bag and waved it in his face. "Here."

"Feed me."

"Again?"

"Yessss," he hissed comically.

Laughing, I unwrapped the candy and fed him like he said. He hummed happily as he chewed and it was hard not to smile.

Ben kept watching the movie as he leaned against me, but I couldn't pay attention to whatever was happening on the TV screen. My gaze kept darting to Ben and his blue eyes, and I kept thinking about how I'd rather see his normal eyes. Mom is probably asleep by now anyway, so she won't be coming out.

Impulsively, I reached under Ben's blanket and removed his cloaking chip. He didn't seem to think anything of it at first, until I started messing with his pointy ears again. The pink tinge on his face was immediate and he murmured, "Reese, why?"

"Why not," I replied flatly.

"Mmmmmmggg," he whined, trying to tuck his head in his blanket, but I didn't let him.

My fingers pinched onto his ears, rubbing and tugging them, watching them wiggle. A smirk crossed my mouth as I leaned forward and blew air against one ear. It twitched wildly and Ben piped up, "Ahaaa! No! D-Don't do that!"

Being the jerk I am, I went against what he said and kept messing with him. Remembering that time at the karaoke bar, I licked the pad of my thumb and ran it against the edge of Ben's ear. Again, it wiggled wildly and the blonde wraith whined, "Aahh! D-Don't do that either! Reese..."

Grinning, I said quietly, "Ear fetish?"

"Nooo," he protested.

"Mhmm."

"I don't have one...!" he fussed into the blanket.

"Well, your ears don't seem to think so," I teased, flicking them. The blush on Ben's face became darker and reached his ears by now. I chucked deviously, relishing in his behavior.

"My ears are a whole different thing, now stooooop," he went on.

"You know you could always teleport out of my hold," I pointed out.

The look on his face was blank as he murmured, "I could..."

"Soooo, you're not going to get out?"

He paused before answering, "I'm comfortable."

"You dork," I said, pinching his ears again. He grumbled and squirmed, but didn't do anything to move away.

After a while of constantly teasing him, completely forgetting about the movie, Ben retaliated in his own way...and began to moan sexually.

"Ben, don't do that--."

"Haaa!~"

"Ben, stop--."

"Hoyah!~"

"Ben, my mom's here--."

"Ahhhh, papi!~"

Embarrassed, I started trying to slip off the couch away from him, but he clung to me and kept making weird noises. It came to a point where he wasn't even moaning anymore but just making distressed wails.

"God dammit, why do you do this--."

"HhhhaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHH."

Ben was so distracting that I wasn't able to hear the front door open, and I had barely seen Hunter. Quickly, I put Ben's cloaking chip back on his neck and sat up right. My brother had a weirded-out expression on his face. I'd be too if I came home late at night to my brother's friend wailing like an idiot and my brother trying desperately to get away from that friend.

"Hi, Hunter," I greeted awkwardly.

Ben sat up straight and waved kindly like he wasn't just making embarrassing noises. "Oh, hi!"

"Heeeyyy...," Hunter replied reluctantly.

Pointing to the kitchen, I said, "There's food on the table, if you want some."

My brother smiled and said, "Thanks, but I'm good. It's two in the morning, my dude. I'm beat."

"It is?" I remarked, grabbing my phone from the coffee table. Sure enough, it was 2am.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" Ben pressed. "We have pizza. And s'mores. And cheetos--."

"Fuck, I want cheetos," Hunter interjected and made a b-line to the kitchen. Ben and I laughed.

Finally slipping out of Ben's grip, I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. When I walked in, I asked, "Need a drink?"

"Mmhhhmmppf," Hunter replied, chewing a bunch of cheetos puffs.

As I poured him a glass of soda, I questioned, "How was work?"

He shrugged. "It was alright. The nightclub was pretty packed this time, so lots of orders. Had to change as soon as I left though; I smelled awful. Too much alcohol and smoke."

"Gross."

"Yeah. Told the owner it'd be on him if I ended up getting lung cancer," he joked.

"I'd kick his ass if that happens," I replied, handing him his drink.

"I know," he agreed before taking a swig of soda. After he gulped nearly half of it down, he set the glass aside and started, "So, you pull a move yet?"

I furrowed my brow, confused. "Huh?"

