Ah. It's that time of the... Honestly, it's just random at this point.

We see a wild Y/n sitting on top of the Cathedral motionless, a weirded-out look on his face.

Unhearable mumbling came from the lad and--

Y/n: Huh!? The chapter started!?

Uh, yeah... Hello?

Y/n: Oh... Yeah, e-er... You didn't hear me!

Not suspicious at all!

Y/n: Fuck off! The Nuns are married in this world! Even if I don't know how that works... BUT! That means no rules restrict me! So fuck you!

You get up and dust yourself happy with the dumb fact you just learned that day. Despite almost everyone knowing that already.

Y/n: Suck my co-

Paimon: Y/N! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN! WE NEED TO DO A STORY QUEST!

Lumine: Leave him be... At least for a hot second. He's having another "Narrator is a dick-head" moment.

Rolling your eyes, you decide it was a good idea to jump off.

As your feet leave the solid roof with a FWOOSH of the air, descending downwards.

SPLAT

SUPERHERO LAND--

Y/n: MY FUCKING KNEES!

Ah, the usual.

Paimon: Well, DUH! What did you expect jumping that high up?

Y/n: Protagonist bullshit?

The floating white-haired fairy shrugs.

Paimon: Makes sense. Oh, look! A schizophrenic child! Let's bully it!

Lumine: "It"?

Paimon: So, you're fine with the bullying part?

Lumine: Hm?

The blonde-haired lass looks toward the dumbass child that should have been aborted.

All of you stare blankly as she giggles to herself looking at...nothing?

Y/n: I've seen enough horror films to know where this is going. I say we fizzle out the offspring.

Paimon: TIME TO KICK A CHILD!

As the chef and the food prepare themselves for an ass-whooping. The only one with more brain cells than one got a hold of their collars.

Lumine: Just observe for a second... And yes, I know this is an excuse.

The youth was bouncing, up and down, left and right...somehow... While giggling to herself once more.

Not-Aborted-Yet: You're my favorite best friend, CocoMelon! I shall hit my neighbor's dog while yelling racial slurs!

The trio gaze at the scene, as the idiot and the idiot's collars, are set free.

Lumine: On second thoughts... Go nuts.

Paimon and Y/n give each other a high-five and then proceed to

Venti: Woah! Child abuse! I can't miss this!

Lumine: Where did you even come from?

The bard then held his chin with a thoughtful look.

Venti: Magic!

Meanwhile, the two idiots were starting ominously. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to drop 'em.

Then! The failed abortion's head did a 180° as if it was an owl, ready to hoot your ass.

D̸̷e͏͡m̢͟o͢͠n͠i͘c̢͡-̨̕Ab̶̡ò̡r̸t̢iǫ͢n̷͡: Fę̵̸̛́͟͞͠͞e͘d̵͘ ̀͘͝͡͏m̶̴̢̕͟͞͞ȩ̵́͢ ̴̢̡̧̡́̕͠͡d̴̡̕͝e̕҉̧̀͘͢a̸d͏̨͘͘҉̶̢̢̀ ̨͏p̷̸͟͝͏̸ų̴̵̸̴̧̨͘͞p̵͠͏͡͡p̶i͏̢̛és!̸̢̢̡̧̢̛͠͞

Paimon: WAH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

With a sudden rush of adrenaline, you speed forward with the exaggerated swagger of a male reader, bounce high up into the air with Anemo, and readjust your position as you flip to Geo, making good boots rock-solid and...

BAM!

The impact to the face sent the filthy demonic presence of existence into the shadow realm.

[Essence of Evil: Eradicated]

Possibly because you decap--

Venti: •_• O-Okay... That happened.

Lumine: Oh, it's been a while since we saw one of those.

Paimon: THIS IS NOT NEW!?

Y/n: I've seen things no man, woman, or even a futa enthusiast should see...

In the back of your head, you could hear the joyful laughter of a clown and the honking is his nose.

Venti: A-Anyway... Um, mission! Uh, look at this cool imagination device or...something. I don't know, I stole it from Lisa.

Lumine: Can it show imaginary friends?

Venti: Oh, yeah! It can! Only for those who have a child-like mind. It's called a "nirnama detector". Unfortunately, Lisa couldn't use it.

Paimon:

Y/n: Eh. Probably.

Paimon: KNEW IT! SHE'S CRINGE!

Venti: So, you guys up to bothering people about their imaginary friends?

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY THE AUTHOR FLIPPING THE BIRD TO SCHOOL

And now you witness a... Bubble-like plant.

Y/n: Hey! It's the same plant I stomp for a chest!

Flora: Y-YOU WHAT!?

Y/n: Aight. I'm bored. Let's leave.

Everyone, who somehow crowded up to watch the imaginary plant friend with a single monocle, proceed to follow you towards the gates.

Flora: Q_Q W-W-What...?

Leaving the poor flower seller (not 69) to her expiration.

Alas, the four of you reach the bridge. The two rivals make eye contact. One who spent most of his life guarding the pigeons, while the other cooked them.

Timmie: Hm... (Him again... Don't underestimate me, Traveler.)

Y/n: Timmie!

Paimon: *gasp* OOOH MY GOD! I-IT'S POWER AND DURABILITY ARE THROUGH THE ROOF! EVEN IF A DRAGON WERE TO COME CRASHING TO IT, EVEN IF TRUCK-KUN WERE TO PAY A VISIT, IT...IT WILL SURVIVE UNSCATHED!

Somehow, everyone's art style changes

Paimon: Oooh noooooo...

Venti: Impossible feats! How are you gonna respond, Yo/yo?

Lumine: ...You didn't even bother finding me an actual picture?

Wait. Hold on... I think I have one...

Y/n: HOLY SHIT! AETHER!

Aether: Wait what? How did I end up here?

The story is over. You all go home.

...

Why Q_Q. Author, please don't go through with it. DO--

....
...
..

Lumine: THE ONLY WAY TO BEAT-U SUCH THING-U IZ TO USE ITS SPEED-U AND RANGE-U, Yo/yo.

Yo/yo: Bastard-o... Timmie!

You start to approach the child menacingly.

Venti: H-He went for it!

Paimon: The way he walks with the exaggerated swagger of a buff dude! It's unfath... Um, what's the word again?

Lumine: UNFATHOMABLE!

ゴ
ゴ
ゴ
ゴ

Timmie: Hoh... You're approaching me. Instead of running away, you're just coming straight at me. Even after witnessing the POWER and DURABILITY of my [RUIN KNIGHT], you still have the guts of a blonde-haired girl sleeping in a bear's family cave!

Y/n: I can't do it for the vine without getting closer...

Timmie: Hoho! Then come, do it for the plant!

Timmie: GEON!

[RUIN GUARD] pops up and reels its arm backward for a backhanded slap.

SMACK!

BLOCKED!

Lumine: Is that...

Venti: Holy moly...

Paimon: OOHH SHIIII-!!

The young life force known as Timmie gasps in surprise.

He is taken out of his trance by the chuckling of shenanigans man.

Yo/yo: Hmph! You're not the only one with a stylish [STAND] in this nation, kiddo. Behold...

The magical arm finally decided to show itself to the reader.

