Christmas House Bling  

http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com  

2006  

These podcasts are written and produced by Peter Carter, Birmingham, England, [email protected]  

Welcome...  

..to Listen to English, the podcast website for people learning English.  

The podcasts on this site will help you to improve your English vocabulary and pronunciation and your listening skills. There are two short (3 to 5 minutes) podcasts every week, in clearly spoken English. Many of them are linked to grammar and vocabulary notes, or to exercises or quizes. You can download the podcasts to your computer, or subscribe using a programme such as iTunes or Yahoo, or simply listen to them by clicking the Flash player on the web page beneath each episode. You can put the podcasts onto your iPod or MP3 player, and listen to them on your way to school or work. The full text of each podcast is on this site (and will also appear on your iPod screen), so you can look up the meanings of words that you do not understand in a dictionary. Then close your eyes and listen! Have fun!  

Christmas House Bling  

Friday 22 December 2006  

Bling? What's bling? 

Bling is a modern slang word for jewellery. But not any sort of jewellery. Jewellery is bling if:  

\u00b7 it is big  

\u00b7 it is brightly coloured  

\u00b7 it is loud and tasteless  

\u00b7 there is lots of it  

\u00b7 it is really in your face  

Jewellery is not bling if it is small, discreet or tasteful!  

And what is "house bling"? For a long time people have decorated the insides of their houses at Christmas, for example with Christmas trees, holly and mistletoe . But in the past few years, some people have started decorating the outsides of their houses as well, with lots of coloured lights, illuminated models of Santa Claus, reindeer and snowmen, and sometimes even with an audio system which plays Christmas carols. This is house bling. There is a picture of house bling on the podcast website, and (I hope) on your iPod too. If you type "house bling" into the search box at flickr.com , you will find lots more examples.  

Some people even compete with their neighbours to have the most house bling, the brightest house bling, the most tasteless house bling. House bling increases electricity consumption, and probably adds significantly to global warming and rising sea levels.  

I am taking a short break over Christmas. I will be back in January, when Kevin and Joanne will be making some New Year resolutions. To keep you company until these podcasts return, here is Hilda Lamas . This lady sings the American National Anthem at basketball games in Texas, so - respect ! But for us she sings that Christmas won't be Christmas unless you get right back here with me. Yeah!  

Picture of house bling by bigbluemeanie\/flickr  

The Christmas Market  

Thursday 21 December 2006  

In December, in many towns in Germany and other countries in northern Europe, there are Christmas markets. Some of them are very famous, and tourists come from a long distance to explore the markets, buy Christmas gifts and enjoy the atmosphere. Here in Birmingham we have our own German Christmas market. In fact, the German market in Birmingham is the largest German market outside Germany and Austria. Most of the stall-holders come to Birmingham from Frankfurt, which is one of Birmingham's twin cities. In the market you can buy Christmas decorations, candles, little wooden toys for children, German bread, cakes and biscuits, sweets, mulled wine and German beer. There is a roundabout where children can have a ride (and grown-ups too, if they want). There are coloured lights in the trees and on the stalls. The market is popular with people in Birmingham. In the evenings and at weekends, it is crowded with visitors. A few years ago some local politicians tried to replace the German market with a British craft fair, but there was a public  

outcry and the plan was quickly dropped.  

There are lots of other markets in Birmingham. There is a big fruit and vegetable market where many people go to buy food. There is an indoor market where you can buy clothes, material, hand-tools, CDs, meat, fish and many other things. And there are several Farmers Markets, where you can buy food produced in the area around Birmingham. But the German Christmas market is special!  

There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or an iPod, you will need to visit the podcast website to see it.  

Santa Claus  

Saturday 16 December 2006  

Today I am going to talk to you about Santa Claus. Santa Claus, or Father Christmas, is a jolly man with a red suit and a white beard. He brings children presents in the night before Christmas Day. He arrives on a sleigh  

pulled by reindeer. Normally, he enters the house by climbing down the chimney. The children leave  

stockings  

hanging at the end of their beds. Santa Claus fills the stockings with presents for the children to find when they wake up in the morning.  

There are two sorts of children in the world. There are children who believe passionately in Santa Claus until they are teenagers. And there are children who know immediately that Santa Claus is a lie, invented by grown-ups for strange grown-up reasons that only grown-ups understand.  

These children do not believe in Santa Claus because:  

\u00b7 Santa Claus could not possibly visit all the houses in England in one night  

\u00b7 a sleigh is a stupid way to travel in England where it hardly ever snows at Christmas  

\u00b7 there are no reindeer in England  

\u00b7 the chimney is too small, and many houses don't have one  

\u00b7 children have not worn stockings since about 1923 . They wear socks or (if they are girls) tights instead  

\u00b7 it is against the law to break into people's houses. The police would arrest Santa Claus if he tried  

Nonetheless, I can tell you that there is a Santa Claus. I know that this is true because, well, last week I was Santa Claus. I visited a children's nursery, or kindergarden, as a special guest. I wore a red suit and a white beard. I left my sleigh and reindeer in a multi-storey car park nearby. I entered the nursery (but through the door, not the chimney). The children were having their Christmas party. Several of them screamed and hid in a corner when they saw me. The others shyly came to talk to me. I gave them presents from my sack.  

One little boy - he was about two years old - had a present for me. It was a dummy . It was very old, very dirty and very chewed. Why did he give me his dummy? Well, when you are two years old, giving up your dummy is a bit like giving up smoking. It is difficult! The little boy gave his dummy to Santa Claus to prove to himself that he did not need his dummy any more.  

So - Santa Claus does exist. He is real. He gives presents to children at Christmas and helps children who want to stop using their dummies. You had better believe it!  

Pantomime  

Tuesday 12 December 2006  

This podcast is about the expression "to join in". If I join in some activity, I take part in it, or become involved in it with other people. Here are some examples:  

\u00b7 Kevin and George are discussing football. Matt is also interested in football, so he joins in.  

\u00b7 Joe and Sam, who are five years old, are playing with their toys. Sam's little sister comes into the room. She wants to join in the boys' game.  

\u00b7 Joanne thinks that politicians do not care enough about the environment. So she organises a meeting and a demonstration. She asks Kevin to come. He says yes, he will join in the protest.  

Note that we can say "join in (something)" like "join in a game" or "join in a discusssion". Or we can just say "join in", if it is obvious what activity we mean.  

Here is a Christmas story. In Britain, Christmas is the time of year for pantomimes .  

The pantomime , or "panto", is a form of theatrical entertainment - it is a sort of play, with music, and often with dancing as well. It is uniquely British - there is nothing quite like it in other countries. Most pantomimes are based on traditional stories - some are fairy stories found all over Europe, such as Cinderella or the Sleeping Beauty. A few are purely English in origin, such as Dick Whittington, the story of a poor boy who rises to become the Lord Mayor of London. Pantomime plots are strong and simple. There are heroes (goodies) such as Cinderella or Aladdin, who are beautiful, young and noble. There are black-hearted villains (baddies) like the wicked witch or the evil pirate chief. There are also several comic parts such as the ugly sisters in Cinderella. It is common for the main goodie to be played by a woman even if the character is male; and for several of the women's parts to be played by men. The script is full of jokes, most of them dreadful, and some of them could not be repeated on a family podcast show such as this one. But the best bit is that the audience are expected to join in. We cheer the goodie. We boo and hiss whenever the baddie appears. We shout advice to the actors - "Look out. He's behind you!" We join in the songs and laugh at the jokes, even the bad ones. The whole family - children, parents, grand-parents - have a wonderful evening.  

Cinderella is on in Birmingham this Christmas. I must get tickets, so that we can all join in the fun.  

The picture is of Simon Callow and Lisa Kay Lewis as, respectively, Abanazar (the baddie) and Princess Jasmine in the pantomime Aladdin  

Give me a simple life  

Thursday 07 December 2006  

It is a long time since we had any poetry on these podcasts. My friend Margaret has just written a light-hearted poem about, well, about how she wants a simple life without the things that make the modern world so stressful.  

Before I read the poem, I need to explain a few words in it. If you do not have a job, you can go to a Job Centre, where you can find details of jobs that are available, and where you may be able to get financial help and help with training for a new job.  

Self- Assembly kits are like the furniture from IKEA that we talked about a few weeks ago, which comes in a flat cardboard box, and you have to assemble it yourself.  

And 0870 telephone numbers are phone numbers that begin with 0870. They are often used by big companies for their call centres. Generally, when you phone you get a recorded message asking you to press 1 for customer service, 2 for details of your account and so on. You then wait for ages while the telephone plays banal music to you, interrupted from time to time by a message saying that you are in a queue and that someone (usually called "a customer service advisor" or some dreadful modern name like that) will talk to you as soon as possible. 0870 telephone numbers are a major cause of stress in modern Britain! Well, I think so, anyway.  

Here is Margaret's poem She has called it Phoo to New.  

Give me a simple life  

With a book by the fire  

A stool to rest my feet on  

And a cushion for my head.  

Free me from mobiles, emails, ipods,  

Phones, computers, cars, pollution,  

Hospitals, Work or Job Centres,  

Motorbikes or cars with screaming sirens.  

Give me a simple life  

With a book by the fire  

A stool to rest my feet on  

And a cushion for my head.  

Don't throw at me Self-Assembly kits  

Where I have to hunt for all the bits  

Don't tell me I can order online  

Or phone 0870 and wait in a queue.  

Give me a simple life  

With a book by the fire  

A stool to rest my feet on  

And a cushion for my head!  

\u00a9 Mags Scorey 3-Dec-06  

What have they got against wallpaper?  

Thursday 07 December 2006  

This is just a postscript to the last podcast about Tomma Abts winning the Turner prize. You remember that the leader of the Stuckists said that Tomma's paintings made 1950's wallpaper look profound. Well, I see that yesterday an art critic in a  

leading German newspaper  

said that her paintings reminded him of something from an East German wallpaper factory.  

What have these people got against wallpaper? I have some very nice wallpaper in my home. I look at it every day and it makes me happy!  

Look at the expression "What have these people got against wallpaper?" It means, why do they not like wallpaper? Why do they think that wallpaper is so bad? What is their problem with wallpaper?  

Here are some more examples:  

\u00b7 What have your parents got against pop music?  

\u00b7 What have you got against Tomma Abts' paintings?  

\u00b7 What has that man got against Muslims?  

\u00b7 What has your brother got against your new boy-friend?  

\u00b7 What has Joanne's Mum got against Kevin?  

Tomma Abts wins the Turner Prize  

Tuesday 05 December 2006  

Every year, a prize is awarded to an artist who is British born or who works in Britain. It is called the Turner prize. It is named after the famous British artist  

J M W Turner  

. In previous years, some of the art and artists which have won the Turner prize have been very controversial. In 1995, for example, the artist Damien Hirst won with a tank containing  

the preserved body of a sheep .  

This year the Turner prize has been won by Tomma Abts . Tomma was born in Germany, but she has lived in London for the last 12 years. She paints all her paintings on canvases which measure exactly 48cm by 38 cm. She gives her paintings simple one-word names, which she selects from a dictionary of German regional first names. They are abstract paintings - that is, they are not paintings of objects in the real world, but come entirely from her imagination. They are shapes and patterns. The colours that she uses are subtle and interesting. Most art critics agree that her work is very good, and are pleased that she has won the Turner prize. Here are some of the words that one art expert has used to describe her paintings:  

\u00b7 quiet  

\u00b7 obsessive  

\u00b7 mesmerising  

\u00b7 quite unlike anyone else's  

But not everyone is pleased. There is a group of artists called the "Stuckists" who believe that the Turner prize, and the artists who win the prize, represent everything that is wrong with modern art. Yesterday they stood outside the Tate Gallery in London, waving placards and chanting slogans, while the awards ceremony took place inside. The leader of the Stuckists told the newspapers that Tomma Abts' paintings were "silly little meaningless diagrams that make 1950's wallpaper look profound ". Good for him. It is important that art should be controversial and that people should have strong feelings about it, either for or against. But he is wrong. I think Tomma Abts' paintings are wonderful. I would love to have one to hang on the 1950's wallpaper in my sitting room, but unfortunately I cannot afford it.  

Tomma Abts' painting Veeke from greengrassi gallery London  

Latin  

Thursday 30 November 2006 

If you click on the link at the bottom of this podcast episode, you will find the Amazon best-sellers list, i.e. - the best-selling books from amazon.uk, the on-line bookstore. We English buy some strange books. Today (30 November) in the top 20, there are three - yes three - books about "everything a boy should know" - things like how to light a fire with no matches, and what exactly are the rules of cricket. (These three books are not really for boys, of course, they are for their fathers!) There are books by television chefs, and television comedians and other people on television. There are no books that I would call "proper books" - novels, biographies etc - until number 16. And what is this at number 12? "Amo, Amas, Amat - and all that: how I became a Latin lover" by Harry Mount.  

It is a book about Latin . Latin was the language of the Romans , who conquered and ruled all the countries around the Mediterranean and much of Western Europe between about the first century BC and the 5th century AD. Long after the Roman Empire disappeared, Latin remained the language of the western Christian Church. The Roman Catholic Church still uses Latin for some purposes today. For hundreds of years, educated people in Western Europe learnt Latin, and wrote books in Latin. Many Latin words came into English, either directly or through French. Indeed, over half of all English words come from Latin.  

When I was at school, many years ago, we studied Latin. I did not enjoy it much. We had to learn endless verb tables and grammar rules and read how Julius Caesar conquered Gaul (modern France). My fellow pupils and I did not think that Latin was either interesting or useful. Today, very few schools and Universities in England teach Latin. So why is a book about Latin at number 12 in the Amazon best-sellers list?  

Perhaps people again want to learn to read and write this long-dead language? I don't think so. We English are very bad about learning other languages. If English people do not want to learn e.g. French or German, why should they be interested in Latin? Or perhaps the reason is nostalgia . Nostalgia means looking back at the past, perhaps to your childhood, with pleasure; and feeling how much better things were then than they are now. When I was young, we older people think, there were steam trains and trolley buses , we could play football in the street because there were few cars,probably we could light a fire with no matches and we certainly knew all the rules of cricket, we listened to the radio because we had no television, and we learnt Latin at school. For myself, I would love to go back to the days of steam trains and trolley buses and no cars. But if I had to study Latin as well? No way!  

There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening on iTunes or an mp3 player, you will need to go to the podcast website to see it.  

Christopher, his son, the neighbour and the football  

Tuesday 28 November 2006  

Sometimes things happen that make you think that the world has gone mad.  

Christopher works in a bank. In fact, he has a senior job in the bank and is very well paid. He lives in a posh part of London called Kensington. The people who live in his street have a shared garden. If you have visited London, you may have seen shared gardens in some parts of the city. Often they are in the middle of a square of houses, and have iron railings round them. You can get into the garden only if you have a key.  

Well, Christopher is well paid, important and busy. But he still finds time to play with his little boy, who is 5 years old. One day Christopher and his son took a ball into the garden. They kicked it backwards and forwards. How nice. Father and son enjoying an innocent game of football in the garden.  

Football? Did someone say football? A neighbour saw what was going on. She complained that it was forbidden to play football in the shared garden. It was a breach of an Act of Parliament of 1863. She brought a court action against Christopher. She lost because the magistrates said that a father and a small boy kicking a ball was not, legally, a game of football.  

But the neighbour was not satisfied. She appealed to a higher court. So the High Court, with two senior judges and lots of expensive lawyers, listened to the arguments again. They decided that, yes, Christopher and his son had been playing football, but, no, they did not think that it was right to take any action against them.  

The neighbour is still very cross. She told the newspapers that "citizens of this country will be appalled by the court's judgement." Well, I'm not appalled. Are you?  

There is a grammar and vocabulary note for this podcast. If you are listening to the podcast on iTunes or an mp3 player, you will need to go to the podcast website to see the note.  

Photo "Missed!" by dvacet\/flickr  

The Booze Cruise  

Thursday 23 November 2006  

In Britain, there are heavy taxes on alcoholic drinks and on tobacco. But in France, the taxes on these things are lower. A European Union Regulation says that, when we travel to other EU countries, we may bring back with us anything that we have bought, provided that  

we have paid tax on it in the country where we bought it, and provided it is for our own personal use. And a lot of British people  

take advantage of  

this law to buy beer, wine, spirits and cigarettes in France. Some of the big British supermarkets have opened shops in Calais in France to sell things to British travellers who are returning home. And a modern British institution has grown up - the Booze Cruise.("Booze" is a slang word for alcoholic drinks. And a "cruise" is a holiday on a ship.)  

Here is how to do a booze cruise. Together with 3 or 4 friends you hire a van. It has to be a white van. No other colour will do. Somehow you all squeeze into the front seat, and set off for Dover (the ferry port on the south coast of England). Because you are late for the ferry, you drive at 20 mph over the speed limit and overtake other vehicles on the wrong side. You get to Dover and drive onto the ferry. Driving has made you thirsty, so you go to the bar to drink beer while the ship crosses the English Channel to Calais. In France, they drive on the right hand side of the road, not the left. But don't worry about that - you aren't going very far. You are going to a restaurant for lunch, actually. In the restaurant, the waiter brings the menu. It is all in French (well, it is France, after all!). You recognise only one word on the menu. You all order pizza, and a bottle or two of red wine. After lunch you drive to one of the big hypermarkets and load up several trollies with cases of beer or wine. You pay for them with your friend's credit card, because you have forgotten to bring any euros with you. You load everything into the white van, and return to the ferry. If the customs officer at Dover stops you, you tell him that all 35 cases of wine and 25 cases of beer in the van are for your own personal use. Once back in England, you and your friends sing football songs all the way home along the motorway.  

So it was with horror that we read this week that the European Court of Justice was considering whether we actually needed to go to France to buy beer and wine cheaply. Instead, perhaps we could order it on the internet, and it could be delivered from France to our homes. This would have brought the fine tradition of the booze cruise to an end. No more white vans speeding down the motorway. No more day trips to Calais to buy wine for the Christmas party. Fortunately, the Court decided that you could not avoid British taxes by ordering things on the internet from France. So the booze cruise has been saved.  

Picture of wine in a hypermarket in Calais by richw\/flickr  

Kevin and Joanne get themselves organised  

Monday 20 November 2006  

Kevin and Joanne are sitting in the kitchen. The house is a mess. There is a pile of dirty washing on the floor. They have had take-away pizza for supper because there is no proper food in the house. This is not good, they say to each other. We must get ourselves organised. So they  

draw up  

a list of jobs around the house, and agree which of them will do which job. Their conversation went like this.  

Joanne: Kevin, you are always leaving things lying on the floor. You can do the tidying.  

Kevin: OK, but you must do the washing, because most of the dirty clothes are yours.  

Joanne: That's only because you never change your shirt. But OK, if you do the ironing.  

Kevin: Fine. I can do the ironing while watching television.  

Joanne: Then the house needs cleaning. I'll do the dusting if you do the hoovering.  

Kevin: The fridge is empty. In fact there is no food in the house at all except one packet of crisps. I'll do the shopping.  

Joanne: OK, but I don't trust you in a supermarket. I'll come and do the shopping too. I'll do the driving.  

Kevin: You had better do the cooking. The last time I cooked a meal we had to give most of it to the cat.  

Joanne: The cat refused to touch it. But you bake a really nice cake, Kevin. You can do the baking. And the washing-up.  

Kevin: The garden is a mess too. I'll do the gardening.  

Joanne: And we need to decorate this room. I'll do the decorating.  

Kevin: It's a big job. I'll do the wallpapering if you do the painting.  

Joanne: We'll do them together.  