Hunter nodded towards Ben, who laid on the couch, bundled up in his blanket again. Once I figured out what he meant, I turned to him and grumbled, "Really, Hunter?"

"Shit, coulda fooled me what with all that noise I heard."

"Ben was being weird."

"Sure, he was the only one," he joked, winking at me.

"I'm not having this conversation with you again," I muttered, grabbing my own glass to pour myself some soda.

While my back was turned to him, Hunter came up and draped an arm over my shoulders. Leaning close, he whispered, "Listen, little brother, I know a thing or two about perfect timing. And right now? Perfect time."

"For what?"

"Stuff," he answered vaguely, filling his mouth with cheetos again.  He turned my head so that I looked at the living room. Nodding at Ben, Hunter added, "Look at him over there. He awaits."

"For what?" I repeated.

"You," Hunter hissed and I pushed him away.

"Stop trying to play wingman, dude," I said. "Nothing's going on."

"Reeeeeeeese," Ben called and I turned around. He sat up, giving me big eyes as he asked, "Can you get me another pizza, please? My peanut butter cup?"

"Sure," I replied, starting for the last pizza box on the table. As I got a plate, Hunter leaned in and remarked, "My?"

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"Is that...is he wearing the Metroid shirt I lent you money for--?"

"Eat your cheetos," I stammered, pushing the bag into his face. With that, I left the kitchen and returned to the couch. Ben smiled at me and munched on his pizza with content. While he was busy watching the TV, I shot a look at Hunter, feeling his judging eyes on me. Sure enough he was staring, holding a smirk on his tired face. I flipped him my middle finger but all he did was give a thumbs up.

A few minutes later, Hunter clapped my shoulder and announced, "Well, I'm off to shower and sleep. Don't stay up too late."

"Alright," I mumbled.

"Both of you behave. Especially you," he said, pointing at me. When I looked at him, he shot me a wink and I frowned. Once he slinked away into the hall, I eased up and leaned into the couch cushions. Suddenly, my phone buzzed and I checked my received message. From Hunter...

-Pull a move.

Frowning, I texted back: Take your shower already. Go to bed.

-YOU go to bed.
-and take Ben with you

This fuckin'...

"I'll be right back," I told Ben as I got up.

"Okay. I'll keep your spot warm...!" he remarked, falling across the couch.

When I checked the bathroom door, it was locked, so I went into the kitchen and rummaged through the drawer of miscellaneous stuff. I found a thin screwdriver and went back to the bathroom. It didn't take long for me to pick the lock, walk in, turn on the sink faucet, and listen to Hunter scream with surprise as the water turned hot.

"Love you, goodnight," I said quickly and casually walked out.

Coming back, Ben sat up and asked, "What did you do?"

"Expressed my brotherly love," I stated bluntly. I sat back down in my spot and asked, "So, what'd I miss?"

"The movie's over," he responded.

"Ohh.."

"And I don't know what happened..."

"Uh huh.."

"Because you wouldn't stop teasing me!" the wraith grumbled as he bumped his pillow against my face. I didn't attempt to strike back and laid lazily as the movie finished.

After a few minutes, we managed to find another movie again, this time a fantasy film. But it was really late (or early) and last I checked the time it was 3am. While Ben was sitting next to me, I ended up slumping against him when I dozed off. I faintly remembered Ben trying to wake me up, but I kept refusing because I was so tired.

I finally woke up when I caught Ben wrapping his blanket around me. Quietly, I mumbled, "I can...get my own..."

"It's alright," he said, and I could see his smile thanks to the light from the TV. He turned around briefly to grab his pillow and tucked it under my head. I leaned into it and was pleased to feel it was super, super comfy. It was perfectly soft and I felt bad that I was taking it away from Ben. So bad, in fact, that when he tried to scoot away from me, I grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him back.

"Reese," he started, but I was already tossing half of the blanket over him.

Leaning on him, I murmured, "You don't have to be independent all the time..."

"I-I guess," he chuckled at a hush volume.

I tucked my head against his shoulder so that he took most of the amazingly soft pillow, and mumbled groggily, "Thanks for coming back..."

"You don't have to thank me," he replied.

"Still..." There was a pause of silence. It seemed like the entire apartment building was quiet. It felt strange to not hear the sounds of the city outside though, since I'm used to sleeping next to my bedroom window. But this was fine. Having Ben here was perfectly okay.