Yo/yo: TASTE MY [BARBARIAN COCK]!

These localized names are getting out of hand. And you knew what you were saying, Y/n.

Still, too OP. But then again, it's a male reader story.

Yo/yo: Oh, Timmie. Shall we compare the speed of our attack rushes?

Timmie: You... PI--

[Ruin Knight]: --GEON!

[Barbarian Cock]: SHENAN!

BAM!

Lumine: A fight that takes five seasons to finish!

Venti: Seven months there is equal to seventy minutes here!

Paimon: WHEN WILL WE GO TO INAZUMA!?

I DON'T KNOW!

The Barbarian proceeds to uppercut the Knight BOOM unfortunately, the rockets had other plans.

Ruin tries to laser beam out of its ass only for Cock to intercept.

Yo/yo:

Holy shit...that sounded so wrong. The author knew what he was doing.

Yo/yo: Anyways. CHICKEN DANCE!

[Barbarian Cock]: SHENA! SHENA! SHEENAAANNIIIGANS!

With a powerful "thrust" toward its core. The chicken-hen combination of a jumble dived its hand-held blade towards the CPU breaking your graphics card in the process.

Timmie: B-BAKANA! NOOOOOOO!

Yo/yo: OK.

Timmie: ... OK?

You shrug your shoulder as all of you somehow returned to your original art style.

Timmie: Same time tomorrow?

Y/n: Yup. See ya.

The two then pose for absolutely no reason other than to add more word count.

The two then proceed to go back to their business.

This left the non-fighting with stands trio confused as fuck.

Paimon: THE PLOT TWIST!

Lumine: Finally came to an alliance?

Y/n: Eh. Probably.

~Flashback-senpai~

You got your ass thrown out of a portal.

Y/n: SONOFAB-

Which were mid-air and roughly fifty meters up

Paimon: Y/N, GLIDE GLIDE!

Y/n: Oh, right!

He did not make it in time.

~Flashback-senpai~

Paimon: Yeah, Paimon remembers that... But still doesn't explain it.

Y/n: Oh, wrong flashback... Hold on.

You held your head with MAXIMUM FOCUS!

~I fucked your mom, Flashback~

So... We good?

Oh, there he is. On a bridge. Sitting like a moron while eating popcorn.

Y/n: You ever wonder who discovered that you can drink cow's milk, or even milk it in the first place?

Timmie: Your mom.

Y/n: Oh wow. You got me there. Aaaah... The amount of pain I'm feeling at the moment. Oh, Skiddle-me-doodle.

Timmie: I fucked your mom.

Y/n: You know... If you existed by the time she was alive, I'd believe you.

Timmie: ... You good?

Y/n: No.

Timmie: Oh... OK.

Y/n: Also who taught you to swea--

~Flashback, I will not pay child support~

Nodding to yourself at the flashback, you turn back towards the squad.

Venti: So, uh, are you gonna tell us, or are you gonna keep nodding to yourself and relive it in your head... Again?

Y/n: Aight. Cool. Onto the next scene...

Lumine: Ignored.

Venti: So, that's how it feels...

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Kaeya: The thing about wine is, you have to drink it at the tavern or you miss out on half the fun.

Diluc: Seems to me you'd find some way of keeping yourself amused even if you drank alone.

Currently, behind the tavern of Angel's Share, we witness two familiar playable characters. Both of whom are quite close yet so different. Their elements, style, and personality.

It seems to be that there are two NPCs seated next to them. But no one cares.

Kaeya: Heh. If I hadn't known any better, I would have said that you're being deliberately uncivil.

Diluc: Just drink responsibly on my premise, okay?

Kaeya: Oh? And what IF I did have too many, what then? You'd throw me out with the trash.

Diluc: Please. Refrain from comparing yourself to trash, that's an insult to them.

CRITICAL HIT

Reckless-Pallad: OH SNAP!

Kaeya: Hostile today, aren't you?

Diluc: I simply don't get why you came to that assumption... "Throw you out"?

Kaeya: You know... The same way you threw out father's legacy? You sold off his mansion-- or maybe you've forgotten?

CRITICAL HIT!

Nimrod: OH SHIT!

The red-haired wine industry owner was not pleased with the turn of events.

Diluc: I see no reason to cling to things that have outlived their purpose. You should, too.

Kaeya: Is that so? Then I trust you were most swift indeed to part with a certain vase.

Diluc: Sorry. I have no recollection.

Reckless-Pallad: Huh, that's odd. There is a vase in the Wine Palace. A beautiful, unmistakable one.

Diluc: Your opinion is just as valid as a disabled person's legs.

Kaeya: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, it seems.

Nimrod was KO'd in the background.

In the back, we see our main characters for today's chapters hiding behind a stack of boxes. Only their heads popping outside, and on different levels.

Y/n: Oh, damn...

Paimon: Oh, damn they got no imaginary friends! Wait! Paimon can say "damn" without getting interrupted!? LET'S FUC--

Venti: The theory was right! Nailed it!

Paimon simply kicked the bard in the forehead.

SMACK!

Venti: OW!

Lumine: So... These two are brothers or something? He did say "father's" and not the classic "your father would be disappointed with what you're doing".

Kaeya: Ah, the comedy squad. Just in time.

Diluc: Good afternoon, all of you... Except for the bard. He can barely tell if it's the sun it the moon.

Venti: Big ouch! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, huh?

Diluc: At least I have a bed.

Venti fucking died on the spot.

Y/n: Holy shit! Diluc ain't got no chill today.

Paimon: Quick! Loot the body and make it look like an accident!

Venti: I'm alive you know! I didn't even move!

Lumine: That can be changed. Very soon, that is.

Venti: 0-0 U-Uh! Do you guys ever wonder who Y/n keeps talking to and insulting? We can use the monocle to find out!

Y/n: You'll be disappointed to find such a vile thing exists.

Fuck you.

For some reason that got everyone busy gawking at you with the monocle as you gaze blankly at them.

Kaeya: It seems like there isn't much. Oh well, I'm thirsty for the sweet taste of wine. Off I go!

He jumps through a nearby window.

Diluc: The broken window will be added to his tab...*sigh*

The "adults" leave, and it's back to the four of you... Three of which are still scanning the surrounding area for the Narrator...

With a deep sigh, you cross your arms.

Y/n: You done?

BZZZZT!

Lumine: Huh? I thought I saw someone for a split second...

Paimon: Really!? Paimon thought she was seeing things again.

Venti: Wow. A little girl. All this time, Y/n was insulting and fighting a child. Sounds about right.

These statements made the protagonist's eyes widen, as a puzzled and nervous look befalls him.

Y/n: Hm!?

Last I remember, I'm not a little child.

Y/n: (I... No, no! I g-got over it!)

Vague as fuck. Like always when discovering something about yourself.

Y/n: W-Well... Ahem, we're done here. Let's move on.

Your sudden change of tone did not go unnoticed by the trio, however, they knew better than to question you immediately.

Hiding the fact that you were struggling to swallow down a still-beating heart of yours. As if you somehow choked on a watermelon.

This was gonna have to wait until you get your shit together. Which wasn't the first time, and you knew deep down it wasn't gonna be the last.

