[EEEEYYYY

I don't have anything clever for this one.

It's a long boy??

Hope that's cool. Have a great day.

Enjoy! (*'∀｀*) ]

Stay Creepy, My Friends!

Chapter 44

Jeff's POV

My sleep wasn't good last night.

Even though it was only brief flashes, memories of my time in SCP came through and sent my heart racing out of panic. Red eyes, rough hands, that cruel smile, that maniacal, deafening laughter of a being who knew no bounds, who would never know what true pain is, like what he inflicted upon me. Or maybe getting beaten and cut into like an experiment wasn't the true pain I've faced. No, Zalgo could be beaten and mutilated thousands of times, but he'd brush it off as nothing. Get into his head and fuck him up just the right way—make him feel weak, worthless, stupid, hopeless; make him believe he's undeserving of love or belief from others; have him question his sanity and existence for the sole-purpose of making him want to destroy those things himself—maybe then he would know what pain really is.

When I woke up, the only thing I could hear was my furiously beating heart in my ears. I couldn't breathe for 3 seconds, but those 3 seconds felt like minutes. I gulped in air once my throat opened up, and focused my mind on breathing steadily. After a minute or two, my body had calmed down and the goosebumps on my skin had vanished. Back then, instead of taking the time to breathe, I would've started screaming instead, screaming to make Him go away, to make the pain disappear, but both never seemed to.

For the first time, I could finally tell that I was making progress with my anxiety and panic. I always remember Ms. P telling me whenever she'd come in that there's no one here to hurt me; I'm by myself. With her words in mind, I took a look around my room and sure enough I was alone (obviously I'd have to be). I was actually relieved. No one here to hurt me or for me to hurt. I'm alone.

And normally, way back before I was ever brought to that god forsaken SCP facility, I would've just gone back to sleep after some sort of nightmare. There's no way I can now. Besides, the sun is up and it feels bright even through my curtains.

I got up and changed out of my pajamas (just sweatpants, really). I wasn't sure what I was going to do today, but I didn't want to stay huddled in here.

As soon as I had socks on, there was a knock on my door. "Jeff?" Ms. P's voice came through, then another two knocks afterward. I walked over and opened the door to see her and Sally. Ms. P smiled kindly and greeted, "Good morning—or should I say afternoon."

"I'm working on my sleep schedule. Slowly. Very..slowly," I replied.

She chuckled and wafted her hand as if pushing the subject away. "I came by to tell you that almost everyone is out of the mansion. Obviously the pets are here; Ao has gone with Kagekao to deal with more Corrupted—and possibly him as well, Masky and Hoodie are scouting, and Jack is on his much needed hunt."

"Are you going somewhere?" I questioned.

"Yes. I need to do some grocery shopping, and Sally has been dying to go out."

"We're gonna get ice cream!" Sally chimed excitedly. I looked at her and noticed that the permanent scars of her ghostly form were gone. Her skin was as clear as a cloudless day, fair as a porcelain doll's, and soft looking as any pillow. I overheard Ben having made a special gift for Sally so she could "be like him". I didn't have to think hard to guess what that gift was. As for Charlie, he just looked like a normal teddy bear no matter what. Unless you piss him off, of course.

"So," Ms. P continued, "that just leaves you with Ben. If you need anything, you can find him in his room."

"He seems to always be in there," I commented.

She nodded solemnly. "Yes, he's been quite busy with his gadgets."

"Why?"

She bunched up her black-tinted lips and explained, "Ever since the SCP incident, he's always been nervous about another raid. We can't blame him. He's making things to help us, just in case."

"But Site 16 is..."

She shook her head. "SCP is the kind of organization to have multiple locations, Jeff. Not just in this country, but worldwide. There's no telling when and where they may try to interfere with us again. We must take any and all precautions."

"Right..." I couldn't help but look away from her at the thought of anything that had happened because of them. Because of Him, too.

"We'll be back in a few hours," Ms. P stated. "I've prepared a lunch for you to have whenever you'd like. Make sure to eat it all! Take care, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

Sally waved her fingers at me as she beamed. "See ya, Jeff!"

I waved them goodbye as they walked down the hall to the stairs. Silently, I leaned against my doorway, listening to them leaving. I don't know how long I stood there, but I was alone once again.

There was a time when all I wanted was to be alone. Above eating, above sleeping, above ever getting better, I just wanted peace and quiet. But sometimes certain beings wouldn't let me enjoy my solitude when it was finally perfect. Now...? I'm not sure how I feel about being alone.

The familiar pat pat of little paws echoed from my left and I saw Grinny coming up the hallway. I crouched down to pet his red and black fur like how he wanted, then picked him up and cradled him in my arms. "Wanna watch some toons, buddy?" The pleased purring coming from his throat told me it didn't matter, as along as I keep petting him.