"I missed you...," I heard myself mumble.

I felt Ben's jaw against my head as he leaned in. He whispered, "I missed you too."

"Good..."

He laughed softly. "Why good?"

"Dunno. Reasons."

"What kind of reasons?" he inquired.

"Good reasons."

"Smartass," he remarked. "But yeah, missing you is pretty good, in a way. Being here is better though."

"Ten out of ten?"

"A hundred out of ten."

"Aw man, you're too nice," I said. And then I chuckled like a goofball because I was sleepy, which made Ben laugh.

"How cute," he commented sweetly.

I cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh, really?"

He nodded and added, "Super cute."

"So nice," I awed at him, making him laugh.

After a few moments of tranquil silence, Ben whispered, "Reese?"

It took me a second to register that he was talking to me, but I replied tiredly, "Hmmm?"

He inhaled gently, but then paused, as if stopping in his tracks. The wraith stifled a wry chuckle and said, "Never mind. It isn't important."

"Anything you say is important.."

"Thanks for thinking that way," he murmured.

"What were you going to say...?"

"I told you, it's nothing. Get some rest, okay?"

Without any further, I obeyed and tucked my head in the cozy spot between the couch and Ben's shoulder. I felt his fingers tenderly brush through my hair before I fell away into a peaceful sleep.

The last thing I thought of was how warm Ben was, and how nice it felt to be next to him like this, and how I didn't want him to leave for weeks--don't leave at all--again. All of this feels right, like this should be how things are. If I can feel this content everyday, then life would be amazing. I'm glad Ben is helping with that. He wasn't kidding when he promised to help me find happiness. Even if I have to wait a while, and even if it doesn't last long, I still want it.

I missed him.

...

Ben's POV

I didn't realize how quiet the apartment would get once Reese fell asleep until it happened. It felt boring without being able to talk to him. I thought about watching a movie, but what's the point if I'm doing it by myself and can't complain about the plot to someone? So I went ahead and turned off the TV, casting the entire living room in darkness, save for the faint glow of city lights coming through the window above the kitchen sink.

Just me, and Reese, and a blanket, and a pillow. Just us, on the couch, sitting within peaceful silence and comfort. God, it was anything I could've asked for. Seeing Reese is enough to get my heart racing. It's skyrocketed now that he's sleeping against me again. I almost can't handle it...!

Gently, I rubbed my cheek against the top of his head and whispered, "Sweet dreams, my peanut butter cup." He didn't respond, of course, but it felt nice to say to him anyway.

Now that I don't have anything to do...what can I do? I don't want to stay up all night doing nothing. I don't want to focus my attention on Reese and feel like a creep, either.

Should I...--No. That's a bad idea. Last time didn't go so well. You can't.

But...what are the odds that I'll have another nightmare? It can't be every time I try to sleep. I've been able to sleep in the past without any troubles, so why not now? Besides, I've never tried sleeping when I'm around Reese. Maybe my subconscious will keep this in mind and give me happy dreams, because I love being around him.

Ultimately, I really don't have much of a choice. Sleeping would make the time pass faster anyway. And as long as I'm with Reese, I'll feel safe.

So I finally made up my mind and closed my eyes, cradled next to Reese and his cozy warmth. It took a while, and my sense of surroundings blurred in and out, but I fell unconscious eventually.

At first, my dreams were fuzzy, vague. Then, it felt as if I woke up again, but this time Reese was awake too. I knew it was still a dream, though, when I was able to give him a kiss on his forehead and he didn't act surprised or uncomfortable. Would he be uncomfortable? Maybe he'd be confused, and then things would get awkward...

So, I was able to kiss his head and he murmured something, but I couldn't make it out. It didn't matter if I could, though, because Reese hugged onto me and placed his lips on mine, catching me by surprise.

Fuck, this is a dream, but dream Reese is kissing me. What the fuck, but also thank you cosmos and all things holy.

So yeah, he kissed me. I kiss back just so I don't seem like an asshole in my dream. And then we're just sitting on the couch together, sharing gentle kisses in the dark, wrapped up in the same blanket. Geez, I didn't expect my subconscious to treat me so well, but yaaay...!~

Kiss after kiss after kiss went on, and I felt so, so happy. Not just because I was able to kiss him, but because he was letting me. Dream Reese is letting me because he understands my feelings and accepts them. That's all I really want: for real Reese to know of and understand my feelings for him. If he can be accepting, then I'd feel utterly content. No more would I have to contain my emotions and try to pretend I don't feel them in front of him. No more would I have to restrain the urge to wrap him up and kiss his handsome face whenever he does something cute, or charming, or even sexy. I would be free to just love him. Because I do. I love him.