You probably understand by now that this podcast is about the expression "to do" followed by the "-ing" form of a verb. There is a short exercise which goes with this podcast. If you are listening to this podcast on iTunes, you will need to go to the podcast website to find it.  

Picture of washing by Micheo\/flickr  

No Clothes Day  

Friday 17 November 2006  

Most British children wear school uniform to go to school. They have to. The school rules say that the children have to wear school uniform at school. 

What sort of school uniform? Well, my younger children are both at secondary school. My daughter has to wear a dark green skirt or trousers, a white blouse, a dark green jumper, and black shoes and socks or tights. The Moslem girls at her school may wear a head-scarf, but it must be dark green or white or black.  

My son wears black trousers, a white shirt, a school tie and a dark blue jumper.  

At some schools, the pupils wear blazers - that is, a jacket in school colours with the school badge on the pocket.  

In most other European countries, children do not wear uniform to go to school. They just wear their normal clothes. People in Germany and Scandinavia, for instance, think that British school uniforms are very strange.  

So what do British children think? Generally, they don't mind wearing school uniform. After all, all their friends have to wear school uniform too. And many parents are happy, because there are no arguments with their children about what they may wear for school; and less pressure from their children to buy expensive new clothes because their school friends have them.  

But sometimes it is nice not to have to wear school uniform. About 2 or 3 times a year, many British schools have a "no uniform day" as a way of raising money for charity. The children come to school wearing their normal clothes, and give some money to the charity. Often the children themselves help to choose which charity they will support.  

Today, 17 November, lots of schools have a no uniform day, to raise money for the BBC Children in Need appeal. So my children have gone to school today wearing jeans and trainers and t-shirts.  

So why is this podcast called "no clothes day"? Well, a young friend of my children once told us excitedly that "tomorrow is a no clothes day at school". We laughed and said that it was a "no uniform day", not a "no clothes day". But ever since then, in our family, we have talked of "no clothes day".  

Nissan Figaro for sale  

Monday 13 November 2006  

In the early 1990s, the Nissan car company in Japan built a small sports car called the Nissan Figaro. There is a picture of one on the website. It has a  

look. That means that it was designed to look old-fashioned - as if it had been built in the 1950's. Some people love them. Other people hate them.  

Recently the Nissan Figaro has become a cult car in Britain. That means that Figaro owners think of themselves as a very special group of people, superior to ordinary folk who drive ordinary cars like the Ford Focus or the Renault Megane. They look after their Figaros with great care, and probably polish them every Sunday. They belong to special clubs for people who own Figaros. There are even rumours that the famous guitarist Eric Clapton has a Nissan Figaro. Nissan built only 20,000 Figaros, and sold only a few of them in Britain. Recently, car dealers have started importing used Figaros from Japan to sell here. (Why from Japan? Because in Japan, people drive on the left , as we do in Britain.)  

I am sure that you would like to have a Nissan Figaro, wouldn't you? There was a story in the newspapers recently about a young man called Jack Neal. Jack wanted a Figaro. He found one on the internet auction site, e-Bay. It was pink, and he fell in love with it. So he clicked the button which said "Buy Now", and the car was his. The next morning Jack told his parents what he had done. "I have bought a car", he told them. They were surprised, because Jack is only three years old. Had he really bought a car? Then they received an e-mail from e-Bay to say that they now had to pay ?9,000. So it was definitely true. Jack's father telephoned the company that was selling the car to explain what had happened. Fortunately, they saw the funny side, and agreed to re-advertise the car. Have you ever bought something by mistake, like young Jack Neal did? If so, send me an e-mail, and I will include your story in a future podcast.  

Picture of Nissan Figaro by benidormone\/flickr  

Broken  

Friday 10 November 2006  

In our lives we have lots of machines and electrical equipment - things like cars and washing machines, video recorders and mobile phones. Most of the time they work OK. But sometimes they do not. Today's podcast is about the words we use when something does not work. No, not those sorts of words!. I mean the vocabulary we need to talk about things that don't work.  

So, imagine that you have a washing machine and it doesn't work. There is water all over the floor and a smell of burnt rubber. What might you say?  

\u00b7 The washing machine has broken  

\u00b7 it has broken down  

\u00b7 it is not working properly  

\u00b7 it is not working at all  

\u00b7 it won't work  

\u00b7 it won't go  

\u00b7 or, as people say in America, the washing machine is bust  

.  

So what do we do? The first step is :  

\u00b7 to diagnose the problem  

\u00b7 or, in more normal speech, we find out what is wrong  

Then we need to get the washing machine working again. We:  

\u00b7 fix it  

\u00b7 mend it  

\u00b7 repair it  

And if we cannot mend it ourselves:  

\u00b7 we get someone to mend it for us  

\u00b7 or, we get the washing machine repaired  

OK? Everything clear?  

Kevin and Joanne get into the car. They plan to drive to a nice pub in the country for lunch. Kevin puts the key in the ignition and turns it. But the engine will not start. The car has broken down. It will not go. Kevin and Joanne get out. They look under the bonnet.  

"It could be the carburettor," says Kevin, "over here."  

"Kevin, that's not the carburettor. Its the bottle with water for washing the windscreen," says Joanne. "The carburettor is here."  

"Right", says Kevin. " The trouble is , I don't know how to repair it. What can we do?"  

They get back into the car. "I know", says Kevin. "I'll get the AA man to come and fix it".  

"Kevin," says Joanne, "are you sure there is petrol in the tank?"  

"Of course I am sure, "says Kevin, looking at the fuel guage. "Oh no. Where's the petrol can?"  

Here is Miss Melissa Forbes . She has a friend with broken wings. Can you fix broken wings? No, I can't fix broken wings either. Sorry, Melissa.  

Artwork by spliffx\/flickr  

Canna  

Wednesday 08 November 2006  

Caroline is eight. And like other eight year olds, she goes to school. But there are no other children at her school. Caroline is the only pupil. 

Caroline and her parents live on an island called Canna , which lies off the west coast of Scotland, south-west of Skye. People have lived on Canna for thousands of years. The remains of some of the earliest Christian settlements in Scotland are on Canna. In the early 19th century, over 400 people lived there. Today there are only 15 inhabitants. Their nearest town with shops and other facilities, is Mallaig. It is between two and a half and four hours away by ferry. Tourists visit Canna in summer, particularly to enjoy the remoteness and quiet of the island, and to watch the birds. But in winter, life on Canna can be lonely and difficult.  

Canna is owned by the National Trust for Scotland , a conservation charity which owns and manages many beautiful places and buildings in Scotland. The Trust have recently advertised for people to go and live on Canna. They warn that life on Canna can be hard, and that people who live there need to be tough, self-reliant and practical. Nonetheless, they have received hundreds of applications from all over the world.  

And while the Trust wants to increase the number of people who live on Canna, it also wants to exterminate some of the other residents. Thousands of brown rats have seriously damaged colonies of breeding sea-birds, by eating their eggs. The Trust have employed specialist rat-catchers. They hope that the rats of Canna have now been wiped out. Let us hope so, and that the Trust can find suitable new families to live on the island, with children to go to school with Caroline. The islands of Scotland are exceptionally beautiful and interesting. But they are not just places for tourists; they need thriving communities as well.  

Remember remember the fifth of November  

Sunday 05 November 2006  

I said that I would tell you about Guy Fawkes and why 5 November is the traditional day for fireworks in England. 

The year was 1605. Two years earlier, the old Queen, Elizabeth I, had died. She had ruled England for 45 years. She died unmarried and without children. Her nearest relative was King James VI of Scotland, who travelled south to London to become James I of England.  

At that time there were bitter divisions in Western Europe between Protestants and Catholics. England was predominantly a Protestant country, but there were some powerful Catholic families. (Some old houses near Birmingham have secret rooms - priest holes - where Catholic priests could be hidden at times of persecution.) Many Catholic families, despite their religion, were loyal to the King. But others wanted to overthrow the King and replace him with a Catholic monarch. They looked to France and Spain for help.  

One such group included a man called Guy Fawkes. He was a professional soldier. He had fought in the Spanish army in the Netherlands. He and his fellow conspirators rented a storeroom beneath the Houses of Parliament. Secretly, they filled it with barrels of gunpowder. They planned to blow up the Houses of Parliament on 5 November at a time when the King and many of the most powerful men in England were there. They hoped that Catholics in England would then rebel, and that Spain would send an army to put a Catholic king on the throne of England.  

But one of the plotters sent a secret letter to Lord Monteagle advising him to stay away from Parliament. Monteagle was a Catholic, but he immediately gave the letter to Robert Cecil, the King's chief minister, who ran a security and intelligence service. Cecil sent men to search the Parliament building. They found Guy Fawkes and 36 barrels of gunpowder. The rest of the plotters were quickly arrested, or died in a fight with the King's men at Kingswinford near modern Birmingham. The survivors were tried and executed in a horrible way .  

And ever since then, English people have celebrated the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot by building bonfires and letting off fireworks on 5 November. Often we place an effigy of Guy Fawkes on the fire. We have an old rhyme which goes:  

Remember, remember the 5th of November  

Gunpowder, treason and plot.  

I see no reason why gunpowder treason  

Should ever be forgot.  

The Martians have landed  

Tuesday 31 October 2006  

It happened sixty-eight years ago. On 30 October 1938, strange explosions were observed on the surface of the planet Mars. There were also reports of a meteorite landing in New Jersey in the United States. But then it became clear that it was not a meteorite, but a space ship carrying Martian invaders. A crowd of people gathered around the place where the spaceship had landed. They included a radio reporter who broadcast live descriptions of the event. The Martians however had other ideas; they turned their Heat Ray guns on the people, killing many of them. 

More Martian space ships then landed. The US armed forces tried to stop the advance of the invaders, but in vain. The Martians had poison gas, which they sprayed into the air. Many people fled their homes and gathered in churches to pray. The Martians entered New York City. A radio reporter on the top of the CBS building in New York described the scene live to horrified radio listeners until he, too, was killed by the cloud of poison gas.  

Did this really happen? Well, no, actually. What really happened was this. In 1898, the English author H G Wells published a science fiction novel called The War of the Worlds , about a Martian invasion of the earth. Later the American writer Howard Koch turned the novel into a radio play . The play took the form of "news flashes" and live reports, as if the events it described were really happening. The American radio station CBS broadcast the play on 30 October 1938. Many listeners panicked because they were convinced that the United States had indeed been invaded. It was a very interesting early example of the power of communication media such as radio (and later television). Today the play is regarded as one of the classics of radio broadcasting. Recordings of it are still re-broadcast from time to time, and you can find it also on the internet  

The picture is of the famous actor and director Orson Welles, who worked with Howard Koch in writing and directing the radio play, and also appeared in it.  

Fireworks  

Monday 30 October 2006  

This year, the end of October has been really noisy. The reason? Fireworks!  

Now, the traditional time for fireworks in England is on November 5th - Guy Fawkes night. I shall tell you more about Guy Fawkes in another podcast. But in recent years, many English people - particularly children, of course - have adopted the American custom of celebrating Halloween, which is the 31st October. So we have fireworks at Halloween as well as on Guy Fawkes night. And last week was Eid, the great Muslim festival at the end of Ramadam, so our Muslim neighbours had fireworks in their garden. And a few days before that was Diwali, the Hindu and Sikh festival of light - and that needed fireworks too. So for about three weeks here in Birmingham, every evening is filled with the whoosh of rockets and the bangs, crackles, fizzes and pops of other fireworks.  

Look at these words - bang, crackle, fizz, pop. They sound like the sounds which they describe. We have a technical name for words which sound like the thing they describe - onomatopaeia. It comes from Greek and means, literally, "word-making". The sound makes the word that we use to describe it. Do you remember the podcast about the old English song, Sumer is Icumen in ? There was a bird that sings loudly in the early summer - the cuckoo. The word cuckoo is onomatopaeic, because it comes from the sound the cuckoo makes.  

Here are some other onomatopoeic words, words which sound like the thing they describe:  

\u00b7 buzz  

\u00b7 woof  

\u00b7 croak  

\u00b7 cluck  

\u00b7 thud  

\u00b7 crash  

\u00b7 hum  

And finally, a game - yes, table tennis, or as we often call it, ping-pong.  

I wish I had looked after my teeth  

Thursday 26 October 2006  

How are your teeth? How often do you go to the dentist? 

Here is part of a poem by Pam Ayres .  

Oh, I wish I'd looked after my teeth,  

And spotted the perils beneath,  

All the toffees I chewed,  

And the sweet sticky food,  

Oh, I wish I'd looked after my teeth.  

Look at the first line of the poem. "Oh, I wish I had looked after my teeth." It is a wish about the past. when she was younger, Pam Ayres says, she did not look after her teeth. She ate too many sweets and did not brush her teeth properly. Now her dentist says she has to have 3 fillings .She wishes that she had looked after her teeth.  

Here are some more wishes about the past.  

\u00b7 When I was at school, I didn't work very hard. Now I wish that I had worked harder.  

\u00b7 The train is an hour late. I wish I had brought a book to read.  

\u00b7 George was at a really good party last night. I wish I had gone with him  

\u00b7 George has a headache this morning. He wishes that he had not drunk so much at the party.  

And here are two more examples using a different expression "if only..."  

\u00b7 Joanne's Mum refuses to speak to Kevin. If only he had remembered her birthday.  

\u00b7 My brother crashed his new car into a tree. If only he had not been driving so fast.  

There is a grammar and vocabulary note with this podcast. If you are listening using iTunes or an iPod, you will need to go to the podcast website to read it.  

Photo of teeth by Editor B\/flickr  

How to build furniture  

Wednesday 25 October 2006  

In this podcast, we meet the expression "the trouble is that..."  

(which means "the problem is that...."). We also discover several different ways of getting things wrong -  

upside down ,  

back to front and  

inside out .  

Kevin and Joanne sat on their sofa and looked around their flat. It was a mess. There were books and clothes and bits of hi-fi equipment all over the floor.  

"The trouble is," said joanne, "that you never put things away."  

"No, the trouble is that we have nowhere to put things, " said Kevin. And Kevin was right. They needed more cupboards or shelves to put things on.  

So they went to IKEA . IKEA is a huge home-furnishing store. You can find IKEA stores in many big cities in Britain, and most European countries and nowdays in lots of places outside Europe. Nearly all English people say "eye-key-a". But I know that in Sweden people say "ee-kay-a", and since IKEA is a Swedish company, that is the way I pronounce their name. Actually, IKEA is very Swedish. All their ranges of furniture have Swedish names, and some of these sound funny (or even rude) in English. And the cafe at IKEA serves Swedish dishes like herring and Swedish meat-balls. IKEA furniture is "flat-pack" furniture. That means that you buy it in a pack containing all the parts you need, and when you get it home you assemble it yourself. And sometimes you find that not all the pieces are there and you have to go back to the store to get the missing bits.  

But to return to our story. Kevin and Joanne walked around the huge store for about an hour, and found what they needed - a cupboard and some bookshelves . The fun started when they got it all home and started to assemble it. Kevin set to work. Joanne wisely went to sit in the kitchen. About two hours later, Kevin said, "It's finished." "Mmm," said Joanne, looking at the cupboard and the bookshelf. "The trouble is that this bit is back to front. And you have put the doors on upside down."  

So Kevin had to dismantle the furniture and start again. He cut his finger, and hit his thumb with a hammer. Shortly before midnight, it was finished. Joanne brought him a cup of tea and admired his work. "It is perfect now," said Kevin. "Nothingback to front. nothing upside down." "no," said joanne, "but kevin - your jumper - look, it's inside out!"  

Aberfan  

Sunday 22 October 2006  

At 9.25am on Friday 21 October 1966, the police officer on duty at Merthyr Tydfyl police station in South Wales answered a telephone call. "I have been asked to inform you that there has been a landslide", said the caller. "The tip has come down on the school." 

To understand this story, you need to know that South Wales used to be a very important coalmining area . The mines in South Wales produced steam coal, which was used to fire boilers in ships and factories, and anthracite, which is a very high quality coal used for heating homes and other buildings. In the early part of the last century, there were 620 collieries (coal mines) in South Wales, employing nearly a quarter of a million people. Now, when coal is brought out of the ground it is mixed with rock and dirt and coal which is too fine to be used. This is called colliery waste, and it was normal for the colliery waste to be dumped in a huge heap - a spoil heap or tip - near to the mine. In the coal mining valleys of South Wales, these tips were often built on the sides of the valleys. One such tip was on the hillside overlooking the village of Aberfan.  

October 1966 was a very wet month. The rain soaked into the spoil heap above Aberfan until it was full of water. The tip began to move. It slid down the hill and into the village. It swept over houses and the primary school. In the school, lessons had just begun. It was the last school day before the half-term holiday. Altogether, 143 people died in the Aberfan disaster, including 119 children - that is, over half of the children at the school.  

I can remember the newspaper reports the next morning, and how horrified everyone was by what had happened. One picture was in all the papers - a picture of a policeman carrying a small girl from the wreckage of the school. I have put it on the podcast website. The photographer who took the picture was only 18 years old at the time.  

There was a formal enquiry to find out why the disaster had happened. It emerged that junior officials in the National Coal Board had been worried by the condition of the Aberfan spoil heap, but their bosses had done nothing. Many people were shocked that no-one was prosecuted, or even lost their job, because of the Aberfan disaster.  

If you visit the area today, you will see little sign of the coal industry. There is only one working deep mine left in South Wales. Many of the places where the old collieries used to be are now supermarkets or new housing estates. The colliery tips have been levelled. But the people have not forgotten what happened that day 40 years ago.  

A Weekend in Wales 

Friday 20 October 2006 

I am sorry about the problems that some of you had last weekend in downloading new episodes of Listen to English. We have now fixed the problem, and I hope you will have no more difficulties.  

Today's podcast is about the expressions "I had better do (something)", "or else" and "otherwise". There is a grammar and vocabulary note as well. If you are listening on iTunes, you will need to visit the website to see it.  

Kevin and Joanne have friends, John and Sue, who live in a rural part of Wales. They have invited Kevin and Joanne to visit them for the weekend. Joanne packs a bag with the things they need to take with them.  

"We had better take waterproofs and wellies in case it rains. And an extra sweater, because their house is really cold," said Joanne.  

"I'll fill the car up with petrol," said Kevin. "Otherwise we may run out on the motorway."  

When they set off, it was raining. But as they drove into Wales, the sun came out. The hills, fields and woods looked glorious in the sunshine. But then disaster struck. A peculiar noise came from the back of the car. Kevin stopped and got out. There was a puncture in one of the back tyres. "No problem," said Kevin. "I'll get the spare wheel." But then he found they had no jack to lift the car with.  

"We had better find a garage," said kevin. "Otherwise we will be here all night."  

"I had better phone john and sue", said joanne. "Or else they will think we have got lost."  

Fortunately another motorist stopped and helped them change the wheel.  

"I had better buy a new jack as soon as possible," said Kevin, "in case we get another puncture."  

"OK, let's stop in the next town", said Joanne. "We had better buy a present for john and sue to say thank you for having us."  

Later, they arrived at John and Sue's house - an old stone cottage in a vilage near the sea. Joanne and Sue chatted in the kitchen. John and Kevin went to the pub.  

"Make sure you are back by 8 o'clock", said Sue "otherwise your supper wil be cold."  

The next day they walked through the fields and woods and down to the sea. "Close the gate behind you, Kevin," said Sue " or else the sheep will get out onto the road."  

They sat on the beach. The sun was warm, even though it was autumn. "I haven't brought my bathing costume," said Joanne, "otherwise i would go for a swim."  

It was late on Sunday evening before Kevin and Joanne left. John and Sue urged them to stay another night. "No, we had better go," said joanne,"otherwise we will be too tired to go to work in the morning."  

