“I'm adopted.” I said it. The fact that I'd buried deep within myself, which clawed at me from within whenever I was happy was finally out. After all these years, sharing this makes me feel lighter and more…anxious. I scanned Kayra's face for any reaction but all I saw was blankness. She was truly shocked to hear this and I knew what she'd say next.

“I'm sure you'll say that I'm mistaken but I'm not.” I smiled when she looked at me with a ‘how do you know’ face.

“Are you sure you're not mistaken? I mean I also joke with my little brother that he's adopted so maybe you took it seriously when Ethan said that. You know that's how older siblings annoy you,” she awkwardly explained. A smile formed on my lips at her clumsy approach. How did she think that? Her brain truly worked differently.

She must think how come I'm adopted when they all love me so much. We all look like a real family and honestly– we are but that's what pricks me like a thorn at times. No one is able to tell that I'm not their real son.

“Don't worry, Ethan never said anything  to me. I just found out.” She again fell silent, listening to me. “I found the adoption documents in Dad's office when I was eleven. They adopted me when I was three, so it all made sense of why I don't have any baby pictures.” I didn't look at her. I was scared to see pity in her eyes. I didn't want to be seen as pitiful but today my guard was lowering. I was confiding in her and letting all the pent up things inside me out.

“They loved and cherished me so much that I never would’ve believed it until I saw for myself the official adoption documents.” It was hard to believe. Even harder for me to say. I never told Mom, Dad or even Ethan that I knew I was adopted.

“Me being adopted is not the problem. I'm over it, though it took me a couple years to make peace with the truth.” I knew they accepted me for who I am and loved me for it. They wouldn't treat me differently if I told them the truth. But I could never utter a single word about it to anyone, as if my throat dried everytime I wanted to say it.

I finally looked at Kayra who was staring at me. There was a hint of pity in her eyes but more than that she was understanding me. She was willing to hear me out. She didn't say that I was throwing childish tantrums, instead she placed her warm hand over mine. “Their love and care makes me uncomfortable. It makes me think that I don't even deserve it for I'm not even one of them.” Especially when we were together, I couldn't help but feel heavy from inside. Like a big stone weighing on my chest.

“Sometimes, they even favor me over Ethan, their own son. They never hit me nor Ethan ever bullied me. They give me love, affection and warmth and now even the company. Why'd they do that when I am not-” I stopped when she suddenly grabbed my face and made me look at her. She released a long breath and met my eyes.

“Because you're their son. They think of you as their son, at least it seems that way to me,” she said, squeezing my face between her palms. She had a determined look on her face. “Do you think they are your parents and family?” She asked. There was no doubt in the answer to that question. I absolutely, truly think of them as my family. Mom, Dad, Ethan…were my family. Even if I wasn't truly their child, I believed myself to be one of them. And I knew they did too. I nodded.

“Then it's solved. They think of you as their son and you think of them as your family, so you're really their son. No matter what anyone or any document says.” She smiled and for the first time, I felt truly lighter. Like I wanted to hear this from the moment my eleven-year old self found that document. I wanted someone to say this, that I was really their son and I deserved their love. But that's not where my thoughts end. What about Ethan?

“Sometimes, I can't help but feel apologetic towards Ethan. It must be so unfair to him. I always feel like I'm coveting what belongs to him, like he is the older and real son then he should get the company and love from his parents. But he is not.” Even if I can be their son, it doesn't change the fact that Ethan is the real son. Everything belongs to him but instead who's the one receiving it? Me. A fake.

“Nolan, look at me.” Her hands dropped to hold my hands, “As far as I saw, Ethan and you mean the same to your parents. They love you both equally. They worry about you more because you make them worry and Ethan doesn't.” She huffed, while squeezing my hand a little too tightly.

“Why equally?” My eyes dropped low. Ethan was more worthy of their love, as he was the older and real son. He was their own flesh and blood, they should favor him over me. “Because you both are their sons, idiot.” She slapped my hand. I must be angering her with my useless thoughts.

“As for the company, Ethan's a doctor, right? And you like business and deals. Your brother is doing what he loves and he wants you to do what you love. You don't have to feel guilty about that.” She was right. Ethan was interested in medicine and had little to no interest in running the company. And everyone fully supported his choice because that's what made him happy.