But you succeeded.

You always have.

Right?

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.
.

Y/n: Hey, remember when Among Us, Squid Game, WWIII, forest fires, and toilet paper apocalypse were a thing?

That's one way to take your mind off. I'm starting to think you have an identity disorder, but then again that would make sense considering you'd the embodiment of every reader.

Anyhow, you caught the wanna-be knight, Ellin Yeager, simping for the Jeans and wanting her to remember her for at least 10 years.

Ellin: *obligatory mention of Stanly because the quest needs to continue*

Paimon: Ratio.

All in: Can you smash these training dummies at onc--

Before she could continue, Lumine already stomped the ground with a Geo-infused kick making a cavity on it and somewhat of an earthquake with the golden-shaped tumors popping out.

Safe to say, not only the dummies were destroyed.

Liyue-Merchant: MYYYYY CAAABBBAAAAGGGGEEEEEES! NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!

Lumine: Oh...

Y/n: Forgot about that guy... Whoops.

All-in: Very cool, *useless dialogue* could you please deliver this message to Jack for me?

Y/n: Unless he's the one who lets it rip, I don't care.

Ellin: ... But my fanfic--

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.

It will take another year for us to show up in Inazuma. There are still many quests and events... But we could always stall them... Sumeru is about to be released as well.

Oh well. Who cares? More lore, more plot, more chances (probably).

Paimon: Marr Jivari? Did we hear of this before?

Y/n: I think even the developers forgot about it... Probably.

Venti: The Land without wind- yada! Yada!

YATTA-- sorry.

Lumine: So, some guy who totally won't steal his twin brother's name is famous now? The more you know. Also, Y/N, this is a dungeon run.

Y/n: SON OF A BITCH! Oh, cool. No timesk--

TIME SKIP BROUGHT YOU BY THE AUTHOR USING EVERY WORD FUNCTION TO WRITE THIS

Y/n: You're still a dick-head.

Paimon: The temple of the Lion? Huh, we explored this during the Stormterror incident... Seems now it's only a hot spot for adventurers. Do you guys know what that means?

Lumine: Peaceful days without conflict?

Paimon: MORONS TAKING PAIMON'S TREASURE! ONWARD!

She crashed into a wall.

Venti: Hah! Idiot!

He fell off the map.

Y/n: ... OK.

Lumine: Seems legit.

Y/n: Now what?

A wind current decided to show up from where Venti fell off, and you hear the fluttering sound of feathers (but not feathers) from a Wind glider, revealing a green hat of a bard.

Venti: I LIIIIVE!

Y/n: Couldn't you just fly? You know, God power and all that.

Venti: Eh, cheat codes.

Paimon: Ow... Paimon's brain was just bouncing around like a DVD logo... Oh hey, guys! What were we doing again?

Lumine: Oh no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xADSDapqn9o

Y/n: Oh no.

Venti: Oh... No?

All of you look at a nearby wall, waiting patiently for someone to show up...

But no one came...

Paimon: Aw... Where is he?

Elsewhere

The border of Siberia

In the deep snow, we see a crimson liquid spreading across it.

Following the red fluids, we come across a fragmented piece of glass laying on the ground.

The reason for that? Well... If we take a look at a nearby tower, we can see a soldier holding a Nagant rifle with smoke emitting from the muzzle.

Soldier: No one--not even you, Kool-aid-- can ever un-fuck the Thanksgiving turkey.

He takes a walkie-talkie with a Hello Kitty sticker.

Soldier: It's over, Barack Obama.

Back to Teyvat

In another room of a dungeon that nobody gives a fuck about...

There are two hilichurls standing guard at the door for some unknown reason.

One of the said hilichurls turns to his buddy.

Hilichurl#1: Hey.

Hilichurl#2: Yeah?

Hilichurl#1: You ever wondered why we're here?

Hilichurl#2: That's one of life's greatest mysteries, isn't it? Why ARE we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or... is there really a God watching everything? Y'know, with a plan for us and stuff? I donnu, man, but it keeps me up at night.

Hilichurl#1: ...

Hilichurl#2: ...

That-Ant-Discovering-It-Can-Climb: YOOOOOO! Check me out!

Hilichurl#1: What? I meant WHY ARE WE HERE IN THIS DOMAIN!?

Hilichurl#2: Oh, uhh... yeah.

Hilichurl#1: What was all that stuff about God? Aren't we like, cursed and all that? Wait. Am I supposed to know that?

Hilichurl#2: Oh, yeah. I remember something about that. We were running away then Dainsleif told us to "Fuck off!" Good times, man.

Hilichurl#1 OUR FUCKING NATION GOT ASS FUC--

And then they started to squabble, hitting each other with pebbles from time to time.

From a slight distance away, we see all the squad watching this unfold

Venti: Huh, wonder if it involves me.

... "wonder"

Lumine: They're having a moment, we should let them be...

Y/n: A good hilichurl is a dead hilichurl, Lumi.

Paimon: We all know that's an excuse to fill your bloodlust, Y/N.

Y/n: I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF SWORD SWING--

Lumine: Y/n, Y/N! Don't you swi--

Ah, cut off on both sides.

Wonder how dat boi will react when he finds the truth.

Oh boy.

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.

Whether he was successful at killing or sparing the two hilichurls is up to your imagination.

Your fucked up "imagination"...

I changed my mind. They live.

Y/n: WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF!? WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF!? SELF-LOVE IS IMPORTANT!

We currently watch a wild Y/n, pissed off due to the lack of updates and still not getting the artifact he wants(it's been a couple of months), bashing a Cryo Abyss Mage's head with a hammer.

Guess he truly missed doing this.

Where he got the hammer? Home Depot.

We gotta reward him with a good fighting song.

But still a surprising lack of others fighting as well.

Paimon: No more Paimon knife...?

Y/n: Who the fuck reads this story for fight scenes!? Especially if the fight is with like what? Six hilichurls? We all know what the readers want! And we will give it to them-- that sounded so wrong, I'm gonna continue bashing this mage with a hammer.

CryoMage: P-PLEASE! I GIVE UP! MERCY--AAAAAAHHH!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkAFeuX0r1k

The two adventurers you found were hiding in the corner, thinking they were saved from the hilichurl attack, only to meet a "hero" who practically beat every hilichurl they saw with a hammer.

A 10cm tall mini-hammer.

Lumine: I think we are over-leveled-- Nope. Just checked, we are over-leveled.

Venti: Oh, cool... Did I ask--

Lumine: Wasn't answering you, hobo.

He held his chest and fell to his knees dramatically.

Venti: I'll never emotionally recover from this... Unless you gave me your free alcohol coupons!

Paimon: Those exist?

CryoMage: AAAAAAH!

Y/n: Hmmmm~.

...

POOF!

The oldest of the two adventurers watches the h/c haired boyo, store his smol hammer as if nothing happened.

With trembling legs, the youngest one with whatever balls he had left stutters his way in.

Jack: W-W-What i-in B-Ba-Barbatos are y-you!?

With whatever ability you had left, you put on your best "I just woke up" voice.

Y/n: I am vengeance!

