[Wuz poppin', jim🅱️o.

FINALLY DONE WITH ALL-REGION AAAAAAND I MADE THE ORCHESTRA! YAY! Maybe yay? It's hard music. Oh weLL. Gonna try out for All-Region Mariachi too so I'll see how that gOES.

Also, I made a Twitter and an Amino account! Hmu @yoitseternal if you want some lame, edgy tweets, and idk about the Amino, but I'm there, soooooo...recommend me Aminos???]

Stay Creepy, My Friends!~

Chapter 41

Elizabeth's POV

It seemed like the house hadn't been well kept. The lawn was overgrown and the trees in the yard practically rendered sunlight unable to pass through their leaves. The area was quiet due to the house being isolated some miles away from the town nearby, hidden in the middle of an expansive, Midwest woods. It was the perfect hideout—to counter against humans, that is. Thanks to the Zazel and Sudryl, I can finally meet the illusive Dr. Matuskochi. Not so illusive anymore now.

Caedis and I treaded lightly on the cobblestone path to get to the front door. An iron, lion-headed door knocker stared me in the face and I simply grabbed the handle and knocked it three times. For a minute or two, it seemed I wouldn't be answered, and I thought about breaking in. I shouldn't have expected for someone to come to the door casually, especially if this is a hideaway shelter.

Just as I was about to command Caedis to survey the perimeter, the locks on the door clicked and it began to open. I furrowed my brow, expecting to see Dr. Matsukochi or some other subordinate, but my hard expression quickly fell. The dominant demeanor I worked up was instantly shot down at the sight of an old friend.

"Ian...?" I murmured.

The brunet man, now donning glasses and some stubble on his face, stared wide eyed at me, frozen in place. It was a good minute or two that he spent just staring at me while I watched the emotion in his eyes shift wildly. From surprise to disbelief, from confusion to wonder, back and forth, until he finally opened his mouth and said quietly, "Ellie...?"

Gulping, I took a step towards him and he flinched, as if I was a ghost he was unsure of being near. To prove to him I wasn't a ghost, I pressed my hand against his face, feeling the stubble on his cheek, and examined his features. He stared back and twitched to grab me but was still hesitant.

"You look...so different," I said. "Mature. Older. Tired."

"You too," he replied. "And...what happened to your eye?"

I had forgotten I had worn my eyepatch for this meeting. Carefully, I pulled my hand away and answered, "It's a long story. Why...Why are you here?"

His eyes lit up for a moment and he said, "Uh, I...I live here."

Taking a glance at the haggard yard behind me, I muttered, "Do you now?"

"Y-Yeah." He pulled a coy smile, but I sensed it was forced somehow. He's hiding something.

Just when he was going to speak, his eyes landed on Caedis and his face went paler than it already was. Very subtlety, his right leg twitched back, as if he wanted to run away but realized he shouldn't. I narrowed my eyes and asked, "Ian, is something wrong?"

"Uh...n-no, it's just...your friend there looks...interesting..."

Ian's expression was peculiar, as if he's already seen my white-haired solder. I turned to Caedis and brought him forward to my side. "Ian, meet Caedis. Just a heads-up, he can't talk."

"Oh, he can't? I see..."

"Are you okay?"

Again, he pulled that coy smile and replied, "Well, it's not everyday I see an old friend who I thought I lost. I mean...it's been so long, and suddenly you're here...! It's not what I expected after all this time."

I managed a smile too. "I guess not. May I...come in?"

Ian pulled the door to him a little and said, "Oh, my house isn't very tidy right now."

"I don't mind."

"But I do," he chuckled. "W-Why don't we go somewhere else? I know this great coffee shop in town. I'll go get ready."

Quickly, he tried to close the door but I stopped it with my hand. He was taken aback with my speed and strength against the door. Once I finally got it all the way open, I asked, "Ian, where is Dr. Matsukochi? I know he's here."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he stammered, now backing away from me.

I walked inside with Caedis following behind and inquired, "Why are you paranoid? I won't hurt you."

"It's not you I'm paranoid over."

Glancing at Caedis, I suggested, "I could leave him outside if you'd like."

"N-Not him either..."

"Then who?"

"Listen, let's just get that coffee yeah? Catch up? It's been three years! C'mon, Ellie! Please?"

Now we were 10 feet from the door, left wide open. Standing in the middle of the hall, I could hear the soft creaks and groans of the house...along with the soft murmurings of two other people down the hall.