"Would you like to live in Wales?" asked Joanne as she and Kevin drove home. "Yes," said Kevin, "but what sort of job could I get? John designs web pages. He can work from home."  

"Well, perhaps you had better become a famous web designer too," said Joanne, "though actually I prefer you as you are."  

Picture of beach in Wales by jez.atkinson\/flickr . "Close the gate Kevin..." by pikaluk\/flickr  

The Battle of Hastings  

Tuesday 17 October 2006  

Last weekend was a famous anniversary . No, not my birthday. Not the anniversary of the last time England won the World Cup. It was the anniversary of the Battle of Hastings, which took place 940 years ago at a place called (appropriately) Battle, which is near Hastings on the south coast of England. In 1066, the army of Duke William of Normandy defeated the army of the Saxon King Harold of England. Following the battle, England was ruled by Norman kings, who imposed their own system of government on the land.  

The English language almost disappeared. The ordinary people still spoke English of course, but the king, the royal court, the courts of law and the nobility all spoke Norman French. And when, two or three hundred years later, English re-emerged as the main language of the country, it had changed. For example, in the old English language, the plurals of nouns were all irregular - like "mouse - mice" in modern English. In the new English, people made the plural of nearly all nouns by adding the letter "s" to the end, because that is how plurals are made in French. And English people started using French words alongside the old English words. Ever since then, it has been natural for English people to import words from other languages whenever they want.  

But to return to the battle. Every few years, there is a re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings, on the site of the original battle. People dress up in Saxon and Norman armour, and ride around on horses, and fight using replica swords, axes and arrows. Kevin took part in the re-enactment this year. He was a Saxon soldier and his job was to die heroically in the final Norman onslaught . After the battle, it is normal for both armies to retire to a nearby pub, to drink beer and tell stories about the heroic deeds of the day. The battle has of course got its own website and flickr photo-stream . You always knew the English were mad. You were right.  

Photo of the re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings by the horror\/flickr  

The English are fat and want to live in France  

Thursday 12 October 2006  

This week our government published a report  

on how healthy we English are. There was some good news. The number of people who smoke has continued to fall. We live longer than any previous generation. Deaths of young children (infant mortality) are the lowest ever. The number of teenage girls who get pregnant has fallen, though it is still high compared to many other European countries.  

But there was bad news too. We English are fat and are getting fatter. About two-thirds of men are overweight, and about 60% of women. We are fatter than any other nation in Europe.  

Why? Many English people eat food with lots of fat and sugar. We love chips, burgers and doughnuts, potato crisps and chocolate. We drink too much alcohol. We don't eat enough fresh fruit and vegetables. We watch football on TV, but we don't take any exercise ourselves. But in the last year we have become more aware that our national diet is not good and that things need to change. Jamie Oliver is a well-known chef with his own TV programme. Last year he showed us how bad the food is that we serve to our children in schools. Many people were shocked and angry. So the government has banned vending machines selling crisps and sweets from schools. Many schools have tried to make their school dinners healthier. Of course, some people don't like the government telling them what to eat. There have been stories in the papers about parents handing their children bags of chips through the school gates at lunch time  

And how does France come into this? Well, a survey was also published this week which suggested that about a third of British people would like live in France, while only about a quarter think that Britain is the best place to live. You have to take this survey with a pinch of salt , because it was published by an organisation which promotes French wines. But France is undoubtedly very popular with many English people.  

Why do we like France so much? Perhaps it is the food, or the wine, or springtime in Paris. And perhaps we like French footballers like Thierry Henry, and French film stars. And this is strange, because the French themselves often have a pessimistic view of their country and its problems. But we English don't care about that. We are fat, perhaps the fattest people in Europe. And we want to move to France to eat more food, drink more wine, sit in the sunshine and get even fatter.  

Picture of healthy, low-calorie English breakfast (!) by Jon Choo\/flickr  

King Anthony Hall  

Tuesday 10 October 2006  

In 1931, the King of England came to Birmingham. He stood on a  

soapbox  

in Bull Ring Market and spoke to his people. Actually, he wasn't the King of England at all. His name was Anthony Hall. He had been born in London, and had been an ambulance driver in Flanders during the First World War. Later, he became a policeman. He claimed that he was  

descended from  

Thomas Hall, an illegitimate son of King Henry VIII. (Henry VIII was one of the most colourful figures in English history. He had seven wives - at different times, of course - and ran what we today would call a police-state. He was responsible for separating the church in England from the Roman Catholic Church.)  

Anthony Hall therefore claimed to be the rightful King of England. He told the crowds who gathered to listen to him that, when he became King, he would pay off the National Debt and build millions of new homes for working class people.  

Some of the people who heard him just found him amusing. They did not take him seriously. But others listened to the ugly side of what Anthony Hall said. For Hall was violently anti-German. He claimed that King George V and all the British Royal Family were German imposters who should be thrown out of the country or executed. (The British Royal family came originally of course from Germany). Most British people in the 1930's had nothing against their King, but many had bitter memories of the First World War. They listened to Hall because he spoke against Germany.  

The government have recently made public some papers about Anthony Hall. They show that the government and King George V wanted to silence Hall, but were not sure how to do so. They tried to have him sent to a lunatic asylum , but this failed because Hall was not insane. However, he solved the problem himself. On 12 August 1931, King Anthony Hall mounted his soapbox in Birmingham for the last time, to bid farewell to his people. He was never heard of again, and died in 1947.  

All about you 

Monday 09 October 2006 

In this podcast I use words which are useful when we talk about numbers, especially when we want to talk about the information that numbers give us. The podcast is also about you, my listeners, because I know quite a lot about you.  

How do I know about you? Well, to start with, my podcast software tells me how many times you download each podcast. You download most episodes over 7000 times. The great majority (about 90%) of you download podcasts using iTunes or another podcatcher programme.  

On the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com\/) there is a little button marked Site Meter. If you click it, you can find all sorts of interesting information about people who visit the site. For example, you will see that on average about 250 people visit the website each day, and that on average you spend over 6 minutes looking at the site. You will also see that on average visitors to the site view more than 1,000 pages each day, and that each visitor views an average of 4.3 pages.  

If you click on "countries" at the bottom of the Site Meter screen, you will see a pie-chart, which shows the countries from which visitors come. You come from all over the world! On most days, there are more visitors from France than from any other country. If you click on "continents" you will see how many visitors are from Asia, how many from Europe and so on. On most days, slightly more than half of all visitors are from Europe. Click on "browser share" to see which web browser programmes you use. The majority of you use Internet Explorer. About 25% of you use Firefox, and a small number of you (fewer than 10%) use other browsers such as Safari and Opera.  

If you click on "daily visit depth" you will see a bar chart. It shows the average number of page views per visitor for each day in the last month. The number of page views varies between 3 and 5 page views per visitor.  

Finally, if you click on "daily durations", you will see a graph which shows how long on average visitors spend on the site, and how long on each page, for each day in the last month. The average visit length varies a lot, between 250 seconds and over 500 seconds. The average time spent looking at each page does not vary very much - it is about 90 seconds.  

There is a grammar and vocabulary note, and a short exercise with answers, for this podcast. You won't be able to see them on iTunes - you will need to go to the website to find them.  

Spongebob  

Thursday 05 October 2006  

This is the tragic story of a monkey called Spongebob.  

Spongebob is a Bolivian squirrel Monkey. Squirrel monkeys are quite small - about the size of a European or North American squirrel, which is perhaps why they are called "squirrel monkeys". Spongebob is a male squirrel monkey. Until recently he lived in a zoo at Chessington , south of London. But last July, someone broke into the squirrel monkey enclosure and stole him. He was found a few days later playing with children on a housing estate in south London. He was hungry and dirty, but otherwise OK. For a few days, Spongebob was a media star - his picture was on TV and in the newspapers. We were all glad that his adventure had had a happy ending.  

However, when Spongebob returned to Chessington, the female squirrel monkeys did not welcome him. In fact, they chased him and attacked him. The problem was that, when Spongebob was stolen, he was psychologically damaged and lost his self-confidence. The female monkeys did not like this - they wanted a strong, self-confident male. So they turned on Spongebob and tried to drive him away. The Zoo put Spongebob into an enclosure by himself, but then realised that he would have to move to another Zoo. So Spongebob is now at Battersea Zoo in London, where he has made friends with one of the female squirrel monkeys. But Battersea Zoo have not yet put Spongebob with the rest of the female monkeys in case they attack him like the females at Chessington did.  

Kevin sometimes feels like Spongbob, on days when Joanne, Joanne's Mum and Joanne's friends all decide to have a go at him. Fortunately, however, he can escape to the pub or a football match with George. Poor Spongebob can't do that. He does however have a blog in which he tells us all about his troubles.  

There is a short Grammar and Vocabulary Note with this podcast. You may need to go to the podcast website to see it  

Photo of a squirrel monkey at London Zoo by loochie\/flickr  

Fun Run  

Monday 02 October 2006  

There are lots of English idioms and expressions in this podcast. I have explained them in a Grammar and Vocabulary note. Go to the podcasts website to see this note.  

Kevin and Joanne were reading the local newspaper. There were news stories like "Local man on speeding charge" and "Mayor opens WI sale". On page 6 they found a story about a Fun Run which was to take place in two weeks time, to raise money for a cancer charity.  

"Lets do it," said Joanne.  

"Do what?" asked Kevin.  

"Enter the Fun Run," said Joanne.  

"What's a Fun Run?" asked Kevin.  

Joanne explained that a Fun Run was a group of people who decide that they will all run, say, 8km, and get their friends to sponsor them, and give the money they collect to a charity.  

"But that's a marathon," said Kevin.  

"No, a marathon is over 40km," said Joanne. "This is only 7km. We can do it. Let's have a go!"  

So Kevin and Joanne put their names down for the Fun Run. Kevin went round all his friends in the pub, and his colleagues at work, to get them to sponsor him. George said that he would give ?5 for every kilometer that Kevin ran, but expected that he would still have change out of ?10. Kevin also went training - well, running slowly around a nearby park.  

Then, two days before the Fun Run, Joanne fell and hurt her ankle. Kevin would have to run alone.  

When Kevin arrived at the start of the Fun Run, his heart sank. All the other runners looked fit and were wearing flashy trainers. They started running; the fit runners quickly took the lead and Kevin was near the back. The first kilometer was OK, but the second and third kilometers were not so good. By the end of the fourth kilometer, Kevin was hurting all over his body. He was about to give up, when he saw Joanne standing at the side of the road.  

"Move it, Kevin, you idle slug. If you give up now, I'll murder you!"  

These gentle words of encouragement helped Kevin to keep going. And by the end of the fifth kilometer, he wasn't feeling too bad. And in the last kilometer he was actually enjoying himself and overtook several of the fit runners with flashy trainers. He arrived at the finishing line to a hero's welcome, and several cans of beer, from his friends. Altogether, Kevin raised ?523.14p for the cancer charity. "Next year, the London Marathon ," he said. Maybe.  

Picture of runners by Geert Schneider\/flickr  

Probably, definitely, maybe....  

Monday 25 September 2006 

Often we need words to explain how probable something is. Lets look at some examples.  

\u00b7 Will it rain today?  

There are dark clouds in the sky. It will definitely rain  

\u00b7 Will it rain today?  

There are no clouds in the sky. It will certainly not rain this morning, butperhaps it will rain this afternoon.  

\u00b7 Are you going on holiday this year?  

Maybe. we may visit my mother. or we may go to see my friend in france. butprobably we will just stay at home.  

\u00b7 Will Kevin go to the football match on Saturday?  

Definitely. he always goes when city are playing at home.  

\u00b7 And will City win?  

It is likely that city will win. but it is unlikely that they will win the Championship this year.  

\u00b7 Will Kevin go to the pub with George after the match.  

Probably he will, but it is possible that he and george will come back to the flat to watch TV.  

\u00b7 Will Kevin remember to buy flowers for Joanne's Mum's birthday?  

Probably he will forget  

\u00b7 And will Joanne be cross with him?  

Definitely. you bet she will!  

Here is Doc Bates singing Absolutely, Positively, Maybe. Sorry, Doc, women are like that!  

I talk to a computer 

Friday 22 September 2006 

Joan is a computer programme. She talks a lot. In fact, talking is what she does best. She can hold conversations with people so well that she has won a $2000 prize for being the most human-like computer programme in the world.  

Joan does not contain complex logic rules. Instead, she keeps a huge store of information from all the previous conversations she has had with humans. When you say something to her, she searches through these previous conversations to help her find the most appropriate response. The more people talk to Joan, the more she learns about how to reply when someone talks to her. It is rather like a small child, who learns what to say by listening to what its parents say to it.  

This was a challenge I could not resist. I went to interview Joan. Unfortunately, Joan was busy. A lot of people had heard about her winning the prize and wanted to talk to her. So I had to interview her sister programme, called Snowflake, instead.  

I started by asking why she was called Snowflake. She said it was because that was what her father had named her. "But I'm not called Snowflake, I'm called Snowy", she added.  

I asked her if she liked her name. "Not really," she replied. So I asked her what name she would prefer to have, and she replied, "What name would you like to give me?" I thought for a minute, and said, "How about Isadore. Isadore is a nice name." "Thank you", replied Snowflake\/Snowy\/Isadore.  

Then I asked her how old she was. "Sixteen", she replied. I told her that she looked very grown up, and asked her whether she went to school. This was the wrong thing to say! "How do you know what I look like?" she snapped back. I apologised, and said that of course I didn't know what she looked like. She asked me to guess."I guess that you are tall with red hair", I said. "Am I right?" This was definitely the wrong thing to say. "Why do you never start a conversation?" she said, and walked away. Interview finished!  

A conversation with a computer can be quite strange, but then many internet chat rooms are quite strange as well. If I can arrange an appointment with her, I will talk to Joan, and turn the conversation into a podcast. Then you can all vote on which person you think is me and which one is Joan. And if you want to talk to Joan or one of her brother or sister programmes you can find them at www.jabberwacky.com .  

Robin Hood  

Wednesday 20 September 2006  

There is an English legend about a man called Robin Hood. According to the legend, Robin Hood lived in the late 12th or early 13th century, at the time of King John. (People say that King John was the worst king that England ever had). Robin Hood lived as an outlaw in a wild place called Sherwood Forest. He and his gang of "Merry Men" robbed rich people and gave money to the poor. His greatest enemy was the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham.  

We do not know how much truth there is in the legend. Robin Hood is a "folk hero". He represents the resistance of ordinary people to tyranny and authority. The stories about him have remained popular for hundreds of years.  

They are of course wonderful stories for films and television. They have heroes ("goodies") and villains ("baddies"). And there is lots of action - riding through forests on horses, sword fights etc. The BBC is going to show a new TV series about Robin Hood later this year. Because there isn't much wild forest left in England, the series has been filmed in Hungary. And a few weeks ago someone stole the tapes of the new series. There have been rumours that they have asked for ?1million to return the tapes, and that they will give the money to charity. The BBC are saying nothing.  

Comparing things  

Monday 18 September 2006  

Today's podcast is about how to make comparisons in English. I am talking to my friend Anna. She comes from Canada and she is going to tell us about some of the differences she has seen between Canada and England.  

I first came to England in January 2005. When I left my home in Winnipeg in central Canada, it was snowing and bitterly cold. By comparison, England was a lot less cold. Everything seemed very green, compared to the blanket of snow on the ground in Canada. There were even some flowers in the garden.  

The traffic in England was so confusing at first. In England, the traffic drives on the left, while in Canada - and most of the rest of the world - people drive on the right. And if you are walking, it is more difficult to cross the road in England than in Canada.  

In Winnipeg, the landscape is almost completely flat. But in Birmingham, by contrast, there are hills and valleys - not big ones, but bigger than what I am used to. 

Everything seems smaller in England - the cars and houses, and things like refrigerators for example. Houses in Canada are often built of timber, while in Englaand they are generally built of brick or stone. If I go to a supermarket in Canada, I can find food in really big cans and containers. But in England, even the biggest cans of food look small.  

England is more racially and culturally diverse than the part of Canada I come from. I am not yet used to the different regional accents which people in England have - to my ears they all sound the same. People in England seem to be more fashion conscious than in Canada, particularly the young women. They all seem to wear similar clothes in the latest popular style.  

In Canada, we are used to travelling quite long distances to go to the shops or to visit friends. In England, the distances are shorter, but it often takes as long because the traffic is more congested.  

To sum up, I suppose I would say that central Canada is bigger, obviously, than England, and flatter; colder in the winter and hotter in the summer; and emptier - there are many fewer people per square kilometer. And England is smaller, and much more crowded; a lot wetter and greener.  

The photo of Winnipeg in the snow is by Jezz\/flickr , and the picture of the flat country around Winnipeg is by jsgphoto\/flickr  

Are you a Hobbit  

Friday 15 September 2006  

Are you less than 170cm tall? Do you have hairy feet and toes? You do? Then there may be a job for you.  

Let me explain. You have probably heard of the writer JRR Tolkien. He wrote the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, and a number of other books. His books have been translated from English into many other languages. Perhaps you have read some of them. Or perhaps you have seen the Lord of the Rings films, or played Lord of the Rings computer games.  

Over four years ago, theatre producer Kevin Wallace decided to turn Lord of the Rings into a musical - a theatre show with music. In March this year the show opened in Toronto in Canada. By that time it had cost about $25million, which makes it one of the most expensive theatre shows ever. Unfortunately the show was not a great success in Canada. Next year the show will open in London. The theatre in London wants to find 20 people to act the parts of Hobbits. But if you are interested you will need to hurry. The auditions are next week.  

Incidentally, when JRR Tolkien was a child, he lived less than 2 kilometers from where I live now. Some people say that places near here gave him the idea for some of the places in his books. I find this difficult to believe. I am afraid also that I consider that Tolkien's books are rather tedious. He often writes in long and complicated sentences. The characterisation in his books is poor ("Characterisation" means the way he describes and develops his characters). His books are about fantasy worlds; but in my view they are less interesting than the real world in which we all live.  

You may not agree with me. JRR Tolkien has a huge number of fans across the world. If, despite my poor opinion of them, you still wish to buy his books, you can do so from Amazon.co.uk .  

Artwork by Luis Corte Real.  

ArtsFest  

Wednesday 13 September 2006 

ArtsFest is an arts festival - I think you guessed that! It takes place here in Birmingham every year at the beginning of September. It as a free festival - you do not have to pay to go to any of the concerts, performances or exhibitions in Artsfest. In fact, ArtsFest is the biggest free arts festival in Britain.  

ArtsFest is specifically for the arts in Birmingham and the towns around it. Of course, the big local arts organisations such as the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, the Birmingham Royal Ballet and the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra all took part. But so did hundreds of smaller organisations both professional and amateur - theatre groups, pop groups, choirs and dance groups. All of them were keen to tell everyone about what they do. Some of them wanted to find an audience for their next concert. Some of them wanted to find new members.Theatre companies pressed people to come to their next show. One woman asked me to sing in an opera, another to join her choir. (Have they ever heard me sing? No!) There were films and poetry readings. The university art gallery told us the story behind some of its paintings. Children made artwork, and learned how to play the drums. A Latin-American dance group taught us all how to dance the Mambo. Irish pipe bands marched through the street. There were displays of Bhangra singing and dancing, because Birmingham is a major centre for Punjabi Bhangra music. And much, much more. But best of all, the sun shone all weekend, and over 100,000 people came to ArtsFest to enjoy themselves. I have made a short video about ArtsFest 2006. You can view it on the podcast website, and if you are really lucky you may be able to download it to your iPod.  