Gingerly, I held him against my chest as I made my way downstairs to the main room. Before, I didn't like the static of the TV, couldn't stand it. Now all I care about is just watching something for my mind to unwind on. It passes the time. That 5x5 Rubik's cube Ao got me? I finally solved it a couple of days ago. I might try again soon. It's definitely more of a challenge than the other one, but I can only take so much before I just wanna shut off my brain forever.

On the way into the main room, the tap tap of another set of paws came from behind me and I was pleasantly startled by Smile's head bumping against my legs. I chuckled and spared a hand to scratch behind his ears. "You wanna hang out too, boy?"

So all three of us went to the main room and took the couch. Smile lay down beside me while Grinny kept himself balled up on my chest. I only used my left hand to turn on and off the TV and pick a channel, otherwise both of my hands were busy because the pets wanted them for themselves. I didn't mind.

Eventually, with the warmth of Grinny and Smile, and the coziness of the couch, I ended up dozing off again despite just waking up, from a nightmare no less. I dreamt of something, but it wasn't that good nor as bad as my last nightmare.

The forest was quiet. The only movement was the wind rustling the leaves and branches above, but it was disconcerting. Everything was grayscale. None of the lively, thriving green of spring. Just cold black and white and gray of different shades. When I tried to look down at myself to see if I was grayscale too, a hand landed on my shoulder and I turned instinctively.

"Come with me," Death said with a hard look in his silver eyes, the only thing that seemed to have any life in them as they glittered.

"To where?" I asked him.

I got no response. All he did was stare me dead in the eyes then silently turn away from me. He began to walk ahead into the forest, his black cloak dragging behind him. Confused but left with no other choice, I followed him. I asked him plenty of times where we were going but he would never speak to me. I thought to get mad and grab him, force him to tell me the truth. Yet my thoughts didn't come true in my dream. I remained unanswered and walked behind him.

Eventually, we stopped and I absentmindedly bumped into Death's back. I felt my heart beat in my chest with nervousness. Again, I questioned, "Where are you taking me?"

This time, he spoke, but vaguely said, "I need to repay for my failure."

Frowning, I grumbled, "What are you talking about?"

"Come with me."

"To where? I thought we already arrived. Isn't that why we stopped?"

"There's more to be done. Come with me."

I shook my head. "Whatever it is, do it on your own. I'm not doing anything until I get real answers."

"There's never any real answers, Jeff; only what is and what isn't. Come with me and you'll see for yourself."

"No."

"You have nowhere else to turn."

"I'll go back to the mansion," I countered.

"You have nowhere else to turn."

"Watch me," I huffed, then turned around to walk back in hopes of stumbling upon the mansion.

But instead of being met with the grayscale forest, I saw before me a grayscale TIRACorp facility. I stopped dead in my tracks, remembering full-well what had happened here. Suddenly, I felt hands push me forward and Death's voice, "There is only what is and what isn't. You must see for yourself. Come with me."

"Don't take me there. Don't take me back..."

"Come with me."

"No... No...!"

He continued to push me forward and I was helpless against him. My limbs wouldn't move and my voice never sounded loud enough. As we pressed forward, the ground began to fall apart into a black abyss that lay underneath. I felt I would fall at any moment and begged Death to stop.

"You can't take me back there...!" I protested.

"Come with me."

"Stop it...!"

"She is there."

My panic was stuttered by confusion. "Huh? Wh-Who's there??"

His tone became lower, more dark, as he replied, "What isn't."

"What the hell are you—no! Stop!"

And as everything slowly crumbled around me the more I progressed, I saw something up ahead. Beyond a broken opening in the side of the TIRACorp building, inside, stood a figure that was not grayscale. While the world broke apart and lost all structure and being, there stood a figure I longed to see since the moment she left.

"Ellie?!" I called out.

She heard me immediately and slowly turned. I could only see one blue eye peeking at me past her midnight black hair, and I felt like I was in heaven. Her sideways gaze entranced me and I longed to be closer. Death was no longer behind me or anywhere for that matter. It was just me and Ellie.

"Ellie...!" I called again. I longed for the sight of her face, for her presence, for her gaze solely on me and me alone. And with one gentle smile from her, I was had. My excitement and desperation willed my body to move after it had been frozen. My heart raced not because of panic anymore. Now was my chance to finally catch Ellie after so long. I had found her again...! But one step forward was as far as I could go.

Instantaneously, the ground beneath where I stepped gave out and I had to jump back to avoid the fall. And my heart sank once I saw the rest of the path ahead of me crumble and succumb to the black abyss. Soon enough, I stood on a small island of ground, isolated from my goal ahead.

"No! You can't do this..! Ellie, hold on, I'll find a—."

My voice gave out. When I glanced at her again, everything in me stopped.

Her gentle smile had become a bubbling, black pool of ink. Slowly, she made a full turn to face me, and those blue eyes were no more. What took their place were red, lifeless orbs. The tips of her fingers dripped the black ink and it splattered onto the floor as she raised one hand out for me, as if feebly reaching for me.