"I'm going to have to postpone that coffee," I said and lunged past Ian to get to a door at the very end. The brunet exclaimed for me to stop but I didn't listen. Without hesitation, I opened the door and stormed inside.

I had entered a study, with the walls to my left and right lined with bookshelves. At the very far back was a big window covered with curtains, and in front of that was a large desk. Standing by the desk was a blonde man in glasses, looked to be in his forties. Sitting behind the desk was another man, Asian, looked just as old. They stared at me with surprise and I returned their gazes with a scowl.

The blonde man hollered, "Ian, who is this? You know you can't let anyone in—."

I snapped my fingers and Caedis was on the move. He sprinted up and grabbed the man by his neck, then shoved him up against the bookshelf with a dagger at his stomach. He choked and gagged, and struggled briefly until he figured it was of no use. The man's glasses were tilted on his nose, so close to falling off.

As for the other behind the desk, I quickly leaped onto it and yanked on his shirt collar when he tried to back away. My nails elongated into sharp claws, presse against his throat, right at the Adam's apple. I felt it move as he swallowed hard.

"Who the hell are you...?" the blonde man groaned, and Caedis tightened his grip on his neck.

Ignoring the other man's question, I greeted Dr. Matsukochi, "Hello, Doctor. I don't think we've ever had the pleasure of meeting properly. Do you recognize me?"

The doctor just stared at me with dark eyes, wide with fear.

The other man spoke up again despite Caedis' grip and said, "He speaks Japanese. Whatever you ask of him...you will not understand his response. I...am his interpreter."

Glaring at him, I asked, "And who are you?"

"I am...Dr. Stephens...," he replied.

With a sigh, I ordered Caedis to let Dr. Stephens go and the mute soldier listened. The second doctor was set down and he gasped for breath. Caedis still grabbed the back of his neck and held the dagger in front, ready to slit the man's throat if needed.

"If you so much as attempt to run or call for help, Caedis will deal with you accordingly," I stated. Stephens did not say a word.

Turning my attention to Dr. Matsukochi, I asked, "Again, do you recognize me?"

He simply shook his head. I cocked an eyebrow and muttered, "I thought he couldn't understand me."

"He speaks Japanese but understands English just fine," Stephens elborated. "The Doctor never had enough time to properly learn to speak our language."

"Alright then. Do you recognize me now?" I proceeded to take off my eyepatch and the Asian man stared in wonder at my golden eye. Still, he shook his head for no.

"Hmmph. Then maybe this will look familiar," I muttered and pulled up the sleeve of my jacket to reveal one of the mouths. That must've jogged something in his mind. He gaped at it with recognition and more fear. I grinned.

"That's a bingo. These belonged to my father, who I'm sure you remember. You worked with him after all. Which reminds me, how could you ever work with such an unreasonable man—or demon, more like?"

The doctor gulped and said quietly, "Kare wa watashi ni SCP no kenkyū no han'i o hirogeru koto o yakusoku shimashita..."

"He promised me more reach in our research for SCP," Stephens translated. While Dr. Matsukochi spoke, he continued, "But I didn't know he wasn't human at first. I realized he would do more harm than good. When I tried to back out of the deal, he would not let me. He took the reigns and we were powerless over his control."

I stifled a dry, cold chuckle. "How stupid of you to even believe he would aid you. You should never make a deal with a demon, and I know that better than anyone. Whatever struggle you endured, you brought it upon yourself, but it is nothing compared to what you put others through."

Angrily, I yanked Dr. Matsukochi towards me and slammed him on top of the desk, where I pinned him down and grasped my hands against his neck. As he grit his teeth and looked up at me, I growled, "Because of you, I've been separated from the only family I had left! For three years I've been left wandering, trying to find a place where I belong, and when I finally have a home, you and my father took it away from me! He took my first family once: my real parents...my friends..." At this, I looked up at the door where Ian stood, motionless, staring at me with pain in his eyes. I could tell he was fighting whether to be scared of me or not. I forced myself to ignore his presence and continued on.

"And after that, Zalgo took the only family I have left from me, and all with your help too! All of the misery and pain you put them through is something you will never be able to comprehend until you can endure it! H-He tortured me...tortured my fiancé...mutilated him! Left him to wallow in his filth! All because of you and your godforsaken SCP foundation! All because of your greed and ignorance! Zalgo took everything from me... You took everything from me! Everyone I once loved are now far from my grasp. I cannot go back to them. I'm a monster now! I'm ruined! You and my fucking father ruined me! And I'm not the only one affected.