Paimon: Yeah, why does Paimon feel like this whole ordeal was made for that one line?

THERE'S SOMETHING IN HIS A--

Y/n: Get cut off, maidenless runt.

Fuck you!

Venti: Hey, Jack the Adventurer. Ellin called, she doesn't feel like going on an adventure. Maybe next time.

Jack: Cucked again, huh? Damn. After all this mess with the hilichurls that almost killed me.

Stanley: This shit was easy as fuck. I don't see what all this bloody fuss is all about, man. It was nothing that I, Stanley, couldn't have dealt with myself.

Y/n: I can already predict where this mission is going...

Venti: Cool. So, are we done now? Or do we go further in?

Paimon: That's not funny anymore.

Lumine: I don't know. What does this pebble think?

Pebble: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--

Lumine: Hm...

Stanley: Oh, but we got I, the renowned adventurer, Stanley! Why should we head back, when I am here?

Y/n: I absolutely despise your tone.

Venti: Alright! Motion passed by unanimous consent. Let's head further in.

Y/n: I still feel violated by that statue, Venti.

As the squad proceeds to venture further in. We see Y/n who tries his best to ignore the annoying adventurer's voice as he talks about his affair with the Mare Jivari by punching and kicking open chests.

Stanley: --and alas! I'm sure you came here to hear more about the great adventures of Stanley! Am I right, or am I right?

Venti: No, we really were just looking for Jack.

SHOOKETH beyond repair(I donnu), Stanley took it upon himself to look retarded.

Whoever the fuck gets offended can stick cacti up their ass.

Stanley: What?! Do you know who I am!? I am STANLEY, renowned adventurer of Mondstadt, the one who dares to step foot upon the land with no wind, the one who doesn't feel pain when stubbing their toe!

With a small scratch to the back of the head, Venti replies calmly.

Venti: Yeah, I think we got that.

Not pleased with the response of the bard, and the cast just ignoring everyone else's existence, the boomer energy was strong with this one.

Stanley: Well, that attitude says you don't get that! I am Stanley-blah blah blah blah--

You got the gest of it.

Paimon: Enough already! If Paimon hears another "Oh, I'm Stanley! Lookin at me go!", Paimon will absolutely demolish your EXISTENCE!

The marshmallow yelled with fury, her fists ready.

HEY, THAT RHYMED!

Y/n: Get him, Paimon!

Stanley: W-Well, u-uh... So, Jack! Where was I?

Jack: Huh? Oh! You and your partner just entered Mars Jivari, the land without a wisp of wind.

Stanley: Ah! Precisely! There was a deathly silence in the air. A sea of ashes stretched out before us, as far as the eye could see -- the Mare Jivari.

Lumine: This is taking too long...

Stanley: Suddenly, my partner was caught in a whirlpool wiped up by an evil beast! Luckily, I managed to grab a hold of him just in time...

Y/n: (God, he's like those "Beast Runners" back in Thundering Woods... Oh wait! That basically makes no sense to the reader!)

Prepare your asses for Traveler's Shenanigans, a prequel to this shitty fanfic.

Y/n: (Oh, can't wait for an update every blue moon.)

That is... Damn... That's true.

Jack: Wow! So did he make it?

Stanley: *sigh* Sadly, only I alone was able to set foot back on home ground once more, where the gentle breeze carried away the tears welling in my eyes...

Jack, who was sobbing as if he heard the most tragic shit ever, tries to comprehend the tale.

Jack: H-How could that happen...? That poor guy...

Stanley: Jack! You can't cry so easily if you want to be a great adventurer.

Jack: I-I know! Because an adventurer's proudest achievement is to die in the course of their final adventure!

Y/n: (No thanks! I choose life... most of the time... heh! As if I'd die in my "final" adventure.)

Jack: But... Whatever happens, no adventure should die in a place where the wind doesn't blow! The wind has to bring your spirit back to Mondstadt!

Stanley: *sigh* That's right! To die in a place where the wind blows, and to have your spirit carried by the wind to Mondstadt... That's the dream...

Jack: Yeah, although I can only do beginner's commissions, like creating the Slimes clogging up the sewers...

Y/n: (I get its cultural stuff and all that usual "honor and pride" stuff... But what the fuck?)

You make eye contact with your blonde companion, shaking your head slightly. A small smug smile seems to find its way on her face as she nods her head.

--Which made you lightly hit her forearm.

Paimon: No wind? Why do they keep on going about this?

And all of you proceed forward.

After a few minutes (10 minutes) of you committing every war crime imaginable towards the hilichurls.

For example: going for the medic. Get dunked on Hydro Shaman.

When the "few minutes of violating war rules" ended, Venti decided to be a genius(somehow).

Venti: USE THE MONOCLE!

Lumine: Alright then. I go first.

Paimon: But Paimo--

Lumine: Shush.

And now, you witness Stanley being schizophrenic. Because there was a person who was younger than him with an unhealthy amount of scars all around his body.

Don't ask what's the healthy amount.

Venti: An imaginary friend with the appearance of a seasoned warrior, covered in scars from head to toe and a face filled with determination.

Lumine: I think we all knew his stories are not his.

Y/n: That much is obvious.

Obvious rhymes with Morbius.

Paimon: Morb--

Y/n: Stop this already. It's as annoying as the "Amogus" memes...

Lumine: Definitely one of the films ever made.

Y/n: I hate every single one of you.

Venti: Even me?

Y/n: Especially you.

Venti died on the spot.

You pull out an egg with its shells still intact and drop it on top of his head.

Thud

A light hit. It didn't even crack, but the bard looks fine.

Tone-deaf-bard: Alright. Where were we?

The two adventurers that no one cared about finally finished talking.

Stanley: I'll be going now.

He walks outside... Somehow... Where the fuck is the exit?

Y/n: Oi. When a domain ends. There's a blue hologramic area.

AH! Right. Forgot about those.

Jack(not the ripper) appeared in front of you four.

Jack: Do you three still have time to spare?

Paimon: THREE!?

Y/N: No, we don't.

Venti: "Don't worry, young one. We have all the time in the world." isn't that right, Y/n?

Y/n: Why in the world should I give a fuck?

Jack: Well, a few days ago-- Stanley got drunk and told me a secret, something which he hasn't told anyone before...

Y/n: I'm a teacher and Stan is Wikipedia. You can guess how much I trust this.

Jack: A lot...?

With a deep sigh, you hold the temple of your head-- feeling the headache.

Y/n: I wish more people understood sarcasm...

Venti: Well, you can continue, Jack. You can tell our lovely Honorary Knight is very intrigued.

Y/n: I keep forgetting that... Damn.

Jack: Well, the weapons Stanley took on his adventure all those years ago... They were none other than the ones which were wielded by Mondstadt's greatest hero, Venessa herself! The Sword of Brilliant Valor and the Shield of Magnificent Honor!

Venti: Oh really? That is most interesting, Jack!

Paimon: (Wasn't Barbatos with Vennessa when she freed Mond? Yikes. Guess Venti is smelling the bullsh--)

Even in her thoughts, Paimon got cut off.

Today's results: Shinom- never mind.