"Jeff," her voice called me, but it sounded different. Not herself. "Jeff. Please. Pleaaasseee... Don't..."

Within the blink of an eye, the ink shot out from her hand in a curling, undulating mass, towards me. There was nowhere for me to go on my small island. I would be caught in this black ink, drowned in it, consumed in it.

Yet I chose to fall back into the abyss. I chose to dodge the ink and I watched it miss as I fell below it.

And just as I thought I would be left in an endless void of nothing, I felt arms wrap around me. My first instinct was to assume it was Ellie, but I was wrong.

"I told you," Death whispered right to my ear. "She was there. What is, and what isn't."

His hands came up to cover my face and in the blackness behind his cold palms, I saw the outlines of something familiar. A mouth, grinning, showing razor sharp teeth.

And suddenly it opened wide, cackling wildly, as it rushed forward and devoured me.

I woke up yet again with a start, but my panic wasn't as bad. My sudden movement and gasp startled Grinny and Smile and I felt kinda bad for it. I took a few moments to compose myself. It was a relief to see I was still laying on the couch, in the main room, with the TV still playing. Nothing seems to have changed. I'm completely fine.

While my body recovered from yet another moment of panic, I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about my dream. Most disturbingly, the image of that mouth was imprinted in my vision, which shouldn't be possible. It hung in the air, warping in color, seemingly not there when I look at it but I know it is. And I hated it. I hated seeing it. Because I saw that image on Him countless times. His arms had them, and even his own cruel grin resembled them. They mocked me when he wasn't looking at me, when he paid me no mind as he picked a different tool to hurt me with. They had no eyes yet they watched me, bore into me. They fed off my fear and desperation. They would laugh as I screamed, lick their lips as soon as He would enter the room for another torturous session. I hate them. I hate Him. I hate all of them..!

The growling in my stomach stole my focus away from my negative thoughts and I remembered what Ms. P told me about the lunch she left. Carefully, I sat up, disturbing Grinny's comfy spot on my chest. Smile remained on the couch and I pat his head before going to the kitchen. Another growl sounded from my stomach. I definitely shouldn't have a hard time eating all my lunch like Ms. P said.

Suddenly, upon entering the kitchen, I bumped into someone's back. For a second, I thought I was reliving my dream again, but I was corrected.

"Oh, sorry, Ben," I said, "didn't see you there."

He didn't reply.

Furrowing my brow, I murmured, "Bad mood?"

That's when I realized he wasn't even moving at all.

Curious, I walked around him to examine him. His eyes stared off seemingly at nothing, dull as if he were in a trance. His arms hung still at his sides, he never blinked, I don't think he even breathed. He just stood there...frozen.

"Ben?" I called. Waving my hand in front of his face did nothing. Snapping my fingers did nothing either. He's completely out of it.

"Are you okay?" I asked, even though I knew I wouldn't get an answer. Hesitantly, I lifted my hand up to touch his face, a fruitless gesture surely. Just as I was about to poke his cheek, there was finally a reaction.

The blonde wraith scrambled away from me, arms raised to cover his head, body hunched almost into a ball. His voice was high and loud as he screamed desperately, "No, don't hit me! Please! I won't mess up again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!!"

Now I was the one standing still, staring in surprise. A few seconds had passed until Ben finally stopped shivering in his spot and looked up. He blinked his eyes a couple of times before he stood straight and stammered, "Jeff, I... You're here..."

I glanced at my hand, the one I was about to use to poke Ben. What...What did I do? I didn't even touch him...

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly, contemplating my hand.

"N-No," he replied nervously. "I wasn't talking to you, I... I... Excuse me...!"

And just like that, he had flickered in a bright light, teleporting to his room more likely. I was left alone in the kitchen, confused and strangely guilty despite having done nothing.

No, that's a lie. I have done something. I wasn't guilty for what just happened; I was guilty because it reminded me too much of moments in the not-so-distant past. I was all too familiar of the sight of Ben cowering away from me, of his voice in that panicked pitch pleading for me to stop, of the dreadful look in his eyes he'd get just looking at me. He would whimper and shiver and sometimes cry in front of me, while I continued to yell and threaten the both of us.

Now that I stand here, remembering those times, it felt like I was watching someone else hurt and scream at the man who was my best friend. It was my body that terrorized him, and yet it wasn't mine. I watched through the eyes of someone akin to a caged animal fight against the people who tried to save me from said caged animal. A shell was what hurt Ben, but I know that's bullshit to admit. Because in the end, he witnessed me screaming at him, cursing him, hitting him. The both of us did.

"N-No, I wasn't talking to you..."

Yes, you were.

And here I stand, not doing anything about it.

...

Later, I felt the need to go outside and get some fresh air. I can't be cooped up inside all day.