"Your daughter, Ao Matsukochi, now resides with the ones you captured a year ago from that mansion in the woods, the family I used to have. She is a soon-to-be-god set on defeating all evil, and that includes me. If I intend to complete what I am set out to do, I'm going to need your assistance, and if you can't provide anything to me then you will be a decent sacrifice to the mouths...!"

To make an example of what I meant, I lifted one arm up and showed him a mouth, now burning bright red and wriggling on my skin. It snapped and cackled as I brought it closer and closer to the doctor's head. Its vibrant glow illuminated his skin, reflecting back to me in his black eyes. With a pale face and eyes glistening with panicked tears, Dr. Matsukochi croaked, "Dō shiro tte iu ndesu ka...?"

"What do you want from me?" Stephens interpreted, voice shaky at the sight of my arm.

"Something, anything that'll aid me in my goal," I said, and put my arm down. "Whether that be your brains, your labor, or something else. I will get something from you, even if that's your death. You'd deserve it..."

Dr. Matsukochi glanced at his partner, Dr. Stephens, and there was an unspoken exchange between them. The blonde man in Caedis' watch spoke up, "There is something that may be of use to you."

"And what is that?"

"Something we were able to recover from Site 16, before it was compromised. It's...a specimen."

"You have it?"

He nodded. "In the basement, yes. We have tried to study it, but our methods are limited since we are not in a lab. Perhaps you can find use in it."

"Show me to this specimen. Caedis, follow Dr. Stephens. Keep your guard up."

The white haired man nodded curtly and walked right behind Stephens, still keeping his dagger pressed against his neck. They walked past Ian at the door and disappeared into the hall. The brunet watched them leave for a moment before looking back at me. I remained on the desk, holding Dr. Matsukochi down like he was some dog. There was silence at first since neither of us wanted to speak up. What could I say to him? What could he say to me? After three years, he finally sees me again and here I am threatening a man's life. If he's afraid of me, he has every right to be, but deep down I wished he wasn't.

I finally mustered up the courage and asked, "Why are you here?"

Ian hesitantly answered, "I...I was an intern for Dr. Stephens, to work under him at TIRACorp. Then I became his assistant regarding SCP."

My heart dropped a little. "You worked at SCP...?"

He quickly explained and stuttered, "I-I did but, I-I was low ranking...! I never knew w-what really went on, but...I had an idea. Still, my access was limited, and yet I couldn't leave them. They wouldn't allow me to. I knew too much, ironically."

"Now you're here, still carrying that burden," I muttered, tightening my grip on Dr. Matsukochi's neck a little more.

I bit my lip before asking him a question that hurt me inside. "How are Addie and Johanna?"

Ian's face lit up from the dour expression he was holding just seconds before. "Oh, they're doing great! Addie is a makeup artist, and is still pretty wild. Johanna rooms with her in a cool apartment. Also, she and I are engaged."

Ian bashfully help up his left hand, his ring finger bearing a wedding band I hadn't noticed before. I was stunned. Ian and Johanna? Last I saw them, they were barely a couple.

"That's...amazing...," I awed, smiling happily.

"Yup. Engaged for a little over a year now. We're still working out a marriage date. It's kinda hard with...ya know..."

I knew what he meant. SCP's hold on him must be strong.

Looking down at my hand with the diamond ring and wedding band, my smile dwindled and I sighed. "Well, I hope you two do get married one of these days. I'm sure you'd be happy together..."

"Me too," he said with a light chuckle. I couldn't return the same. My heart wasn't in it now that my head was overrun with thoughts of Jeff. I wonder how he's doing right now...

"Can you excuse me? I need some time alone," I told Ian.

"With Dr. Matsukochi?"

"...Yes. With the doctor. I need to speak with him privately."

Ian nodded slowly and closed the door. My mood became bitter as soon as he was gone.

Swiftly, I leaped off of the doctor, yanked him up from the desk, then shoved him against the wall. I held my grip firm on his neck once again and snarled in his shock stricken face. "Hopefully you'll understand all that I have to say to you, because it's a handful. I want you to listen closely, and listen well.

"You are partly to blame for this shit storm we're a part of. I cannot go back to being Elizabeth Umber, to being a friend, to being a protector, to being the Proxy, to being a part of a family. My father has taken a lot from me, but at least he took confidence in it. You, on the other hand, are utterly despicable! Hiding away here in this rutty house, away from the world, away from the mess you created for your own gain. Your intelligence may be great but your bravery is not. You are a coward.