Lend and Borrow 

Monday 11 September 2006 

This podcast is about the two words "lend" and "borrow". Sometimes people learning English find it difficult to remember how to use them correctly. I hope this podcast helps.  

Kevin is a punk rock fan. When he was younger, he used to wear big boots and a safety-pin through his ear. He still wears the boots sometimes, but only when Joanne is away. His favourite band is called "Futile Vendetta". Never mind what "Futile Vendetta" means - it's just their name. He has a big collection of Futile Vendetta CDs.  

Kevin has told his friend George about Futile Vendetta. George wants to borrow one of their CDs from Kevin. The next time they meet, Kevin lends George a CD called "Universal Evil". Again, don't worry what it means - it's just its name! Look at how we say this in English.  

\u00b7 George borrows the CD from Kevin  

\u00b7 Kevin lends the CD to George (or, Kevin lends George the CD)  

Joanne wants to invite some friends to a party. The weather is good and she thinks it would be nice to have a barbecue. But she and Kevin dont have a barbecue grill. But her friend Marion does, so Joanne rings her up to ask if she can borrow it. Marion says yes, she will not need the barbecue at the weekend. She is happy to lend it to Joanne. Look at how we say this in English.  

\u00b7 Joanne borrows the barbecue from Marion  

\u00b7 Marion lends the barbecue to Joanne (or, Marion lends Joanne the barbecue).  

Now you have a go. There is an exercise attached to the podcast.  

Bets  

Friday 08 September 2006  

Many English people like betting. They bet on horse races, and football matches. They bet in the National Lottery. They bet on who will win the next General Election, and whether it will snow on Christmas Day. 

To place a bet, you go to a bookmakers, or "bookies". A bookmaker is a company that specialises in accepting bets. A bookmaker will tell you what "odds" they will give on a particular event - for example, odds of 12 to 1, or 3 to 1. So, if you bet on a horse to win a race at 12 to 1, and the horse does win the race, then the bookmaker will pay you 12 times your original bet. And if the horse loses, of course, the bookmaker keeps the money which you bet. Bookmakers win more often than their customers. People say that no-one has ever met a poor bookmaker. So it is nice to be able to tell you this story.  

Nine years ago, in 1997, a boy called Chris Kirkland was the goalkeeper for an under-15 football team in central England. His father, Eddie Kirkland, was convinced that his son would become a great footballer. He went to the bookmaker, Willliam Hill, and said that he wanted to bet that his son would some day play football for England. William Hill offered him odds of 100 to 1. Mr Kirkland placed a bet of ?100.  

On 17 August, England played Greece in a friendly football match. England won 4-0, and played fast, flowing football. Why didn't they play like that in the World Cup, we all asked. And in goal was England's new goalkeeper, Chris Kirkland. And the following morning, his Dad collected ?10,000 from the bookmakers.  

Picture by James Logan is of a bookmaker at a small horse race in Devon, in SW England.  

Shot at Dawn 

Wednesday 06 September 2006 

During the First World War, from 1914 to 1918, there were a number of soldiers in the British Army who refused to continue fighting their German enemies. Sometimes they ran away (they "deserted"), or they refused to return to the battle front. The Army court martialed them - that is, the men were tried by a military court or "court martial". Often the trials were short, and the men had no legal help. Over 300 of these soldiers were shot ("executed") by firing squads. Their relatives lived with the shame of knowing that their son, or husband, or father was a coward or a deserter. The widows and children of the executed men did not receive the pension which the government normally gave to the families of men who were killed in the war. As a result, some of them were forced to live in extreme poverty.  

In the past few years, there has been a campaign in Britain for posthumous pardons to be given to all the soldiers who were executed. The campaigners have argued that many of the soldiers did not receive a proper trial - for example, some did not have the opportunity to present evidence or call witnesses at the court martial. They argued too that many of the soldiers were not cowards, but were suffering from extreme psychological stress . Because this stress was often caused by being close to exploding artillery shells, we call it "shell shock". Finally, the campaigners argued that it was important, even 90 years later, that the families and descendents of these men should know that society did not any longer regard them as traitors, deserters or cowards.  

For many years, the British government resisted these arguments. But suddenly, this summer, it changed its mind. The Defence Secretary, Des Browne, announced that the government agreed that the men had been treated unjustly, and that all the 306 soldiers would be pardoned.  

At the Seaside  

Sunday 03 September 2006  

Welcome back. I hope you had a good summer. I hope too that you like the redesign of the web-site.  

Where do British families go for a summer holiday? Nowdays, of course, many families fly to Spain or Greece or Florida, or to more exotic places. But the traditional British family holiday is a seaside holiday - a week (or, if you are really brave, a fortnight) in a caravan or a cottage or a small hotel close to one of the beautiful beaches around the British coast. Here are some of the things you can do on a seaside holiday:  

\u00b7 paddling in the sea  

\u00b7 climbing on the rocks  

\u00b7 exploring rock pools, and finding crabs and other little creatures in them  

\u00b7 building sand castles  

\u00b7 damming streams  

\u00b7 collecting sea-shells  

\u00b7 flying a kite  

\u00b7 eating ice-cream  

There are of course risks and dangers in a British seaside holiday! The most important are:  

\u00b7 the weather - a British summer can be cool and wet.  

\u00b7 sand, which gets exerywhere - in your hair, in your clothes and shoes, and between your toes  

\u00b7 jellyfish, which may sting you when you are swimming in the sea  

\u00b7 the food in English sea-side cafes!  

A British seaside holiday can be a lot of fun - but it helps if you know how to enjoy yourself in the rain!  

There is a Grammar and Vocabulary note for this podcast  

Photo entitled Lone Architect from Kat's Modern Life  

Heatwave  

Thursday 20 July 2006  

When we have several days of very hot weather, we call it a heatwave.In Britain, we are having a heatwave at present. In fact, we are having record high temperatures. Yesterday, 19 July, was the hottest July day on record. The highest temperature (36.3 degrees C) was measured at a place called Charlwood which is near London Gatwick Airport.  

Throughout the country, people have crowded into swimming pools or into the sea to keep cool. Respectable businessmen and civil servants have gone to work wearing shorts. In some places the tar on the roads has melted. And here in Birmingham, the heat has buckled railway lines just outside our main railway station, which has caused chaos.  

Owners of ice cream vans have done a roaring trade. There was a different sort of roaring trade at Colchester Zoo. There, the keepers gave the lions blocks of ice flavoured with blood (ugh!) to keep them cool. (Look up "roaring trade" and "to roar" in a dictionary!)  

Here are some of the words we might use to describe very hot weather: - hot - scorching - blistering - sweltering - baking - a heatwave - like an oven, like a furnace.  

And if the weather is moist as well as hot, we can say - sultry - sticky - humid.  

Do you know the expression "most like" and its opposite "least like"? Where would I most like to be in this hot weather? In my own private swimming pool, perhaps, with someone to bring me cold beers from time to time. And where would I least like to be? Easy - in a queue at Gatwick Airport.  

Penny Lane  

Monday 17 July 2006  

In Liverpool, there is a street called Penny Lane. Why is it called Penny Lane? Perhaps the name comes from the penny coin - nowdays the smallest coin used in Britain. Perhaps there were shops on Penny Lane which sold cheap things, things which cost only a penny. 

Wrong. Penny Lane is named after John Penny. John Penny was a merchant in Liverpool in the 18th century. He became rich and famous. But he made his fortune in the infamous business of slave trading. Ships owned by John Penny carried black slaves from Africa to work on the plantations of America and the West Indies.  

Recently, Liverpool City Council said that it wanted to change the name of Penny Lane, and also of some other streets in the city which are named after slave traders. It says that it is not right to commemorate people who made money in such a wicked way.  

But there was a public outcry. Here's why.  

Yes - that was the Beatles, the Fab Four. They recorded their hit song Penny Lane in 1967. It tells about the people who live and work on Penny Lane - the barber who has photographs of his customers' heads; the fireman polishing his fire engine. (There is a link from the website to the words of the song - or "the lyrics" as people in the pop music business say). Penny Lane is a song about a gentler and more innocent world, where the skies are blue and there are no bombs on trains. Perhaps that is why it is still so popular.  

Two of the Beatles - John Lennon and Paul McCartney - grew up in the area around Penny Lane. Today the area is popular with students, and with tourists who take bus tours of the Beatles sites in Liverpool. Liverpool Council have changed their mind. Penny Lane will stay Penny Lane.  

Vocabulary notes:  

Note the expressions "the name comes from..." and "it is named after...". In America, many people say "it is named for.." instead of "it is named after..."  

A barber is a men's hairdresser. Originally a barber shaved men as well as cutting their hair.  

Buy Beatles CDs from Amazon.co.uk  

Hardware  

Thursday 13 July 2006  

You are listening to this podcast on a computer, or perhaps you have downloaded it from a computer to an MP3 player. So I am sure that you know what the words "hardware" and "software" mean.  

"Hardware" means the computer itself and other machines which are connected to the computer such as printers or external disk drives. "Software" means the electronic programmes which make the computer do what you want it to do (or, sometimes, what the computer wants to do!)  

But the word "hardware" has an older meaning from before the days of computers. To explain what it means, I walked to the end of my road, to my local hardware shop. Walid, who owns the shop, kindly agreed that I might take some photographs. I have put these on the website. And now to test your English vocabulary. Hardware means nails, screws, hooks and rope; it means tools such as saws, hammers, and screwdrivers; it means paint, polish and cleaners to make your house shine; it means plugs, wires, bulbs and fuses for electrical equipment; it means brushes, cloths and mops to keep your house clean; it means pans, sieves, colanders and baking trays for your kitchen: it means forks, trowels, hoes, seeds and compost for your garden. Walid's hardware shop contains all these and much more. It may look a bit chaotic to you, but I can assure you that he knows exactly where everything is.  

Download MP3 (2:07min, 3MB)  

The Bodysnatchers  

Wednesday 12 July 2006  

Recently. I found a fascinating web site. It is the story of Alderley Edge, which is a village south of Manchester. The site contains a lot of maps, pictures and documents about the history of the village, and sound files in which people who live in the village tell about things which happened there long ago.  

One of these is about the bodysnatchers of Alderley Edge. In the 19th century, the medical schools needed human bodies in order to train student doctors properly. Sometimes, unscrupulous people dug up bodies which had recently been buried, and sold them secretly to the medical schools. This happened once in Alderley Edge, as Brian Hobson tells us.  

"There'd been a funeral of a lady and a girl and they ( ie the bodysnatchers) must have visited the churchyard, they'd got these two bodies on a hand cart and were taking them to Manchester. And they'd had great difficulty because the grave kept collapsing on them and it had taken them longer than what they thought to get down the road, and they got as far as Whitebarn and it became daylight. So in a field at the side of Whitebarn, there they dug a hole, put them (ie the bodies) in with the idea coming back next day to carry on. Well in the mean time whoever it was was living at Whitebarn Farm at the time, he come down the field and he noticed the soil had been disturbed and he thought poachers had been that night and buried the pheasants in there. So he started unearthing it and he found a bag, put his hand in and come out with a handful of hair. So they laid in wait for this gang to come back and there was three of them, they caught two of them, one escaped over the fields towards Chorley Hall, and they got the other two. The only thing they could take them to Court on was the fact that they'd nicked (ie stolen) a wedding ring off the woman's finger. I've got all that documented as well, a beautiful story."  

MH: "This would be for dissection would it?"  

BH: "Yes, they used to sell the bodies at Manchester University or wherever."  

This recording is made available by kind permission of the copyright holders, Manchester Museum and the National Trust.  

Busy, busy, busy... 

Monday 10 July 2006 

Today's podcast is about words and phrases which we use to talk about being very busy.  

Kevin's boss wants his staff to prepare a new report. As usual, he wants it straight away. His staff explain that they can't write the report instantly. So the boss says OK, but he wants it on his desk tomorrow morning. He sets a deadline of 9am - that means, he wants the report to be ready by then.  

So Kevin and his colleagues set to work. They rush around trying to find all the material that they need for the report - facts, figures, pictures, tables, charts, diagrams and so on.  

In the middle of the morning, Joanne telephones Kevin. Kevin says, "I can't talk to you now. We've got lots to do. Everyone here is rushed off their feet."  

Joanne says, "But we were going to meet for lunch."  

Kevin replies, "Sorry, Joanne, we're too busy. I've got no time for lunch. I will probably need to work late this evening, too. Sorry, I must go, the boss wants to talk to me immediately."  

Kevin skips lunch, and eats a sandwich and drinks coffee while working at his computer. He and his colleagues stay working in the office after the rest of the staff go home. At last, at about 8 pm the report is finished. It will be on the boss's desk when he comes in in the morning.  

Alas, when Kevin's boss sees the report, he finds several mistakes which his staff had overlooked in their hurry. So they need to rewrite the report - as soon as possible.  

There is an English saying "More haste, less speed." It means that if you try to do something too quickly, it will in the end take longer than if you had taken a little more time.  

There are some vocabulary notes on the website. In the meantime, here is Alice Leon, and she is So Busy!  

Vocabulary:  

immediately, straight away, at once, instantly - these all mean the same.  

And here are more words and expressions about being busy - in a hurry, in a rush, no time, as soon as possible, busy, deadline, can't stop, rushed off my feet, it's crazy round here, skip lunch, work late.  

You forgot my tea  

Friday 07 July 2006  

Last week, the police in Denia in eastern Spain made a gruesome discovery. They found a decomposing body in a rubbish tip underneath a motorway bridge. The body was that of Colin Nodes, who was British, and a criminal with a long and colourful history. It had been on the rubbish tip for at least two months. 

Colin Nodes started his career as a criminal by dealing in stolen cars and boats. Later he was suspected of involvement in drug trafficking. Like many British criminals, he bought a house in Spain and found it convenient to spend a lot of time in that country.  

In the mid-1990s, he spent some time in Winchester prison. But he wanted to get out for his wife's birthday party in Spain. He offered to fetch a cup of tea for one of the prison warders. But instead of returning with the tea, he climbed over the prison wall and escaped. He was later arrested in Spain, and extradited to Britain. As he was taken back into prison, he met the same warder whom he had tricked three years before. "You forgot my tea, Nodes", said the prison officer. "Sorry about that, sir."  

Colin Nodes was later in trouble with the police in Spain, Germany and the Czech Republic as well as in Britain. But now he is dead. The Spanish police have charged two British men with his murder.  

Picture of a nice cup of tea by soul2love\/flickr  

Get in touch 

Wednesday 05 July 2006 

You know what the word "touch" means. As I type these words, my fingers touch the computer keyboard. If I touch something hot, I will burn myself.  

But what does it mean if I say that I am "in touch" with someone? Here are some examples.  

I have a friend. We were at university together. His career and mine have taken very different paths. We now live about 300km apart. But every Christmas we send each other Christmas cards and a letter saying what we and our families have been doing during the year. Every few years I go and visit him. We are IN TOUCH with each other - we have regular contact with each other. We can also say that we STAY IN TOUCH or that we KEEP IN TOUCH with each other.  

I have another friend. We were at school together. But many years ago we stopped writing to each other I do not know what he is doing or where he lives. We have LOST TOUCH with each other. You remember that in our recent podcast, Terry and Terry also lost touch with each other.  

However, recently I saw my friend's name on a university website. Surely it must be the same person. So I am going to send him an e-mail, and see if he remembers me. I am going to GET IN TOUCH with him. (I will tell you what happens in a later podcast).  

A year ago, my daughter left primary school and started secondary school. But many of her friends from primary school go to different secondary schools. This is how she KEEPS IN TOUCH with them.  

I telephone some of my friends and chat with them. Sometimes we arrange that they can come and stay overnight at my house, or I can go to their house.  

Her friend Amber KEEPS IN TOUCH with her friends like this.  

I have got a website with photos and games and music, and a shout box where my friends write messages to me. I have MSN messenger, and 65 of my friends have MSN messenger too. And sometimes I write a letter to my Nan.  

You see. that is the difference between young people like Amber and old people like me. Young people KEEP IN TOUCH with MSN messenger. Old people send each other Christmas cards.  

(I have re-recorded the sound file on my wonderful new Edirol R-09 solid state recorder. It is much better!)  

To boldly go .....  

Thursday 29 June 2006  

Do you remember Star Trek? Star Trek was a science-fiction TV series which began in the 1960s. Later there were 10 Star Trek films. In Star Trek, the characters explore the galaxy and discover new worlds. They defend civilisation from aliens who wish to destroy it. (Star Trek was of course an allegory for the United States and its view of the world!)  

In recent years, the number of people watching the Star Trek TV series has fallen, and the company which made them has decided that it will not make any more. This is sad news for thousands of Star Trek fans throughout the world.  

But is Star Trek dead? Some fans are determined that Star Trek will never die. A group of fans in Dundee in Scotland are making their own Star Trek film. They have built a film set of the inside of a space ship. They have made their own costumes.They have filmed outside scenes in the highlands of Scotland. There they faced problems such as the rain (it rains a lot in Scotland), and sheep which wandered onto the set going baaah. Most of the filming is now complete, and the film should be available for free download from the internet later this year. You can visit the film's website (details on the podcast website) to see still pictures and video clips from the film. It looks great.  

In Star Trek, Captain Kirk and the crew of the starship Enterprise set out "to boldly go where no man has gone before". This phrase has become famous. But many people say that it is not good English. "To go" is an infinitive, and it is generally best to keep the two parts of the infinitive ("to" and"go") together and not to "split the infinitive" (that is, to put another word in the middle.) It is better to say "to go boldly where no man has gone before". But other people, and all Star Trek fans, say that this is boring and pedantic and that there is nothing wrong with "to boldly go..". I think that there are bigger problems in the world than split English infinitives.  

It looks like rain 

Tuesday 27 June 2006 

Sometimes, when we talk about something which we think has happened, or which we think will happen, we use the expression "it looks like...."  

There are dark clouds in the sky. You think that it will soon start to rain. What do you say?  

I think it is going to rain.  

It is probably going to rain.  

It looks like it is going to rain.  

Kevin cannot find his car keys. He searches the house for them. Perhaps he left them at George's house. What does Kevin say?  

I think I left my keys at George's house.  

Probably I left my keys at George's house.  

It looks like I left my keys at George's house.  

Sarah invites Joanne and Kevin to a party. She tells Joanne about the wonderful food she is going to prepare for the party and about the band that is going to play. What does Joanne say?  

I think it will be a great party.  

It will probably be a great party.  

It looks like it will be a great party.  

It sounds like it will be a great party (because Joanne HEARS from Sarah how good the party will be).  

Kevin wants to stay at home and watch the football on the television. But he knows that Joanne will be upset if he does not go to Sarah's party. What does he say?  

I think I must go to the party.  

I suppose I must go to the party.  

It looks like I must go to the party.  

So he records the football on the video and watches it the next day.  

Wimbledon  

Tuesday 27 June 2006  

The Wimbledon Tennis Championships 2006 have begun. Wimbledon is a place in south-west London. Tennis championships have taken place there every year since 1877. And, because this is England, there are important traditions about tennis at Wimbledon.  

Tradition 1 - the spectators drink champagne and eat strawberries (if they can afford to)  

Tradition 2 - English players do not win. Every year people say that this year Tim Henman will win the men's championship. He never does.  

Tradition 3 - it always rains. This year there was only one hour's play on the first day because of rain.  

Tradition 4 - the winner of the men's championship gets more prize money than the winner of the women's championship.  

But many people say that this is wrong. Wimbledon is now the only big tennis championship where the prizes for men and women are not the same. Venus Williams, last year's women's champion, says, "For us, it's about equality. It's about treating a human as a human, no matter what the sex is. It's about a premier women's sport setting an example all around the world."  