This time, Grinny stayed inside, but Smile was more than happy to come along. It was pretty nice out; warm sun that felt cozy but a cool breeze that contrasted in case it got too much, and vice versa. Just standing outside on the grass made me feel lighter. I did enjoy going outside before, but I don't think I could've ever appreciated it in my state. I just saw the outside as an excuse to stay away from everyone else and from my room. There were times I did think of running away, but even then I knew that was stupid. I have nowhere else to turn despite that being at the mansion felt like hell. Yet I think being anywhere at the time was hell.

Smile went out to do a little doggy patrol of the area, and I was about to follow him for fun, when something big poked its head out around the corner of the mansion. Before I had time to comprehend what it was, Ladon came running at me and I freaked out. The last time he did that, he was intending to maul me apart...!

But no such thing happened. Instead, the big ball of fluff stopped right in front of me and sniffed at my feet. Then he sniffed all around me in a circle, and when he got to my head he finished off by licking the side of my face. I groaned at the plentiful amount of saliva on my skin and in my hair. Ladon leaped happily in front of me, practically bouncing on his paws as he yapped at me.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

He titled his head for a moment, and then suddenly ran off into the forest. I stood for a moment, confused. Smile came back to me and nudged my legs with his body. As I scratched his head, Ladon's bounding footsteps came thumping again. He showed up right in front of me as soon as I had heard him, and I looked to see a giant stick in his vertical mouth.

"Fetch?" I murmured and grabbed for his makeshift toy. Smile gazed up at it with interest and I had a feeling this would have some consequences.

"Alright," I started, "G-Go fetch!" 

I threw the stick as hard and far as I could, but its journey was anticlimactic because Ladon effortlessly jumped up and snatched it in his mouth. Smile still seemed happy and trotted in his place, pulling, well, a smile.

With a sigh, I got the stick back and said, "Play a little more fair, buddy."

Ladon growled and took a few steps back, wiggling his back side like a wildcat ready to pounce. Again, I pulled back my arm to throw the stick even farther than before, and as soon as I let it fly both the pets were off. Strangely enough, Smile didn't seem to attempt to catch the stick. It looked like he had fun just running with Ladon. I guess that's a good thing, especially because I don't think he ever could've beat Ladon to the stick if he tried. The behemoth creature's bounding took him far and the sheer strength of his body was present in the way he lunged up for the stick. And I swear he could've snapped that stick in two, but his powerful jaws still had the capacity to be gentle. I think this is the first time I'm actually seeing Ladon for what he's capable of, for what he is. When Ao talks about him, I usually brush it off. Now I see it.

The two pets came back panting but eager for more. "Good job," I told them and gave them head scratches. Ladon was a little more needy than Smile so it took me a bit longer to stop with him.

"Alright, now give me the stick," I said as I grabbed for it. This time, instead of letting go, Ladon held it tight in his mouth.

"Ladon," I grumbled. "Buddy, let go."

I tugged on it, but he tugged back and took me with him. A purr of satisfaction left his throat and he yanked me back again. Of course I wasn't strong enough to resist him and predicted exactly what was going on in that furball's head.

"Oh fuck," I groaned, right before Ladon ran backwards and took me with him.

The next few minutes were spent not standing on the flourishing, green grass but getting dragged across it like a rag doll by a giant furball while my loyal dog ran with us, unaware of my suffering.

I think it was at the point where grass started getting into my mouth that I finally decided to let go of the damn stick (what I should've done way before). But even when I was sprawled on the ground, panting and spitting out the grass in my mouth, I wasn't given a break from mayhem. The sound of wood breaking echoed across the yard and, at first, I thought Ladon had somehow broken through the fucking mansion. I was mistaken, but I would've preferred to be mistaken seeing what he actually broke.

Not knowing that he did bad, he disregarded the stick...to play with a broken, wooden cross.

No..! No, no, no!

"Ladon, put that down!" I snapped.

He didn't listen to me and continued to chew and prod at what he thought was a new toy.

"You fuckin' stupid furball, put it down!" I growled. Angry and extremely nervous, I ran forward and yanked the cross out of his mouth. He lunged to grab it again, but I smacked his snout and barked, "No! Enough!"

As much as his saddened whimper made me feel bad, I had other things to worry about. My legs didn't seem to run fast enough as I headed for the shed at the back. I shoved myself at the door but was stopped abruptly because of the padlock on the handle. I had no time to find some sort of key to this thing. Panicked for the third time today, I kicked at the door over and over, until the door gave way and broke at the handle. I ran around my motorcycle to search the entire shed. It felt as if every second that passed was too long, and rummaging for a hammer and nails and another piece of wood wasn't the fastest thing to do.

My body felt light once I found what I needed, and I nearly tripped on my motorcycle on my way out. At three feet away from the grave, I dropped and skidded on my knees before it. Ladon and Smile sat patiently, oblivious to what was troubling me. I have this random piece of wood, so all I need to do is put fucking nails into it to connect the broken part of the cross...!