"But I will spare you the pain you deserve if you can be useful to me. So far, you are, but we'll see about that. To be honest, all I care about and hope for is getting my fiancé back. That's all I want—all I need, and I intend to succeed. If you get in the way of that, I will strike you down! You're the least of my concerns, though. I'm not the only one you should be afraid of, you know."

Leaning in closer, I hissed, "Your daughter, Ao Matsukochi, surely wishes to seek revenge on you. Thanks to your actions, the ones she loves as well were tortured and scarred. The life she used to have has been taken from her, ripped away by Zalgo too, and you didn't help one bit. She's been pushed so far as to make enemies with someone she used to consider a friend, and I don't blame her. If she wishes to make me an enemy then so be it. But, she will try to thwart my plans in the name of good and I cannot have that! Her strength and resolve has grown ever since that night your men and Zalgo took us away to Site 16. I suppose that's one positive thing that has spurred from your crimes. Yet it is also what could be your undoing.

"Knowing her, she will want to capture you, and enact a justice not so respectful to the man she used to consider her father. After all, she became a test subject to your experiments. How did it feel knowing you imprisoned your own child, tortured her, prodded her like a rat, and lied right to her face about it all? How did it feel to take her friends away, lock her up, and betray her? Oh, you must've cared about her soooo much! Imagine how she felt. She will take that malice, and hatred, and spite to make your life a living hell. Be grateful I am at least giving you a chance to use your skills, whereas she would show no mercy.

"As I said, my main concern is getting my fiancé back and keeping him safe," I muttered. "If it comes down to it, and I have to defeat Ao, then I will, and I will make sure you are there to watch as I annihilate her. Slowly, painfully, so that you know that this is what you did... I hope you got all that. Now c'mon...!"

Carelessly, I pulled him away from the wall and threw him against the desk. He hunched over it, grabbing his neck and coughing. The man was trembling slightly but I could care less about his state.

Suddenly, he spoke up and murmured in accented English, "I wanted...to protect her. That is why...I worked for SCP. To get rid of the monsters that would hurt her. To...To keep her safe."

I glared at his lowered head. "And you failed miserably."

He clenched his fists on the table and replied, "I know..."

Casually, I sauntered up next to him and clapped his shoulder. "Hey, look on the bright side. At least you didn't mutilate her true love, leave him for dead, mentally scar her, and render her a complete monster, right? You're still a fucking horrible father though. Now quit sulking and let's move."

With him walking in front, we left the study and finally met up with Stephens, Ian and Caedis in a hallway perpendicular from the one we were in. Ian looked a little relieved, as if he had expected Dr. Matsukochi to come out beaten bloody (I wish I could but I don't feel like wasting time). Stephens stood by a door at the very end of the corridor, holding a key to it in his hand. Upon my order, he opened it and led the way downstairs with Caedis still on him with the dagger. Ian waved his hand forward and I nodded my thanks to him as Dr. Matsukochi and I passed him.

We descended a set of creaky wooden stairs to another door, which Stephens also unlocked. Once he was in, he turned on a light switch next to him and made way for me. I walked down a few more steps until reaching a concrete floor. Before me was a wide, spacious basement, with furniture covered in white sheets aligned against the walls, to make room for whatever the doctors kept down here.

"Where is it?" I asked, surveying the area.

"He's in here," Stephens assured me.

I furrowed my brow. "He?"

And then I saw it—him. In the far corner on the left, tucked away in the shadow where the lights couldn't reach. A male figure stood still, watching me, with red eyes that felt familiar. When he took a step forward to the nearest light, he still looked covered in shadow. Strangely enough, his skin and clothes shifted from pale to midnight black, which explained his shadowy appearance despite the light.

"What...What is he?" I questioned, gazing in wonder.

Stephens answered, "We are not entirely sure. He was left over from one of our other experiments. Like I said, we don't have the proper tools and methods to study him and come to a conclusion. All we can do is observe him and communicate with him, which he does just fine. His voice has a certain trancing effect, as we've gathered, and if you leave your mind vulnerable he can...toy with it. Like his counterpart."

Curious, I walked closer to take a better look at the specimen. He didn't flinch at the slightest and merely watched me. As his skin, clothes, and hair shifted from black to lighter colors, his red eyes remained the same. Now that I had a better look at him, I could see why they were familiar, why all of him was familiar. "Oh my god...," I whispered at the realization.

And then ideas began to form in my mind, and my excitement began to build up. I couldn't hold back the smirk on my lips. The mouths were singing in anticipation for what was to come.

"It seems you were useful to me after all," I said. Turning towards the doctors, I commanded, "Get your specimen ready. He's coming with me."