Sitting with Reese was just peaceful. Nothing but sugary sweet kisses. I loved every second and hated that this was a fuckin' dream. This was good, though. Better than I could have hoped for. Sometimes I would pull away to just imagine his face in the dark, but then he'd eagerly pull me back in and I'd feel overjoyed all over again. Dammit, why can't I get this for real? This is perfect...!

"I love you," I think I heard myself whisper to him. He mumbled an inaudible reply, but I caught him saying my name.

"Ben...wake up," he told me.

I chuckled and said, "Ehhh, I kind of don't want to."

"Wake up."

"Nuh uh," I refused with a cheeky smile.

"Ben..."

"Nooooo, hehe." This was way too fun.

Wake up.

A polished wood desk stared at me as I lifted my head from my arms. A shadow loomed over me while other voices snickered and murmured. I could feel drool on my lips and quickly wiped it away so no one would see (I'm sure someone did).

"Ben," a woman's voice called me. I finally looked up at the shadow to see an older woman. Her gaze was scrutinizing and I felt nervous.

"I...sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean to fall asleep during class."

"Today is the review for tomorrow's exam," she said. "You should be awake for this."

"I know, I know, but..."

"But what?"

Scratching my arm, I said, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

She sighed and said, "Please try to for tomorrow. Unfortunately, I won't be here after school, so I'd advise you to get the review off from one of your classmates."

A boy's voice snickered rudely but I didn't need to hear it to know that no one would help me. They don't like me.

"Y-Yes, ma'am..."

The woman gave a curt nod before turning around to return to the front of the room. "Okay, class, moving on..."

The teacher went on with the review, and I managed to stay awake through the rest of it. Students answered questions, raised their hands, and discussed history. Meanwhile, I sat alone at the back, behind everyone else. It's much more comfortable here. There's no ridiculing gazes on me from anywhere I can't see. This spot makes me feel safe.

Class ended and students left almost immediately at the bell. I stayed behind so I wouldn't get caught in a crowd in the hall. As I packed up my things in my backpack, the teacher came up to me and said, "Ben, I really don't want to tell you again, but get proper sleep. You can't keep doing this."

"I'm sorry," I said, not looking at her.

"Do your parents tell you anything about this? They should know."

I couldn't reply to that. All I could do was give a curt shrug.

She sighed. "You're one of my highest passing students so it pains me to see that you're struggling with something as simple as sleep. Please, do what you must to get proper rest."

"Yes, ma'am..." I murmured, then slung my backpack over my shoulder and left the room.

It was lunchtime now. As soon as I entered the cafeteria, I got in line for a meal tray. A group of girls cut in front of me but I didn't say anything. All I did was stare at the wall next to me, thinking about what my history teacher told me.

Do your parents know anything about this?

No. There is no plural. It's just dad. Mom's gone. Left us. For a life that was much bigger than us, than me. She left me behind. With dad. With dad.

I finally got a meal tray and started heading for my usual, empty table at the back of the giant room. Always at the back where no one has to look at me.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, someone sticks their leg out and I trip on it. Caught off guard, I lose my grip on my tray and drop it. To make matters worse, I accidentally fall against a girl who's getting up from her seat. My hands brush against her chest when I put them out to break my fall. It was only for a second, but she caught this and screamed. She shoved me out of the way and I ended up falling onto the floor anyway. Behind me, I heard the girl exclaim, "Ugh, he touched my boobs! Pervert!"

"N-No," I start, "it was an accident--."

A backpack smacks me in the face as a guy growls, "Out of the way, creep...!"

Without so much as a second thought, I quickly get to my feet and hurry to my table, not caring about my fallen food. I probably wouldn't have eaten it anyway; I haven't had an appetite lately.

When I get to my table, I just sit on the bench, staring down at the tabletop. My shoulders are stiff and my heart's racing. I feel the humiliated flush on my cheeks thinking about what just happened. With nothing better to do, I laid my head down and closed my eyes, trying to forget about my surroundings, trying to escape just for a little bit.