But of course it wouldn't be easy. The cross was so old and the moment I tried to prop it onto the broken piece in the ground, it began to fall apart (and I'm sure Ladon's chewing hadn't made it better). Cursing under my breath, I tried to keep it intact while I nailed the wood against it. The nails kept bending, the wood was falling apart; I cringed more and more as it was beginning to look absolutely horrible. Fuck, this isn't going well..!

"Jeff?" a familiar voice spoke up—Ben.

FUCK.

Quickly, I whirled around and tried to hide the cross behind my back. "B-Ben! Um, h-hi! Great day today, right??"

"What are you doing? I heard a loud sound at the shed," he said.

"That? Oh, Ladon, uh, bumped into it—."

"Why do you have a hammer?"

That's it. I can't do this. I'm sweating like a fucking pig and I'm pretty sure he isn't buying anything I'm saying.

With the sensation of my heart in my throat, I revealed the broken cross to him and admitted, "I broke it by accident. Well, technically, it was Ladon. He was playing and ran into it, but I should've had a better handle on him. I didn't mean to break it. And I was trying to fix it but I think I made it worse? I'm—I'm sorry."

Ben walked up to the cross and picked up the broken piece. There was silence as he stared at it with an unreadable face, and even the pets seemed uncomfortable. I felt vulnerable sitting on the ground, waiting for him to say or do something. I wouldn't blame him if he suddenly turned and started beating me to a pulp, or stabbed me with the cross, or bashed me over the head with it, or took the hammer and caved my head in, or jammed the nails into my face, or something! After all I've done, breaking Anna's cross has to be the final straw.

"It was bound to happen," Ben said quietly, not at all what I expected.

"Wh...What??"

"The wood was rotting anyway," he went on. "Plus, I'd be stupid not to think Ladon's playing wouldn't mess with it. I guess this is what happens when I don't take care of it, huh."

Juxtaposed to how he should feel—or how I thought he'd feel—he glanced down at me and donned a gentle smile. At first, I was relieved to see that expression. He wasn't mad at me. Thank god.

But then I noticed the sad look in his eyes, and that sinking feeling in my stomach came back. It wasn't fine. He was hiding his disappointment, but why? Why is he hiding how he really feels instead of telling me? I've shown him the darkest parts of me, I never held back on showing him what I felt, and now he can't do it to me? It's only fair that he reveal his true emotions after what I've done to him.

Or is it? Am I just thinking that way because I feel he should do it? I'm expecting something out it, out of whatever confession he has lying underneath that soft smile that speaks for him. Am I expecting a heated scolding, a speech, or a simple beating worse than what I've done? I want him to hit me, to yell at me, to hate me. Because even if he does that, at least I'd know that he feels something for me, that I still mean something to him.

"Leave it alone for now," he said, and set down the broken, rotting cross. "No need to worry over it."

"B...But..."

Just as soon as he had shown up, he turned and walked back to the mansion. I sat on the ground in silence, watching him go, feeling disappointed in myself. He had done nothing to me, said nothing significant to me, and just left me. I guess it's understandable. He has his priorities, and I'm not one of them anymore. His responsibilities are far greater than me. I don't mean anything, and that should be fine. It should be fine because then I can't hurt him anymore, but it doesn't feel fine.

Smile came up beside me and nudged his head against mine. Ladon stayed in his place, slouching and hanging his head low. Both of them know the atmosphere well.

I glanced at the broken cross on the ground with a sense of defeat churning sickly inside of me. And yet there was a small bit of hope that began to grow, fed by an idea that formed. Maybe there's still a chance to fix this, and I don't just mean Anna's cross.

How the hell do I call Death to me???

...

"I never thought humans could get any weirder, but giving a gravestone as a gift certainly takes the cake so far," Death remarked.

"It's not necessarily a gift," I huffed, digging up part of the ground where the gravestone would be placed.

"Are you using it to invoke satisfaction to the one you're giving it to?"

I paused for a moment. "...yes."

"Then it's a gift."

"And your point is?"

"I'm not making any point. I just felt like correcting you. It seems to be a common occurrence between us so I'm simply continuing it."

"Asshole," I grumbled and continued digging. It's bad enough I feel I'm technically desecrating a grave, but I've gotta deal with Death's smartass comments too? Today is definitely not my day.

"Why so stiff? You have the solution to your problem," he said.

"I don't feel comfortable doing this, okay? Maybe if someone helped me out, I'd get this stone in faster..."

"I've done my part by taking you to get your stone, I shouldn't have to do anything else."

"Again, asshole," I muttered.

"Consider me your watchman," he suggested.

"You make a terrible one."

"How do you know that if nothing has come for me to alert you about? As far as things go, I'm doing just fine. Your judgement is skewed and premature."

All I could do was groan inwardly.

"Whose grave is this anyway?" he inquired.

"Her name was Anna. I don't know her last name," I answered.

"You knew her?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Never met her at all."

"Then why are you stressing over her grave?"

"I broke the cross that was here."

"You broke it?"

"Technically, it wasn't me—ugh, look, Anna used to be Ben's girlfriend. She meant a lot to him. I fucked up so now I'm fixing it. It's only fair."