He was happy and here I was dwelling over things that don't matter. I was their son, they chose me so I was also the same as Ethan to them. “But I always have this feeling that makes me vulnerable.” The feeling that I'm stealing from him, that I'm not eligible for this. Tears were accumulating in my eyes, blurring my vision. Surely, I was on the verge of breaking down.

“You said you love them and they love you, it's visible. They want you to be happy, Nolan. Not guilty or vulnerable.” Her voice lowered in the end. Her words felt like a warm blanket on me, and her eyes were nothing but sincere. A lone tear slipped from my left eye, followed by heavy breaths. “I'm such a fool,” and I broke down. I was glad that I was wrong. I got the realization a little late but later’s better than never. She engulfed me in a hug, patting my back. Broken breaths, streams of tears and silent sobs, I was a mess in her embrace. “I can't deny that.” She giggled and it somewhat made me feel better. That she was here when I was breaking down and pulled me in. I was glad that she was the one who gathered my broken pieces.

After a good cry, I pulled away from her. And the way she was holding in her laughter, I knew I was looking hilarious. All the crying made my hair disheveled, runny nose and swollen face. But still she grazed her fingers along the line of my face and I melted in her touch. The gentle smile that danced on her lips made one appear on my own. I felt like things started to make sense.

“I'm not trying to invalidate your emotions here but when you have such a supportive family, all you should do is thank god everyday.” She was right. I indeed had a great family. I was happy they chose me and I promise to be happy for them. “I should start doing that now then.” I chuckled and she laughed as well. I felt like the stone weighing on me was lifted.

“Let's go inside now.” She got up, dusting her legs and extending her hand towards me. I grabbed onto her hand and got up as well. Just like she pulls me out of darkness. I was out for a long time, we had to go inside before someone else comes out.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Mom and Ruth hugged Kayra as if she was their daughter and she won't be meeting them ever again. Well, technically it can be their last meeting but they didn't know that.

“We'll see you at your graduation.” Dad patted my shoulder and Ethan half hugged me, though it was rare for him to show affection. I nodded and turned towards Mom, who was still chatting with Kayra. They must like her a lot to hold onto her like this.

“You should hug me too, Mom. I'm also leaving with her,” I said, pulling Mom in a hug. She tugged on my arm and smiled. “Of course I should hug my son. You're my baby.” She laughed. And I felt warmth creeping up on me. I was more sensitive towards her now because of my earlier breakdown.

“I love you, Mom.” I pulled away from her as she stroked my cheeks with her loving hands. “Love you too, honey.” She smiled at me, but the ache of parting was visible in her eyes. If we keep staring at each other, we might break down crying.

“Where's Theo?” I asked, looking around as there was no trace of him. If he was here, he would have thrown a fit as to why I was leaving. I still hardly believe that Ethan managed to have such a adorable son.

“He fell asleep a while ago. He must've enjoyed himself a little too hard today.” Ruth had an apologetic tone. But Theo had enjoyed himself today. He jumped in so much joy after he opened the presents. I’d gifted him a puzzle, as he loves them so much.

“It's fine. I'll see him next time,” I said to Ruth and we all walked to the doorway. Kayra and I walked before and they followed us. Mom and Dad were staying at Ethan's house tonight, so they wouldn't be leaving. Their flight was tomorrow and they needed rest as traveling so long to Canada from Scotland back and forth was not easy.

Kayra and I bid our goodbyes and turned to leave. But I thought I was forgetting something, so I turned back once again to look at them. They looked confused at my behavior as I just stood in the door without speaking a word and just staring at them.

I smiled, a whole-hearted genuine smile. “I'll visit often,” I said. Smiles bloomed on Mom and Dad's faces as if they wanted to hear that. “We're happy to hear that,” Dad said and I assumed Mom wasn't able to say anything. Her eyes were filled with tears and I realized what I did was wrong. I selfishly neglected them, when all they wanted was the best for me. I should've met with them often.

“Love you Mom, Dad and Ethan,” I said and turned to leave. “What has gotten into him?” I laughed when I heard Ethan. He acted surprised but I knew he was always happy to see me. I was happy and in the process a tear slipped from my right eye as well. I held Kayra's hand and intertwined our fingers, as we left towards my car.

I realized something today, that the biggest obstacle we think is not actually big, we just make it seem bigger. Once you confront it, you realize that you had the power to tackle it all along, it's just that you were so scared that you never tried it.

It was the same with me. I realized, the burden I was carrying with me was actually never a burden. I just made a huge deal out of it.

Life is made up of simple things, we make those things complicated.