I ended up falling asleep, and it took ten minutes for the custodians to notice me after lunch had ended. By the time I made it to my next class, I was tardy and received a detention slip. Well, at least I got some Zs...

After school, I went to the detention room. It was just another classroom that wasn't being used. Inside was a security guard on duty and a few other kids, all of them the "bad ones". I sat at the back, far away from them all. The chalkboard up front had rules scribbled on it.

•No talking
•No mobile cellphones
•No leaving early
•No restroom or water breaks

Still tired, I put my head down and rested my eyes. Then, randomly, I felt something tap on my head and looked up. No one was sitting around me, so it took me a while to figure out that a piece of paper was thrown at me. I found it on the floor and picked it up. Rolling it out onto my desk, I read what I now knew was a note.

'Heard what happened at lunch. With Christy Wilson.'

My lips pursed, sensing something bad. Looking around again, I saw that a guy was waving his finger at me three desks ahead of me on the adjacent row. At the front, the security guard was just reading a newspaper, oblivious to him and me. When I shifted my attention to the student again, he made a writing motion with his hand. He wants me to respond on the note.

Hesitantly, I took out a pencil from my backpack and wrote on the paper: 'So what?'

Next, I crumpled up the paper again and gently tossed it to the guy ahead. He managed to catch it in the air and turned his back to read. He wrote something on it too and repeated what I did. Unlike him, I wasn't able to catch it and had to pick it up from the floor. Nervous, I peeked over at the guard but he still didn't notice us.

Opening up the note, new handwriting was on it.

'So how'd her tits feel?'

Weirded out, I wrote: 'I don't know. Like tits??' Again, I passed the note over and he did the same after a few seconds.

'Fair point. I'm surprised that she freaked out though, and didn't snog you then and there. Not the first time a random guy touched her tits either. She's such a skank. >:)'

After a dreary day, I actually stifled a laugh. The guard caught it though and briefly shushed me before ruffling his newspaper and continuing his reading. I replied back to the random student: 'Well, I guess.'

He gave his reply again, this time on the back of the little paper.

'Since we're stuck here for another hour, let's get to know each other. Name's Adam.'

I answer him: 'I'm Ben.'

'What are you in here for, Ben?'

'Tardy to class.'

'Lame.'

I frowned, annoyed now, until I looked up at the student named Adam to see a playful smirk on his face. He's just joking, huh.

'What about you? What did you do?'

'Made too much noise in the library.'

Feeling sly, I replied: 'Lamer.'

When he read the note, he turned and had that smirk again, plus a raised eyebrow. I just shrugged and leaned back in my seat.

Back and forth we passed notes to each other, having a casual conversation through writing instead of speech. Not once did the guard take notice of this. Whenever any of the other students looked at us though, Adam would sneer at them and nod them off. They'd always frown and look away. I thought it was strange that they'd turn so willingly. A lot of these kids I know to be the fighting type for just about the smallest reason. What's Adam's deal..?

A timer I hadn't noticed until now went off, signaling the end of detention. The guard smacked the newspaper down on the teacher's desk and grumbled, "All of you get going home."

Some boys were already ahead of him and rushed out of the room. Out of habit, I stayed behind until everyone left, except the guard. When I left, I was ambushed by a figure casually bumping into me. It took me a second to recognize the black hoodie of my note-passer, Adam.

"Before I forget," he said to me, a British/English accent flowing through his words.

A piece of paper poked my hand and I grabbed it from his fingers. And just like that he walked away without a goodbye. His figure sauntered around the corner of the hall, leaving me alone by the lockers.

Once I got my bearings, I opened up the note and all it had written on it was a phone number, plus a message.

'If you don't have a phone or anything, just chat up my MSN, achurchhill33. And if you don't have MSN then you're lamer than I thought. >:)'

After reading it, I could imagine that playful, beguiling smirk on Adam's face. Thankfully, dad doesn't use our bulky computer, and he ended up dumping it in my room instead of throwing it away. 'Don't want it to be a waste of my money' he had said. So I set it up in a little corner of my already small room, standing on an old microwave box. I don't have a phone, so using it would be much more efficient than the home phone in the kitchen. I can't bear to be out of my room for more than a few minutes unless I'm using the bathroom...

Clutching the note, I exited the school and walked home.