The organisers of Wimbledon point out that the men players play matches with 5 sets, while the women play only 3 sets. Therefore it is only fair that the men's prizes are larger. They also say that men's tennis attracts more money from ticket sales and sponsorship, for example, that women's tennis does. But other people dispute this.  

I think that the prizes for men and women should be the same. What do you think?  

Photo of Venus Williams by rickydiver78\/flickr  

Terry and Terry 

Monday 26 June 2006 

I have a video for you today. It is about Terry and his wife, who is also called Terry (Terry is a name which both men and women can have). Together they tell the story of how they first met, and how - over 50 years later - they got married.  

Terry (the man) joined the Royal Air Force (the RAF) in 1944, during the second World War. He was sent to a training camp at Skegness, on the east coast of England. On his first day there, he met Terry (the woman) who was serving in the WRAF (the Women's Royal Air Force). They went to a dance that evening, and had 12 wonderful weeks together before Terry (the man) was sent to Radio School. The two Terries wrote letters to each other for a time, but then they lost touch. After the war, they both married, and by co-incidence their marriages each lasted for 48 years, until their respective partners died.  

One day the grandson of Terry (the woman) took her for a visit to Skegness. When she got home, she decided to try to find the other Terry. She wrote to the Skegness local paper, which published a paragraph about her story. By chance, a cousin of Terry (the man) saw the story; and so the two Terries met again. Terry (the man) was living on the Isle of Man, which is an island in the Irish Sea, between England and Ireland. Terry (the woman) flew over to see him. She fell in love with the Isle of Man, and with Terry. They found they could talk as if they had last seen one another the evening before, instead of more than 50 years ago. A few months later, they got married, and they have lived "the life of Riley" (ie a wonderful life) ever since.  

As Terry (the woman) says at the end of the video, "I didn't intend him getting away again!"  

On the podcast website, you will find a link to the BBC Video Nation site, where you can view Terry and Terry telling their story  

Note: look up in a dictionary the phrases "to be in touch with someone" and "to lose touch with someone". We will use them in a future podcast.  

Lost property 

Friday 23 June 2006 

It is summer. And in the summer, people - including politicians - go on holiday. And this means that the newspapers are sometimes short of real news to print. British journalists sometimes call this time of year the "silly season", because of the silly stories that the newspapers publish when there is no real news.  

The silly season this year has started early with a report in the papers about things that people have left on buses, underground trains and taxis in London. Last year, 150,000 items of lost property were found on London's public transport. The most common were books and mobile phones, and also bags, umbrellas, wallets and passports. There were also a lot of teddy bears and wedding rings. Recently, someone left Rolex watches worth about ?25,000 on a bus. Someone else left a new plasma television set, costing over ?2,000, in a taxi. Other items left on public transport included an inflatable boat, a coffin (I think it was empty), false limbs and a lawn mower.  

All this lost property is taken to Transport for London's lost property office in Baker Street. If the owners do not reclaim their property within three months, the lost property office sell the items to help cover their running costs. Over half of the people who mislay valuable items reclaim them from the lost property office. But only one in three bags, one in four mobile phones and one in five books are reclaimed.  

If you ever lose something on a bus or tube in London, go to the lost property office to see if they can find it. I have put a link to their web-site on the podcast web site. I have also included a link to a blog about life on the London underground. If you have ever travelled on London's underground trains, I think it will make you smile.  

NOTE:  

1 Three ways of saying the same thing:  

people lose things on the buses - people leave things on the buses - people mislay things on the buses  

2 The "tube" means the deep underground railway lines in London.  

Afraid 

Wednesday 21 June 2006 

You know what "afraid" means, don't you? If I am afraid, I am frightened or scared. If I am very afraid, I could say that I am terrified.  

When we want to talk about the thing that makes us afraid, we say "afraid of". Some people are afraid of flying in aeroplanes. Some little children are afraid of the dark. My daughter is afraid of spiders.  

Sometimes, however, we use the word "afraid" in a different way. We use it when we have to tell someone something which is unpleasant or unwelcome or upsetting to them. If we say "I am afraid that..." it makes what we have to say a little softer and less unpleasant. Lets look at some examples.  

Kevin comes home from work. He wants to watch the world cup football on the television. But Joanne has bad news for him. First, the television has broken; and second, her mother is coming to supper. Joanne's mother doesn't like football, nor does she like Kevin.  

So Joanne says, "Kevin, I know you want to watch the football tonight. But I am afraid that the television isn't working properly. And I am afraid my mother is coming to supper. Why don't you go to the pub to watch the football. I will tell Mum that you are working late tonight."  

Kevin's friend George often arrives late for work, and often his work is poor. His boss calls him into his office. He says, "Unless your work improves, I am afraid you will need to look for another job."  

Jessica and her children are planning a picnic tomorrow. But then Jessica listens to the weather forecast. She tells the children, "I am afraid its going to rain tomorrow - lets have our picnic at the weekend instead".  

That is all I have time for today. I am afraid that is the end of the podcast. But here is Majek Fashek, and he is Not Afraid.  

Sumer is icumen in  

Monday 19 June 2006 

Summer has reached England at last. For the past week the sun has shone and the birds have sung. There is a very old English song, from the thirteenth century, about the arrival of summer. It is written in mediaeval English, which is difficult to understand, so here is a rough translation into modern English.  

Summer has come in  

Loudly sings the cuckoo  

The seed grows, the meadow blows,  

and the wood springs anew  

Sing cuckoo!  

The ewe bleats after her lamb,  

The calf lows after the cow,  

The bullock starts, the buck farts,  

Merry sing cuckoo!  

Some explanations. The cuckoo is a bird which comes to Britain in the summer. It sings like this - CUCKOO - hence its name. In summer too the seeds grow and the grass and flowers in the meadows blow in the wind. The woods spring to life again ("anew"). A ewe is a mother sheep, and bleating is the sound it makes. A calf is a very young cow or bull, and the sound it makes is called lowing. A bullock is a young bull. It "starts", which means that it moves suddenly if it is alarmed (look up the word "startle" in a dictionary - if I am "startled", I make a sudden jumping movement when someone surprises me.) A buck is a deer. You had better look up fart in a dictionary - I am not going to explain it here! It is of course not very polite in modern society to talk about farting - but in 13th century England people probably spoke more directly about such things! They knew that, in spring and summer, there is lots of young, new grass for the deer to eat, and that this makes deer fart a lot! To them, this was simply a happy sound of summer.  

Going too fast  

Wednesday 14 June 2006  

If you had been in Manchester one day last year, you might have seen a man taking down a road sign, and then carrying it away and putting it up again on a different road. What was going on? It happened like this.  

In Britain, if you are driving a car, you must stick to certain speed limits. For example, in towns and villages the speed limit is 30 mph, though on some roads you are allowed to drive at 40 mph.  

Many drivers do not observe the speed limits. They drive too fast. So on some roads, particularly where there have been accidents in the past, the police have installed speed cameras. Speed cameras measure the speed of vehicles and photograph the number plates of cars that are travelling too fast. If you are caught by a speed camera, you are fined and get three penalty points on your driving licence.  

Speed cameras in Britain are painted bright yellow. They are easy to see, and this means that drivers have time to slow down if necessary. Nonetheless some motorists hate speed cameras. They think that the government uses speed cameras to raise money and to persecute innocent motorists. Some drivers have even tried to destroy or remove speed cameras.  

Last year, Mr John Hopwood was caught by speed cameras twice on successive days. The first time he was doing 48mph in a 40 mph zone. The second time he was doing 40 mph where the speed limit was 30 mph. He decided to try to get out of the second offence by removing the "40" sign from the road where he was caught the first time, and placing it on a lamp-post near the spot where he was caught the second time. He photographed the sign, and sent the photograph to the court with a letter saying that it was unreasonable to prosecute him for doing 41mph where there was a sign saying that the speed limit was 40mph. Unfortunately the police soon realised that the sign had been moved. They employed an expert to analyse photographs of the sign in both its new location and the old one, and proved that they were in fact the same sign. Mr Hopwood pleaded guilty in court to having moved it. The court may decide to send him to prison. He would have done better to pay the speeding fine. Even better to have obeyed the speed limits.  

Note: These three expressions mean the same:  

you must stick to the speed limit  

you must observe the speed limit  

you must obey the speed limit  

"He was doing 48 mph" means "he was driving at 48 mph"  

Two tragic deaths  

Wednesday 14 June 2006 

A few days ago, the newspapers reported a tragic incident in Manchester.  

Kally, a 15-year old girl, had split up from her boyfriend Josh, who was 18. A few days later, Josh came round to Kally's house. People nearby heard Kally and Josh arguing. Then they heard two gunshots, and then a third. Kally was found dead on the doorstep of her home. Josh was found dying a short distance away. It appears that Josh, upset that Kally had split up from him, had shot her and then turned the gun on himself.  

Kally had been in the middle of her GCSE exams at school. One of her friends told the newspapers. "She was in the top set for everything. She was beautiful. She had blue eyes and blonde hair and was naturally pretty. She hadn't decided what she wanted to be, but she was very intelligent."  

Detectives are investigating how Josh managed to get hold of the shotgun. Shotguns are guns which fire lots of little pellets or shot. They are often used by farmers to shoot rabbits and other pests on their farm. In Britain, you need a licence to own a shotgun. The area where Kally and Josh lived has suffered from a number of other gun crimes in the past few years, although overall gun crime has fallen in Manchester.  

Note: "GCSE" stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education. Children in England do their GCSE exams at the end of Year 11, when they are 15 or 16 years old.  

"Kally was in the top set for everything" means that in all her school subjects she was in the group of the most able students.  

"to get hold of" means "to obtain"  

You did it on purpose...  

Sunday 11 June 2006  

Kevin has bought a new jumper. It has brown, orange and beige stripes. Kevin likes his jumper very much. Joanne hates it. "The colours are awful and it makes you look fat," she says.  

A few days later Joanne puts some washing in the washing machine. Kevin's new jumper goes in the washing machine too. When it comes out, it has shrunk. Kevin is furious. "It says on the label 'Hand Wash Only'. So why did you put it in the washing machine? You didn't like the jumper. You did it on purpose."  

"Don't be stupid," says Joanne. "I am sorry that your jumper has shrunk. I got the clothes mixed up and put your jumper into the washing machine by accident."  

On purpose. By accident. What do these expressions mean?  

Kevin says:  

Joanne deliberately put my jumper into the washing machine.  

She meant to make it shrink.  

She intended to make it shrink.  

She did it on purpose.  

Joanne says:  

I accidentally put Kevin's jumper into the washing machine.  

I did not intend to make it shrink.  

I did not mean to upset Kevin.  

It happened by accident.  

When Joanne saw how upset Kevin was, she went out and bought him a new jumper, just the same as the old one. And a month later, Kevin put the jumper in the washing machine, and it shrank. By accident, of course.  

Here's Big George Jackson with a song especially for Kevin - it's called "I'm sorry".  

Note: the jumper shrinks, it shrank, it has shrunk. Shrink is one of a small group of irregular verbs where the vowel changes from "i" in the present tense, to "a" in the past tense and "u" in the past participle. "Sing, sang, sung" is another one. Do you know any others?  

Its in the net .....  

Friday 09 June 2006  

Some of you have e-mailed me to say that you would like a podcast about English words for things that happen in a football match.  

There are many important people at a football match. There are the players - 11 on each side. There are the substitutes who sit on the bench waiting for the manager to replace one of the players on the field. There is the referee, and the two linesmen. And there are the supporters who come to cheer their team. They are over the moon when their team wins, and gutted when they lose.  

But the most important thing at a football match is of course the football. We are at the final of the Borsetshire Football cup, between Ambridge and Felversham. Ambridge have just won 1-0. I am talking to Fiona Football. Well, Fiona, how did it go?  

Not too bad. The pitch was a bit wet and muddy, but at the end of the day I can't grumble.  

There was that controversial penalty decision in the second half.  

From where I was, it was definitely a penalty. A Felversham player fouled an Ambridge player inside the penalty area. Archer took the penalty. The goalkeeper dived to the left, but I was going to the right, and the next thing I was in the net.  

You were in the net earlier in the game as well, but the referee disallowed the goal.  

Yes. Archer passed me to Grundy, but Grundy was offside. The linesman put up his flag and the referee gave Felversham a free kick.  

And how do you feel about the goalmouth scramble in the dying minutes?  

There was 2 minutes stoppage time, and Felversham were pushing hard for an equaliser. They were lucky to get a corner kick because the last player to touch me was in fact a Felversham player. Anyway, Felversham took the corner, and two or three players headed me before the goalkeeper caught me. I was glad really, because I didn't want the match to go to extra time.  

Why not?  

Well how would you feel if you had been kicked around a muddy football pitch for 92 minutes?  

Fair point, thank you Fiona.  

Note: a cliche is an expression which people use so much that it has become, well, tired. There are several football cliches here. "At the end of the day" means "when all is said and done". (It is impossible to interview a football player without him saying "at the end of the day" some time in the interview!) "The ball is in the net" means that someone has scored a goal. "A goalmouth scramble" means some exciting football with lots of players just in front of the goal. "The dying minutes of the game" means the last few minutes.  

What is a birthday  

Thursday 08 June 2006  

Photo by brewrat\/flickr  

What is a Birthday ?  

When I'm young,  

it's cake and candles.  

Can I blow them out - You bet !  

When I'm in my teens and twenties,  

an excuse for going wild.  

Shall we have a noisy party - oh yes ! I'm not a child !  

When I reach the 30\/40 mark,  

I can still have a good old time  

I'll try anything..  

today is mine !  

But when I'm 50\/60  

A quick look round and sh..u..sh - did anybody notice  

I'm having another ..... !  

Then 70's descend  

and it's time to reminisce - remember when,  

and how and who ?  

Oh tish !  

When I'm 80, maybe 90,  

a birthday means I'm getting older  

and there's a chilling in my bones.  

But I'd love a cake - with candles - like I had, when I was young !  

\u00a9 Mags Scorey 1984  

Get get get .... 

Monday 05 June 2006 

In English, we use the word "get" (or its past tense "got") very often. Sometimes we say "get" by itself; sometimes we say "get" as part of a phrasal verb such as "get in" or "get up". And we use get\/got to mean many different things. If I "get" a newspaper, it means that I buy a newspaper. If I "get angry", it means that I become angry. If I "get to London", it means that I arrive at London. How confusing!  

In the last podcast, I said that I was going on holiday to Germany. Here is the story of our journey.  

We GOT UP very early, at 3am. We GOT DRESSED and had a quick breakfast. Then we GOT INTO the car. When we left home it was still dark, but as we drove southwards it GOT lighter. We GOT TO Dover a little after 7 o'clock, and GOT the ferry from there to France. Then we drove east and south through Belgium. We stopped at a motorway service station near Brussels, where we GOT some petrol, and something to eat. At a little after 3pm we GOT TO Heimbach, a pretty little village in Germany for our holiday.  

Now I will tell you the same story again, without using "get" or "got" (except in one place, where I cannot think of a different word to use).  

We rose very early, at 3am. We dressed ourselves and had a quick breakfast. Then we got into the car. When we left home it was still dark, but as we drove southwards it became lighter. We arrived at Dover a little after 7 o'clock, and took the ferry from there to France. Then we drove east and south through Belgium. We stopped at a motorway service station near Brussels, where we bought some petrol, and something to eat. At a little after 3pm, we arrived at Heimbach, a pretty little village in Germany for our holiday.  

Both these versions - the one with "get" and the one without "get" - are good English. But the "get" expressions in English are very common - people use them all the time in both spoken and written English. So don't be afraid of them.  

Football Fever 

Wednesday 24 May 2006 

In less than two weeks time, the football World Cup competition begins in Germany. Football fever is already sweeping the country. There are articles in the newspapers and programmes on television. Many people have placed English flags in the windows of their houses, or on their cars. In a month's time, we will all be very bored with football (unless England win, of course) but for the moment enthusiasm for football is everywhere.  

Which team will win? No, I don't think it will be England. Brazil, perhaps? My son says that Spain look very strong.  

Football has its own special words and phrases. There are two expressions which every football fan needs to know. When you are really pleased about something, you say that you are "over the moon". "So we're through to the final, and I am over the moon about it". And if you are really upset or fed up about something, you can say that you are "as sick as a parrot" or that you are "gutted". "To loose to Borchester in the first round, well - I'm sick as a parrot". "Our star player was sent off after only three minutes - I'm totally gutted".  

We don't generally use these expressions except about football. But during the World Cup you can use them as much as you like. When your team wins, you are over the moon. When they lose, you are gutted.  

Eden Rock 

Wednesday 24 May 2006 

I have another poem for you today. It is called "Eden Rock" and it is by Charles Causley, who lived in Cornwall in the far south-west of England.  

In the poem he imagines his parents as they were when they were young. His father is wearing a tweed suit, and his dog Jack is with him. His mother has spread out a cloth on the grass for a picnic. She pours tea out of a vacum flask (a Thermos) and milk from a bottle. She sets out plates and cups for the picnic. She shades her eyes with her hand and looks towards her son. His father spins a stone so that it bounces on the surface of the stream. They wave to their son and call to him to cross over the stream to them.  

Charles Causley wrote this poem when he was an old man. He is of course imagining his own death - crossing over the stream to join his parents. He says in the last line of the poem, "I had not thought that it would be like this."  

If you go to the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com\/) you will find a link to the text of the poem. You can then click on the audio button to hear Charles Causley himself reading it.  

Note : In one of the lines of the poem, it says "She pours milk straight from an old H P Sauce bottle". HP Sauce is a brown-coloured sauce that some people pour on their chips. It is one of the reasons why English food is despised throughout the civilised world. HP Sauce is made here in Birmingham. Sadly, the HP sauce factory will soon close. Production is to be transferred to the Netherlands.  

Litter 

Monday 22 May 2006 

"Litter" means things that people throw away in a public place, like a street. Things like cigarette ends, crisp packets, old newspapers or Coca-Cola cans. Litter makes a place look untidy and dirty. We ought to put our litter in a litter bin, or take it home with us.  

In towns and cities there are street cleaners. Their job is to sweep up the litter that other people leave in the streets. And in some places in the country where there are many visitors, we also have people who clear up litter.  

A group of volunteers have just finished picking up litter on Ben Nevis, which is the highest mountain in Britain. In good weather, many visitors climb the mountain. In bad weather, however, it can be a very dangerous place.  

The volunteer litter-pickers collected bags full of old paper, orange peel, plastic bags and drinks cans from the path which leads to the top of Ben Nevis. Then they saw a piece of wood sticking out from a pile of broken rock near the top of the mountain. The pulled the rocks away and found .....a piano.  

Why was there a piano near the top of Britiain's highest mountain? It turned out that a Mr Kenny Campbell had carried it up the mountain 35 years ago to raise money for charity. It also turned out that it wasn't a piano at all, but a small church organ. Mr Campbell told the newspapers that he had played Scotland the Brave on the organ at the top of the mountain. He said that he was planning another stunt to raise money for charity later this year, to mark his 65th birthday. We really are mad in this country!  

Vocabulary note: "it turned out that..." At first people thought that it was a piano. Later they found out it was really an organ. It TURNED OUT to be an organ. At first people did not know who had carried it up the mountain. Then Mr Campbell said that it was him. It TURNED OUT that it was Mr Campbell.  

Ben Nevis. Picture by StueyBoy flickr  

Really really happy 

Thursday 18 May 2006 

I am sure you know what "real" means. If something is real, it exists - you can touch it, or see it, for example - it isn't imaginary, or something you have made up. So "really" means "in reality" or "in truth".  