TIME FOR A STORY THAT WON'T GET RELEASED PLUG! LOVABLE IDI--

Jack: I don't know whether you believe me or not, but... Apparently, both the sword and the shield are here in Mondstadt, specifically Dadaupa Gorge!

Lumine: It's always Dadaupa Gorge...

Daddy daddy do.

Jack: Since you guys are the experts at this... Can you come with me--

Venti: Gross.

Jack: Huh?

Y/n: Don't worry about it.

You and Venti fist-bump like the morons you two are.

Jack: O-Okay then... Uhh, should I be concerned?

Lumine: You heard him, don't worry about it.

Paimon: Else you might worry about something else. Hehehe!

Jack: (O-Okay, not terrifying at all...)

Clearing his throat and with a peal of nervous laughter, and since he doesn't have a brain he continues.

Jack: Uh, please help me retrieve these two legendary weapons!

Lumine: So he had the two legendary weapons and decided to drop them off?

Paimon: Seriously, just like that!?

The naive adventurer shrugs his shoulders.

Jack: I don't know. Outstanding individuals come with their quirks, right? If I could get my hands on something like that, maybe then my family would see the light of me becoming an adventurer!

The adventurer sighs in defeat with a slouched back.

Jack: Right now, I'm just a rookie, my abilities are limited, and my parents don't support my goal one bit...

He looks at all of you with hope sparkling from his eyes, he bows his head with his hands clasping together, pleading for help.

Jack: So whaddya say? Help a guy out? Please... I can't bring myself to tell Stanley about it because my reasons are so... Selfish... But I swear I'll bring the weapons back as soon as I'm done!

You stare in dejection at him. His posture, his innocence, his naiveness, the will to go further and beyond to accomplish his dreams... Yet so damn stupid. It kinda reminded you of someone.

Y/n: (He's getting scammed hard. Can't believe I used to be like that...)

Somehow, for some reason, you felt some kind of obligation to help him out. You may not show it, but deep down you wanted to drop kick Stanley.

Y/n: Wow. A sob story, it's been a while since I've heard one. *sigh* I'm down to accompany this bullshit. Kinda miss Dadaupa Gorge being overused. I mean, you could be a liar as well, but the chapter needs to continue.

Lumine: Aw, someone felt bad.

Y/n: I'll shove you in a barrel.

Lumine: You can try, Sir Tsun.

Venti: Oh right! The tsun side! How could I forg--

Y/n: Make another comment and I'll tell Diluc about it.

Taken aback, the bard walks backward with clear fear in his eyes.

Venti: You wouldn't...

Y/n: Try me...

Venti: Shutting up!

He made a hand gesture as if he was zipping his mouth shut, locking it, looking for the keys in his pockets, digging a hole on the ground, stomping on a rock, bashing the keys with said rock, then burying the keys.

He jumps high up, raising his hands as if he was praising the sun.

Venti: MMMFF MFFFF!

Lumine: Guessing that's supposed to mean "Ta-da!"

Paimon: Overkill, but nice!

Then his face starts turning blue.

Y/n: Oh boy...

Purple.

Jack: H-Hey! Is he holding his breath!?

Y/n: I'm not spending another egg on you. Get that "key".

And he rushed to dig up the imaginary key.

.
.
.
.

Venti: WOOO! I don't know how that works...

Y/n: Yeah, totally.

Venti: Alright. Reward time!

Jack: Oh right! I have a bottle of rare vintage wine that I had someone fetch for me a couple of years ago. Help me find these weapons and it's yours.

Venti: Hooray for alcoholism!

Unbeknownst to you all-- Stanley, who was hiding behind a pillar(he didn't leave apparently), heard the conversation.

Y/n: He heard wha--

TIMESKIP OCEAN!

...

Hilichurl: TUTA SHUTA!

AS THE SQU-- Sorry, I forgot the caps lock. As the squad stares into the ceremony of the hilichurls from a nearby window, Y/n has to hold the dumb adventurer's collar so that he wouldn't fall for the third time. You all witness a very rusty and looking sword implanted upon... Things of ceremonial activities for the hilichurls?

Junks, those were junks.

Lumine: Low standards, but seriously...

Paimon: Paimon doesn't have any idea what to say, so imagine if Paimon said something witty here.

Y/n: Good one, Paimon! Also very philosophical, right next to "To be or not to be". That's how good it was!

Paimon: Nailed it!

Jack: What is this!? WHAT IS THIS!?

Hilichurl: YAA--!!

Venti: GET CUT OFF!

Venti charges his shot, alongside his glowing pigtails, he aims to the middle of the unimportant hilichurls and lets go, creating a vortex that sucks in(ayo?) the hilichurls that exist for you to physically abuse and for us to use as an increase in word count.

A simple flick of a lit-up match helped you swirl Pyro.

The hilichurl camp burned down.

Yeah, that's about it.

Venti: BEHOLD! THE JUNK AND THE SWORD THAT SURVIVED! Also may be known as the Sword of Brilliant Valor.

Paimon: Wow. The hilichurls were seriously bowing down to this piece of junk?

Venti: (Ah... Seems somebody tossed an old sword into a pile of spoils these hilichurls were already celebrating on.)

Lumine, who was pinching her nose, decided to take a few steps back.

Lumine: The smell is horrible. Could we go faster?

Y/n: Hehe...

Obviously, someone pinching their nose would mean that their voice would sound like a mosquito using auto-tone.

But you also decided the smell wasn't worth the trouble and moon-walked on grass, joining Lumine with a face mask on.

Jack: This is as basic as a harem story! What am I supposed to do with this!?

The banana was once again barbecued.

Venti, who was looking for a way to bullshit, had a fantastic idea in mind. You could tell from the lantern that popped out of nowhere on top of his head.

Venti: Say, Jack... Have you seen an Anemo Crystalfly? They're found in the open country of Mondstadt city.

Y/n: And they're a bitch to catch on mobile with high ass ping. So the best advice is to dash, jump, and furiously tap on the location of the icon.

Venti: If you saw one in broad daylight, you wouldn't bat an eyelid. But in the pitch blackness of night? Its brilliant glow is mesmerizing -- it truly resembles an exquisite crystal dancing in the night air.

And then Paimon joined you two with a dazed look on her face.

Paimon: What did they put in those things...?

<S H I T>

Venti: --Is the valor not the same? When everything is going your way, it seems meaningless -- fades into the background. But when you're in dire straits, valor is the thing that gets you fired up and fighting back. It's a brilliant ray of light that guides you out from the darkness.

Y/n: I still want my crit rate/dmg with ACCEPTABLE substats... Flat HP, flat defense, FLAT attack! Not even a percentage! The fucking rates are against me! What is this?

Lumine: The amount of flats I'm hearing makes me think of Hu Tao.

Y/n: And now she needs a funeral for herself. Good job, Lumi!

Paimon: You really had to burn someone with a Pyro vision, huh?

Jack: You're... You're right! This must be the Sword of Brilliant Valor!

THUD!

Dumbass: OW! MY ASS!

This could be anyone.

Venti: Oh, look. Stanley is here.

Y/n: He's really into hiding behind random pillars.

Paimon: What a weird kink to have.

Lumine: *silent MC noises*

And he ran away.