Stephens was taken aback. "But—."

"And so are you two," I stated. "Don't be too alarmed. There's no way I would've left you here to begin with. You'll be just fine where you're going."

"Which is??" Stephens questioned nervously.

"You'll see," I hissed and grinned.

Just behind them, standing next to Ian at the door, was Zalgo, watching us, watching me. He grinned a malicious, amused grin, one that I've come to know too well. One that I believe I'm inheriting.

Zalgo was right. This will be interesting.

...

While Caedis kept watch of the doctors and their specimen inside the house, I took Ian outside to have a talk.

"What are you going to do with them?" he asked worriedly.

With my hands in my pockets, I said, "They'll be fine as long as they don't do anything stupid."

Somewhere among the jungle that was the yard was a concrete bench which we sat on together. Ian's posture was stiff even though his eyes radiated exhaustion. He's so strung out and he's trying his best to hide it. I've never seen him this way when we were friends. Am I still his friend?

"Ellie," he started, "what happened to you? Where did you go?"

"It's...a long story."

"I don't mind long stories."

I gave him a soft smile and thought about how to summarize three confusing, eventful, emotional, agonizing years to him in a way that would make sense and would also not make me cry. Somehow, I managed to do so, and by the end of it his expression was stricken with disbelief, horror, sadness, and helplessness all in one.

"How come you never came back?" he asked. "We wouldn't have judged."

"It's not about that. It's about protecting you," I corrected. "You, Addie and Johanna are the only people left from the old life I had. I couldn't risk losing you to the things that lurked in the shadows. You three had already seen enough three years ago, when our hometown was invaded by Zalgo's creatures."

"Addie and Johanna have already forgotten about that, or at least their memories of that time have become distorted," Ian said. "They think a huge storm destroyed everything, just like everyone else in the country did."

"Their minds aren't strong enough to hold onto what they really saw...," I murmured.

"Only I remember, but that's because I've been fucked up to begin with," the brunet japed.

"Is that why you worked with SCP?"

"Partially, yeah."

"How bad is it that you can't leave them?" I inquired.

Ian adjusted his glasses and pursed his lips nervously. In a whisper, he replied, "They might take Johanna from me, Ellie... They might take everything from me if I leave... I can't do that to her. I can't..."

He gazed down at his wedding band, and I instinctively touched the rings on my left hand. Then I covered them and went on, "You have to."

The look he gave me was as if I had smacked him. "Didn't you just hear me? I can't leave."

"Ian, all of this crap is taking a toll on you. Look at you! One of these days you'll be too far gone to ever have that wedding you dream of, do you understand?"

"Ellie, I..."

"I know it's hard and you love Johanna, but you should look out for yourself for her sake too," I advised. "You have to leave, and if it comes down to it...I'll help."

"How?"

"By doing what I do best," I answered.

"That is?"

I lowered my gaze. "Violent things."

Ian sighed and shook his head. "No, Ellie, that might provoke them even more."

"Then I'll negotiate. I have their best scientists and a worthy specimen. They'll have to make a deal. If not, then...I'll do what Zalgo did and take over. If it means they can let you go first, I'll do what I must. I don't want you living like this anymore. You deserve better."

"And what about you? I mean, you've been on the run for three years, you're basically a criminal, you've sacrificed so much. Don't you deserve better too?"

I clenched my hands against my knees and said, "It's not that easy, Ian."

"Leaving SCP isn't either."

"At least you have someone to go home to," I responded, practically growling. "At least you're just human, left without the burden of something cosmic on your shoulders. At least you're not fighting an evil that's inside you. At least you have a chance at marrying the one you love. Ian, you have a better future than I do, and I want you to pursue that! So don't argue that I deserve better, because I'm far from it. You still have a chance. Fuckin' take it.."

His grey eyes stared into mine, sheen with emotions running wild. Slowly, he turned his head away and gazed off at the overgrown yard ahead of us. At the corner of the plot was a concrete fountain, worn, moss-covered, and cracked. An angel stood on top as the decorative piece, its face eroded with time and wings long broken off. It would look eerie if it hadn't felt relatable.

All of a sudden, Ian hunched over, head in his hands, his body racked with sobs. For a few moments, I listened to him cry, murmuring to himself (or maybe to me), "Why did things have to be this way? Why?" over and over again. The silence from the woods around this old house added more to his melancholic sounds. It echoed in my ears, reminding me of the guilt I hid deep down inside yet deserve to feel every bit of it. After just listening and watching, I finally placed a hand on his head and stroked his tussled, brown hair.