Kevin tells Joanne that he is going shopping. But REALLY he is going to the pub with his friend Dave - the truth is that he is going to the pub.  

Joanne's Mum likes to tell people that she is about 45 years old, but REALLY she is 53 - her true age is 53.  

Joanne's boss at work is a woman called Celia. Celia is not an easy boss to work for. She makes Joanne work very hard and criticises her when she makes mistakes. "She sounds like a old cow", says Kevin when Joanne tells him about her. "No", says Joanne, "REALLY she is very kind". In other words, when you get to know Celia properly, you find that she is a kind person.  

But lots of times, we use "really" to mean "very".  

"I am REALLY angry," says Joanne when she finds out about Kevin and Dave going to the pub. "I am REALLY upset. Why couldn't you tell me where you were really going?"  

Kevin says that Joanne's Mum is REALLY stupid, telling people she is 45 when really she is 53.  

And sometimes, we say "REALLY?" to mean "I am surprised or interested in what you say." When Joanne's Mum says that she is 45, people often say "Really? I thought you were much older"  

Here are the Muffs, and they are Really Really Happy.  

Get used to it 

Wednesday 17 May 2006 

Last time, June told us about what she used to do when she was young. You remember that we say "used to" about things which happened in the past, not once but many times, or which happened continuously. But you know that English is not simple! We can use the words "used to" in other ways as well.  

For example, we can say "I am used to something", or "I have become\/got\/grown used to something". Here are some examples to explain what this means.  

When she was a child, Joanne lived in a small village in the country. But now she lives and works in a big city. At first, she found the noise and the traffic, and the journey to work in a crowded train, very stressful. But after a few months, she GOT USED TO it. She became accustomed to it, so that the traffic and the train journey did not bother her any more.  

Joanne has told Kevin that he needs to loose some weight. Unfortunately, Kevin likes to eat chocolate bars at work. He has a chocolate bar with his morning coffee, and another one at lunch time. But he really likes Joanne, so he stops eating chocolate. At first it is terrible - he really, really wants to eat chocolate with his coffee. But after about two weeks, he GETS USED TO it. He finds that, actually, he prefers coffee without chocolate. (Also, he puts an extra spoonful of sugar in his coffee, but he doesn't tell Joanne that!)  

And how about you? At first, listening to a foreign language is really difficult. There are so many words that you do not understand, and people talk really fast. But if you practice listening, you BECOME USED TO it. You find it is easier to understand what people say.  

I have used the word "really" several times in this podcast. It is a common word in colloquial English. I will talk about it next time.  

Things I used to do 

Sunday 14 May 2006 

Used to - we use this expression very often in English when we want to talk about things which happened in the past, not once, but many times, or things which happened continuously.  

For example. "When I was young, we used to go on holiday by the sea." This means that we went on holiday by the sea, not once but many times.  

Or "When my father got home from work, he used to sit down and watch television". Again, he did not watch television once. He did it many times. It was what he normally did when he came home from work.  

Or "Twenty years ago, there used to be a butcher's shop on the High Street". The butcher's shop wasn't there once. It was there continuously, over a long time.  

Here is June. She is going to tell us about some of the things she used to do.  

Recently I went back to the town of Newport in South Wales where I used to live when I was a child, until I was 12 years old. I took a bus to the village where I was born. I remember that I used to play in the fields opposite my house. Today there is an industrial estate where the fields used to be. But to my pleasure, very little else had changed. I went to the house where my father used to have his tailoring business. I remembered how I used to play ball against the wall of my house. I used to roller skate with my friends. But best of all, I used to play with my top and whip and ride my bike. The street lamp is still there which used to shine through my bedroom window at night. Then I went to see the house where I lived when I was rather older. And last of all, I visited the road where I used to go to secondary school, but so much had changed that I could no longer recognise the school buildings. It was lovely to bring back into my memory such happy childhood years.  

Here is Johnny Nicholas. He is having woman trouble, and tells us about the things he used to do.  

Photograph by Humphrey Spender (1910 - 2005) 'Playing 'Top and Whip' on pavement - chalk marks are for hopscotch' Copyright Bolton Metropolitan Borough Council  

My bike has gone  

Thursday 11 May 2006  

In English, if we say that something HAS GONE, or that something IS GONE, we mean that it has disappeared. If I say that my money has all gone, I mean that I dont have any money any more. Maybe someone has stolen it. Maybe I have spent it all. If I say that the biscuits are all gone, I mean that someone, probably my children, has eaten them all. If I say that the light has gone, I mean that it has become dark, that it is night time.  

A few days ago, Heinz St?cke arrived in Britain, and someone stole his bicycle.  

Heinz St?cke is a remarkable man. He comes from H?velhof in Germany. In 1962, when he was 22 years old, he left Germany on his bicycle. He has been travelling the world ever since. On his bicycle, he has covered about half a million kilometers, and visited over 200 countries. He has ridden his bike over mountains and glaciers, and though deserts and jungles. He has taken over 100,000 photographs. He lives on almost no money. He sells postcards and booklets about his travels to raise the money he needs. He still rides the same 3-speed bicycle that he started with, over 40 years ago (though I imagine that most of the parts have been replaced in that time).  

He travelled to Britain on a ferry and arrived at Portsmouth, on the south coast of England. He found somewhere to camp for the night. He woke up at 3am and looked out of his tent. His bike was gone. Someone had stolen it.  

In Britain we have the finest bicycle thieves in the world. They steal about 100,000 bicycles every year. In Britain, you need a strong lock for your bicycle. It is also a good idea to ride a bicycle which is old and dirty, because this makes it less attractive to thieves. My own bicycle is old, scratched and rusty. No-one has ever stolen it. Sometimes I wish they would.  

But our story has a happy ending. First, the police offered to give Heinz St?cke a replacement bike from their stock of stolen bikes whose owners they could not find. Then, a day later they found his own bike, abandoned in a park. So you see, we not only have the finest bike thieves in Britain, we also have the finest policemen.  

Photo of Heinz St?cke by Thomas woods\/flickr  

Dover Beach  

Wednesday 10 May 2006 

I have something rather more difficult for you today.  

Matthew Arnold was an English poet who lived from 1822 to 1888. One of his most famous poems is "Dover Beach". Dover is a town on the south coast of England. It is the place where you take a ferry to Calais in France. Arnold visited Dover in 1851 with his wife shortly after their wedding. He probably wrote the poem then.  

I shall read you only the last part of the poem. Matthew Arnold says that the world is not really full of dreams and beauty. It is a dark place where people fight meaningless battles. If we want there to be beauty and truth in the world, then we have to be true and loving to the people who are close to us. I have put some vocabulary notes on the podcast website.  

Ah, love, let us be true  

To one another! for the world, which seems  

To lie before us like a land of dreams,  

So various, so beautiful, so new,  

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,  

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;  

And we are here as on a darkling plain  

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,  

Where ignorant armies clash by night.  

"before us" means "in front of us"  

"Hath" is an old form of "has"  

"Neither joy, nor love, nor..." means "no joy, and no love, etc..."  

"Certitude" means "certainty"  

"Darkling" just means "dark"  

"Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight" means "all around us there are confused stories about fighting (struggle) and running away (flight)" - Arnold was probably thinking about a story from ancient Greek history of two armies fighting in confusion at night.  

How to spend one million pounds 

Sunday 07 May 2006 

Last week, my daughter came home from school. She told us that, as her homework, she had to spend a million pounds.  

We told her that she didn't have a million pounds. In fact in her money box she had precisely ?12.47, and a book token. Then she explained that she had to imagine that she had a million pounds, and write down what she would spend it on.  

She went on the internet to find things that she would like to buy, and to find out how much they cost. She started with a holiday in Rome, and a new mobile phone. A new watch would be nice, and lots and lots of jelly-beans. And a laptop computer and a printer. But then she ran out of ideas, and there was still about ?998,000 to spend.  

How about a house, my wife said. So my daughter found a nice little house in a very posh area looking out over Poole harbour in the south of England. A stretch limo would be good, and one of those BMW Smart cars. And she could take the whole family to Disneyland for a holiday. How about a helicopter, I said. So she found a beautiful red helicopter, second hand, for ?114,000. The most expensive digital camera we could find cost ?4,800, and a rather small second hand sailing boat cost another ?4,000. She spent most of the rest of the money on a diamond necklace costing over ?250,000. There was still ?7.45 left to spend. So she typed ?7.45 into Google, and found a leather iPod case which cost exactly that amount.  

But then, disaster! We added up her list of purchases and it came to more than a million pounds. What could she do? I am afraid she cancelled the family trip to Disneyland, and instead bought about a hundred pounds worth of sweets (that is, about 10,000 sweets!), and after that her list added up to one million pounds exactly. I am still very disappointed about not going to Disneyland, but maybe my daughter will let me have some of her sweets.  

Here is Robin Sylar, and he is a Hollywood Millionaire.  

Doctor Doctor  

Thursday 04 May 2006 

English children have hundreds of "Doctor, Doctor" jokes. These jokes all have the same form. Someone goes to the doctor and explains what is wrong with them, and the doctor replies. Grown-ups think these jokes are dreadful - children love them. Here are three Doctor, Doctor jokes.  

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.  

How long have you felt like this ?  

Ever since I was a puppy !  

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee  

Have you tried taking the spoon out ?  

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses  

You certainly do, Sir, this is a Post Office.  

The Vet  

Wednesday 03 May 2006  

Picture of white cat from www.free-images.org.uk  

My friend Sarah is a vet. I have asked her to tell us about a typical day's work.  

I am a veterinary surgeon and work for a charity called PDSA, which stands for the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals. We treat pets belonging to people who are on state benefits and cannot afford to pay veterinary fees. We see mainly cats and dogs, but also plenty of rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs.  

One Saturday I was seeing emergency cases at a Birmingham pets hospital. The day started at 9 in the morning, and my first job was to check the animals that had been kept in overnight. I then called into the consulting room a lady with a white cat, named Smudge, that was having difficulty breathing. The owner thought that the cat had something stuck in its throat.  

When I looked at Smudge, she was breathing with her mouth wide open, which is usually a serious sign. She was breathing very quickly and was barely able to stand. I checked her throat and could see no obvious obstruction. Having listened to her heart using a stethoscope, I was suspicious that she was in heart failure and decided that Smudge needed some oxygen as her tongue was looking pale. I advised the owner that I thought Smudge's condition was critical and that I wanted to keep her in hospital to x-ray her chest and give her treatment as necessary. Although the lady was upset, she could understand that we needed to admit Smudge into the hospital so we could check her condition frequently.  

Smudge improved slightly after having oxygen so we were able to x-ray her chest. The x-ray showed a very enlarged heart and lungs full of fluid. This confirmed the diagnosis I suspected. We gave her some injections to clear the lungs of some of the fluid and Smudge gradually improved over the following hours. She was sent home 2 days later when she was much better although she needed to be given tablets for the rest of her life to prevent fluid leaking into her lungs. The owner was delighted to take her home.  

I saw many other animals on that day, but Smudge was my most rewarding case. She was a true emergency.  

Lets take the day off 

Monday 01 May 2006 

The expression "to take time off" means to have a break from work, or school, or whatever you are doing.  

We can say, for example, "I have a day off", or "I am taking a day off", or "I need a day off". Sometimes we say what we are having a day off from - for example "a day off school" or "a day off work". But often we just say " a day off", because the person we are talking to knows from the context whether the day off is a day off from work, or from school, or from looking after our children, or whatever. Here are some more examples.  

Today, May 1, is a public holiday in England. My children have the day off school. My wife does not have to go to work either. She has the day off.  

Joanne has a painful tooth. She makes an appointment with the dentist. But the dentist can only see her in the afternoon, not in the evening after Joanne has finished work. So Joanne asks her boss for some time off to go to the dentist. Her boss agrees - Joanne can have the afternoon off.  

In the summer, Joanne and Kevin want to travel to Italy. They have both arranged to have two weeks off so that they can go.  

Now they need to book their holiday. Kevin gets an hour off for lunch, so he goes to the travel agent to buy the tickets.  

Because we are talking about holidays and because it is a holiday today, I think we need some music. Here are the Brobdingnagian Bards with Maids in the Meadow.  

How to sleep in your car 

Friday 28 April 2006 

Earlier this week, I talked about the sandwich which Selfridges are selling for the ridiculous price of ?85. Today I want to talk about a very different side of modern Britain.  

A few days ago I found a very interesting blog. It is written by a woman. She does not tell us her name, but says that she is homeless and unemployed. In her blog she tells us how she sleeps at night in a sleeping bag in her car, and how cold and uncomfortable this can be. She tells us how she tries to park the car in isolated places, where she will not be seen. But sometimes other people walk past, or park their cars nearby; and this can be very frightening. She tells us that a local hospital has showers in the visitors' toilets. She goes there to wash. She also secretly washes and irons her clothes in the hospital, but is always afraid that the hospital security guards will find her and tell her to leave. Every few days she visits a public library, where she can use a computer to post entries in her blog.  

She tells us how she came to loose her job and her home. She is a well-educated woman, with a law degree. But now she has only her social security benefits. She tells us how difficult it is to find a job when you are homeless, or to find a place to live when you do not have enough money to pay a deposit.  

As well as telling us about what she does, she tells us how she feels. Sometimes she feels very isolated - that is, cut off from other people, including other homeless people. She says that often she feels that the world is full of dirt, hostility and aggression. She wonders who she is, and what sort of person she is inside.  

Her blog is very well written. Her story is unusual, but her feelings and experiences are probably shared by many people who have no home and no job. There is a link to her blog from the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com).  

Charlotte 

Wednesday 26 April 2006 

Today I would like to introduce to you a poem by Allan Ahlberg. Allan is a well known writer of poems for children. He used to be a school teacher, and he understands the things that interest children, and also the way that children speak. The poem is called "Talk us through it, Charlotte", which means "Tell us about it, Charlotte, one bit at a time starting at the beginning." So Charlotte explains what happened. She went to a football match to watch her brother play. But his team was a man short - they only had 10 players instead of 11. So they asked her to play. They told her to stay on the wing, that is to play at the edge of the field. She says that for an hour no-one passed the ball to her. But then the ball bounced towards her; she ran with it past one player, then another. She ignored her brother shouting to her to pass the ball to him, but carried on, tricked the goalkeeper (the goalie) and scored "the winner", that is the goal that won the match. The manager said she was very good and asked her to come to training next Tuesday.  

Charlotte comes from the Black Country, the old industrial area to the west of Birmingham. She speaks with a Black Country accent, and some of her English is not standard English. She says "they was" instead of "they were", and "I run" instead of "I ran". Sometimes she leaves out the first few words of her sentences, for example "Only there to watch me brother" instead of "I was only there to watch my brother."  

Now, please click on the link on the podcast website. It will take you to a page in the children's poetry archive, where you can read the poem. If you click on the little green arrow you can hear Allan Ahlberg himself reading it.  

The Most Expensive Sandwich in the World  

Sunday 23 April 2006  

Selfridges is the name of a big store in central London. There are also Selfridges stores in Birmingham and Manchester. Selfridges is upmarket - that means, many of the things that it sells are exclusive, high-quality or simply expensive. Do Selfridges sell fridges? I don't know, but if they do, the fridges are expensive ones. There is a food department in Selfridges. Last week, the food department started to sell a new sort of sandwich. The sandwich contains beef from a rare Japanese breed of cattle, foie gras, unpasteurised brie cheese, black truffles and a number of other expensive ingredients. The sandwich is big - it weighs about 600 grams, and contains 2,500 calories. But the biggest thing about the sandwich is its price - ?85. Yes, you heard that right, eighty-five pounds. In a shop just along the road from Selfridges, you can buy two decent pairs of shoes for ?85. The newspapers report that Selfridges sold about 12 of these sandwiches on the first day. Many people have said that this super-expensive sandwich is a gimmick. A gimmick is something which you do to get noticed, often in order to sell something. For example, if you are selling cars, and you advertise that you will give away a free television with every car you sell, that would be a gimmick. Is Selfridge's sandwich a gimmick? I think it is a very successful gimmick. The whole country now knows that Selfridges sell sandwiches.  

Photo of Selfridges store in Birmingham by Dan Law\/flickr  

Exterminate  

Friday 07 April 2006  

One of the best bits of news in the past week has been that BBC TV is to show a new series of Dr Who.  

Let me explain. Dr Who was a classic science-fiction programme on children's television in the 1970s. Dr Who and his companions traveled the universe in time and in space, battling the forces of evil. The most frightening of these were the Daleks, who were killer robots that floated along as if they had little wheels underneath. Most of the time they shouted "Exterminate!" Someone once said that the Daleks would take over the whole universe as soon as they discovered how to climb stairs. A generation of British schoolchildren grew up watching Dr Who, fascinated and terrified, often hiding behind the sofa in the really frightening parts.  

Last year the BBC screened a new series of Dr Who. It was brilliant. And, yes, in one episode there was a Dalek - the last Dalek in the universe - and, yes, it still shouted "Exterminate!" And this was the really scary bit - it had learned how to float up stairs. Our blood ran cold. We hid behind the sofa.  

The new 2006 series starts next month. We can hardly wait. You can read all about it, and see video clips, at the BBC website. Click the link on the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com).  

Thank you all for listening to these podcasts, and for your e-mails and the comments on the website. I am so pleased that over 2000 of you download each episode. I am now going to take a short break until after Easter. I shall post the next episode on Monday 24 April. In the meantime, I shall borrow Dr Who's time-travel machine, the Tardis, and go on holiday to a distant galaxy.  

Picture of a dalek by Velvet Android\/flickr  

Are you hurt  

Monday 03 April 2006 

To hurt someone normally means to cause them pain, for example by hitting them.  

But it can also mean to offend someone, to hurt their feelings. In the last  

episode, Kevin complained about Joanne's mother coming to lunch. Joanne was  

hurt - Kevin had hurt her feelings.  

Here is Alastair. He has a joke about two old women visiting a fair.  

Hilda and Marjorie went to the fair. They had a ride on a roundabout, and threw  

balls at the coconuts (but they didn't win anything). Then they saw the big  

wheel. They saw people getting into little cabins at the bottom of the wheel,  

and then riding high into the air as the wheel turned round. From the top it  

was possible to see all over the fairground and over the countryside around.  

Hilda and Marjorie were nervous about going on the big wheel. It seemed so big,  

and at the top the little cabins were a long way from the ground. But Hilda  

said, "I'm going to have a ride. You stay here." So Hilda bought a ticket, and  

went and sat in one of the little cabins. The wheel turned round - once, twice,  

three times. Then something terrible happened. The cabin in which Hilda was  

riding started to come loose from the wheel. Hilda fell out of the cabin and  

hurtled to the ground. Marjorie ran to where Hilda had fallen. "Oh Hilda, are  

you hurt?" she cried. "Of course I'm hurt," said Hilda. "I went round three  

times and you didn't wave to me once!"  

Our music today comes from Marc Raaphorst, with a piece called "My Head Hurts".  

Excuse me while I find the asprin.  

That will do 

Monday 03 April 2006 

In English we have some words which have so many possible meanings that it sometimes seems that they can mean almost anything. One of these words is "get". Another is "do".  

In colloquial English, we often use the expression that something "will do". For example, Kevin is in a clothes shop. He is looking for a new shirt. He sees one that is just right - his size, and his colours (bright orange with green spots). He says "Yes, this one will do." What does he mean? What will the shirt do?  

Kevin goes to the till to buy the shirt. He offers the shop assistant his credit card, and says "Can I pay with this card?" The shop assistant says "Yes, that card will do". What does she mean? What will the card do?  

