"No," I whispered. "It can't be..." I placed my hand over my mouth and closed my eyes shut to fight the tears from falling. Too late, my face was already trickled with tears. Scott immediately hugged me.

"Yvie, honey... It's okay." he whispered in my ear while he patted my back to comfort me as best as he can.

"I'm so sorry. We did the best we can." Those were Dr. Callahan's last words. He took off his eye glasses and sighed.

Scott and I have been together for about sixteen years now and we wanted to start a family ever since the day we graduated from college. We've been saving a lot for our wedding and in just a few months we're about to tie the knot for good.

I'm having second thoughts just thinking about it. I'm thirty three years old. I know, and yes, you are right I should have settled down by now. But something is still missing to make it complete.

And that's having a child of our own.

I found out I couldn't get pregnant back when I was just twenty one, we tried every possibility out there that could help us get pregnant. I was losing hope when Scott finally realized we should consider another medical option.

So we've saved enough money specifically for In vitro fertilization. Unfortunately, our dreams were shattered when we found out the treatment failed. We didn't have the money to push through another cycle. Our wedding will be in six months time and I was having some doubts if I can even face the world of marriage.

Having a child is, by far, the greatest blessing one could ever have. I'm in my thirties now and I can't help but think if God has some kind of purpose for me.

What purpose? I usually asked myself.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" I sobbed. "Is this God's way of punishing me?"

Scott blinked away his tears, holding my hands in his.

"We don't question God, Yvie. And he is not punishing you. I'm pretty sure this is all a test of some kind." he said reassuringly.

"I want to be a mother, Scott." my voice pleaded. "I want to experience the joy of being a mother. I want to hear the joyous sound of little kids running around the house... I want those sleepless nights, the sacrifices you do for your child..."

Scott buried my head in his chest and smoothed my dirty blonde hair. "I know, I know."

I felt like my world has been shattered to a million pieces.

Maybe God had doubts about me becoming a mother. I wasn't really fit to be one in the first place.

***

"Roses or Calla lilies?" my mom lifted the flowers in front of me. I took one look and shrugged while flipping over a bridal magazine. It has been over a month since we found out that the In vitro fertilization treatment had failed.

I adjusted my shades, trying to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I persistently had nightmares of giving birth to a baby boy and at the end a shrill cry would always come out of me when the doctor tells me that my baby was dead leaving me breathless everytime I awoke from my dream. My dreams were reoccuring for some reason, is beyond me. It's probably a sign for me to forget motherhood.

"Honey, pay attention." she reminded. "This is your wedding we're talking about, so please have some presence of mind."

"Sorry." I muttered. I felt numb all of a sudden. My body doesn't respond much to daily activities especially food. My whole world had caved in on me. Is it really possible to go on with the wedding? I thought of Scott. My poor Scott.

My bestfriend.

It was going to be unfair for him if I walked away from everything. We've been planning our special day for more than a decade, so why stop now?

"Yvie, look at the peach colored ribbon, It will give the... YVIE!" my mom cried. I was already out the door running far away from the bridal shop as fast as I could.

"YVETTE RUSSELL, YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" my mom screamed from across the street.

Don't look back.

***

I ended up in my grandmother's farm. My feet had taken me to the best place I've ever kept in my heart. I sat in the old swing that was tied up in the old Oak tree. I ran my hands on its rough bark. A carved drawing of a heart was in between the names YVIEand SCOTT and under that was together forever. We were in the last day of senior year and we made a pact under this very tree that we'll stay together no matter what, forever as long as we live, sealing our promises with a kiss.

It has been sixteen years now since that day. Cows were grazing over the field as I watch them peacefully. I just sat there, my mind filled with never ending questions.

"Don't tell me you're about to give up now." The voice interrupted my thoughts.

I gasped. It was Scott.

"How... how did you find me?" I stood up quickly from the swing.

"Your mom phoned me right away. She was so worried about you. But I figured there's only one place where I can find you."

I turned my back to him, pressing my lips together. Avoiding the tiniest whimper to escape my mouth.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Scott," I said. "I don't think I can go on with this wedding."

"Yvie, we've been together for almost two decades now. Don't tell me you're about to break the pact now?" he said firmly.

"I can't, Scott. I'm sorry... I am so sorry." I cried.

I start to run away but he ran after me catching me in his big arms. I tried to squirm my way out, but he just locked me in his warm embrace. I cried in agony until I could no longer take it.

"Dammit, Yvie! Just because you can't bear a child doesn't mean you have to give up your other hopes and dreams," Scott's eyes were filled with tears now. "We can do this, Yvie."

"Scott, please..." I pleaded. He didn't budge. He still stood there with his arms around me, brushing his lips on my forehead while he smoothed my hair. We began to walk back to the tree.

"Remember the day we swore under this old oak tree?" I nodded. He held my face directly at his while smoothing a thumb on my cheek. "We both promised we will stay together no matter what..."

"Forever as long as we live." I whispered. "Together forever."

He squeezes me again with a tight hug.

"We can always be happy, even without a child." Scott held my chin, tipping it upwards. "I have you, and you have me.We have each other and nothing can change that." his eyes blinked back tears and he brought his soft lips slowly to mine.

It was our second time kissing under the old Oak tree. It brought back the good old memories and all of a sudden, I was whole again.

I can do this.

***

WEDDINGDAY...

"You're so beautiful!" my best friend slash maid of honor gushed. She fixed my veil one last time and gave me a huge hug. "Congratulations, girl... I am so happy for you!"

"Thank you," I whispered back.

I tried my best to think of happy thoughts to discourage a teary eyed moment between my best friend and I.

"I'll see you at the church, Yvie." She waved good bye, then she was gone.

I closed my eyes and gave a little prayer. After a few minutes, I stood up and smiled at myself at the mirror for the very last time.

I left the room bursting with confidence. I've never felt so happy in my life.

We can do this.

***

I entered the church with Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D major tune. Everyone was teary eyed as I walked past all my loved ones. My mom and my dad were in tears of happiness. I know they're happy for me because I finally found myself.

At long last.

I owe it all to Scott. He made me find myself.

The time came where the priest announced to kiss the bride. He lifted the veil over my head.

"Yvie..." he whispered, looking down on me. He cups my face and kisses me softly.

I'm officially Mrs. Maria Yvette Russell - Mackenzie.

It was just the best day ever.

I pulled back and swallowed hard. Our eyes were locked in a gaze.

"Scott..." I lifted my palm to his right cheek.

"Yes?"

"I - I don't know how to say this..." my heart raced.

I took his hand and placed it in my tummy.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered.

His eyes widened. A smile formed. He kisses me passionately this time and he lifted my whole body in his strong arms.

He stared at my eyes intently.

"This is the best gift ever, Yvie. I love you." His eyes begin to water.

"I love you, too, Scott." we both kissed again as he whisked me away from everyone. The church bells started to sound and everyone was cheering us on.

When you've fallen at a certain time in your life, don't ever give up. God works in mysterious ways and somewhere out there, you might just see A gleam of hope.

You just never know.