When I got home, I dumped my backpack in my room and got a change of clothes to take a bath. I'd prefer showers, but the shower head hasn't been working lately, and dad hasn't fixed it yet (I really wish he would but I can't bring myself to demand that; he does what he wants when he wants).

After a few minutes, the tub was filled and I took off my clothes. I couldn't help but look down at myself, at the bruises on my legs and stomach. They were starting to fade away from last week. It could've been worse, but I'm thankful these splotchy, alien-looking dark patches are going away.

Carefully, I lowered myself into the warm water and I could feel some relief come over me. For a little while, I just sat in the tub, staring ahead at the old subway tiles and at the metal faucet in front of me. My fingers traced over the water, playing with it, creating soft, sparkly ripples. I felt an urge, one that I've gotten into the habit of following ever since I started taking these baths.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and submerged myself fully into the water. Carefully, I opened my eyes and looked up at the now wavy, jiggling ceiling above. My brown hair floated up, swirling and entrancing me. Slowly, I let out a little air from my mouth and watched bubbles escape to the surface. All sound was nonexistent when I submerged myself. I wondered if this was what being in a vacuum in space felt like. But just like a vacuum, all air would run out soon enough. This was what I looked forward to though.

Again, I slowly let out my breath until all of it was gone. Then I waited. I waited and waited, feeling my chest ache, listening to the heartbeat in my ears grow louder and louder. My body was fighting me, but I fought back. I'm in control. No matter how much my lungs burn in protest, I'm in control.

When I started seeing spots in my vision, I finally popped out of the water and inhaled a giant breath. My hair stuck to my face, swirling gracefully no more. My heart pounded in my chest, pumping adrenaline through my veins. I leaned my head against the wall, allowing myself to experience this sensation. This sensation of feeling alive, of feeling human.

I could die if I allowed myself to stay under for long enough. I could have died right now. But I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to. So I'll just enjoy the rush. For now.

Later on, as I was scrubbing shampoo into my hair, I heard the sound of the front door opening. Panic set in and I quickly washed out all the suds before scrambling out of the tub and changing into new clothes. The second I opened the bathroom door, a tall, masculine figure stood outside with a hand raised to knock.

"H-Hi, dad...," I murmured, nearly breathless.

"Care to explain why I got a call from the school, saying you got detention," he growled.

I gulped before answering, "I was tardy to class."

"Why?"

"F-Fell asleep at the cafeteria. The custodians hadn't noticed me until it was too late."

My dad narrowed his piercing blue eyes, huffing irritably. Still sneering, he asked, "Well, where the fuck is dinner?"

Dinner... Dinner! I forgot about dinner!!!

"Um, I'll make it right now--."

"Hurry up," he ordered. "I'm taking a bath. Food better be ready by the time I get out, you hear?"

"Y..Y-Yes, sir...," I replied.

"And stop stuttering," he hissed. "I didn't raise a retard."

"Yes, sir," I answered more clearly.

After dad went into his room, I quickly hurried into the kitchen and gathered up supplies to make dinner. I always make enough for dad to take for lunch, but I never eat any of what I make. I'm never hungry when I know I should be. I think I only ate about four times last week. Miss Goodwin, my choir teacher, tells me to eat more and sometimes brings me food to eat that she makes herself (she's a terrific cook). Maybe I'll try to eat something tomorrow...

I only had a few minutes left until I finished cooking, but dad had come out already. Seeing him walk into the kitchen had my shoulders tensing up, but when I expected him to hit me, he just sat at the table. Taking a quick glance at him, he was only eyeballing me as he leaned against his chair. He's waiting for me. Better hurry up...

Once everything was ready, I gathered food onto a plate and grabbed a drink too. I set it all down in front of my dad and said, "Here you go. Be careful, it's still hot..."

Dad glanced down at his plate, then muttered, "You expect me to eat with my hands?"

With that, I noticed I hadn't grabbed a fork. Nervously, I said, "Right, a fork. I-I'll get you a fork...!"

Hurriedly, I opened the utensil drawer, picked out a fork, then practically slammed it down onto the table. I winced, knowing I looked like an idiot.

"Enjoy your meal, dad," I murmured as he took the fork.

Without another word, I made my way out of the kitchen, happy to be leaving the toxic air around my dad.

Suddenly...

"Ben," he calls ominously.