"Ben? You mean your friend?"

"Y-Yeah," I murmured, "Well, I don't think he can be considered that. Or rather, I can't be considered that to him anymore..."

There was silence between us. Among my already overwhelming discomfort, I could feel Death's gaze bore into me (I've learned what it feels like after our time together). What's he gonna say to me??

"I see what's going on here," he said quietly. "You're repairing your friendship with Ben by repairing this grave."

I sighed and took a break from digging. "Yeah, sure."

"You're not confident in your mission?"

"I'm not doing this because I know it'll make things right between us," I explained awkwardly. "I'm doing this because I know it'll set his mind at ease. He can hate me all he wants, but I'm still going to do this thing for him. This probably won't make things better, but I'd be an idiot to expect positive results in the first place. I know this is the right thing to do, so I'm doing it."

I made the mistake of looking up at Death in my jittery state. His silver eyes, as always, put a pressure on my body that made me want to shrink away from him. Yet I remained still, with my shoulders firm, eyeing him sternly. When I expected him to argue with me, to tell me my perspective is flawed, he just nodded and turned his gaze away from me. I didn't expect that, so I needlessly stared at him and made myself feel stupid. Remaining in silence, I picked up the trowel and continued to dig.

After a few minutes, he spoke up, "You said her name was Anna?"

"Yeah."

"What did she look like? Did Ben ever tell you?"

"Not that I can recall...," I mumbled. And then I did recall.

It had been early in the morning. Winter. Snow on the ground about 6 inches thick. I was waking up and had looked out my window when I saw it.

A body in his arms, dressed in white, unmoving. There was a lot of white, blinding white in such an early morning. It was surreal. I barely saw her face.

"Dark skinned," I admitted. "Curly hair..."

And I had gone back to sleep, ignorant to what I had seen. She ended up here somehow.

"That's all I remember..."

He brought her here on his own and no one was there to witness it but me.

"That's all..."

Death narrowed his eyes at the distance, thinking.

"I remember her," he stated.

My hands stopped on their own, and I looked up at him in disbelief. Or maybe I shouldn't be in disbelief. He's Death after all.

"That's saying something, considering I see thousands upon thousands of souls per day," he added. "She was different. Most—no, everyone—before her would either refuse to speak to me out of shock and confusion, or would plead for me to give them a second chance, screaming, crying, sniveling like children. But then came Anna...she had done none of those things. Unlike many others, she truly spoke to me."

"How do you mean?"

Death crossed his arms, staring off in recollection. "Upon meeting me, she asked me who I was like anyone else. I explained to her who I am and what I was meant to do. Then she introduced herself to me, which was a change. It's a shame I cannot remember her last name, but it was a pleasant one.

"Afterward, she asked me what had happened and what was going to happen. Simple enough, I said she had died—illness. Where she was going I could not say, because that would disrupt the balance within the soul if they were troubled by their inevitable fate. She understood and didn't try to bargain or plead with me.

"And then, something that has never happened before, we had a conversation. Again, I don't remember what we talked about, but it was a mild, harmless exchange. I remained calm but inside I was fascinated. She was the first human to face me with the utmost dignity and respect.

"Eventually, I asked her a question, 'Why are you speaking with me? Aren't you worried about your current situation?' To that she replied, 'No'.

"'Why?' I asked her again." He closed his eyes as he relived the conversation in his head.

"'Because there's no reason for me to be afraid of you or my afterlife,' she answered. 'If I've died, then I've died. I lived a good life, privileged compared to others. I've done what I can and I've devoted all my time to my faith, which says to remain humble always. God has been with me. I know I'll be in good hands. I'll take my fate unquestionably.'"

In awe by Anna's final words, I couldn't help but whisper, "Wow..."

"Yes, she was incredibly mature," Death said. "A young and bright soul, indeed, as I'm sure she was in life. But I shouldn't say she was completely submissive to her fate. She had one concern."

"What was that?"

The silver-eyed being opened his eyes and responded, "She asked me to take care of Ben."

I gaped at him again and he managed a small smile.

"But," he went on with a sigh, "of course, I did not. I knew her request would be impossible. He is a wraith, an entity lost to life and death, but left to oblivion if not Earth. He was never under my jurisdiction since the moment he died. But I could not tell her this. Despite that it was the truth, I couldn't admit it. Her kind, levelheaded character had made an impression on me and I couldn't bring myself to sadden her, let alone in her final moments. So I lied straight to her face and said I would watch over Ben. Thinking on it now, it truly was one of the worst things I could have done to a passing soul. Not being blunt about their determined afterlife, or being heartless towards their desperate cries...but lying to one."

"What happened afterward?"

He shrugged slowly. "Nothing. She was thankful, even hugged me. And after a bit more chatting, I let her go. To where, I am unsure. Every afterlife is different in one way or another, yet I have no doubt it was a place of peace reflective of her soul."