Venti: Shield?

Y/n: Yes.

Paimon: How did Jack not see-- Oh, he passed out.

True to her words, the brown-haired adventurer was face first on the floor with the rusty sword in hand.

Lumine: So... Who carries him?

The answer was obvious.

TIMESKIP BROUGHT YOU BY NORD VP-- OUCH MY DI--

Zamn.

As the entire squad tried to complete "Adventure-mon: Sword and Sheild. "(and another form of genocide by your Geo Hands that's rated E), you all reach a lone hilichurl with a shield that's different from the others...

A fucking wine barrel's cover.

Venti: Behold your mortal eyes! The Shield of Magnificent Honor!

Paimon: Paimon must still be around those spoils from the amount of bullshi--

Jack: WHAT!? IT EVEN HAS WINE STAINS!

Paimon: ONLY ONE LETTER! WHY!?

She uses her legs to kick the wind, the kick Jack's head.

Jack: OW! WHAT DID I DO?!

Paimon: SHUT IT! Hmph! One day... One day...

She floats back with the exaggerated swagger of a sociopath.

Venti: Ta-ta! My bard's intuition tells me that this is none other than the shield we are looking for.

He spins around with an ear-to-ear smile on his face.

Venti: Warriors wear their battle scars with pride, and shields are no different. Surely, an intact shield is one that shied away from the battlefield. Isn't the broken and splintered shield the one that has fought countless wars and lived to tell the tail?

He clears his throat and carries on.

Venti: Though the soldier's body is tired and torn, still they fight till the very end, till they have no blood left to bleed. Such magnificent strength of will... Is that not the true meaning of honor?

Lumine: *whisper* He really wants that wine, doesn't he?

You simply nod, amused by the bard's ability to pull random bullshit

.
.
.

Paimon: Greetings, Mr. Hilichurl. It seems that we very fancy-like met each other... Yeah, Paimon ran out of words...

Y/n: How the fuck did we agree on this?

You were standing face-to-face with the hilichurl who held the "shield".

Paimon: Y/n, get him! Use magic words you picked up.

Y/n: Du magst Jazz?

Paimon: PAIMON MEANT HILICHURLIAN!

Y/n: Ah, right... Uhh, words...

The hilichurl tilts its head, confused.

With a sigh filled with frustration, you summon a spear.

Y/n: I'll just kill him.

Lumine: Y/n, no! Learn a bit!

Y/n: LET ME STAB HIM IN THE FACE--

Alright, alright... Deep breaths try again.

Y/n: Why is it always me...?

Paimon: Because Main Character!

Lumine: And it might help you in the future.

Venti: And amusement!

Jack: I... don't know.

Hilichurl: Muhe ye!

Y/n: (Hm! I remember! Some hilichurls used to say it to each other!)

You clear your throat as five hearts appear next to the hilichurl.

Y/n: (IS THIS A FUCKING DATING GAME NOW!?)

IT'S FRIENDSHIP. DON'T ASK! Just talk!

With a deep sigh, you recall a verse.

Y/n: Ahem... Vin Plata Dada!

The hilichurl was taken aback, as he looks at your hands. Least to say he's confused when he sees it empty. So he began to look around.

Y/n: (The fuck did I just say...?)

Then its eyes landed on the green bard-- more importantly the flower on the green bard, he seems interested.

He then looks at the flower on Lumine's head. You see him perk up as he bounces like a child upon seeing it.

Y/n: (So he was looking for a flower... Ah, so that's what it means.)

You open your satchel, arm going DEEP into the void, and with fixed eyes you YOINK a batch of flowers.

Lamp grass, Windwheel, Cecilia, Sweet flower, silk, Qinxin, Calla Lily.

Yeah, you get the dead. It consisted of every single flower you found on your journey in Mond and Liyue.

Y/n: There!

With an exaggerated pose, you hand offer them to the hilichurl.

The hilichurl was shocked! No one had ever talked to it before, even the other hilichurls didn't bother to spare it the time of the day!

With a shaky hand, it gladly takes the flowers.

Y/n: Uhh... (I don't know how I feel about this anymore...)

Lumine: (If only I had a camera...)

Yeah, she knows what those things are. Don't get too surprised.

Paimon: The real ship was Y/n x Hilichurl. We were too blind to see it!

Venti had released a nervous laugh while scratching the back of his head and Jack was confused.

All well ends well, the hilichurl was happy and offered you its shield in return. You accept it with an awkward smile on your face.

Friendly-Hilichurl: Valo odumo!

Y/n: Uh, Valo!

Venti: Our Honorary Knight sure is full of surprises.

Y/n: I kill at least two hundred of these people on a daily basis...

Lumine: If you think about it... They're like humans, bad ones are louder than the good ones... Hm...

Paimon: Ah yes, time for PTSD. Let's go!

It was becoming nighttime, so the hilichurl had to leave. Not before waving its hand like a Roblox character.

Y/n: Okay then... That happened. (Might as well learn hilichurlian...)

Jack: Guys, thank you so much! I can't believe I actually found them.

Y/n: You?

With the amount of happiness coming from him, he didn't seem to hear you as he was currently running with a goofy smile on his face.

Jack: Mom! Dad! Check out these legendary weapons I found!

Venti: Hey, wait!

Venti extends his arm, calling for the adventurer. But he was in his own world.

And then Jack was gone.

Venti: The wine! You promised...

Then the green bard slumps down.

Venti: Ugh, and I actually helped a lot this time... Hm?

Venti stares at a nearby tree seeing someone's head poking out then immediately went back to hiding.

Venti: What are you doing here, Stanley? Out for a stroll?

There was no way out of this for Stanley, especially since you all grew tired of it.

With a burst of nervous laughter, the bearded man comes out as gay--

Stanley: Ahaha... Hey... Uh, hey... Um, what are you doing here, Bard..., Traveler,...other traveler... Mini traveler? You out for a stroll too, huh? Hehe... Heh...

Venti: That's right! An after-dinner one to be precise. We were also helping a friend out.

Paimon: (Let's see how he tries to wiggle his way out of this one.)

Lumine: *whisper* Not to alarm you with this "shocking" discovery, but it's clear he's the one who put the sword and shield in these places.

Y/n: Oh no, I am shocked.

Venti: Adventurers must be pretty familiar with Dadaupa Gorge. You've fought battles here before, after all.

Despite his nervous self a few seconds ago, he seemed to think you all believed that he was taking a stroll. With his nose up high, he replies.

Stanley: You'd better believe it! I could navigate this whole area with my eyes closed.

Venti, having a bit too much fun from this, decided to humor him further.

Venti: Wow. Then I admire your perseverance, and your memory too.

Stanley: It's only to be expected by a great adventurer like me! You guys better watch out though, this place is crawling with hilichurls.

Lumine: I couldn't tell...

The light glare from the blonde seemed to have reminded the man of how he messed up.

Stanley: I-uh...Er, I'll be going back to my, um, stroll now. G-Goodbye!

And he left, but not before getting hit by a tree.

Paimon: Guilty conscience, much?

Venti: Well, he shouldn't have gotten carried away bragging to Jack, should he?