"I'm so tired, Ellie," he whimpered. "I just want to live normally. I just want to be left alone. I just want to go on being ignorant like everyone else. They're all so happy, and I'm suffering. I barely sleep, barely eat. Johanna doesn't know. I can't let her know. I'm so tired. I'm so tired...!"

Gently, I rested my head on his shoulder and murmured, "Me too..."

Why did things have to be this way? Why him? Why Johanna and Addie? Why everyone I used to know? Why my parents? Why everyone at the mansion? Why?

Eventually, Ian's sobs quieted down to mere sniffles (maybe he was too tired to even keep crying). The both of us sat in silence for a few minutes, letting everything sink in.

"I'll try to leave," he mumbled.

I nodded and squeezed his shoulder. "Good."

More silence. More staring at the broken angel atop a withering pedestal; its wings torn away and unable to allow it flight to freedom, its face ruined far beyond recognition, making it an obscene, foreign creature that was once a symbol for purity and peace. More silence.

"Ellie," Ian began quietly, "what are you?"

Shifting my gaze to him, I murmured, "What do you mean?"

He refused to look at me but there was still pain in his grey eyes. "What are you, Ellie? What have you become?"

"I...I don't know... What do you think I am?"

Ian turned his head to me and said, "Lost."

Lightly, I chuckled.

"What do you think you are?" he asked me.

That question seemed simple enough to answer, yet I didn't want to admit it to myself. Despite all I've done, I didn't want to admit to myself that I'm a...

"Monster," I confessed. "A monster."

The brunet nodded slowly, acknowledging my pessimistic answer. Then he asked, "What do you want to be?"

Another question that seemed simple enough to answer, and I held no hesitance in saying it out loud. "Happy."

"So why can't you be?"

That was a question that I wasn't too sure I had the answer to. Not because there was nothing in my way to be happy. It was because there was everything in my way and I can't pick one thing.

"I don't know," I simply responded.

"Can you know someday? Can you try to find the true answer someday?"

I nodded. "Someday."

Deep down, I didn't mean it, because I wasn't sure what he meant. What true answer could he mean? To what would it go to? Does he mean my happiness, or something more?

"Don't lose yourself to power, Ellie," he warned. "Regardless if you mean to or not, you can't."

"I'll try," I lied. At this point, that advice has come all too late.

Far ahead, sitting at the edge of the decaying fountain, was Zalgo. He sat patiently, admiring the scenery, sitting as if he was on his throne. He leaned back to look up at the broken angel above him and scratched a nail against the side of its faceless head. It was almost like I could feel his nail scraping against my head. When his eyes shot towards me and he grinned, I wasn't sure how to feel this time. We didn't share a smile.

It is far too late, Ian. Far too late.

...

Reese's POV

"This isn't expensive for you, mamá?" I asked.

"Of course not," she assured me.

"Why can't I just wear my old baby-blue tux?"

"The one I got you for sophomore year? When you were flaquito?"

I shot her a look. "Mom, I wasn't flaquito. I just didn't have a lot of muscle then."

"Either way, it'll probably be too tight on you now," she said. "I'm buying you a new suit."

As my mother went ahead to look at all the different tuxedos in the shop, I lagged behind near the front and observed. The moment I even mentioned prom to her, she practically yanked me to her car so we could shop for a new suit for me. I told her I didn't think it'd be necessary but she argued otherwise. I just hoped she wouldn't get me a bow tie again.

"What about this kind, Reese?" she inquired, holding up a black blazer.

"Mamá, they're all pretty much just black. It wouldn't matter what kind we get."

"Well, it matters to me," she remarked. "You need a woman's intuition on these things until you can come to rely on your own...!"

"Whatever you say, mother," I murmured. Looking at the blazer in her hands again, I reluctantly added, "...It looks too shiny."

She chuckled and shot me a wink. "Thatta boy. You're getting there."

I smiled and started paying more attention to all the suits the shop had to offer. From ties to blazers, button shirts to cummerbunds (haha), to shoes and even socks. There was a lot to see but all I wanted was just the general tuxedo pieces. Additional things can come after.

Now that Mom mentioned having intuition about these things, I couldn't help but notice little details. Some suits had prominent pinstriped patterns, some suits looked softer, some suits were a different shade of black from others. Dear god this became harder than it should've been.