My teeth chatter for a moment before I turn around. "Yes, dad?"

With no emotion on his face, he grabs his glass of water and spills it on the floor next to him. Setting down the cup, he says, "Oops," and eats his food.

"I'll clean it up," I tell him before rushing to get paper towels. I rip out a few from the roll, then drop down to the floor next to the spill. As I'm cleaning up the water, I feel dad's strong fingers grip onto my hair and force my head up. I yelp out of surprise and let go of the soaked paper towel in my hand. I place a hand on the edge of the table to keep my balance, then cry, "I'm sorry, dad...!"

"Sorry? For what?" he grumbled. Unexpectedly, he let go of my hair and pushed my head up by the chin. Forced to look at him, I said nothing and sat there, fearful.

"For what, Ben?" he repeats. Oh no, I made him repeat himself. Say something, quick--.

A sharp pain shoots up my arm the moment dad drives his fork into the back of my hand. I cry out and reach for the utensil, but he shoves my free hand away and harshly grips onto my face. He leans in close enough for me to feel his hot breath on my skin as he growls, "Next time, don't make me fucking wait for dinner, got that, shithead??"

"Yes, sir," I whimpered.

Then, dad twists the fork in its place and I cry out from the prickling, burning sensation. Dad hissed again, "Speak up!"

"Yessir!!!" I exclaimed.

With that, he yanked the fork out of my skin and shoved me backward onto the floor. "Hurry and clean the water already. I want you out of my sight as fast as possible," he ordered.

My whole body was trembling as I nodded and rushed to clean the spill with the rest of the paper towels I grabbed. Once the floor was dry, I threw the soggy paper into the trash and ran out of the kitchen. The moment I was in the bathroom, I shut the door and opened the cabinets for the first aid kit. While I washed off my bleeding hand in the sink, I unraveled one of the bandage spools. I'm careful to rub healing ointment onto the quadruplet, red dots on my hand before wrapping the whole thing in a bandage. Through the entire process, I was hyperventilating and shaking wildly.

Still rattled, I hurried into my bedroom and shut the door closed. I ended up falling to my knees on the floor, clutching my aching hand against my chest. Before I knew it, tears were falling down my face, but I kept my whimpers quiet, for fear that dad would hear it all the way from the kitchen.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the bulky computer in the corner, next to my door-less closet. Suddenly, Adam's MSN username popped into mind and, like a dog running for scraps, I scrambled over and booted up the computer. After a few minutes of whirring noises and buzzes, the monitor revealed the desktop and a small grin met my lips. I opened up MSN and typed in 'achurchhill33' into the search user bar. When I found what I assumed was the right user, I clicked on it and opened up a chat room. Just as I was about to type something in, I thought about it.

I don't know this Adam guy. I barely saw him today, and we only spoke via note passing. All I know is his name and a vague reason for him being in detention. He's also intimidating to other delinquents, it seemed. What if he's bad? What if I get myself involved in something? What if he ends up being another Chelsea and Greg?

Then again, what do I have to lose in this stupid, pointless life I live? Besides, if he's expecting me to contact him, and I don't, that might piss him off, thus making me a target. I don't like pissing people off. I don't like being a target.

With a huff, I type up a quick message: 'Hey, this is Ben from detention.' Feeling brave, I confidently click the mouse on SEND, and the message shows up in the chat room.

I sat on the floor in front of the computer, waiting. Maybe he's busy. It'd make sense. It's not like I can expect him to be waiting at his computer.

With a sigh, I get up from the floor and lay down across my bed. It wasn't until now that I remembered my hair wasn't fully dried, but it's too late now. In silence, I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, imagining the wavy, jiggly texture it has whenever I'm under water.

I shouldn't hope for anything good. If I've ever hoped, it all goes down in flames. So I try to douse the surface before there's ever a spark. Try to drown out my feelings, but I can never seem to toughen up; I can never seem to go numb when I want to. I wish I was stronger. I wish I didn't screw up so much. I wish I couldn't feel. But I'm undeserving of these things. At the very least I can have something false and temporary, but beyond that I have nothing. I am nothing. The only thing that can ever spark life in my pathetic vessel of a body would be music. Drowning is a substitute. Everything else in life is just the hell that crushes me.

The silence I've come to know so well in this little bedroom was broken by the sound of an lighthearted, electronic jingle.

A message.