Y/n: Oh, Venti of the Grass, what is your wisdom?

Venti: It's not always but the height, you can always kick someone between the legs.

Y/n: That is good wisdom.

Venti: *chuckle* Jokes aside. This whole ordeal is very interesting. Someone who can't let go of the past, and gives up on the present instead...

With his hands holding his chin, he shares his thoughts with you.

Venti: I wonder... if such person were to take his first steps towards the future, which way would they go?

Paimon: What are you talking about?

Venti: Ahaha! Nothing, I'm just musing to myself at this point!

The immediate defense was a rather suspicious behavior from the bard.

Venti: Anyways, I suggest we pay Angel's Share a visit tonight. What do you say? Excluding Paimon's opinions, of course!

Paimon: OI!

Y/n: Sucks to suck, Pai! Let's complete the story quest!

Lumine: It's been a long day.

TIMESKIP TO THE TAVERN!

All of you, using your stealth ability in the tavern--

--And by that I mean, enter an empty tavern with no one but Diluc as the bartender, and Stanley is the only one here(for some reason), and you all were sitting in different seats.

On the stood, the table, the chandelier (wait that wasn't here), and the floor.

Could you guess which one is which?

After figuring out that they wouldn't be able to communicate this way, they all agreed on going to a table.

Stanley, who was resting his head on the table with a bottle of wine in hand, looked miserable

Dark circles around his eyes, constant mumbling, messy hair, and all that jazz.

Diluc: (Why did I agree to this again?)

Then, the shocking plot twist.

Stanley: Tell me, Stanley... Tell me what should I do...?

Then began your whisper gossiping

Paimon: Hey! Talking in the third person is Paimon's schtick!

Lumine: Quiet.

Y/n: Talking to his imaginary friend?

Venti: Hmm... That could be the case. Let's hear mo--

The muffled sounds of sobbing were heard from the great adventurer, as he buries his head in his forearm.

"Stanley": *sobs* Oh, Stanley... It should have been me! I should have been the one to die in Mare Jivari that day... Why won't your spirit come and stop me from using your name? Why, Stanley, why?

The trio of Y/n, Lumine, and Paimon had their eyes widen. The last two had their jaw drop, while the former sealed his mouth.

Y/n: (I was not expecting that...)

The fake Stanley raises his head and glares at the glass bottle.

"Stanley": If only you hadn't had to save a rookie like me, you would have never died in that windless corner of the world...

His lips tremble as he looks at his down in disbelief.

"Stanley": You were a renowned adventurer, destined to become a legend one day... But now, that'll never happen because your life was cut short-- and all because of a worthless tag-along...

He then shoved his head back towards his arms, you hear the muffled sobbing and sniffing coming from said man.

With our main cast's table, we see a few mixed reactions.

Paimon: Does anyone... get what's going on?

Venti: I think our friend here really did make it to the Mare Jivari, and I think the tragedy that occurred is real too. But the real adventurer, the real Stanley-- that was his partner. Not him. The real Stanley is the one who died to save our "Stanley".

Y/n: Another case of survivor's guilt, huh?

Paimon: So in the end, he stole the real Stanley's name?

Lumine: Looks that way...

The bard nods in agreement.

Venti: I fear that may be the case.

You all witnessed as the sobbing stopped and he lifted his head once more and stares into space.

"Stanley": Stanley, for many years I lived I fear... Fear that Mondstadt will forget about your name, your legacy...all about you... So I tell your adventure stories at every opportunity...

Releasing a few coughs and patting his chest, the adventurer took a gulp of air.

"Stanley": Mondstadt must remember that Stanley reached the center of the Mare Jivari... He's the greatest adventurer there ever was, and he lives on! Stanley will never die... I am Stanley! I am... Stanley...

His head drops down with a defeated feeling consuming him.

"Stanley": I'm sorry, Stanley... I'm getting too old... now...

With a deep sigh, the adventurer somehow gets himself up.

"Stanley": Are you guys planning on eavesdropping much longer?

Paimon: Yikes! We're busted!

An annoyed look seems to have plastered itself on the fake Stanley.

"Stanley": Go away. Save your questions, just leave me in peace! Don't let me tell you that again!

The door of the tavern opened and a rushing Jack seems to be the cause of it.

Jack: Honorary Knight, Miss Lumine, Venti, and Paimon! I'm so glad you guys are here! I've been looking for you everywhere! I wanted to thank you again for helping me find the sword and shield, my parents are finally supporting me!

Venti: Oh, uh, really?

With an excitement-filled face, the young adventurer could barely contain himself.

Jack: Yeah! They even said they were gonna pay someone to fix them both, that way I can take them with me on the road!

Venti: That's wonderful Jack! So, is this the part where you bid farewell to Mondstadt to begin your journey traversing Teyvat?

Jack: No, not yet... I still don't have what it takes to go too far from home yet. Besides, I'm sure Stanley has a few stories left to tell! They're the ones that inspired me to become an adventurer in the first place

Y/n: (The emotional damage on this one!)

With a face of a child full of wonder, the adventurer gazes toward his idol.

Jack: Stanley--... Oh, you're drunk again... Well, see you tomorrow then! After your hangover wears off, maybe you can tell me more of your stories.

With a small wave, the adventurer proceeds to leave, the smile still evident on his profile.

Venti: Stanley is really fond of that kid, don't you think?

You look back to the drunken adventurer, crossing your arms in the process, and a look of pity came to your face.

A hiccup escaped from the drunkard adventure's lips, which made him wake up. He looks around weakly.

"Stanley": Jack...? Jack...?

Venti: Jack left.

"Stanley": Oh, I see... Well, thanks for not telling him about my secret...

Venti: Huh? All of a sudden you're facing the facts? This isn't like you...

"Stanley": Just now... I couldn't bare to look at him. His adventurer's spirit is so pure... unblemished... I'm just a weary old feckless fraud, but that kid is a brand new shining star, full of potential... I cannot allow his dreams to be crushed.

Paimon: Um, you're not a total fraud. Stanley's adventure stories and experiences are all true, right?

"Stanley": Stories... Experiences... What's the point of them anymore... To be honest, my memories of adventuring, and of Stanley... They're hazy, these days. That's my biggest secret of all and my biggest fear.

"Stanley": All these years, I've been livin' to tell his story. But his personality, and the details of his life, I don't remember them clearly anymore. Ah-ha...

With a small chuckle, he shakes his head.

"Stanley": But the one thing I can never forget... is that he died in a wingless land, where his spirit can never be recovered.

Lumine: All these years, he lived drowning in guilt...

Venti: Exactly... Even in his memory, the real Stanley isn't the living, breathing friend he knew at all. Instead, he became fixed on that image of the battle-scarred warrior... And that image held him captive his entire life.

"Stanley": I'm too old... I never let go, but still so much has slipped away... I'm completely and utterly worthless!

SLAM! His fist made contact with the table, shaking the glassware being held by it, startling Paimon, and catching more attention from the owner of the tavern.

"Stanley": No adventurer should have to go that way... No adventurer ever.

The green bard gives the still grieving man a comforting smile.

Venti: Hans Archibald?

Hearing the full name, the middle-aged man was struck in the gut while staring in awe at the bard.