I grew tired of looking at all of the black pieces and wandered around the shop to find something different. In a corner to the right was a section of variety picks. It was almost funny seeing silly patterns, like comic sfx words, dogs, hearts, skulls, even emoji (bleach my eyes, please). There's no way I'd pick something from here, but it was fun to look at the creative designs. And then, lo and behold, despite refusing to choose a suit from the silly variety section, one of them piqued my interest.

Along with the other crazy patterns, there were colored suits, ranging from red, yellow, blue, and more. A set of dark green blazers with black lapels and green vests hung at the very end of a rack. They were complimented with folded black buttoned-shirts that sat underneath it on shelves, as well as black trousers hanging next to them, and green ties. I stepped close and pressed my fingers against the fabric. It felt cozy enough. The color was pretty cool too. It was highlighted wherever the light shined.

"There you are," Mom spoke up and startled me. "What do you think of these?"

She presented two different blazers to me but my mind wasn't set on them. After pretending to muddle over her picks, I said, "I don't like either."

"Really? I thought you would."

Tentatively, I grabbed the green blazer again and Mom scrutinized it. "That one?" she murmured.

"I think the color is nice."

"Well, yeah..."

"And it'll stand out. I won't just be another dude in black, you get me?"

She spent a few moments checking out the other pieces that went with the blazer with that intent gleam in her chocolate brown eyes. Then, she gave me a smile and said, "If it's what you want, mijo."

I felt myself smile wider than I meant to and thanked her.

"But first," she started excitedly, "you have to try the set on, see how it looks!"

That wasn't a problem for me. Mom helped me gather the full set and I carried everything to a fitting room. For a while, I stood around in the changing room, stumped at how to put the suit on. It's been a while since I've worn one. Finally, I was able to get everything together and checked how I looked. The tuxedo fit just fine and was flexible enough for me to be comfortable too. Better yet, the color didn't look too bad on me. I was glad.

Ben likes the color green, right? I bet he'd like the suit. I started getting giddy just thinking about sharing a picture of how it looks.

Just as I was about to grab my phone, I changed my mind. It should be a surprise for him. I'm sure he'd feel happy knowing I picked his favorite color for my tuxedo which I'll be wearing for my first and, ironically, last prom. I wonder what he's gonna wear. Maybe he has the same thing in mind and he's keeping it a surprise too.

For a couple of seconds, I stood in front of the mirror, gazing at the tuxedo. Man, how should I do this? How am I gonna carry myself?

The next few minutes were cringefest galore.

I ruffled my hair so that it became a bit tussled and pointed a finger gun at the mirror. I pulled my best smile and said cooly, "Hey."

No, too douchey.

Next, I fixed up my hair, put my hands out like I was a little surprised, and chimed, "Oh, hey!"

No, too weird.

Next, I messed with my hair again, put my hands in my pockets, then lowered my head. Trying to hone in on the 'Hunter' in me, I whipped my head up—hair flipped over, eyes narrowed, smile sly—and said as sultrily as I could, "Hey.." And I winked.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

With a groan, I threw myself onto the bench, beside my other clothes. This feels weird. Trying to impress Ben feels weird, yet I wanna be impressive. But then again, maybe my overthinking and pretending to be cooler than I am (I'm not) might drive him away. Or maybe my self-awareness to my overthinking might make me shy away, thus he'll feel unwelcome whenever we get together. And maybe the self-awareness to my self-awareness to my overthinking will make me so anxious that I act desperate in front of him and fuck the whole thing up.

Dammit, this entire dilemma is just me overthinking and being a dumbass!

You can't overthink, Reese. The best things you do is when you're not thinking! Wait.

Too flustered to continue running through these thoughts, I grabbed my phone and leaned forward on my knees. I took my own advice and didn't allow myself to think, and yet I was surprised to find that I instinctively went to look at pictures of Ben.

While he's been away, he sometimes sends me pictures to "look at when I'm feeling lonely without his awesomeness around" (his words, not mine). He can't do it often, but when he does, my heart does a thing and I feel happy. One of his recent pictures was of him in bed, on his side, looking tuckered out yet he still put on a smile for me. It was one of the cutest smiles I've ever seen. The rest are all of the other smiles he does.

For a while, I just sat there, staring at Ben's picture, wishing him well wherever he is, hoping he'll make it for prom. Then again, if he can't make it, he said he'd do something better for me. Knowing him, that 'something better' is either going to be silly, crazy, amazing, or illegal. I'll take whichever.

Ugh, I miss him.

Outside of my changing room, Mom called, "Reese, mijito, are you having trouble with the suit?"

Thank god I didn't; she would've busted in here and helped me out. "No, mamá."