"I hope she did go somewhere nice. It sounds like she deserved it," I murmured, looking down at the grave before me. Hearing about Anna's behavior towards the one and only Death made me feel more like shit for having destroyed her grave.

There was time for me to complete my digging and heave the gravestone into the spot. While I shifted dirt to fill the hole, Death said, "I suppose I shouldn't have to feel bad for lying to her. I may not have taken care of Ben like she wanted me to, but it seems that task has been carefully placed with you and your friends."

"Everyone else, yes," I replied. "Me, not so much. I...I've fucked things up far beyond acceptable. He probably hates me, but I'm okay with that. I...can learn to be okay with it...eventually... He was my first best friend after my accident, but not everything can last forever. I can do him this one last respect by letting go."

"As I've said, your judgement is skewed and premature, Jeffery," Death chided. "You are too quick to give up. Did it ever occur to you it may not be too late?"

"I'm still trying to get better for my sake, Death," I grumbled. "What makes you think I can do the same for Ben? I'm a wreak changing into a lesser wreak."

"How negative for someone who claims they are getting better."

"If by negative then you mean bringing myself peace of mind knowing Ben won't take my bullshit anymore because it's for the best, then yeah, I'll be negative."

Death sighed and shook his head. "Well, perhaps you can explain this viewpoint of yours to Ben himself."

Before I could question him, Ben's voice spoke up behind me, "Jeff? What are you doing?"

I whirled around, and had a déjà vu moment from earlier. Instead of being nervous about a broken cross, I was nervous about the new gravestone. Instinctively, I turned to Death as a backup, but he was gone. That sneaky bastard!

"H-Hey," I stuttered, "I... Alright, look, I know you said not to worry about the grave, but I didn't think it was okay to leave it alone. So...I tried to use something better than a wooden cross, something that would last longer and not get knocked over by a wild Ladon, hehe...heh..."

I had moved aside to reveal the gravestone to him, and he merely stood and stared at it. The seconds that wore on in silence felt unbearable. My nerves were absolutely thrumming.

His tone was soft as he asked, "How'd you even get a gravestone?"

Shit, I didn't think about how weird it would be to get a gravestone out of the blue.

"Ms. P," I blurted. "I, uh, got in touch with her and she...sent it to me while on her shopping trip..." Please don't ask her about this later...!

Changing the subject from my lie, I said, "Obviously, there are no gravestones with Anna's name immediately ready, but maybe we can get it engraved later on? If you want to, that is. Keeping it is up to you, too. I probably should've waited for your approval instead of digging up a hole, now that I think about it... Uh, I guess I didn't really think this through..."

I stood tensely, watching the wraith take a few steps toward the grave. Like earlier, his eyes were cast down to the ground, his expression unreadable once again. Here I was, expecting an emotional, horrible reaction a second time, and like earlier I wouldn't mind if he hit me or cursed me out. There's no doubt I deserve it.

Although a part of me wanted to stay quiet and hide away from him, Death's words came to haunt me—did it ever occur to you it may not be too late? And another part of me clung to the hope etched in those words.

"Ben," I began. "I know it's too late to admit all of this...but I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."

He didn't raise his head, and I was kind of glad he didn't. My voice and words came out more easily.

"I was lost to the memories of my trauma, lost in my obsessive need for Ellie, and lost in the mess that I had become. I was blind to what I did and said to you, and to everyone else. I wish I could say there was a reasonable part of me hidden deep inside, trying to fight against my ill state, but I can't. Every part of me was focused on my hate and sadness and worthlessness. It was really me that hurt you countless times, and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stop.

"You're one of the first best friends I've had in a long time and...I ruined that connection. All that trust...I betrayed it. I don't even deserve to be talking to you right now...! But if I didn't then I know the guilt would continue to gnaw at me.

"I'm sorry I turned out to be an asshole...a fucking monster. I'm sorry for all the shit I've done to put you down. Just know that I appreciate everything you had done for me and for everyone else too. You're worth more than you may let yourself to believe. I'm...I'm glad you were my friend, even through my worst phases..."

By the time I finished talking, tears had fallen from my eyes—the first time I've cried in such a long time that my face didn't even react. I'm absolutely pathetic, but at least I told him everything I needed to. A weight was lifted off me, but the guilt of my past actions remained heavy.

Ben slowly turned toward me, the only movement he's made this whole time, with his head still hung low. I noticed his clenched fists at his side and I prepared myself for his angered punches. What else could I have expected?

"What...What do you mean 'were'...?" he mumbled. He finally lifted his head to reveal red eyes welled with glistening tears. I was so taken by surprise that I stopped crying and looked at him in awe.

"Why are you talking as if this is over?" he asked, almost angrily.

"I...I—."

"I thought I was still your friend..! Are you letting that go? All the bickering, and silly pranks, and late nights, and schemes—are you throwing that away?"

"N-No, I don't want to, but I just assumed—."