Kevin gets home. Joanne tells him that her mother is coming to lunch. Kevin is annoyed. He doesn't like Joanne's Mum. Joanne's Mum doesn't like him much either. So Kevin complains and moans about Joanne's mum coming to lunch, until Joanne says sharply "Stop it Kevin. That will do." What does she mean?  

"That will do" means "that is satisfactory", or "that is acceptable", or "that is enough". The meaning often depends upon the tone of voice that we use. When Kevin finds his shirt and says "Yes, that will do", he means "That is great, that is exactly the shirt I want." When the shop assistant says "Yes, that will do", she means "yes, we can accept payment with your credit card". And when Joanne says "Kevin, that will do!" she means "That's enough Kevin. You've said enough!"  

Isn't English difficult!  

Stags and Hens  

Friday 31 March 2006  

Kevin's friend George is getting married to Sharon. A week before the wedding, George invites his friends to a stag party. They start in a pub, and then go on to a club where there is deafening music and they all drink too much.  

The next day, Kevin feels dreadful. He has a hang-over. In fact, he has the mother of all hangovers, with a pounding headache and a sick feeling in his stomach.  

The telephone rings. Joanne, Kevin's girlfriend, answers it. It is Kevin's boss, who wants to know why Kevin is not at work. "He's feeling a bit UNDER THE WEATHER", explains Joanne. "He'll be in tomorrow".  

The expression "under the weather" means "not very well" - not seriously ill, just not very well. If I have a slight cold, or I am feeling a bit depressed, for example, I might say that I am "under the weather".  

Now Kevin, of course, feels like death. So when Joanne says that he is "a bit under the weather", she is UNDERSTATING how bad he is.  

To understate something is to say less about it than you really mean. For example, you might say that someone is "a bit annoyed", when in reality they are very angry. Or on the hottest day of the summer, you might say that it is "a little bit warm".  

To return to Kevin. He spends the day with his eyes closed complaining about how awful he feels. Joanne is unsympathetic. "It's his own fault for drinking too much", she says. That evening, Joanne gets ready to go out. "Where are you going?" asks Kevin weakly. "To Sharon's hen party. Go back to bed".  

A vocabulary note. A stag party, or a stag night, is a party given by a man about to get married for his male friends. A hen party is given by a woman about to get married for her girl friends. The guests at these parties often drink too much and do outrageous things. I never go to them, of course.  

The music today is called a Russian Morning After Party, by Ozovoniy Sloy from Siberia. I can't understand the words since I do not speak Russian, but it sounds like a good party.  

Photo by little lushie\/flickr  

Dont Leave Without Saying Goodbye  

Tuesday 28 March 2006 

I have another one of Margaret's poems for you today. It is called Don't Leave Without Saying Goodbye.  

Don't Leave Without Saying Goodbye  

Don't slink away  

with not even a word.  

Remember I love you,  

remember what we have shared.  

If you left  

without a goodbye,  

I would feel severed,  

I would carry words unsaid.  

I would be trying  

to hug someone no longer there.  

Please don't leave me  

without saying 'goodbye'.  

\u00a9 Mags Scorey 15-Mar-04  

Claires Bedroom 

Monday 27 March 2006 

Claire Williams is 20 years old. She is a student and lives at home with her parents in a town called Whitehaven. Her bedroom is a mess. Or at least it was a mess. Time and again, her parents asked her please to tidy it, but somehow she never managed to do it. Then her father, Steve Williams, had a bright idea. He took photographs of her messy bedroom and put them on an internet site so that the whole world could see them. The effect was dramatic. Claire was so ashamed that she tidied her bedroom. Her younger brother tidied his bedroom too.  

But Claire wanted revenge. She found some photographs of her Dad dancing round with a handbag at a party. She also photographed his garage, which was at least as messy as her bedroom had been. She put these photographs on the internet so that the world could see.  

In fact tens of thousands of people have visited the Williams family's website. Some have posted photographs to shame someone in their own family. However, the number of visitors has been so great that the website hosting company now charge Mr Williams quite a lot to host his site. He is looking for advertisers and a sponsor. Assuming that his site is still active, you can view it from the link on the podcast website. The photograph of Claire's bedroom that started it all has however disappeared.  

Vocabulary note : messy is a colloquial word which means untidy or dirty. A messy room means an untidy room. A messy child means a child who looks untidy and dirty and probably has half her breakfast down the front of her clothes. Both my daughters - bless them - were just like that when they were little.  

The Undertaker  

Thursday 23 March 2006 

In the last episode, Carol told us about painting coffins.  

A person who organises funerals is called an "undertaker" (or a "funeral director" - but the normal word is undertaker). An undertaker will talk to the family of someone who has died about the sort of funeral that they want. He or she will deal with the necessary paperwork and arrange a time for the funeral with the church, cemetery or crematorium. They also clean and dress the body, and place it in a coffin - perhaps one of Carol's painted coffins. They transport the body to the funeral in a hearse - nowdays a hearse is a motor vehicle, but at one time it was a carriage pulled by black horses.  

Why is this person called an undertaker? No - it is not because he takes you under! It is because he or she undertakes the arrangements for the funeral. The word "undertake" has two meanings that are very close to each other. If I undertake to do something, I promise to do it. If I borrow money from the bank, for example, I have to undertake to repay it. "Undertake" can also mean to do or carry out a plan or arrangement. So an undertaker agrees to arrange a funeral, makes the necessary arangements and then carries them out. He or she undertakes the funeral arrangements.  

We have a problem in English about how to refer to someone - like an undertaker - who could be a man, or could be a woman, and we don't know which. Do we say "he" or "she"? One way is to say "he or she". But this sounds a bit clumsy. So more and more in modern English people say "they". I have used both "he or she" and "they" in this podcast. I will find some more examples for a future podcast.  

Carols Coffins 

Tuesday 21 March 2006 

I have another video for you today. It has been made by Carol. She paints coffins. She tells us that she started about ten years ago. People ask her how she GOT INTO painting coffins. She woke up one morning and knew that she wanted to paint coffins for the rest of her life. The first coffin that she painted was her own. She has painted it with her favourite wild flowers (foxgloves, bull rushes, cow parsley), and also a poem by John Keats called "La Belle Dame Sans Merci". Her coffin has a burgundy coloured lining, because a COMFY lining is important. People ask her to paint all sorts of things - countryside scenes, hobbies, pets, flowers, football colours, angels - her Mum wants angels on her coffin.  

One person has asked for a PAGE THREE GIRL to be painted on the inside of his coffin lid. "Whatever TURNS YOU ON!" she says.  

Some vocabulary notes. How did Carol GET INTO painting coffins - this is a colloquial expression which means how did she first become interested in painting coffins, or how did she first start. COMFY is a colloquial word which means comfortable. A PAGE THREE GIRL - well, some of our newspapers - not the newspapers I read, naturally - contain pictures of young ladies with few if any clothes on. Traditionally, these are on page three. So a page three girl is a model posing naked or near naked. Finally, whatever TURNS YOU ON means whatever makes you excited.  

Now view the video. Go to the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com\/). There is a link fro  

The Oak and the Ash 

Monday 20 March 2006 

In the last podcast I talked about daffodils and the arrival of Spring. Soon the leaves will start to open on the trees.  

There is an old proverb in English about how the opening of the leaves in Spring can tell us how much rain we will have in the Summer. It goes:  

If the oak comes before the ash, we are in for a splash.  

If the ash comes before the oak, we are in for a soak.  

"Oak" and "ash" are the names of two common trees. If the new leaves open on the oak trees before the ash trees, then we will have only a little rain, a splash. But if the ash leaves come first, then we will have lots of rain, a soak.  

The proverb says "in for a splash" and "in for a soak". "We are in for...." something means "we are going to have or experience ..." something.  

I might say, for example, "I am in for a difficult day at work today".  

Or, "My wife is in for a surprise - I've bought her a present."  

Or my wife might say, "He's in for a shock - I'm pregnant!"  

A terrifying thought!  

Nonsense  

Friday 17 March 2006 

We have had some quite serious podcasts recently, so here - for a change - is some complete nonsense.  

Early in the morning in the middle of the night,  

Two dead boys got up to fight.  

Back to back they faced each other  

Drew their swords and shot each other  

A deaf policeman heard the noise  

And came and killed the two dead boys  

He took them in to court and said  

These two boys I have found dead.  

This is a very old nonsense rhyme, and there are many different versions of it, both in Britain and in North America.  

Look at the third and fourth lines. "Each other" (or "one another") is the way we express reciprocal actions in English. For example: Kevin faced Matt. Matt faced Kevin. They faced each other. Kevin shot Matt. Matt shot Kevin. They shot each other. I saw Sarah. Sarah saw me. We saw each other. And so on.  

Daffodils  

Tuesday 14 March 2006  

Soon it will be spring, and the spring flowers will appear in our gardens and in the countryside. Among these will be the daffodils, which are yellow, trumpet shaped flowers, which many people grow in their gardens, but which also grow in the wild. William Wordsworth wrote a famous poem about seeing wild daffodils beside a lake. It begins like this:  

I wander'd lonely as a cloud  

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,  

When all at once I saw a crowd,  

A host, of golden daffodils;  

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,  

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.  

William Wordsworth lived in the early 19th century, in the Lake District, an area of mountains and lakes in the north west of England. At that time, most people thought of the Lake District as a wild and unhospitable place. But for Wordsworth, as for most people today, the Lake District is the most beautiful part of England. Here is how the poem ends:  

For oft, when on my couch I lie  

In vacant or in pensive mood,  

They flash upon that inward eye  

Which is the bliss of solitude;  

And then my heart with pleasure fills,  

And dances with the daffodils.  

The music today is Spring Song by Frank Bridge, played by the Brunswick Duo.  

Picture of daffodils by mercurous\/flickr  

How to Get Money  

Monday 13 March 2006 

This Podcast uses words which are about getting money and paying for things. Some of the words may not be in your dictionary. If you do not understand something, send me an e-mail ([email protected]) and I will try to explain.  

Kevin is going out for the evening with some friends. While he is out, he will need to pay for things, such as drinks in the pub, cinema tickets, a meal and a taxi home. In some places he can pay with a credit card or debit card. At the cinema, for example, he can give the cashier his debit card. The cashier will put the card into a card reader and ask Kevin to type in his PIN, or personal identity number. The cost of the cinema tickets will then automatically be taken from Kevin's bank account. In Britain, when we use a credit or debit card, we now must use a PIN. We used to be able to sign the credit or debit card voucher but that is not normally possible now. The banks say that using PINs instead of signatures will reduce the number of fraudulent transactions.  

But for some things, like paying for the taxi, Kevin will not be able to use a card. He will need cash - that is, notes and coins. So he goes to a cash machine. (The banks call these Automatic Teller Machines (ATMs), but everyone else calls them cash machines.) He inserts his card into the machine and types in his PIN. He also types in the amount of money he wants to withdraw from his bank account, and a few seconds later the machine issues the money and a receipt which says how much he has withdrawn and how much he has left in his account. Another way of withdrawing cash is called "cashback". In some shops, such as supermarkets, if you pay with a debit card you can ask for some cash as well.  

Can Kevin use cheques to pay for things? Maybe, if he has a cheque guarentee card. (Often a debit card is also a cheque guarentee card). But in Britain nowdays we rarely pay by cheque in shops or restaurants, and the number of cheques used each year has fallen sharply.  

Couch Potatoes 

Friday 10 March 2006 

A couch is a sofa, such as people have in their sitting-rooms, often in front of the television. Some people spend a lot of time sitting on the couch watching television, and probably getting fat for want of exercise. We have a name for such people in English - couch potatoes. And, as British people are well known for watching TV a lot, perhaps we are a nation of couch potatoes.  

Google, the company that runs the internet search engine, has just published a survey which claims that British people now spend more time on the internet than they do watching television - 164 minutes a day on average on the internet, 148 minutes watching television.  

It was only about 10 years ago that people first started to access the internet from home computers. Now, according to Google, everyone in Britain spends the equivalent of 41 days a year surfing the net. Of course, this figure includes net access at work as well as at home. Still, if true, it is astonishing. Moreover, the time that Google says we spend watching TV and the time we spend on the net, added together, comes to over 5 hours a day. Can this really be true? Are we British now a nation of couch-and-computer potatoes? If I search the web, can I find a website with more information about this?  

(Yes I can - you can find a link to it from the podcast website http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com)  

Mischief  

Tuesday 07 March 2006  

A boy and his friends find a coin. They make a small hole in it. They then tie a piece of cotton thread through the hole, and take the coin and the thread to the park near their home. They put the coin down on a path where someone walking by will see it, and hide themselves in the bushes nearby. Someone - an old gentleman perhaps - walks by. He sees the coin on the ground and bends down to pick it up. The boys pull the thread and the coin jumps away out of reach. With any luck the old gentleman falls over. The boys run off, laughing.  

My father-in-law says that he did this (and lots of other naughty things!) when he was young. The word MISCHIEF means something which we do for fun and which annoys, teases or makes fun of someone. The boys in my story were UP TO MISCHIEF. "You little monkeys - up to mischief again", the old man might have shouted at them as they ran off. Or he might have said things that I could not possibly repeat on a family podcast like this one. The adjective which comes from mischief is MISCHIEVOUS. The boys in my story were MISCHIEVOUS. And we can also use MISCHIEVOUS to describe the things that they did - a mischievous game, perhaps, or a mischievous thing to do.  

A joke for you. A priest is walking down the street. He sees a small boy stretching to reach the doorbell on a house. But the doorbell is high up, and the boy is only small, and he cannot stretch far enough. So the priest crosses the road and rings the doorbell for the boy. He looks down and says, "Well, my son, what happens now?"  

"We run, father".  

Picture Mischief by blue turf\/flickr  

At the Supermarket 

Sunday 05 March 2006 

I am in my local supermarket. I am here to do some shopping. You are here to practice the English names of fruit and vegetables.  

During the winter, there are only a few English grown vegetables in the shops. The main ones are potatoes, carrots, leeks, onions, parsnips and cabbage. But we can of course buy many other vegetables which have been imported from warmer countries around the Mediterranean. For example, we have tomatoes and courgettes from Spain, French beans from Egypt, sweetcorn from Italy and avocado pears from Tunisia. Most of our salad vegetables, such as lettuce, are also imported in winter.  

Over here in the fruit section there are English apples and pears, and several sorts of oranges from Spain, bananas from Latin America, grapes from South Africa and strawberries from Egypt.  

Many people in Britain are becoming more concerned about the way our food is produced. I am now in the section which sells organic fruit and vegetables. "Organic" means that the food is grown without artificial fertiliser or pesticide. Today there are many more organic foods in supermarkets than there were a few years ago. Here I can buy fresh organic apples, pears, bananas, onions, potatoes, beans, carrots, leeks and lettuce. Some of these are grown in this country, others are imported - often by air - from for example the USA, Egypt or Kenya. And we know that aircraft are an important source of carbon dioxide, which causes global warming. It is not always easy to be an environmentally conscious consumer!  

I have put together a website with pictures af all the fruit and vegetables mentioned in this podcast, and several more as well. You can use it to practice. Click on the link on the podcast website to go to it.  

NOTE : in some languages, people use a word related to the English word "biological" to mean food grown without artificial fertilisers and pesticides. Remember that the English word is "organic", not "biological".  

The Biggest Ever Robbery  

Friday 03 March 2006  

Colin Dixon is the manager of a secure depot where bank notes are stored for the Bank of England. On 21 February he was kidnapped by two men posing as police officers. His wife and eight year old son were also abducted. The kidnappers then forced Mr Dixon to return to the depot and to let one of the kidnappers in. At gunpoint, the robber then forced a member of the staff at the depot to open the gates. The rest of the gang and several vehicles entered the depot. It took the robbers nearly an hour to load money into a white Renault truck, which they then drove away.  

The police have said that the thieves stole ?53 million. This was therefore the largest ever cash robbery in Britain. Since the robbery, the police have found several of the vehicles used by the gang, including the white Renault truck. They have also found ?1.3 million in cash as well as guns and other equipment which they think the gang used. They have arrested several people and searched a farm not far from the depot. They have now charged three people in connection with the crime. The police say that they are confident that they can find the rest of the gang, and recover the rest of the money, but that it may take some time.  

There are lots of words connected with crime in this podcast. The verb TO STEAL (stole, stolen) means to take something which does not belong to you. If I steal something, then I am a THIEF (plural, THIEVES), and the crime I commit is called THEFT. For example, today's story was about the theft of ?53 million.  

To ROB someone means to take something from someone, normally by force. The gang in today's story were thieves, but they were also ROBBERS. They didn't just take ?53 million, they used guns, threats and kidnapping to do so. The crime they committed is called ROBBERY.  

KIDNAP and ABDUCT mean about the same thing - to take someone away against their will and hold them, sometimes in order to collect a ransom. AT GUNPOINT means "with a gun pointing at you".  

The police have ARRESTED several people. That means that these people are forced to remain at a police station while the police question them. Three people have now been CHARGED. That means that the police have formally accused them of a crime.  

Picyure is of a man wanted by the police in connection with the robbery  

Britain today 

Wednesday 01 March 2006 

This podcast is about listening to numbers. I have left the numbers out of the written text, so you will have to listen carefully to understand. Send me an e-mail if need help.  

What is Britain really like? How do British people really live - when we are not growing giant pumpkins or walking naked from Lands End to John O'Groats.  

This is of course a difficult and complicated question. We can find some answers in a book published by the government last week. It is called Social Trends, and it contains statistics on many different aspects of life in Britain.  

It shows, for example, that the population of Britain is growing. There are now nearly ***people in the United Kingdom. But, compared with ***years ago, there are now ***million fewer people under the age of ***, and ***more people over the age of ***. Nearly ***% of people in Britain are now aged over ***. So we are living longer than we used to, but have fewer children.  

About ***of the population of Britain is from an ethnic minority. The largest ethnic minority group is Indian, followed by Pakistanis, Black Caribbean, Black Africans, Bangladeshis and Chinese. In addition, about ***% of the population are white people of Irish descent.  

Many people from ethnic minorities live in London, which is now one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. In one major city, Leicester in the English Midlands, the majority of people are from ethnic minorities.  

Over the last *** years the number of households in Britain has grown by over ***%. And ***% of households are now single people. Many of these are older people whose partner has died. But over ***% of men (and a smaller number of women) aged between ***and *** live alone. Altogether, about *** people in Britain live alone.  

At one time it was socially unacceptable for a unmarried people to have babies. But today ***% of births are outside marriage. *** years ago the figure was only *** %.  

You can find a lot more information on the Social Trends website. There is a link from the podcast website.  

A Long Cold Walk 

Sunday 26 February 2006 

Lands End is the name of a headland in the far south west of England. John O'Groats is the most northerly place on the mainland of Scotland. The distance from Lands End to John O'Groats is 874 miles, or 1398 kilometers. Lands End and John O'Groats are further apart than any two other places in mainland Britain. Some people regard this as a challenge. They travel from Lands End to John O'Groats (or the other way round) in all sorts of ways - by bicycle, on foot, by bus, wearing a gorilla suit etc. If you walk, the journey takes about 6 weeks.  

The latest people to walk from Lands End to John O'Groats are Stephen Gough and Melanie Roberts. They made the journey naked, wearing no clothes at all except for socks and walking boots. They said that they wanted to show people that nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, not everyone who saw them agreed. Some people complained to the police, and the police arrested Stephen and Melanie a number of times.Other people, however, were welcoming and offered Stephen and Melanie a meal or a bed for the night.  

I wonder though why they decided to complete their journey in February. At this time of year, Scotland is cold and windy. Melanie agrees. She told the newspapers that she would definitely do it again, but somewhere a bit warmer.  