"Well then, what are you waiting around for? Come out and show me how you look!"

I set my phone down on the bench and stepped out of the changing room to meet Mom by the entrance. As I was walking up, she beamed at me and chirped, "Ooooo, que bonito! You look so handsome."

She started adjusting the cuffs to see how long it was, messed with the waistline of the trousers, and fixed the buttoned-shirt and tie before stepping back and commenting, "It fits so well."

"Yeah, and it's not too stuffy."

"That's great! Do you like it?"

I nodded eagerly.

She smiled and cupped my face in her hands. "Aye, look at you. You're glowing."

"Mooom," I grumbled but the bashful smirk on my face remained.

After examining my face with a loving light in her eyes, she said, "It seems like only yesterday you were my little boy. Now look at you, handsome and strong. In just a few months, you'll graduate high school. You'll be an adult."

"Ugh, don't remind me," I jested, and she gave me a playful smack on the shoulder.

"Just because you'll be recognized as an adult, that doesn't mean you weren't always my brave man," she gushed. And of course, she had to pull the 'mom' move, which was pinching my cheeks and cooing at me, "My little, handsome man. Mi fuerte, maravilloso, dulce hombrecito!"

"Mom, stooooop," I groaned.

After enduring her baby-talk, she laughed and let me go. "Alright, go on and change into your other clothes so we can buy the tux."

I did as she said and I was out of the changing room within a couple of minutes. Mom and I got to the front to pay for the tux, which I was nervous about since it must've cost a lot. Surprisingly, it was lower priced compared to the others since it was from the variety section (I'd think the green color would add more expense to it). Nonetheless, Mom paid for it graciously and I walked out of the shop with a brand new suit.

While on the drive home, I got a text message from Ben. It was another picture. This time of him sitting at a desk, head in his hand, giving the camera an irritable expression due to the frilly and pink bows and clips in his hair. Under the picture, he put: I lost a game of Uno.

I chuckled and hid my smile under my hand. Mom was too busy complaining about a car that cut her off a minute ago. "Pendejo mierda!," and so on and so on.

I spent another minute admiring the picture before texting him back:

-Cute.

Few moments later he responded.

-noOo
-STOP
-I look bAAaAad

-You look just fine. Pink suits you :P

-i DOnnT liKae IT

-I like it.

-...
-MMAYbE I LIKe IT

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. He's such a dork.

Feeling playful, I replied: Hey, I've got a surprise for you.

-You do?? What??? ( ' ▽ ' )

-You have to wait until you meet me at prom.

-Why are you like this? (￣▽￣)

- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
-Can't come?

-nO I'LL MAKE IT

-Dork.

-But I'm your dork, right?? ('∀｀)

-Yes, you're my dork. My best boy. Idk how life would be without you.

I expected him to say something gushy back, but I ended up getting a very enthusiastic:

-yeEE

Either way, it was more than enough. He's always more than enough. I honestly really don't know how my life would be without him. I probably would've stayed a loner, would've continued enduring my relapses with no remedy or safe haven, would've stuck to my video games and spent my free time at home. I would have never gone to New York City just to go, would have never gone out long boarding with anyone, would have never considered prom, would have never tried new things, would have never had a reason to broaden my horizons. I've done so much in so little time, in all four years in high school, and I don't regret anything for a second. Being with him is an adventure in and of itself. And I want more of that thrill, that wonder, that satisfaction. I want everything that this messed up world has to offer as long as Ben is around to make it brighter. I want that good life. I want it with him.

He gave me his lifeline—his very life, in the form of a worn N64 cartridge, right into my hands, without reason. I'd like to think maybe it was meant to happen, that he was supposed to end up with me either way. I've never believed in fate because where had it ever gotten me in the past? Born to a fucked up dad, struggling for most of my childhood, left with the mental and physical scars from a horrid life now far gone yet it isn't that far. Seeing Mom take matters into her own hands, and growing up seeing Hunter work harder than other kids, and learning to do the same and fend for myself, fate became irrelevant to me. I made my own future and that was that.

But now that I have Ben and know that other, supernatural things exist beyond what I've always known...maybe meeting him wasn't such a coincidence after all.

He gave me his lifeline, the thing that keeps him tied to this world, the very source of his existence. I would gladly give back the same for him, to him, and with him. My happiness, my sadness, my everything—I'd share it all with him in a heartbeat. No one has ever made me feel like this before, and I'm glad it's him.

Deep down...I think it's always been him.

Ugh... I miss him...