"You're fucking stupid," he cried as he pulled me in for a hug. There were a lot of mixed emotions in me, mostly confusion, but I wrapped my arms around him anyway as he sobbed into my shirt.

"I don't want to let anything go...," he murmured. "Not again... Don't make me let go..."

Petting his head, I assured him, "Okay, I won't."

Another few sniffles here and there. His hands clutched onto me tighter. "Thank you for the gravestone... I'm sure Anna would love it..."

"N-No problem."

"And I'm sorry for being distant and cold to you," he babbled. "I've been caught up in other things, and I'll admit I dreaded being around you and I hated that feeling. I'm sorry."

"Ben, you're not the one who should be sorry. I hurt you, remember?"

"But I should've understood how lost you were. I should've tried harder—."

"I needed time, not more effort that would've exhausted you."

"I'm sorry—."

"Stop it."

"Sorry—."

"No more apologizing," I groaned. "Both of us are sorry. Now let's stop admitting it."

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea..." he blubbered.

After I let him finish his crying, I said, "So does this mean you don't hate me? You're still my friend?"

"Yeah."

"Can we go back to being stuck-up assholes in crime again?"

He looked up at me. "I'm the stuck-up asshole?"

I pouted at him. "You were a complete stuck-up asshole!"

"Since when?"

"Since I first met you," I explained. "You kept telling me a bunch of sciencey, cryptic bullshit and I would feel like a fuckin' idiot gawking at you, wondering what the fuck kinda words you were using."

"Your gawking face was funny."

"And then Jack came along and started saying even more sciencey bullshit and made you look like an idiot, thus we made a pact to feel like idiots together and set out to screw Jack over out of revenge...!"

"Ah, we were good together."

"And then he somehow dealt with our shit and became a friend and we turned into a stuck-up asshole trio."

"A sad but uplifting time, indeed."

The both of us were caught staring at each other before we began to chuckle like idiots.

Ben landed a playful punch to my shoulder and commented, "I missed this Jeff."

"I missed this me, too. Well, I mean, I'm still fucked up, but it's a process."

For the first time in a long time, Ben gave me a genuine smile. There was no sadness lurking deep in his eyes, no hidden message that I had to decipher. He was truly happy with me.

Ben wiped the remaining tears from his face and took a deep breath. "Hey...there's this game that I have that I've been meaning to play again...but it's not as fun in singleplayer."

A smirk met my lips. "We'll have to fix that, won't we?"

His kind smile shifted to a charismatic, impish grin that I hadn't realized I missed until now.

"Last one to the mansion has to room with Kagekao tonight!" the blonde wraith rushed his words, and then immediately teleported out of my sight.

"You fuckin' asshole!" I cackled and ran as fast as my legs could carry me into the mansion.

My guilt was no longer heavy. I was set free from it. Yet another step towards recovery, towards happiness.

I'm gonna get there.

...

By the time I had finally grown tired, it was past midnight. Everyone was asleep, save for Ben, and I think Ao. Maybe I should go by the study and visit her, tell her to go to bed already.

There was a tranquil air to my room now, unlike how it felt to me this morning. I was alone, left to rest, content with myself more so than before. What started as a horrible day turned out to be one of my best. I hate to admit it, but I guess I'm glad Death loves to correct me so much.

"Thanks, you brooding jerk," I mumbled with a smile on my face. I turned over on my bed to get comfortable. I wonder how sleep will be now that I have another issue solved. Good, I hope. Better than good.

After a long time of sitting in silence, I had began to doze off. There is a strange state of mind when on the edge of awake and sleep. You have these slight dreams that can sometimes feel real, yet they pass by so quickly that it's as if they never happened. I think I was in that state of mind, teetering on the edge of conscious and unconscious. Moments from today replayed in my mind, random dreams formed with no real meaning to them, and memories of years before came back. I saw Ellie in this teetering state of mind, heard her voice call to me, heard her sweet laughter, felt the gentleness of her hands on my face. I felt her loving essence in each fingertip, heard it in every breath she took. I'm sure I must be smiling in real life.

"Jeff," she called to me. "I'm here. I'm with you...!"

I tried to speak to her but I couldn't. I have no control of this dream.

"Jeff..."

Her voice grew louder.

"Jeff..."

Her touch against my skin became warmer.

"Jeff..."

Her breath became warmer too.

"Jeff...w..."

Her love all-encompassing, all-knowing, all and everything to me. She's my everything.

"Wake up."

My teetering stopped, decidedly on my waking state of mind. I came to, still disoriented from my wavering sleep. When I turned over to continue my rest, I noticed the hands placed carefully against my face and the silhouette hovering above me. In the light of the dim moonlight, mismatched eyes of ocean blue and glittering gold glistened at me with awe and eagerness. My grogginess soon made way for growing marvel.

Elizabeth Umber giggled quietly and brushed the hair out of my face, flashed a smile that could bring heaven to its knees, gazed at me like I could do the same. I was speechless. She wasn't.

"Jeff...I'm back."