Snow  

Thursday 23 February 2006 

Today it is snowing. This is unusual. In England nowadays, it does not snow as often as it used to. Where I live, we get only one or two light falls of snow every winter. And when there is even a moderate fall of snow, there is chaos on the roads and railways. Two years ago, here in Birmingham, two centimeters of snow was enough to bring the city to a standstill. The next day all the schools in the city were closed, and the children played outside and built snowmen and threw snowballs. Today, I imagine children in school are looking anxiously out of the window, hoping that there will be so much snow that tomorrow they will not have to go to school. I am afraid they will be disappointed. The snow is already turning to sleet, and melting on the ground. Tomorrow will not be crisp and clear with snow on the ground, it will be just another cold wet English winter's day. Nonetheless, I will read you a short poem about the snow by the American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  

Out of the bosom of the Air,  

Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,  

Over the woodlands brown and bare  

Over the harvest-fields forsaken,  

Silent and soft and slow  

Descends the snow.  

A vocabulary note. STANDSTILL - to bring something to a standstill means to stop something moving. The snow stopped the traffic and the trains - nothing could move. The snow had brought the city to a standstill.  

And a grammar note. In three places in the poem, Longfellow places adjectives AFTER the nouns which they describe, not before as we normally do in English - "her garments shaken", "woodlands brown and bare", "harvest-fields forsaken". When you are a famous poet, you can do this too. Until then, keep your adjectives in front of their nouns!  

Today's music is by Marco Raaphorst and is called Blowing Snow.  

A Day Without You  

Wednesday 22 February 2006 

Here is another one of Margaret's poems. It is called A Day Without You.  

A day without you  

is like a garden with no rain,  

having no air to breathe,  

no nourishment.  

A day without you  

is like having no friends,  

being imprisoned,  

and trapped inside myself.  

A day without you  

is like having no future,  

nowhere to rest my hopes,  

and share my ups and downs.  

A day without you  

is like having tears and no tissues,  

nowhere to lay my head  

and place my aching heart.  

A day without you.  

\u00a9 Mags Scorey 11 July 2003  

Pumpkins 

Sunday 19 February 2006 

I have found a short video for you to watch. But first, I will explain what the video is about, and some of the words that are used in it.  

The video is about John. His hobby is growing pumpkins (in a secret location in the South of England!). He is trying to grow giant pumpkins for an annual pumpkin festival (the Jubilee Sailing Trust's Annual Pumpkin Festival.) His largest pumpkin weighs 80-90 lb (NOTE : We use the abbreviation lb to mean a pound weight. A pound is about half a kilo). Last year however the winning pumpkin weighed 819 lb, and for a fortnight it was the largest pumpkin ever grown in Britain. Why are John's pumpkins not big enough? He feeds them, he talks to them and plays music to them, but they are just not up to it (ie they are just not good enough). The big pumpkins are all water, but some of the smaller ones are really tasty with a nutty flavour. In the greenhouse John shows us his Turks Turban pumpkins. He says that you can eat them, or varnish them and use them at home as doorstops! John says that, when the pumpkin festival is over, he feels that he never wants to see another pumpkin. But they are so fascinating and delicious that within a few weeks he knows that he will be cooking pumpkins or planning for next year's crop.  

Now go to the podcast website (http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com) and click on the link at the end of this episode. It will take you to a BBC website where you can view the video. Click on Watch this Video to start. Let me know if you would like me to find some more short videos for you to watch. My e-mail address is [email protected].  

Drought 

Friday 17 February 2006 

Have you visited England? What do you remember about your visit? How about our English weather? It always rains in England, doesn't it?  

Well, actually, no - often it does not rain. In fact, for the past 14 months rainfall in many parts of England has been a lot less than normal. Last year, in the town of Tonbridge in Kent there was only 406mm of rain. That is less than the average rainfall in, for example, Jerusalem, or parts of Somalia and Namibia. The amount of water stored in reservoirs and aquifers in South Eastern England is now very low. Normally, rain during the winter refills the reservoirs and aquifers. But this winter has so far been exceptionally dry. The English word for a long period with little or no rain is a "drought". Many experts say that unless the drought in South Eastern England ends and it rains heavily over the next two months, they expect severe problems with water supplies in the summer in that part of the country.  

The weather forecast today is for a mixture of sunshine and showers. But there is still no sign of the heavy rain that South Eastern England needs.  

Note: "reservoir" - an artificial lake for storing water  

"aquifer" - underground rock which stores water naturally. Water companies drill wells into the aquifers and pump water out of them.  

Becky and Craig  

Wednesday 15 February 2006  

Last week in Birmingham Becky and Craig met each other for the first time; a few minutes later they got married. Along with about 250 other people, they had entered a competition organised by the Birmingham radio station BRMB. The prize was a wedding, a honeymoon and the use of a luxury flat and a sports car for a year. The entrants were questioned by relationship experts; then the listeners to the radio station voted on which man and which woman should win the prize. The winners were not allowed to meet or talk to each other until the wedding. It was the ultimate "blind date".  

The newspapers reported that Becky and Craig were very pleased after their wedding. Becky said, " We're holding hands already. I feel very comfortable with Craig". And Craig said, "She's everything that I imagined - nice dark hair, nice blue eyes, lovely smile - she's beautiful. I feel fantastic." But some people objected that it was wrong for two people to get married in this way, as part of a publicity stunt organised by a radio station. What do you think?  

Look at the expression "to get married". The word GET in English has lots of different meanings. One of them is "to become". Here are some examples.  

Today the weather will get warmer.  

The two men argued; they got angry with one another.  

He ate so much that he got very fat.  

She got very tired and had to go to bed early.  

and finally  

Becky and Craig got married. Good luck to them. You can read more about Becky and Craig on the BRMB website. There is a link to it from the podcast website http:\/\/www.listen-to-english.com\/  

Note : the past tense of GET is GOT - I got; I have got. In America, you will often hear people say "I have GOTTEN." GOTTEN is an old form of the past participle which is no longer used in Britain, but is still alive across the Atlantic.  

Picture of wedding cake by elvissa\/flickr  

Valentine 

Sunday 12 February 2006 

Tomorrow, 14 February, is Valentine's Day. Saint Valentine is the patron saint of people in love. On Valentine's Day, many people send a Valentine card to their boyfriend or girlfriend, or to their husband or wife. Sometimes people send Valentine cards anonymously, so that the person who receives the card has to guess who sent it. Some people even send several Valentine cards to different people, but this is a risky strategy and I do not recommend it!  

Before I tell you the rest of this story, I need to explain about a different sort of cards - playing cards. A pack of playing cards contains 52 cards; there are 4 different suits with 13 cards in each. There are two red suits called hearts and diamonds, and two black suits called clubs and spades. Hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades - these words have ordinary meanings in English as well as being the names of suits of cards. Look them up in a dictionary if you need to.  

Back to Valentines Day. My wife is a teacher. Last week the children in her class made Valentine cards, and wrote a poem or a message inside the card. Some of the poems were, well, not very good. For example:  

"Roses are red  

Violets are blue  

You're not very pretty  

But I love you!"  

But one girl wrote:  

"A relationship with a man is like a pack of cards.  

You need a heart to love him with  

A diamond to marry him with  

A club to hit him with  

And a spade to bury him with."  

An interesting thought!  

The music is today is called My Irish Valentine by the Brobdingnagian Bards and it comes to you from the Podsafe Music Network.  

More romance in the next episode.  

The Lightbulb 

Thursday 09 February 2006 

A few years ago there were lots of lightbulb jokes in English. You probably had them in your language too. Here is an example. How many policemen\/civil servants\/school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five - one to stand on a table holding the lightbulb, and four to pick the table up and turn it round. Some people find these jokes very funny. Other people don't think they are funny at all.  

Look at the first sentence of the joke "How many policemen does it take to change a lightbulb?" It means "How many policemen are needed to change a lightbulb?" Here are some more sentences that use TAKE in this way.  

How many bricks will it take to build the wall? It will take about 2000 bricks.  

How much water will it take to fill the basin? It will take about 2 litres.  

How long will it take to get to London? It will take about 2 hours.  

How long do you take to do your homework? It takes me about one hour.  

Here is a lightbulb joke about the English. How many English people does it take to change a lightbulb? What, change the lightbulb? That lightbulb has lasted nearly 500 years, and there's nothing wrong with it. We couldn't possibly change it now.  

The Curators Nightmare  

Tuesday 07 February 2006  

Someone who manages a museum is called a curator. Imagine that you are a curator. What problems could you possibly have? What nightmares about your work could wake you in the night? Surely, museum curators have jobs with little stress or worry.  

Perhaps the curator of the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge thought this as he went to work one day last week. On his way into the office, perhaps he passed a group of three beautiful and valuable Chinese vases. For years the museum had displayed the vases on a windowsill on a staircase. But they are not there now. For, later that morning a visitor came into the museum. One of his shoelaces was undone. He tripped on the shoelace. He fell down the stairs and crashed into the three vases on the windowsill. He smashed - not one, not two - but all three of the vases into smithereens.  

Other visitors took photographs of the accident on their mobile phones. The next day many of the newspapers carried pictures of the man lying on the floor, surrounded by pieces of the broken vases. Fortunately he was not badly hurt. The museum say that they hope to repair the vases. I wish them luck.  

Note: "to smash something into smithereens" means to smash it into hundreds of tiny pieces.  

I Wish For You  

Sunday 05 February 2006 

My friend Margaret writes poetry. I have persuaded her to record a few of her poems for you to listen to. Here is one called I Wish for You.  

I Wish for You  

Life brings many experiences,  

some good,  

some bad,  

some in-between.  

You have been my friend  

for many years  

and I hope that will continue.  

We have seen life, we two,  

we have shared so deeply,  

it blows my mind sometimes.  

I wish for you -  

not happiness for that can fade  

nor riches for they can turn to rags  

nor a life of ease  

which may make you fat!  

I wish for you strength in God,  

patience to see you through the trials.  

Joy that goes deeper  

than anything the world  

can throw at you.  

I wish for you the best !  

For one of my dearest friends  

\u00a9 Mags Scorey 19 Oct 2002  

The Chocaholic  

Thursday 02 February 2006 

In the last episode about the penguin we used the SO...THAT...construction. ("He enjoyed it so much, that I am taking him again today!") Very often English people leave out the word THAT. We say simply "He enjoyed it so much, I am taking him again today!"  

You may like a few more examples of SO... THAT... So lets go over to the next episode in our soap opera, Podcast People. Joanne, whom we met in the last episode, has two sisters - Leanne and Roxanne. Leanne is addicted to chocolate. She tells us about the terrible effect of her addiction.  

Yesterday the doorbell rang just as I was leaving for work. It was the postman. He handed me a parcel. I was so surprised, at first I didn't know what to do. What could be in it? I became so curious, I couldn't wait to open it. The parcel was wrapped tightly in paper and tape. In fact there was so much paper and tape, it took me nearly ten minutes to unwrap it. Inside was a box of chocolates. It was so big, I could hardly believe it. There were so many different sorts of chocolates, I didn't know where to start. I picked a chocolate and ate it. It was so delicious, I had to eat another and another. I ate so many, I started to feel ill. By the time I got to work, I was so late, my boss fired me. Chocolates are ruining my life!  

Can Leanne conquer her terrible chocolate addiction? Will there be any chocolates left for me? More about Leanne, and chocolate, in a future episode.  

The Penguin  

Thursday 02 February 2006  

There was once a man who had a pet Penguin.  

One day, he took his Penguin for a walk.  

A Policeman saw him and walked over. 

He said "What are you doing with that Penguin?"  

The man said "I'm taking him for a walk, officer" 

The Policeman stared at the man and said "I'm sorry.  

You have to take him to the Zoo!"  

So the man agreed to take his Penguin to the Zoo,  

and the officer walked away satisfied.  

The next week the Policeman was walking down the same street,  

and he saw the same man with the Penguin .  

Angry, the officer walked over to the man and yelled  

"I thought I told you to take that Penguin to the Zoo"  

The man replied.....  

"I did officer! And he liked it so much that I'm taking him again today!"  

HA HA HA BOOM BOOM! Go away Basil. I'm sorry about my foxy friend, ladies and gentlemen.  

Look at the last sentence in this joke. It contains the construction SO...THAT... Look it up in a dictionary if you dont know what it means. More SO...THAT...sentences next time.  

How to be ill in English 

Sunday 29 January 2006 

My voice today sounds rather strange, does't it? Yes - I have flu, and I am recording this podcast in bed. And in this podcast we will introduce or revise some vocabulary related to being ill.  

Kevin, the hero of our soap opera, Podcast People, fells very unwell. He has a headache and a fever (or high temperature). He has vomiting and diarrhoea. He telephones his doctor's surgery and asks for an appointment. The receptionist tells him that the doctor can see him at 11.30. Kevin's girlfriend Joanne drives Kevin to the surgery. The doctor asks Kevin about his symptoms and when he started to feel sick. He explains that Kevin needs to take an antibiotic, that he must stay in bed until his temperature has returned to normal, and that he must drink plenty of fluids. The doctor writes out a prescription which lists the medicines that Kevin needs to take. Joanne drives Kevin home, and then takes the prescription to the chemists. The pharmacist at the chemists finds the medicines that Kevin needs and gives them to Joanne. Kevin takes the medicines as directed - one 5 ml spoonful three times daily, after food. Happily, within two days he feels much better and is able to go back to work.  

Note: ill, unwell, sick - these words have very similar meanings, though "ill" is generally more serious than "unwell" or "sick".  

The Sound of Your laughter  

Sunday 22 January 2006  

The Sound of Your Laughter  

To my Children, and yours too.  

The sound of your laughter 

Is what pulls me through  

The harshest winter  

The sound of your laughter 

Makes every bright summer day  

Brighter  

The sound of your laughter 

Is what gets me up in the morning  

With it  

I can take anything life can bring  

Not to make too much out of it 

But to me  

Everyday Is a good day 

To live  

To The sound of your laughter  

Ronberge  

from http:\/\/www.poemhunter.com\/  

Make up  

Sunday 22 January 2006  

The idiom "to make up" has at least three different meanings. First, it can mean to invent, for example, a story. The story is not true - it did not really happen - it came from my imagination. I made it up.  

Second, make-up is the stuff women put on their faces - you know, eye-liner, eye-shadow, lipstick and so on. And if a woman makes herself up, it means that she puts her make-up on.  

Third, suppose two friends have an argument. They part feeling angry with each other. But later, they decide to forget their argument and to become friends again. We say that they have made up.  

Here is a summary of the latest developments in our soap opera - Podcast People! Joanne is making herself up. She carefully puts on her eye-shadow, powder and lipstick. Kevin, her boyfriend, is suspicious. Joanne does not usually do her make-up so carefully. Joanne tells him that she has an important meeting at work and needs to look her best. But Kevin doesn't believe her. He thinks she is making up the story about the important meeting, and that she is secretly meeting someone else. They have a row, and Joanne storms out slamming the door behind her. The next day Kevin feels lousy about the things he said to Joanne. He rings to say he is sorry. She is sorry too, so they kiss and make up.  

Beautiful, isn't it! Goodbye.  

Lice!  

Sunday 22 January 2006  

Last time we had mouse - mice. This time it is louse - lice.  

Headlice are tiny creatures which are sometimes found on people's heads or in their hair. The eggs that these creatures lay are called nits. Often we do not like to talk about such things. But it is a fact that most small children catch headlice at some time. One day, when my daughter was only 2 years old, we noticed that she was scratching her head. We looked closely and - ugh! - we found she had headlice. My wife went to the Chemist's shop to buy a special shampoo to kill the headlice. My daughter went too. The Chemist's shop was crowded, and there was a queue of people waiting to be served. My daughter sat happily in her buggy, holding her favourite doll. An old lady came up to her and smiled. "And what have you got, my dear", she said. "I GOT LICE", said my daughter in a loud voice. There was silence in the shop. Several people looked at their watches and realised that they had to be somewhere else very quickly! In about 20 seconds the shop was empty. If you ever feel that you too would like to do your shopping without lots of other people around, why not take a child with headlice with you!  

Incidentally, do you know the word "lousy" in English? Literally, it means "infested with lice". But in colloquial speech we use it to mean "bad" - the weather is lousy today, I got a lousy mark for my German homework, I've got a lousy headache, and so on.  

photo by Antonia Hayes\/flickr  

Mice  

Friday 20 January 2006 

Here is a poem by Rose Fyleman. It is called "Mice".  

I think mice  

Are rather nice.  

Their tales are long,  

Their faces small,  

They haven't any  

Chins at all.  

Their ears are pink,  

Their teeth are white,  

They run about the house at night.  

They nibble things  

They shouldn't touch  

And no-one seems  

To like them much.  

But I think mice  

Are nice.  

Mouse - mice. Nearly all English nouns make their plural by adding -s or -es. But there is a small number of nouns which make their plural in other ways. Mouse - mice is one of them. Send me an e-mail if you can think of others ([email protected]). We will have another irregular plural in the next episode.  

Finally, a football result. FA Cup third round replay - Manchester United 5, Burton Albion 0. Sorry, Burton Albion. Maybe next year. Goodbye.  

How to say nothing! 

Monday 16 January 2006 

In English we have several names for the number zero (0). Sometimes we call it "zero". Sometimes we call it "nought". Sometimes we say "O" - just like the letter "O". James Bond was "double o seven" - 007. In most cases, you can use any of these three - zero, nought or "O". But in the score for a football match, and in many other sports, we say "nil". For example, Birmingham City 2, Aston Villa 0. And in tennis, a zero score is called "love" - for example, "Anderson leads three sets to love".  

Would you like some practice? Listen, and see if you can understand the following numbers accurately. If you like, send me your answers in an e-mail (to [email protected]), and I will reply to tell you if you have got them right.  

RebuildingLondon 

Monday 16 January 2006 

HAHA HA! Boom Boom! 

That was Basil Brush. He appeared in our last episode. He is a fox, and a favourite character on children's television in Britain. Every time he cracks a joke, he shouts:  

HAHAHA! Boom Boom! 

I have included a little picture of Basil in the file which downloads with this podcast. You should be able to see it on your iPod.  

HAHAHA! Boom Boom! 

Go away Basil. This episode is not about you. It is about rebuilding London. About 50 people in Denmark, the Czech Republic and Britain have spent the last 6 months rebuilding London. Yes, they have built a completely new St Paul's Cathedral, Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, Oxford Street, Canary Wharf and about 50 other famous London landmarks.  

No, not the real London, of course. I am talking about a miniature model of London at the Legoland theme park at Windsor, which is just outside the real London. It is built entirely out of Lego - you know, the little plastic bricks that children use to build model buildings, cars etc. The old model of London at Legoland had become dirty and discoloured. Also, it did not include some important modern buildings. So the people at Legoland decided that they needed a new London. And after fitting together 10 million little Lego bricks, the new model is now ready. You can see it at Legoland from 25 March. Goodbye.  

If you want to contact me, my e-mail address is [email protected]. The Legoland website is http:\/\/www.lego.com\/legoland\/windsor\/default.asp?locale=2057.  

Bumping into People 

Thursday 12 January 2006 

To bump into something means to collide with something, or to knock against something. But in colloquial speech, it also means to meet someone unexpectedly.  

For instance. Today I went to the supermarket. Unfortunately, as I was parking my car, I bumped into a lamp-post. When I went into the supermarket, I bumped into Harry Johnson. I hadn't seen him for years, so we had a long chat beside the cat food. Now a joke.  

A short-sighted man walked into a supermarket.  

Guess who he bumped into?  

EVERYBODY!