Hans: My true name... How did you know?

FWOOOO! The whistling of the wind could be heard as the God of Anemo brings generates a strong breeze, making the adventurer's hair flutter as if it was dancing to it.

Hans: The wind... I can hear the wind blowing in Mare Jivari!

A green light was produced from behind the bard, as the two were taken to another landscape. Where nothing was present. The ground reflected the sky which was in the same colors as Anemo and had clouds hovering in it.

The adventurer gets up from his seat and rushes to the bard, stopping on his tracks midway. He extends his arm, scared if what he was experiencing was but a dream.

Hans: I always knew... You existed.

The God of the Wind offers his hand with a welcoming smile.

Venti: Will you hand me your old friend's spirit?

Still stunned by what he sees before himself, Archibald accepts as his hand hovers on top of the god's.

A bright light of Anemo beamed before himself, covering both hands.

He watches, astonished by what his eyes let him witness. He lifts his head expecting to meet the gentle gaze and smile of his god.

He was right by the first part, however, instead of Barbatos, it was his old friend's spirit, Stanley. The real Stanley.

No words needed to be exchanged as the spirit of Stanley gives his partner one last confidence-filled smile before slowly disappearing.

Hans was panicking, seen trying to catch the spirit before it completely vanished.

But Stanley had already left.

And Hans was back inside the tavern.

Hans: I... I can't believe it. Thank you all! And thank you, lord Barbatos... I'm sorry, it's gonna take me some time to calm down. But I think that...

He has a tired smile on his face.

Hans: I think I'm gonna be okay...

And alas, Hans Archibald has left the tavern.

Diluc: (What did I just witness? I shouldn't be surprised anymore...)

Venti: Ah, wonderful! Stanley reconnected with his true self, and Jack can go on adventuring. All well ends well! This calls for a celebration, which of course I mean by libation.

Paimon: And by libation, you mean that you're not gonna leave this tavern until you're too drunk to walk.

Venti: Haha-- No. The wine here is too expensive, Jack still owes me a bottle of rare vintage in exchange of helping him out, remember?

With a smile, he turns to you.

Venti: I'll go fetch the wine. See you shortly, let's meet at the usual place.

Y/n: Mhm...

And then he ran off.

Paimon: There they go, secret locations...

Lumine: Is it the big statue?

Y/n: Yeah.

Paimon: How come Paimon doesn't know!?

Lumine: The convenient map knows all.

Y/n: Hey, Pai. You dropped this.

You give her a folded piece of paper, which she grabs and opens.

"L"

Paimon: You think you're so funny, you motherfu--

TIME SKIP BROUGHT YOU BY A DOLLAR BILL

LOOK AT THIS! I'M RRRRIIICH!

On top of the Barbatos statue in front of the Cathedral, we see our main cast and Venti who was sitting on his own stone hands.

Venti: You made it... finally.

Paimon: The grape juice break was very important. Did you manage to find your wine?

Venti: Yup! Well... Jack made it sound like it's a rare collector's vintage... And it's actually a bottle of regular vintage.

Lumine: Like idol like follower?

Y/n: Pretty much the case here. Feed 'em lies, worked with a bunch of companies, didn't it?

You know who the fuck we are talking about.

Exhaling, the bard looks at his city.

Venti: This takes me back... The first time I saw this view, I hadn't even taken this form yet.

Y/n: Oh?

Venti: It was about 2,600 years ago before the world had come under the rule of The Seven. By that time, old Mondstadt was ruled by a tyrant, who sealed off the city's perimeter with a ferocious hurricane. Even the birds couldn't get in or out.

Paimon: Old Mondstadt? Isn't that Stormterror's Lair now? You mentioned it before!

Venti: That's right. The tyrant of the winds who once ruled from the tower was Decarabian, God of Storms.

He tilts his head up, recollecting what memories he had from that era.

Venti: Back then, I was but a wisp among the thousand winds. I wasn't a god of anything-- I didn't even have a human form...

The gentle breeze of the night brought upon leaves that soar the illuminated sky filled with stars.

Venti: I was just a tiny elemental being who lived in the wind, a gentle breeze bringing subtle changes for the better, or tiny seeds of hope.

Paimon: Woah. Were you smaller than Paimon though?

Lumine: Paimon.

A look of disapproval was clear on the golden-eyed traveler.

Paimon: Paimon's curious!

Venti: Hehe! It's fine. To answer your question, Paimon... Yes, I used to be smaller. *sigh* In fact, my current form is not so different from the situation of fake Stanley... I took the form of a friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_V0TX6MyGw

Spitting bars while having an emotional breakdown. Nice one, Venti.

Y/n: Ah... I see.

Silence filled the night, no one was awake at this hour apparently. You look at your two companions, they didn't move an inch. In fact, they seem to be waiting for your lead.

You slowly trudged your way next to the bard, sitting next to him with your legs dangling.

Y/n: He must've been one hell of a bard...

Venti, who had a smile on his face, nods his head slowly.

Venti: Yeah, he was...

You shake a couple of thoughts entering your mind, as you think of something to say.

Venti: You know, Y/n? For someone who probably has one of the biggest child-like wonders here, you're really smart... It almost scares me sometimes what you're capable of.

Y/n: I didn't even finish middle school... Or whatever they call it. Got dragged into... I don't even know how to describe what that world was. All I can say, it was a "if a drug trip was an actual world."

Venti: *chuckles* Is that so? That explains why so few things surprise you, you experienced a lot... And I can tell you went through a lot.

He takes a swig of his "rare" vintage, then gazes back at his nation.

Venti: A refreshing drink, a gentle breeze... Moments like this always take me back... Back to the song that I first heard from him...

Venti: "Fly, fly away. Like a bird in the sky. See the world on my behalf. To the heavens may you fly..."

.
.
.

You pat the bard's back, as your two companions get closer and sit on the edges as well. The bard has a look of appreciation, but understandable sadness.

He looks down, his godly eyes were troubled.

Venti: (Y/n, a part of you reminds you of him. Your antics, your selflessness even if you deny it sometimes, you're a troubled hero. I'm sorry, I can't tell you everything you need to know. So please, my friend... please don't die.)

Chapter 26: Drunkard's Tale

[COMPLETE]
______________________________________

HELLO, IT'S ME YOUR FATHER.

I got the milk.

Damn. I missed this a ton!

So, aside from the long wait... At least I completed my exams with a good amount of confidence that I'll get the results I want.

Wonder who Y/n's imaginary friend is? Hmmm. Who could it possibly be?

Venti seems to be worried about your safety. You go, you!

How was this chapter? Good? Bad? DAD, YOU'RE BACK!?

Remember, don't forget to stay hydrated and eat enough sugar and salt.

Trust me on that one... Oh god...

Anyhow, lots of stuff to uncover, and this might be the last chapter in Mond before you move to Liyue to start the story quests there.

As for Inazuma, I've seen some of you comment when it is... Well, I can safely say it's next year.

I'll leave the events at the moment, but there are two that I will definitely do before the Inazuma quest.

Vote, or else...

I donnu

Anyhow, see ya in... Sometime.

DashingBanana was here